What Was Lost
by KharmicHammer
Summary: Mass Effect FanFic - Usual "Bioware owns Shep and ME, Etc" - Fic focusing on characters - especially the FShep/Tali and FShep/Liara pairing. Covers the times between missions, for the most part.
1. Prologue

**What Was Lost**

Prologue

***Note - this prologue is mostly for setting up the rest of the story. It'll slow down after this, once all the characters are together. Hope you enjoy the story and thanks for reading!***

Darkness.

Darkness all around her.

Then the memory. Had it been hers? She didn't think so. But it was hers now.

_A war... Machines... Blood... Terror..._

_"Shepard?"_ The voice intruded into the scenes playing out before her. Somehow, she knew it didn't belong here. And it could lead her out. Back to the light. She reached out to it, but it slipped through her fingers. The vision sunk its claws back into her. It dragged her down. Into the memories.

Into pain.

Pain flooded thoughout her body. It coursed in her veins. She felt her flesh tearing as the machines shots ripped through her. She died, her life leaking out on an alien world. Her last sight was a massive... ship... of some kind lifting off.

No, not a ship, the visions insisted. A word floated to her through the haze of death...

..._**Reaper**_...

Then she was fighting again. Her line was holding back the reapers. They fought for hours, holding on far past the estimates of their centurion. There was nowhere to retreat to anyway. So they fought until they died. She was one of the last to fall. Perhaps their sacrifice would buy time for other worlds to organize some resistance, she thought as she died. Perhaps her son still lived...

..._**Reaper**_...

She lived life after life. Death after death. She died on a command ship, crashing it into one of the enemy. She died on a small moon, buying time for scientists to escape with their readings. She died defending a sector capital, stabbed through the chest by an Indoctrinated traitor. She died leading a futile counter-charge. She died in her home, vaporized by a beam that destroyed half the building.

And after every death, just one word.

..._**Reaper**_...

"_Can't you do anything for her, Doc?"_ The voice again. She jumped for it, before the pain could take her again. This time, she could feel the voice. It was pulling her out of the visions, out of the darkness. She climbed it, desperate to leave the memories of the war. Somehow, instinctively, she knew if she didn't leave now, she would die in truth.

..._**ReaperReaperReaperReaperReap erReaperReaper**_...

The word ripped into her. It echoed through her entire being. She was out of the visions, but the Word had shaken her hold on the voice. She searched, desperate for a landmark, but found only darkness stretching out before her.

A light!

It wasn't the voice, but it wasn't the Word or the visions either. She walked... _drifted?_ ... towards the light. It was gentle, soothing, calming. It washed over her, bathing her in a sense of peace. She let herself flow into it. She could feel it leading her to sleep.

And in the middle of the light there was...

Someone?

_Who is that?_ Her mind struggled to form the words. For some reason, they didn't want to come. Other words tried to take their place, foreign words. They tickled her mind, on the edge of understanding.

The figure reached out to her, its hand guiding her further into the light. She could feel the pain from the visions draining out of her, letting her finally rest.

_I need to know, who is that?_ She turned as sleep pulled her, seeking to get a better look at the figure in the light. She felt...

_Connected_.

Yes, that was the word. The figure was important. Was part of her. Sleep tugged at her, dragging away the last shreds of conscious thoughts.

_I have to... find..._

_Find..._

Sleep finally took her.

* * *

Shepard woke up, looking up at an unfamiliar ceiling. The gentle thrum of a ship engine vibrated the deck and walls, and a bright light shone down from a fixture above her. The sharp scent of disinfectant permeated the room.

So, a med bay. She tried to focus, but her eyes didn't want to cooperate. She heard something... someone... speaking to her left. She groaned at sat up.

Yes, Kaiden and Doctor Chakwas were there. They asked her questions, pretty much what she expected. She also had questions for them. She tried to remember what had happened after the beacon had activated. It was important. But the vision, the memories tangled together, and only fragments floated out of the mess.

"I saw - I'm not sure what I saw. Death. Destruction. Nothing's really clear."

And the figure in the light. The figure that had saved her. She still couldn't recall details of the figure beyond a vague outline, though the sense of peace, of utter connection was crystal clear in her mind. She debated telling them about the figure, but some part of her decided not to. It seemed too... intimate... to share.

_Intimate? Where the heck did _that_ come from?_ It was the right word, however. She blushed at the thought.

When she looked up, Kaiden was glancing at her, but before he could say anything, the door to the medbay opened, and Captain Anderson walked in. _Saved!_

* * *

Shepard looked out the window, staring at the ships coming and going from the Citadel. A flight of sleek asari ships glided gracefully past a bulky volus freighter. Salarian scouts drifted out, leaving for some spy mission most likely. Angular turian warships cut through the traffic like sharks, their sharp lines drawing the eye. And floating majestically in the middle of it all, the Destiny Ascension. It dwarfed the other ships, far outclassing anything humanity had ever built.

The sheer scope of the traffic, of the Citadel itself was daunting. Kaiden and Ashley were openly staring. Even Shepard felt like a tourist, despite growing up in a military family and living around fleets her whole life.

She shook her head. They had work to do. The council needed more proof before they'd act against Saren Arterius.

"Skipper, we need to find something solid. Witnesses and testimonies aren't going to work. This know-nothings won't believe humans unless we give them something they can hold in their hands... claws... whatever."

Shepard frowned a bit. Ashley was certainly a brave and capable soldier, but her racism was a hinderance. It seemed almost personal at times. She made a mental note to ask Ash about it when things weren't so hectic.

"Commander, I agree we need something tangible, but we need help too. This place is huge, and the three of us are new. We need someone who can show us the ropes around here."

"Lieutenant, no offense, but could we trust one of... them?" Ash gestured vaguely. Yes, there was definitely something more to this.

"What about that Garrus? He seemed to be already after Saren too. He might know something that can help us."

"A turian? You had one die on the mission with us already, and another led the attack on us. Do you really think that would be a good idea?"

"What would you have us do, Williams? It would take us a century or two to search this place on our own."

"Still... a turian?"

"Enough, Williams." Shepard looked around as she cut of the excitable soldier. "Kaiden's right, we need some help. And pooling our resources sounds like a good idea." She pointed to a sign. "We're near that med clinic he's investigating, we might as well start with him."

* * *

Garrus Vakarian glanced at the two humans as their elevator descended towards the C-Sec main office. One of them... William? Williams?... yes, Williams, kept shooting him annoyed glares when she thought he wasn't looking. He sighed to himself. He knew that look. Most humans living on the Citadel were fairly easy to get along with, but there were always some...

He shifted his attention to the other, Commander Shepard. At first glance, she was nothing special. One more human soldier. But there was more to her. Much more.

She moved naturally in her armor, obviously comfortable with it from long experience. And of course, there was the telltale faint glow of dark energy. He shook his head. He had read reports that the humans integrated their biotics into regular units, rather than keeping them in cabals like the turians used, but this was his first experience with an Adept-level human biotic.

Beyond that, she had been polite and friendly. She helped him take out the thugs threatening his friend, Dr. Michel. When they got down to business and discussed Saren, she listened to him and asked him to help. No questions about his trustworthiness, no pointless discussions about office politics. She trusted him. How long had it been since someone had?

And now they were going to find a Krogan who might know more about a gangster named Fist. Shepard had sent the third human back to report on their progress, so it was just him, Williams, and Shepard.

He smiled. He was headed into action. With a comrade who trusted him and was honest with him. Life was finally getting good.

* * *

Urdnot Wrex stared at the little human in front of him. Other krogan might dismiss her. A human, a _female_ human. He knew better.

He absently fingered a scar on his chin. Lanaiya. It was so long ago, but he could still remember the shock when the asari had nearly killed him. _I thought she was just a dancer. She taught me so many... pleasurable... things... _He grinned wryly to himself, feeling a faint echo of pain from the scar. _And other lessons too. They weren't as much fun, but I needed to learn them._

Still, this human seemed a cut above the rest of the squishies, and she was going after Fist too, so why not tag along?

* * *

Tali'Zorah nar Rayya shuddered. She had nearly died. The Shadow Broker had set her up! And now here she was, sitting in the embassy for the humans on the Citadel. If she told her father, he'd probably think this was just a story she was put up to by her Auntie Raan...

She glanced over at the humans talking. The ambassador, Udina, was less than pleased at her prescence. He looked at her like she was a mechanic thoughtlessly tracking grease onto a liveship. He was definitely upset at all the aliens in his office.

Apparently the soldier, Ashley, shared the opinion. She wore a frown whenever she looked her way, or at Garrus or Wrex. The other one, Kaiden, seemed more accepting, though he wasn't really paying her much attention. He was looking over at the third armored human.

Shepard.

She had appeared like a spirit sent by the ancestors. She took apart the Shadow Broker's thugs almost effortlessly, her skill with biotics and weapons dropping the assassins.

And there was more. Shepard was the first person on the Citadel who treated her well. Prejudice against quarians was bad, especially with the recent rumors of Geth. Quarians on Pilgrimage were especially looked down upon. Oh, the ambassador had been polite, especially when he heard about the geth data core she recovered, but it was just empty courtesy.

Shepard cared. She honestly was glad to have saved Tali. She had accepted her offer of help gratefully. It was so nice. Someone cared about her and was happy to see her.

Shepard was fascinating for other reasons too. She was a biotic, and a powerful one, if Tali understood it. Biotics were very rare among quarians; Tali herself had never talked with one beyond a few sentences. And her hair! It was the most exotic shade of red... It went so well with her green eyes...

_Keelah! Focus!_ Shepard was heading her way. She looked excited; evidently whatever the humans had been debating had ended in her favor.

"So Miss Zorah, are you willing to show that recording to the Council with us?"

"Of course... and it's Tali, Commander."

"Shepard then, Commander is for Alliance." She grinned at Tali, who found herself smiling back, despite the human's inability to see it through the mask.

* * *

Shepard stepped into the elevator, feeling relieved to get off the command deck. Despite his words, she could tell that Navigator Pressley disliked the aliens she had brought aboard. He also thought heading to find this scientist Liara first was a waste of time. At least he agreed to follow her lead on it. She rubbed her head. Command just seemed to bring problem after problem.

She pressed the button for the engineering deck. Time to get to know her latest recruits.

Getting answers out of Wrex took effort, but it was worth it. Learning he had worked a job a while ago with Saren was a shock. And hearing how the other mercs had all died under mysterious circumstances... While it had no effect on their current mission, it might help her later.

Ashley hadn't been in a mood to talk. Shepard left her to taking inventory on the new weapons they had picked up from the Spectre supply clerk, choosing to give her time to get used to the rest of her squad.

She looked over. Garrus sat on a small crate next to the Mako, a datapad in his hand. _He's actually reading the specs for it._ She walked over, keeping her steps quiet. "Hello, Garrus."

"Oh, commander! I didn't hear you." The way he jerked up in surpise brought a smile to her face.

They talked for a while. He told her about leaving C-Sec, and his worries about what his father would think of it. It was nice to talk to someone who was open with her. After dealing with Udina and the Council, she could feel herself relaxing and simply enjoying herself. Unlike Kaiden, Garrus had a dry sense of humor and a generally positive outlook.

Neither of them noticed time passing as they kept talking.

* * *

Tali looked around the engine room. _Amazing!_ _An actual working stealth drive, and I get to work on it!_ She could barely believe how much her luck had turned around. In the space of a day, she had gone from being hunted by the Shadow Broker's assassins to being the chief assistant engineer on one of the most advanced ships in known space.

And the crew! Aside from a few like Chief Williams and Pressley, they had all treated her well. Chief Adams, the head of the engineering team, had been especially nice. She impressed him with her work on the cooling controls. They talked, and he told her she reminded him of his daughter back on Asteria. She was about to tell him of her father and the migrant fleet when the door to the engine room opened.

"Commander, I'm sorry to hear about Anderson, but I'm glad that if anyone is going to take over, it's you." Adams saluted as Shepard walked in. Shepard chatted with Adams for a few minutes then walked over to her.

Even in casual ship wear, Shepard was impressive. She was so confident. And the way she moved...

She shook her head. _Later._ Thankful that the mask hid her blush, she returned Shepard's greeting.

Tali lost track of time as they talked. Shepard genuinely wanted to know about her. She listened to what Tali had to say about the Migrant Fleet and the rocky start she had with her Pilgrimage. It came as a surprise to find out that Shepard had grown up around ships too. She had travelled with her parents as a child, then enlisted as soon as she graduated.

"Oh, before I forget, here." Shepard handed her a datapad. "That's your room assignment, and authorization to alter it as needed. Let Adams know if you need any help."

Tali stared at her. _My own room!_ It usually took at least a tour or two before junior crew on the flotilla earned their own rooms. "Shepard, are you sure about this? I know space on a ship is always at a premium."

Shepard grinned at her. _Her smile is beautiful..._ "Would you rather I put you in one of the sleep pods?"

"No, no! I was just a bit shocked."

"I could also have you bunk with Ashley..."

"It's fine, really..."

"Maybe the gym after Wrex is done working out... Your mask does filter smells, right?"

"Shepard!"

* * *

Liara shivered as she relaxed back in the chair. That had been far too close! She could still feel the heat from the lava they had barely escaped from. And that human pilot joked about them almost dying. Such an odd species.

Still, she was alive, and the commander of the ship had given her full use of the science room adjacent to the med bay. After getting checked by the ship's doctor, she settled in to review the data the commander had sent her. The door hissed open behind her. Speaking of the commander...

Shepard was intriguing. She had let down her red hair from the ponytail she had worn during the mission and debrief, and now it hung to her shoulders. Her green eyes sparkled in the dim light of the room and she walked with easy confidence. She could feel the dark energy flowing through the commander. It wasn't as strong as during the fight in the Therum ruins, but the fact that she could feel it at all meant Shepard must be a very strong biotic, possibly even commando level...

She also had directly interacted with a prothean beacon. Shepard had told her what she could, though it hadn't been much. Apparently, much of the beacon vision was still jumbled up in her mind. _I wouldn't mind linking with her..._ Shepard's eyes were her best features, Liara decided, a deep sea green... _Link to see the vision! Just the vision!_ Her hair was incredible too; hair was very uncommon among the council races, and Shepard's was unusual even among humans. It was like sunset after a storm...

Shepard talked with her for a while. She didn't seem bothered at all that her mother was working with a traitor. Her mother...

She still didn't know what to think about that. The voice had definitely been her, but there was no way she could picture Benezia helping with a slaughter like Eden Prime. Her mother had to be sick, or blackmailed, or something. Nothing else made sense.

"I'll stop by later, Liara."

"I'd like that, Shepard."

* * *

Shepard lay on her bed in the captain's cabin. _My cabin, _she reminded herself. It still didn't feel right. She tried to sleep, but her mind kept bouncing around. They had been chasing rumors of Saren for weeks now, and tempers were running hot.

Kaiden had been showing interest in her, beyond just friends, for a while, and his jealousy was starting to show. He always seemed to be around the corner when she visited Liara in the science lab or talked with Garrus down in the cargo bay. Even so, he was still a good friend, and it was nice to have someone to talk to about things. His biotics also made him a good sparring partner for her; she was a lot stronger, but he had more experience.

_I need to talk to him soon. I like him, but not in the way he wants. I need to be honest with him._ She hoped he understood.

Ashley seemed to be coming around, at last. She had talked with her, found out about her grandfather and her troubles with the military screwing her over for promotions and duty assignments. Time with Garrus and Wrex and Tali had also seemed to help. Ash still didn't like them having full access to the Alliance's top ship, but she was definitely warming up to them.

Wrex was fun to talk to. He had some great stories, though it usually took some prompting to get him to spill. He was definitely not what she had been led to expect from a Krogan. He cared about his people, wanted the best for them.

Garrus and Tali had rapidly become her best friends. She could understand Garrus chafing at all the rules and regulations C-Sec had imposed. She sympathized with him; being a Spectre was freeing. He also genuinely wanted to help. She admired the way he handled himself on the missions, and found herself watching him when he'd work out or practice.

Tali also opened up to her. Shepard found she could talk with her about anything. They even ended up having a movie night once a week. Tali chose _Fleet and Flotilla _for the first one, then Shepard picked _Attican Rising: Revenge of the Betrayed_. Even on other nights, Shepard would find Tali knocking on her cabin, wanting to talk or just sit and read with her.

Liara intruded in her thoughts in a different way. After working with her for weeks, she was starting to appreciate why so many human males were attracted to the asari. There was something about Liara that drew her in. They would go over what she could remember of the vision, Liara helping her to pry more details from the tangled mess in her mind, and Shepard would find herself losing focus, just enjoying looking into her eyes.

The last talk, their hands had touched. Liara hadn't noticed, but Shepard felt like her whole body was on fire. _I'm sorry Kaiden, you're nice and all, but I never felt anything like this with you._ She had rushed out of the cabin after that and taken a long shower; hopefully Liara didn't take it the wrong way. _That was... amazing just doesn't come close to it. I don't think there's a word that does._

She sighed. Her crew wasn't the only thing on her mind.

She held up her hand, concentrating. There was a slight delay before the dark energy gathered. It had been happening more and more. Ever since the prothean beacon had done... whatever it was it had done to her..., her biotics had been erratic. It wasn't noticeable to anyone else, but Shepard could feel it. Sometimes the energy would gather slowly. Other times... she shivered, recalling the last mission they had been on.

Her biotics had not been slow that time. In fact, she had barely been able to control the flow of power that surged up in her. It was all she could do not to release it and crush everything in sight. Thankfully, Garrus and Tali took care of the enemy.

_Rogue Spectres, an ancient war with machines, crew troubles, romance, and now my biotics are acting up... I better get a bonus for dealing with all this!_


	2. Chapter 1 - Stormclouds

**What Was Lost**

Chapter 1 - Stormclouds

Noveria. Even at a distance, looking at it sent a shiver through Shepard's body. _I better make sure the heating units on my armor are working right..._ She headed to the elevator and called it to the command deck, intending to visit the armory and double check.

Instead, when the doors opened she found herself nearly colliding with Liara, who looked a bit more distracted than usual.

"Liara, are you okay?"

The scientist glanced up. "Shepard, I was just looking for you, could we talk somewhere private? It's important."

Shepard nodded. Even with the Normandy's advanced drive, it would be an hour or two until they hit Noveria and got through all the red tape to land. She started towards the conference room. "Come on, we'll talk in here."

Shepard closed the door and took a chair next to Liara and waited for her to tell her what was going on, but the asari only sat still for a long minute. Just when Shepard was about to say something, Liara looked up at her.

"I received a message last night. I... My mother's company sent a representative to Noveria recently. I don't know more than that, but they might know where my mother is." Liara took a deep breath and a very determined expression crossed her face. "I know it's not my place to make crew assignments, but Shepard, I need... I want... to go down there. I need to know, Shepard."

Shepard considered a moment. Dealing with the Noveria bureaucracy was going to be tricky enough; if Liara started pushing the wrong people, it could make things even harder. On the other hand... She looked over at the scientist.

"All right, consider yourself on the team. Just remember, we need to find what Saren was up to here, so be careful."

Liara smiled, lighting up her whole face for a bit. "Thank you, Shepard!"

"If you're going to do this, you might want to come with me, we should probably make sure our suits' heaters are working..."

* * *

Shepard sighed. Aside from Tali, it seemed like no one was happy with the changes she made to her ground team. She could understand that; they had put together a solid plan. Tali would pose as her tech assistant, supposedly there to help her with technical details while Shepard negotiated a special purcase from ERCS. And Garrus would be a turian mercenary she had hired - with luck he could dig some info out of off-duty security.

Now they had to scrap that plan. Kaiden especially was upset - he had spent the whole day yesterday working on the cover stories and repainting some of the armor for Garrus. _If he complains anymore, I swear I'm going to hack his account and delete those damn old Bond vids he loves!_

She rubbed her head. She had been up only four hours so far, and she could feel the beginnings of a massive headache already. Since Liara wanted to ask about her mother, they had to go in openly, and it was causing problems. Joker had been on the comm with Noveria ATC for half an hour now, trying to convince them that yes, they had a council spectre aboard, and yes, the spectre really was human.

After another ten minutes, they finally received clearance to land. There was a small holdup when port security tried to take their weapons, but it was cleared up rapidly. Then they got to the security scan...

Green light from the scanners played over them. _Almost like the beacon..._ Shepard felt a note of panic, and suddenly her biotics started to build up. She shuddered as she felt the power surge into her. _No! Not now!_ Liara looked over at her, eyes wide from shock - she could obviously feel the dark energy buildup. _I didn't even try to call it, why is this happening?_

She staggered over to the wall and leaned against it, breathing heavily, trying desperately to contain the power. _Calm. I need calm._

"Shepard, what's wrong?" Liara asked her, concern obvious on her face.

"Commander, are you alright?" Tali sounded worried too.

Shepard heard them, but the words didn't register. She had barely managed to stop the power flow and was working to drop her energy levels back to normal. Sweat beaded on her forehead, despite the cold. _That was the worst one yet. When we get back to the Normandy, I'll have to have the doc take a look at me._

She felt a hand on her arm and looked up. Tali was next her her, helping to steady her. The quarian looked very concerned.

"Thanks, Tali."

"Do you want to go back to the Normandy, Shepard? You don't look good."

She shook her head. "No, this is the first solid lead we've had. I'll get checked out later, but we need to move on this."

They walked past the security scanners to the desk...

* * *

Liara fumed at their table in the bar. Here! Her mother was here, on Noveria! And she couldn't go to her. Some stupid bureaucrat wouldn't let them out due to the blizzard.

So they were stuck here. Shepard was out there, trying to dig up someone who could get them a pass, but until that happened, they weren't going anywhere. She wished she could do something to help.

The looks she was getting from some of the humans in the bar weren't helping her temper either. At least none of them had tried to talk to her yet. Goddess, that was irritating when it happened. _I just want to find my mother._

Tali, on the other hand, looked bored. She was browsing the extranet on her omnitool, but she didn't seem to be that interested in what she was reading.

Liara frowned. Shepard spent a lot of time on the ship talking with Tali, and even watched vids with her regularly. She didn't mind that they were friends, but... _There's nothing more between them, I am _not_ jealous of her._ Shepard had rescued the quarian too, just like her... And how Tali had held the commander when she staggered at the security checkpoint...

She made up her mind.

"Tali?"

"What's up, Liara?"

"I've been meaning to ask you, about you and Shepard..." She cut off as she spotted the commander coming in the door.

"What about us?"

"Never mind, forget I said anything."

Shepard walked over to their table. "Are you two ready to leave?"

"They're letting us go?" Liara sat up straighter. Finally, time to find her mother!

"Yep, nothing to it. Just had to do a little breaking and entering, steal some data for a turian, and we're good to go." The commander was smiling too much.

"Stole some data?" Liara asked warily.

"Yeah, but the mercs who tried to stop me weren't that hard to take down."

"They tried to kill you?" Tali asked. _Is she concerned because Shepard is her friend, or..._

"Well, that corrupt administrator only sent eight of them, no big deal. Besides, taking them out made it easy for the IA agent to arrest him."

Liara shook her head. "Let me get this straight - you told me to be careful with the corporations here, and then you go and break into an office, steal classified data, kill a bunch of mercenaries, and help arrest the official in charge of this whole facility? Are you insane, Shepard?"

"You know you love it."

Liara felt herself blushing furiously. _Damn it, don't joke about that, Shepard..._

* * *

Shepard desperately threw herself behind an overturned table in the conference room. The damn bugs that had come from nowhere when they entered Peak 15 had somehow managed to get behind them. A blob of acid flew over the table, narrowly missing her head. She snapped off a short burst with her SMG in reply and tossed a biotic blast too.

'Liara, any idea what these things are?"

"Sorry Shepard, I've never seen anything like them."

"Damn it, we need to get the-" She cut off as one of the bugs tried to flank them through the adjacent room. Three bullets from her gun dropped the bug, and she used her biotics to smash the corpse into a second one. "We need the power back on so we can get out of here! Seriously, nothing about anything like them when you were getting your degree?"

"I studied Prothean History, not Xenobiology."

"Let me guess, you minored in something else equally useful, like krogan poetry."

"Shepard!"

" 'Oh, to headbutt my dearest love! Shall we smash down the doors of our hearts together...' "

"Goddess, Shepard, that's horrible."

" 'My feelings for you burst from me like shells from a cannon...' "

"Shepard, my omnitool is the latest scientific model, it autorecords when people speak, makes it easy to take notes." Shepard looked over as the last of the bugs fell. Liara was shaking the omnitool in her direction threateningly. "Any more, and I'll play what you just said for Wrex... AND Joker."

"You wouldn't!"

"I suppose I could erase it... for a price." Shepard had a bad feeling as she took in Liara's grin.

"And that would be?"

"Let me join your little movie night parties, call it a girl's night or whatever."

"... Fine, but keep it to yourself. We don't need Ashley joining us too, unless you want to hear real poetry..."

Liara was smiling at her, as if she had just won some sort of battle. Shepard shook her head. Apparently her life wasn't going to get less complicated any time soon.

* * *

Garrus was worried. Even cleaning the various weapons in the armory couldn't get his mind off the mission. The commander had been gone far longer than expected, and a blizzard had cut off communications with the research outpost she was at.

_I should be down there with her._

It didn't feel right, staying behind on the ship while Shepard was hunting down their first real lead on Saren. Since he had joined the crew, she took him on most of the ground missions. They worked well together, and he really enjoyed seeing her in action.

It wasn't just the skill with which she handled herself in combat. While on a mission, Shepard was more alive, more intense. She would joke and smile, no hint of fear or hesitation. He found himself drawn to her more and more.

He shook his head, clearing his thoughts. He had seen how Kaiden looked at the commander, and the scientist Liara too. Shepard was a good friend, and the last thing he wanted was to make her life harder.

_Is that really what you want, Vakarian?_

He tried to focus on his work, but his mind kept drifting...

* * *

_Rachni! _Tali could scarcely believe it. _These crazy humans actually brought back the rachni!_ She had heard stories about the Rachni Wars when she was a little girl, but to be stuck in them was something else. And there was more...

She hunkered down further behind the crate, exposing her arm for a second to fire off an EMP blast from her omnitool. By the curses coming from the small room to the side, her aim had taken out the guns of at least two of the asari commandos. First geth, then rachni, and now they were facing an entire squad of battle trained asari.

She looked over to the large container on her left. Shepard and Liara crouched behind it, tossing out coordinated biotic attacks that were the only thing keeping the commandos from rushing them. Tali was doing her best to keep them covered, but even through her exosuit, she could feel the heat building in her shotgun.

The commander whispered something to Liara, then flashed four fingers in her direction.

_One._

_Two._

On _Three_ Liara quickly leaned around the crate and sent a slow moving biotic pulse at the commandos in the alcove. As she was sitting down, Tali straightened a bit and pumped shot after shot in the direction of the enemy. _Four._

From the corner of her eye, she saw a faint black-purple glow as Shepard moved from cover to stand between their crates. A few shots pinged harmlessly off the commander's barrier before she released the pent up energy. Tali watched as a massive bolt of pure biotic energy shot out from Shepard's arm and ripped into the singularity Liara had tossed in the middle of the commandos.

It impacted the swirling vortex.

For a fraction of a second, the room was silent. Then Tali felt herself slammed into the wall behind her. Her eyes shut themselves instictively and she tried to brace herself against the wall, but failed as she felt a weight shoved against her by the shockwave.

She opened her eyes. The blast had flung Shepard into the corner with her and the commander was currently lying on top of her. Shepard's eyes were closed and her breathing was shallow; she appeared to be unconscious. She had obviously taken far more of the blast than Tali had. She heard a groan from the other side of the room, and saw Liara collecting herself and trying to shake off the effects of the shockwave.

Tali gently rolled the unconsious human on her side and slid out from under her and the wreckage of the crate. She quickly checked her suit's integrity, and satisfied that it was still intact, went to help Liara shift what was left of a table off her.

"Is she okay, Tali?" Liara asked shakily. She had several cuts and bruises, and kept wincing and touching her side.

"She's fine, Liara, she just got hit by that... whatever it was... harder than we did. What happened anyway?"

"We were planning on setting off a mild biotic detonation so we could stun them and capture them and get some answers, but something went wrong."

"Went wrong? That's an understatement."

"I don't know," Liara shook her head. "Shepard's biotics flared up right as she released her wave, and... well..." She gestured vaguely at the wrecked room, and slowly stood up. "Make sure she's alright, I'm going back a few rooms and pick up that kit from the medbay. I think we could all use it before we go any farther."

Tali put a hand on her arm. "Be careful, Liara."

"You too, keep her safe."

Tali watched the asari walk out of the room, then went back to where Shepard was still lying on the ground. She knelt down, doing her best to check on the commander's condition.

_I'm not a doctor, damn it. She's breathing regularly and nothing seems to be broken or bleeding, but I don't know what else to check._ Hopefully Liara would be back soon with the medkit. She looked down at the unconsious human, leaning in closer for a better look.

Tali's pulse quickened and she felt her face flush. _She's so amazing, but she only sees me as a friend or a little sister or something. I wish..._ She cupped Shepard's face in her hand, gently brushing a stray strand of red hair from her eyes. She lowered her mask closer to Shepard's face.

_If only I didn't have to wear this suit! I want to touch her, feel her. I want..._ She pulled the human up slightly, until her face was centimeters from Tali's mask.

Tali gathered her courage. "We'll do it right next time," she quietly promised the sleeping Shepard, then, turning her suit's tactile sensors all the way up, lowered her mask to meet the woman's lips.

Fulfillment.

She never noticed Liara standing silently in the doorway.

***Next Chapter: the aftermath of this little scene, Liara confronts her mother, Kaiden gets jealous, and Shepard is caught in the crossfire.***


	3. Chapter 2 - Fracture

**What Was Lost**

Chapter 2 - Fracture

Shepard groaned and tried to sit up. Her body ached all over. She felt like she had been run over by a hovercar. No, a hoverbus. Pushing herself up off the floor, she saw Liara running a med scan of her on her omnitool.

"Wh'happn'd?" Dizziness made her words come out in a jumble.

Tali, at the door of the little room, looked over at her, but turned her head when she saw Liara there. Her body language seemed very... ashamed?

"There was a ... problem with your biotics, Shepard. How much do you remember?" Liara kept the scan going, but glanced down, concern in her eyes.

"I... we pulled off that combo, I think... then... " She grunted as her headache returned full force. "I passed out?"

"You suffered a biotic surge. You'll have to have Dr. Chakwas perform a thorough scan on you later, but it doesn't seem to be physical. Your implants are functioning normally, and your amp is too." She finished the scan. "I know you might not be able to, but try to avoid using your biotics until we get back to the ship."

"I'll try, but I might have to, Liara."

Tali made a motion by the door, and called over to them quietly, "More rachni coming, we need to get moving."

"Now you think to check the door?" Liara growled venemously to her. The air seemed colder all of a sudden.

Shepard glanced from one woman to the other. "Did I miss something?"

"No!" Both of them shouted at her at the same time.

Hisses and skittering echoed down the hallway as the rachni picked up on the noise...

* * *

Liara stared in shock at the asari standing in front of her. It had to be a trick! Yes, a trick, or a hologram or something. This couldn't be her mother. Benezia loved her, she would never...

"Get down!" Shepard dragged Liara behind the railing of the walkway a fraction of a second before a shot from one of the geth on the other side of the room went by overhead. "Liara, I can't imagine what this must be like for you, but we'll deal with it later. Right now, stay alive!"

Stay alive.

Her own mother was working with the geth, trying to kill her. They were trapped on a small catwalk near a holding cell with the rachni queen. Shepard was avoiding using her biotics, not wanting to risk another surge. And Tali was on painkillers and antibiotics, a patch on her stomach showing where a rachni had clawed open her suit.

_She kissed Shepard!_

Liara squashed the thought down. Right now there was only Benezia. Everything else could be dealt with back on the Normandy.

Stay alive.

Shepard needed her. Tali needed her. She would do what she had to. No matter the cost.

_Mother, I love you._

Stay alive.

* * *

Tali felt good. The rational part of her brain recognized that those feelings were from the painkillers her suit systems were feeding her. She knew she shouldn't be feeling good. There was nothing to feel good about right now.

Liara and Shepard were talking with Matriarch Benezia. The older asari kept her hands wrapped around herself, as if trying to stop herself from attacking again. Benezia handed over something. Probably a datapad.

They were still talking. Something about Saren's ship and indoctrination. A lost relay. Rachni racial memories. She was sure it was all important, but in her fogged state, her mind couldn't hold onto the thoughts.

Tali sat on a nearby crate. She tried to focus on the mission. _I'm such a bad friend. I knew Liara liked her, but I kissed her anyway. And she had to fight her own mother too!. Keelah, I screwed this one up bad._

Liara's mother...

Benezia had slumped down against the wall and her voice was growing faint. She held Liara's hand and was looking up at her daughter. Liara was crying, her eyes begging her mother not to die. Shepard had her arm around her shoulders and seemed to be the only thing keeping the young asari from collapsing too.

"Goodbye, Little Wing... I love you..."

"Mother? Mother!"

"I'll see you again.. at the dawn..."

Tears flowed down Tali's face, but she didn't notice. _I'm sorry, Liara. I'm so, so sorry._

* * *

"...I've seen the way you look at her, so don't you try lying to me!"

"Alenko, she's not really my type."

"Then why are you always talking to her and hanging around her? For someone who's not your type, you sure do spend a lot of time with her."

_This is better than extranet!_ Wrex sat quietly, fixing a hole in his armor and trying not to draw attention to his presence. The crew had been confined to the Normandy by port security for the past two days, ever since the commander left for the remote research facility, and tempers were beginning to fray.

"You don't seem to be her type either, Alenko."

"It's called being respectful, Garrus. I'm still Alliance, and there are regulations about this sort of thing."

Currently, he was enjoying the sight of Garrus and Kaiden yelling at each other. The two of them had been verbally sparring with each other for days now, and it looked like things were about to blow.

"Anyone with half a brain can tell she's not interested in you that way."

"She is! I'm just giving her space."

"Giving her space? You're all over her every time she walks down a hallway! 'Commander, there's a new message for you.' 'Commander, I have some reports for you to go over.' 'Commander, we should practice more, alone.' " Garrus' plates were rising as he got angry.

"So you are jealous! I knew it!"

Wrex casually walked over to Ashley, who was also pretending she didn't notice what was going on in the other side of the cargo bay. At first, the two of them had been rather curt, but getting to know each other had resulted in a solid friendship. Even if she wasn't on Shepard's level, Williams was still fun, and the girl could shoot.

"Hey Williams," he said quietly. "How about a little bet? My shotgun you like so much against that new sniper rifle we picked up that Garrus wipes the floor with him."

Ashley looked at the oblivious pair still arguing by the Mako. "You're on, Wrex." She frowned up at him, then gave him an evil grin. "Let's make it more interesting, though. When Kaiden wins before Pressley can get down here to break it up, you're going to cover all my shifts in the armory for the next two weeks."

"Haw! I like you, Williams!" He stuck out his hand. "You're on, but when Pressley catches them fighting, you're going to spend the whole next shore leave wearing a dress like your sister in the picture."

"Easiest bet ever, Wrex," She shook his hand. "I'll be sure to pick out a bunch of new mods for you to add to my gear."

"Pink with flowers on it, Ash."

* * *

Shepard lay quietly on her bed. She had just taken the pills Dr Chakwas had given her to help suppress her biotics until the tests came back, and was waiting for them to kick in. She had just started to drift off to sleep when her comm unit buzzed.

"Joker, what part of 'Do not disturb' do you not understand?"

"Sorry, Commander, it's the Council on the holocomm. Something about you letting the rachni loose on the galaxy..."

"Goddamnit... tell them I'll be there in a minute."

"Will do, Commander."

Shepard pulled on her casual shipboard uniform and started towards the comm room. _Why can't this damn day just end already?_ Idly, she considered just ignoring the transmission. _I wish I could, but it's part of the job..._

She had gotten Liara and Tali back to the Normandy after freeing the queen and disposing of the last few of the aberrant rachni, but that didn't end her problems.

She had taken Liara to her room and tried to talk with her, but the asari just wanted to go to sleep. Tali, on the other hand, was going to be in the medbay for at least a week while the doctor treated her infection. Dr Chakwas still had no answers for why her biotics were acting up. The Oversight Board for the various corporations on Noveria had demanded a full report of the Peak 15 incident. In triplicate.

The Normandy's cargo bay needed some repairs. Apparently, Kaiden and Garrus had gotten a bit... enthusiastic... during a training session. Pressley had been evasive on the details, and she hadn't felt like pushing the matter. Both men were pretty scraped and bruised, and actively avoided looking at each other.

She closed the door to the comm room, and got ready for more trouble.

"Patch them through, Joker."

* * *

"It's bad news and good news, Commander."

Shepard was sitting in the med bay for the third time in two days. She had been poked and prodded and had given about a pint of blood while the doctor searched for answers.

"The bad news is, I can't find anything physically wrong with you. In fact, your brain functions are actually performing well above your normal readings." Dr Chakwas pointed out the results of the various tests on the display panel on the wall.

"The good news is, the medication I gave you seems to be working. You haven't had a spike in 48 hours, even when using your biotics."

"So these pills will fix the problem?"

Chakwas shook her head. "They're a temporary solution only, Commander. First, your body will gradually build up a tolerance to the pills. I'd say they'll keep working for two to three months, tops, before the dose will be above safe limits. And second, we still have no idea what's causing the problem in the first place, so there's no telling if it might get worse."

"You're a regular ray of sunshine in a hurricane, doc."

Chakwas put down her datapad on the desk, sighing. "Look, Shepard. Off the record, I'd say take a vacation, but I know that's not practical at the moment. Plus, I doubt you'd listen anyway."

She tapped something on her pad and handed over. "Here, in addition to the pills, the rest of your prescription."

Shepard read the pad, confused. "It just says 'twenty four', doc. Is this a joke?"

The doctor shook her head. "Not a joke. We won't reach Feros for a few days yet. As chief medical officer, I hereby order you to take the next twenty four hours off. No Spectre business, no reports, just relaxation. I'll be sending a full report to Pressley, too, so don't think you can go behind my back on this."

She made a shooing motion. "Now get out of here. Go relax. I don't want to see you until you've had a quiet day and a full night's sleep."

"You're the boss, doc."

* * *

Tali knocked on Shepard's door. The doctor had released her from the medbay on the agreement that she stop by each day for a checkup and rest for the next three days. She had considered skipping their weekly vid night, but decided she better go anyway.

_I don't want her to think I'm avoiding her. I'll just have to be careful to act normal around her. I can do that._

She took a deep breath as she heard footsteps on the other side of the door.

_I wish I could kiss her again..._

The door to the cabin opened, and she found herself face to face with Liara. The asari's face might have been made from the same metal as the walls of the ship for all the warmth it had for Tali. She simply stood in the doorway and glared out at the quarian.

"Liara, what are you doing here?"

"Shepard invited me back on Noveria. We made a little deal, you could say. Anyway, I should ask you the same thing. Why are you here tonight? Looking for a little more 'one on one' time with Shepard?"

"Liara, who is it?" Shepard's voice called from the far side of the room.

"Tali's here. I guess you forgot to tell her that I was going to be here tonight, too." She shot Tali a hard look. "She might have changed her mind, otherwise."

Shepard walked over, looking confused at the exchange. "Okay, things have been weird between you two since Noveria. What's going on?"

Liara sniffed. "Nothing worth mentioning, Shepard. If it was important, I'm sure she would have told you about it."

Tali glared back at her. "True, I suppose you could always just meld with her and show her that way if she needs to know." She did her best to make _meld_ sound dirty.

Shepard only seemed more confused. "What are you talking about?"

"Ask her about it later, Shepard. Though you might have to be asleep before she'll tell you."

"Liara, you little Bosh'tet!"

"All right, that's enough, both of you." Shepard grabbed her arm and Liara's, and dragged them into the cabin. She then walked out and shut the door. They could hear her through the door. "Joker, seal my cabin until I say otherwise."

"Shepard, what are you doing?"

'Shepard!"

The comm panel on the door buzzed, and Shepard's voice filled the cabin. "You two are staying in there until you work out whatever has you fighting like cats."

"Shepard, let me out of here!" Liara thumped the door repeatedly. "Shepard!"

* * *

Shepard leaned into the cockpit. "Joker, don't tell the doc I was here, but we need to make a short stop at the Citadel.

"What's up, Commander? New tip or something?"

"Nah, it just seems like the crew could use some R&R."

Joker smiled at her. "That sounds real good to me, Shepard."

* * *

Liara paced the cabin. Even though it was the biggest one on the ship, it still kept him uncomfortably close to Tali. She really didn't want to deal with the quarian right now. Still, it didn't look like either of them were getting out any time soon.

She looked over at the quarian. Tali sat on the bed, leaning back and idly kicking her legs. _Might as well get this over with._

She walked over to the bed and took a seat as far as she could from her. Tali turned, facing away from her.

"Tali..."

"What?"

"We really should talk."

"Oh, now you want to talk?"

"We have to. Shepard sounded pretty serious about locking us in here. Do you really think she'll let us out if we don't?"

Tali was silent for a bit. "I'm sorry about your mother, Liara." She said quietly.

"Thank you."

Another uncomfortable pause hung between them. "Why don't you just tell her how you feel, Tali?" Liara asked her.

"Because she doesn't see me that way. I think I'm just a... a... sister or something to her."

"Don't sell yourself short, Tali. You really should tell her. It would have to be better than only kissing her while she's sleeping."

Tali looked down, forelornly. "I wish I could kiss her for real. Stupid suit..." She glanced over at Liara. "Besides, what about you?"

"Well, I find her fascinating. She's the only person alive who has ever interacted with a prothean beacon."

"You know that's not what I meant, Liara."

"Fine, I like her too. Happy now?"

They sat there a moment. "Keelah, what a pair of idiots we are."

Liara giggled, "Oh yes."

"So what do we do now?"

"I don't know about you, but I'm not planning on giving up."

Tali looked over at her. "I'm not going to give up either." She walked over to the comm panel.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm getting Shepard back here, it's still vid night, remember?"

***Next Chapter: Liara and Tali may have come to a truce, but will it last? The Normandy visits the citadel for some downtime, who won the bet? Will Kaiden or Garrus make a move too?***


	4. Chapter 3 - Downtime

**What Was Lost**

Chapter 3 - Downtime

Shepard woke up without a headache for the first time in weeks. _I guess those pills really do work! I'll have to thank the doc._

She was just finishing her breakfast when Joker's voice sounded through the ship. "Attention all hands, we have arrived in Citadel space and will be docking shortly."

She looked around at the crew in the mess hall. Ever since the change in plans had been announced the previous night, the mood of the ship had improved immensely. She had also announced extended shore leave for all hands for the next three days. The whole crew was excited for some much needed downtime.

Shepard got dressed in casual clothes, choosing to leave her armor behind today. Commander Shepard, first human Spectre could stay on the damn ship. Today she would simply be Alexandra Shepard. _Today is for me. I'm going to have some fun._

She went up to the command deck, ready to depart. She gave Pressley a few instructions, then headed towards the airlock.

"Oh my god..."

Wrex, Garrus and Ashley were waiting for the airlock to clear. Wrex's rumbling laugh echoed in the small space, and Garrus was struggling to contain a grin.

"Ash, what the hell are you wearing?"

"Shepard, Commander or not, I will hit you if you laugh."

"I'm not going to laugh. Pink looks flattering on you, Ash."

"God damn it, I'm going to kill you for this, Wrex..."

* * *

Garrus relaxed at his table in Flux. He had helped the owner, Doran, with a few problems during his time in C-Sec, and Doran returned the favor by always making sure he got a good table when he stopped by. It was nice to sit and relax. He made a mental note to thank the commander for her idea of some R and R.

He sipped his drink, enjoying the flavor. He'd have to apologize to her for the mess he'd made of the cargo bay one of these days. He just hoped Shepard wouldn't ask why he was fighting with Kaiden.

Something at the entrance drew his attention. _It can't be..._

It was! Shepard was here. _I guess I'm not the only one who likes this place._

He made up his mind. She might have said they should split up and have fun on their own, but as long as they were both here...

He waved her over. "Join me, Shepard, the table has a great view."

She took the seat across from him. "Garrus, what are you doing here?"

"Having a drink, what does it look like?" He laughed. "Besides, I was here first, so shouldn't I be the one asking that?"

"You're right, sorry," She smiled at him. "I just wanted a place that's not a dive or a contact meet or anything. This seemed like the best, from what I could remember." She looked at his drink. "That looks good, what is it?"

"Ah, Shepard, I don't think you want this, dextro drink and all."

"Right, well, what would you recommend?"

They made small talk for a while more. _It's nice to see she's fun outside the ship too. She really should get out more. _He looked out at the dance floor. _I wonder..._

"How about it, Shepard, care for a dance?"

He couldn't believe it, the great commander Shepard got flustered! "Garrus... I'm not really a dancer..."

"Oh come on, Shepard, how bad can it be?"

"Fine, ONE dance, but don't say I didn't warn you..."

* * *

_"How bad can it be?"_ _Stupid turian, why did I listen to him? I must have looked so foolish out there._ She blushed to herself. Even looking silly on the dance floor hadn't stopped her staying out there for song after song.

Shepard sat down on a bench near one of the many fountains scattered around the area. She had left Flux after a while, making excuses to Garrus about wanting to visit some other parts of the Citadel. She needed time to think.

_Is he interested in me? Do I want him to be?_

She sighed. More complications. For the past few weeks, her mind tended drift to Liara when idle. She would find herself thinking about the asari's appealing blue skin, or wondering what it would feel like to caress her scalp tendrils. Now...

Shepard shivered a bit, remembering the warmth of Garrus' arm across her back as he led her in dances. Maybe she should have stayed for a few more songs...

_I still need to talk to Kaiden, too. He's been awfully clingy for a while now. I like him, but only as a friend. There's no spark there._

At least Liara and Tali had worked out whatever was bothering them. Neither of them would tell her why they had been fighting so much, but now it was almost as if it had never happened. The two women would talk and joke together. In fact, ever since that vid night, Liara had been spending more time out of her lab. She'd join Shepard and Tali when they were chatting in the engineering deck, or sit with them for meals.

Shepard got up. It was almost time. She pulled out a small ticket that had been waiting for her when she arrived. She walked to the taxi stand and hailed a cab. Looking down at the ticket in her hand, she smiled. _It's nice to have good surprises too._

_"Sincerely: The Elcor Embassy extends you this front row seat to the new production 'Elcor Hamlet Live'._

_Gratefully: Thank you again for helping our diplomats."_

The cab pulled up to the theatre.

* * *

Liara looked at the front of the shop, trying to decide if she wanted to go inside. _Feeling Blue_, the sign read, in bold letters against the silhouette of two asari caressing each other. In smaller letters on the bottom of the sign, _Enhancing Natural Beauty, Whether Maiden or Matriarch._ Several displays showed the new merchandise.

_I'm just going to look, where's the harm?_

She blushed, and ducked quickly in the door. Inside, the racks were full of various intimate garments. The store had a live attendant, she saw, not just a kiosk. The sales clerk, a light-purple colored asari, noticed her and walked over.

"Welcome to Feeling Blue, miss. My name is Relana. Is there something I can assist you with today?"

"Oh... I'm... uh... just looking."

Relana chuckled. "First time in a store like this?"

Liara felt her cheeks getting redder. "Am I that obvious?"

"It's okay, sweetie. I take it you're looking for something to wear for a special someone?"

Liara looked away quickly. This was more embarrassing than she had expected. She was only here to look!

"That's a yes! Why don't you tell me a little about them, and I'll help you pick something that will make their eyes pop."

"She... she's a human, and..."

* * *

Tali strolled around the wards, a bit bored. She had already picked up the latest volume of _Fleet and Flotilla_, as well as a few other new vids, and an upgrade for her omnitool. Now, her shopping done, she was at a loss for what to do. She still had a few hours before she needed to report back to the Normandy.

She decided to see if she could stock up on some good food before they left again. The dextro-rations on the ship left a lot to be desired. She headed down to the shopping level and started to browse the stores.

She almost didn't recognize Ashley when she bumped into her in one of the stores. The chief was wearing a pink dress with flowers on it, and trying her best to stay hidden in the stacks. "Ashley, what are you doing here? And why are you wearing that?"

Ashley sighed. "Hey Tali. I guess you could say it's my own fault. I got a bit greedy on a bet with Wrex, and well..." She gestured down at the dress. "I have to wear this abomination for the whole shore leave."

The chief walked with her while she went to the counter to complete her order. "Anyway, I was just buying some personal supplies before we head out again. Standard alliance rations might have all the nutrients you need, but they taste horrid. What about you?"

"Pretty much the same thing. I've already done the other shopping I needed to, and I figured I might as well get some good food before I have to head back to the Normandy. The current dextro-rations suck."

"So what are you going to do now?"

"I'm not really sure. I still have a couple hours left." She frowned. "Hey Ash, can I ask you for some advice?"

"Sure, what's up, Tali?"

"Well, I was wondering... say you like another human... how would I... I mean... how do you let them know? Do you just say it, or...?"

Ashley laughed and gave her a warm smile. "Whoa, slow down a bit there, Tali. You're starting to babble." She led the young quarian over to a bench, and sat down on it. She shot Tali a sly look. "You're talking about Shepard, I take it?"

"I was just speaking hypothetically! There's this vid series I watch, and..."

Ashley giggled a bit at Tali's embarrassment, and made a calming motion to her. "Don't worry, I won't tell her anything." Her expression sobered. "Well, everyone is different, but I'll help you as best I can. Why don't you tell me a bit more about it?"

"Keelah, this is so awkward..."

* * *

Shepard yawned as she walked out of the theatre and rubbed her neck. _"An unforgettable fourteen hour experience!"_ she read on one of the signs out in front of the building. _Unforgettable is the right word for it..._

She checked the time on her omnitool. She was already a few hours later than she had expected to be. She looked around and picked one of the restaurants nearby. The smells coming from it were tempting, and the listed breakfast menu looked really good.

After a nice breakfast, she wandered towards the taxi stand. As she drew close, she noticed a distinctive pink dress. And next to Ashley, Tali was standing there, holding a large bag. They were chatting about something. _It's nice to see Ash opening up to the crew._

She waved and walked over. "Hey there, you two! Headed back to the ship?"

Tali glanced her way, then quickly looked down. Ashley, who had been watching the quarian, just smirked at her. "Sure are, skipper."

The cab pulled up, and the three of them got in. Ashley took the rear bench, leaving Tali in the front with Shepard. The quarian was unusually quiet during the ride. She would look over at Shepard, then back down at her hands.

"Tali, is something wrong? Did something happen on your leave?"

_Is she blushing?_ "No, Shepard, I'm just a bit tired, that's all." The quarian reassured her quickly. From the back seat, Ashley snickered.

"What about you, commander, anything interesting happen to you on your leave?" Ashley asked her.

"Um..." Shepard tried not to think about dancing with a certain turian. "I saw that new Elcor Hamlet play. I'm not sure if interesting would be the right word."

"I heard it was pretty good, skipper."

"Oh, it was, Ash. But it's also fourteen bloody hours long..." She shifted a bit in her seat. "I like Shakespeare, but come on."

* * *

Tali sat at her post in engineering. With the Normandy still docked at the Citadel, there wasn't much for her to do. A small book sat on the workstation desk in front of her. Ashley had brought the book to her when they got back to the ship. It belonged to Shepard, she had explained, and was one of her favorite books.

She looked around. Aside from Adams, the rest of the engineering team was taking advantage of shore leave. Even with out them, the two of them had already taken care of everything for the day, unless new problems cropped up.

Adams glanced over at her. "You can go ahead and call it, Tali. I don't think we're going to have any more to do today. No reason for both of us to be down here, bored."

"Thanks, Adams."

She picked up the book and headed to the mess on the deck above. It was quieter than usual, so she had a seat by herself. Thanks to her shopping the other day, the food on the dextro trays was actually good for once.

Tali finished her meal, and leaned back in the chair, activating the visual translator program on her suit. She opened the book to the title page. _"The Princess Bride..."_

* * *

Liara was sitting crosslegged on her bed, staring at the bag from _Forever Blue _like it was a poisonous animal. She had nearly opened it half a dozen times now, but just couldn't bring herself to do it.

_You might as well, you paid for it already._

She sighed. _Not today._

She got up and put the small bag in the locker of her cabin. Then, putting on her lab outfit, she headed to the elevator. On the way, she saw Tali sitting in the mess, reading a book. She debated going over to her, but, while things between them had improved, they still occaisionally had uncomfortable moments. She continued past the quarian, stepping quietly so she didn't disturb her.

Liara leaned back against the wall of the elevator. _She kissed Shepard!_ No matter how many times she tried to forget it, the scene of Tali in the lab room back on Noveria kept replaying itself in her mind.

She got off on the next floor and headed to the medbay. The lights were on, and a figure was sitting at the desk. She hit the door and walked in. "Good evening Doct- oh, Shepard! What are you doing here?"

"Hey, Liara. Just picking up the pills for my biotics." Shepard held up a small pill bottle. "The doc left them for me."

"They're keeping your biotic troubles under control?"

Shepard nodded to her, "They sure are. Haven't had a surge in days. Anyway, I'll get out of your way here. I was just grabbing these before bed." The commander got up and started towards the door Liara had just entered.

_She kissed Shepard!_

"Shepard, wait..." Liara reached out, grabbing the human's arm and stopping her in her tracks. They stood there looking at each other, neither moving.

Minutes passed.

Liara swallowed nervously, gathering her courage, and stepped closer to the commander. Shepard was just standing there, looking at her, her green eyes wide as Liara closed the distance between them.

Liara reached out with her other hand, putting it on the human's waist. She pulled her in close to her, feeling the warmth of the commander's body. Shepard's face was flushed and her breathing shallow.

She slid her hand up the commander's arm, tangling her fingers in the human's hair as she cupped the back of her head. She tilted her own head, leaning in to Shepard.

Their lips met. Shepard's eyes had closed, and Liara felt a warm arm circling her own waist. She let the commander pull their bodies together.

Shepard's tongue played against her lips, gently pressing against them, seeking entry. She parted her lips slightly, and Shepard took advantage, her questing tongue slipping in Liara's mouth.

_By the Goddess!_

Shepard was moaning softly, her body shifting slightly as she hugged it to Liara's. Her fingers tightened in the human's hair, and she let out a small moan of her own. She could feel Shepard's other hand on her hip.

She slid her own hand up under the commander's shirt, feeling her back. The human's skin was hot to the touch, and very smooth.

_I need more..._

Liara let her hand wander slowly up the commander's back, stopping when she hit a thin band of cloth. Her fingertips drifted towards the clasp of the bra...

Shepard shivered for a moment, then broke the kiss. She opened her eyes and took a half step back, her eyes locked on Liara's.

"Liara..." Shepard's voice came out barely above a whisper. Liara waited a little bit, but the commander didn't say anything more.

"Shepard..." Liara, too, found herself at a loss for words. She reached out and took one of the commander's hands. She gently raised it to her lips, and kissed it softly before letting go. "Good night, Shepard."

Shepard turned, holding the hand Liara had kissed with her other one, and paused at the door. "Good night, Liara." She said quietly. She stepped out the door.

Liara collapsed in the chair, touching her lips, a dazed expression on her face.

***Next Chapter: The Normandy sets course to Feros, Shepard and Liara each deal with their little encounter in their own ways.***


	5. Chapter 4 - Crossfire

**What Was Lost**

Chapter 4 - Crossfire

_*Vmmmmmmmmmm_...*

The quiet hum of the Normandy's engine was the only sound in the room. Outside the window, stars drifted by as the ship travelled towards the Theseus System and the new colony world of Feros.

Shepard lay on her back on the bed. She still hadn't gotten out of her shipboard uniform. Instead, she just lay there, staring at her right hand. She could almost feel a tingle where Liara had kissed it...

The bottle of pills she had gone down to the med bay to get had rolled onto the floor some time ago, but she hadn't noticed. In contrast to the stillness of the room, her mind was on fire, thoughts racing through it.

_I've _never _had a kiss like that!_

She shivered. She could remember with perfect clarity the feel of Liara's hand working its way up her back, the cool heat and very faint bumps of the asari's skin against her own. And the way their tongues had twined together...

_If I hadn't stopped her... Why did I stop her?_

Unnoticed by the conscious part of her mind, Shepard's left hand had drifted down her stomach and was idly toying with the button on her pants. Her fingers freed the button, and started on the zipper below it.

She recalled the look in Liara's eyes after she had stopped her. The asari had understood. As much as Shepard had desperately ached to keep going, she didn't want things to go too far, too fast. "_Oh yes you did..." _a traitorous part of her brain whispered. Even so, Shepard had nearly lost what little self-control she had left when she saw the look in Liara's eyes as she kissed her hand before saying good night.

_I should have stayed with her. Liara..._

Her hand finished the zipper and slipped into her panties. Her legs spread slightly as the questing fingers slid between her folds. Her whole body trembled on the bed.

Her mind floated on the waves of pleasure. She pictured Liara there, in the cabin with her, over her on the bed...

..._She reached up, her hand tugging at the zipper of Liara's tight suit, seeking to free the asari from her clothes. She could feel the scientist running her hands down Shepard's body, pulling her shirt up over her head and off her..._

Shepard gasped, her fingers moving faster.

_...Shepard put her hands on Liara's shoulders and slid the suit open, exposing expanses of lovely blue skin. The asari, meanwhile, had lifted Shepard's bra above her breasts and was gently cupping them in her hands. Shepard continued to undress Liara, and took the time to do some exploring of her own..._

Her body shivered, aching for release.

_...The asai traced her fingers down Shepard's stomach to her waist, and, in one swift motion, pulled down her pants and panties. Shepard, lost in the pleasure of the moment, instinctively arched her butt off the bed to allow it. Liara leaned down, kissing Shepard's neck, her hot breath tickling the skin..._

She writhed on the bed, her breathing coming swiftly.

_...Liara kissed her way down Shepard's body, each touch of her lips bringing a soft moan from the commander. She could feel herself drowning in the scent and closeness of the asari. Her hands clawed at Liara's back as the asari went lower and lower. Her whole body felt like it was on fire. Her mind was consumed in a roiling storm of need and desire and lust. All she wanted, all she could think about, was for Liara to go... _

_...There!..._

_...Shepard cried out, a yell of pure pleasure escaping her. She could feel Liara's tongue sliding into her wetness, exploring her folds. Her body quivered as the asari's tongue slipped further in her. She was going to..._

_...going to..._

_...to..._

"Oh, Liara!"

* * *

Even from orbit, signs of the geth attack on Feros were obvious. Ashley looked out the window, gazing down at the planet below. As much as she deplored the loss of life, the the ongoing battle confirmed that Saren was still interested in the world. For once, they had a chance to stop his plans. _We might catch up to him at last! He's going to pay for Eden Prime!_

She glanced over at the commander. She seemed exhausted for some reason. All morning, Shepard had wandered about almost in a fog. She was paler than usual, and would yawn when she thought no one was looking. She also got a weird expression on her face that Ashley couldn't read whenever she spotted Liara.

The asari was, by comparison, simple to understand. Ashley had never been much of a hunter, but she knew that look. Liara was staring at Shepard like a predator watching her chosen prey. She sighed, looking back at Tali. There would be problems if the young quarian picked up on what was going on.

_Still, I did promise Tali I would do what I can to help her..._

Ashley made a decision. "Hey skipper, got a minute?" She asked as she walked over to where Shepard was staring blankly at a cooling display.

"Oh, sure Ash, what's up?"

Ashley gestured to an unoccupied alcove towards the rear of the command deck. "Can we talk off the record?"

Shepard followed her over and took a seat at one of the control panels. "What's on your mind, Ash?"

"Shepard, I'm not trying to pry, but is everything alright? You look really worn out."

"I couldn't get to sleep last night, that's all." Was it her imagination or did Shepard blush when she said that?

"If you say so," Ashley said doubtfully; there was obviously more to it than this, but clearly Shepard didn't want to talk about it.

_How should I do this?_ She considered a moment. "By the way, I hope you don't mind, but I loaned Tali that book you let me borrow. I told her about it on the Citadel and she seemed interested, so..."

She cut off as Shepard was laughing. "Ash, we're going down to fight an entire geth assault force and stop a rogue spectre from destroying the galaxy and you're worried about a book? It's fine, I hope that she enjoys it too."

Ashley grinned ruefully. "I know, I guess it just helps to think about other things. I have to admit, _The Princess Bride_? I never really pictured you for that, Shepard."

"I know, I know... Then again, I doubt most people would figure you for poetry, either, Ash." Shepard smiled back at her.

They sat quietly for a moment, then Shepard made to get up. "Was that all, Ash? We're going to be landing soon."

"There was one other thing, skipper." _Tali is going to kill me for this one..._ "I've noticed you and Tali spend a lot of time together, and I just wanted to say, I'm happy for you, she's really sweet and you two will make a great couple."

"Ash!" Shepard hissed, looking around to see if anyone was listening. "It's not like that, we're just friends, that's all!"

"Are you sure?" Ashley smirked at her. "I heard you two watch that _Fleet and Flotilla _series all the time. It's so... _romantic_." The emphasis she put on the last word brought spots of red to Shepard's cheeks.

"She's just a friend, Ash!"

"You protest too much, Shepard." She stood up, leaving the commander sitting there, sputtering. "You should think on it, though."

* * *

Tali was a bit surprised to find Liara joining the commander and herself on the expedition to the ExoGeni base. Usually the commander had Garrus back them up with his sniper rifle while she used her tech and the commander disrupted the enemies with her biotics.

Today, though, Garrus was leading the ground team guarding Zhu's Hope and the Normandy from further geth assaults. So it was just her, Liara and Shepard. The mood in the Mako was unusually subdued.

She could tell something was different. Liara kept shooting the commander very... possessive... looks. Liara also had a slightly superior tone to her voice since the morning. She carried herself as if she had won some sort of game.

The commander on the other hand kept glancing between the two of them. She looked almost embarrassed when she was paying attention to Liara. She would then look over at Tali, a slight frown on her face, as if she was thinking about something.

_Did something happen between them?_

Maybe Ash was right. She really should talk to Shepard, and soon. She glanced at Liara, who was sitting up front next to her, a small, satisfied smile on her face. _If I don't want to lose her to Liara, I need to tell her how I feel._

The comm unit on the Mako suddenly lit up; they were picking up a transmission. She patched it back to the commander. Apparently, not all the ExoGeni researchers were dead. Shepard, not wanting the geth to know they were coming, chose not to reply over open channels.

Soon enough, they found themselves in a makeshift bunker the surviving ExoGeni scientists had holed up in. Liara was talking with some of the corporate people, asking them about what they had found in the prothean towers. Shepard was over by the Mako, going over a datapad the scientist Baynham slipped her when the head administrator wasn't looking.

_Now is my chance..._

Tali walked over. "Shepard, can I talk to you?"

Shepard laughed a bit. Tali stiffened. "Did I say something funny?"

Shepard stopped laughing, but still wore a smile. "Nothing, Tali, I was just thinking that that's about the tenth time today someone has said that to me. So, what's up?"

"Shepard, I... I'm not good at this sort of thing. I know this isn't really a good time to talk, and we need to get back on Saren's trail as soon as we can, and this isn't really the best place. But we never really seem to get a break, and everyone's always around, and..."

"Slow down, Tali, you're babbling." Shepard made a calming gesture at her.

"Sorry, Shepard, I..." Tali paused, swallowing, gathering her strength. "I need to tell you how I feel."

"Tali..."

"I like you, Shepard. I really like you." She looked down, wringing her hands nervously. "I know you just see me as a friend, and I don't want to make things any more difficult for you, but I had to tell you how I feel."

Shepard looked down too. "Tali, I'm sorry. I do like you, you're my best friend. Maybe if things were different... But I... I think I'm involved with Liara..."

_Of course... _Tali sighed and hugged herself. It had been too much to hope for. "Wait... you _think_ you're involved with her?"

"...It's complicated..."

Tali gathered her strength; no matter what else happened, Shepard was still her friend. "Shepard, you like her and she likes you, why does it have to be complicated?"

"It just is, Tali."

"Keelah, you're an idiot."

"...Yeah, I know..."

* * *

Liara was horrified as Lisbeth explained the "research" ExoGeni was performing on Zhu's Hope. She looked over at Shepard, who was visibly trembling with rage as she listened to the young woman. Liara sympathized with what the commander must be feeling. That anyone could do something like this!

Lisbeth's mother was discussing with Tali how to modify the team's grenades to safely free the colonists from control of this thorian creature. The administrator Jeong had simply wanted to kill them all, but Shepard had disagreed.

Liara listened until she couldn't stand it anymore. This was just sick! She walked over to where Tali was adjusting the grenades. "Tali, do you need any help? If I have to listen to any more of them, I really think I'll biotically toss the whole lot out a window..."

Tali looked over at her. "Here, you can fix these three." She handed her three grenades and some capsules containing a greenish liquid.

They worked in silence for a bit. Liara glanced over to where Shepard was studying a detailed map of Zhu's Hope. Tali followed her gaze. The quarian reached out and put her hand on Liara's. "You need to tell her, Liara."

"She knows how I feel."

"She still needs to hear it."

"Now really isn't the best time, Tali. Besides, I thought you weren't giving up on her?"

Tali looked down, sadly. "She chose you, Liara." She looked up at Liara. "And as for the right time, the Reapers could literally wipe us all out tomorrow, do you really want to die having never told her how you feel?"

Liara looked over at her and nodded. "...You're right. I'll tell her when we get back to the ship, though. I don't feel like it right now, not after listening to what they did. I don't think she will be either."

* * *

Shepard stared at the green asari who had fallen out of one of the pods the thorian had left behind. Her story was almost too much to believe. Saren had sold her to an enslaving plant in order to absorb the sum total of prothean culture. After she had absorbed it, he left her here and fled the planet a few days ago, leaving the geth behind to delay pursuit. And now Shiala was willing to share it with her, too?

She pulled Liara aside. "Can we trust her?" She whispered to the scientist. "Will this meld be safe?"

"There's some risk, Shepard, but if Saren used it to unlock the beacon vision, it might be the only way."

"You know more about this than I do, I'll take your word for it. If she tries anything funny, though, do what you have to do." She walked back to where Shiala waited under Tali's guard. "All right, share this 'cipher' with me."

"Relax, commander..."

* * *

Tali was worried. Shepard had barely been able to walk right after the strange asari had done that mind ritual to her. The commander had finished up some business with the colonists, and they were on their way back to the Normandy.

They were in the last hallway before the stairs leading to the ship when it happened. Shepard stumbled, and collapsed against a nearby wall. There was a visible deep purple glow emanating from her as she hugged herself. Her eyes were wide with panic.

"Liara!" Tali called to the asari, who had just started up the stairs. "Get over here!" The scientist looked back, gasped, and rushed to the commander's side.

Liara took the grabbed the commander's waist, and pulled her up from the floor. She started towards the stairs, hurrying as fast as she could while still supporting Shepard. "Get to the Normandy, Tali! Tell Dr Chakwas to have the medbay ready!"

'But..."

"Go! We'll be right behind you."

Tali ran up the stairs and across the catwalk to the Normandy's docking bay. As soon as she was clear of the prothean walls, she commed the doctor and filled her in on the situation. By the time the airlock had cycled open, Liara was behind her with Shepard.

She helped the asari get the commander in the ship and down to the medbay. Dr Chakwas was already waiting for them. "What happened?"

"We were on the way back to the ship when she suffered a massive biotic surge. Her biotics fluctuated rapidly, causing her to collapse," Liara answered her.

"Do you have any idea what might have triggered it? She's been taking her meds, so she shouldn't be having problems like this." The doctor called up her omnitool and started scanning the unconscious woman.

"An asari melded with her earlier. She transferred some information on the protheans to her. Could the meld have done this?"

"It's probable," The doctor nodded to her. "I'm reading a huge increase in brain activity. I'd say the transfer upset her normal mental processes."

She put down the datapad. "I've been working on a theory for the past few weeks now, and I think this confirms it. She's having far more problems than expected, precisely because she's a very strong biotic."

Tali felt confused. "Why would powerful biotic abilities make the problem worse? Wouldn't more strength help her?"

"Normally yes, Tali. Unfortunately, none of this is exactly normal." The doctor pulled a chair over and gestured for them to do the same. "The first problems started after she encountered the beacon on Eden Prime. And now she's had a relapse after having a mental link."

She pulled up an image of Shepard's brain. "Twice now, she's had a massive amount of information added directly to her mind. As you know, Liara, biotic abilities require great mental discipline. My theory is, all this extra information disrupted her normal control. Her brain is trying to regain control of her abilities."

The doctor continued. "The problem is, for most races, including humans, full control of biotic abilities takes years to develop. For most biotics, it isn't much of a problem - they can train their control as their natural strength grows too. In this case, though, Shepard is having to relearn control of full strength powers overnight."

Chakwas looked over at the unconscious human. "The good news is, since there's nothing physically wrong with her, she should ultimately recover. It just might take some time. And until she does, her biotics are going to continue to be erratic."

She motioned Liara over. "I have a favor to ask of you, Dr T'soni. I'd like you to stay with her for a bit, at least until she wakes up. Help make sure her biotic field stays stable."

"Of course, doctor."

Tali looked at them both. "I'm not a biotic, but I'm staying too. She's my friend."

Liara shot her a small smile. "Thanks, Tali."

* * *

Shepard found herself waking up in the med bay yet again. Dr Chakwas was standing over her, scanning her with her omnitool. "Shepard, you look much better than last time. How are you feeling?"

Shepard stretched and tried sitting up. No headache or pain this time. "We've gotta stop meeting like this, doc."

"No kidding, commander. Now hold still, I still have some tests to run." While the doctor performed more tests, Shepard glanced around the room. Liara and Tali both had chairs pulled up next to the bed. The two women were just now waking up; apparently they had stayed here with her.

Before she could say anything, her comm unit signaled. "Commander, sorry to interrupt, but there's a priority transmission coming in from the Council."

She sighed. "Sorry to cut your tests short, doc, but duty calls." She looked over at the asari. "Liara, get everyone to the conference room after I'm done."

"Of course, Shepard."

The council was predictably unhappy with her decision to destroy the thorian. She didn't really care. After what she had seen on Feros, there was no way she could have let it survive. She couldn't trust even the council with it. They'd just ship it off to a lab somewhere and start studying it again. And the whole mess would be repeated.

After the call, she briefed her team on what had happened on Feros. They discussed the situation, then she dismissed them. Everyone filed out but Liara and Kaidan.

"Dr T'soni, Commander, we need to talk, the three of us."

Shepard looked at him, at the way he was glaring at Liara. "We probably should. What do you want to know, Kaidan?"

"I'm a bit confused, commander, I thought we had something. I didn't realize that you were a... That you prefer other women."

"I'm not exactly a woman, Lieutenant. Asari only have one gender." Liara gave Kaidan a hard look.

"I know, but you look... I mean... Shepard, I thought we had something."

"Kaidan..." She sighed. "I wasn't trying to lead you on or anything. I didn't mean for you to get hurt, but... Liara's the one I care about."

"I understand, Shepard. I hope you two are happy together. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a lot of mission reports to take care of." He turned and walked out the door, his posture stiff with hurt and anger.

Liara waited until the door closed before she spoke. "I feel sorry for him, but it makes me happy to hear you say you care about me."

Shepard reached out and took Liara's hand. "Liara, _you_ make me happy."

The asari smiled at her. "We should talk more, Shepard, but not here in the comm room."

***Next Chapter: ** **Shepard and Liara have a heart-to-heart, the Normandy heads to Virmire, and more complications from the council and Udina.***


	6. Chapter 5 - Sacrifice

**What Was Lost**

Chapter 5 - Sacrifice

Shepard stared over at Liara. The asari had practically dragged her back to the small cabin, saying they should talk in private. Now that they were finally here, though, she was simply standing across the room from Shepard, silent.

"Liara-" "Shepard-" They both started speaking at the same time.

"You first," Shepard motioned to her.

"No, you Shepard."

Shepard took a breath. "Liara, I'm not sure where I should start. I've been thinking about you, ever since we kissed the other night."

"I have too. Goddess, it took me hours to get to sleep last night."

Shepard felt her face flush, "I, uh, know what you mean. That's kind of what I wanted to talk to you about."

"Shepard?"

"I think about you all the time, Liara. Right now, all I want to do is walk over there, throw you down on the bed and kiss you senseless."

"Shepard..." The asari was blushing. _She looks so cute right now..._

"That's not all, though." Shepard paused - this was going to be awkward. "I want more than that. I like talking with you. I want to know everything about you. I want..."

"You want a true joining..." Liara's voice was barely above a whisper.

"True joining?" Shepard inquired.

"I know there are many rumors about us, but asari don't lightly enter into a union with others. It's a very deep and spiritual exchange. A true bonding goes far beyond a regular melding. It would connect us, transcending everything."

"It sounds incredible, Liara."

The asari nodded. "Two would become one. Our thoughts and senses merged, our very identities intertwined. Our memories, our very emotions would weave themselves together into a single rapturous whole. It's unlike any other experience. In some cases, it can be a truly life-changing event."

Shepard found herself staring at Liara. What she was describing went far beyond any dreams or fantasies she had experienced, far beyond any date she had ever been on. She recalled the previous night after leaving the asari in the med bay, and felt ashamed. "You said 'our thoughts', 'our emotions' - are you saying you want to...?"

"No... I mean, yes, I do, but I'm not ready, I... I'm not very good at this, am I?" She blushed and shook her head. "I'm only one hundred and six, barely an adult by asari standards, I've spent most of my time absorbed in my research, and I've never... uh, I haven't really thought about it, not until I met you."

"It's okay, Liara, we don't have to rush anything. I want you to be absolutely sure about this. About us."

"You're very special to me, Shepard. I'm just not sure if I'm ready for this." The asari sat on the bed, and looked over at her. "Though, I have to say, there's a part of me that wants it right now too. I find you fascinating."

Shepard walked to the bed and put her hands on either side of where Liara was sitting, leaning in to kiss her deeply. "You're pretty amazing yourself, Liara. " She whispered to the surprised asari after she broke the kiss.

"I thought you weren't going to rush things, Shepard." Liara replied quietly.

"You kissed me first, the other night, T'soni. You can't go changing the rules now..." She stood up and took one of Liara's hands, and kissed it the same way the asari had the other night. "Good night, Liara."

"Good night, Shepard..."

* * *

Garrus sat in the mess with Tali. The quarian was quiet, toying with the food on the tray in front of her. She had been very reserved since they got back from the Feros mission. "Tali, is everything alright? You seem a bit down."

"It's nothing, Garrus, I'll be okay."

"Tali, you're being more depressing than Ashley's poetry, and that's something I never thought I'd find myself saying."

The joke worked - the young quarian giggled and sat up a bit. "Sorry, but it's not really anything you can help me with. I just need time."

"Shepard shot you down, huh?"

"What? Did Ash tell you?"

"Tali, not all of us who used to work in C-Sec are blind, despite what the rumors might say. You haven't exactly been subtle about it."

_This ship really needs a bar..._

After a minute, she started talking again. "It doesn't matter anyway, she picked Liara." She sounded wistful.

"Liara? I thought she and Kaidan were... I mean, he tried to smash my face through the hull of the cargo bay when he thought I was interested..."

"What was that about being blind, Mr super C-Sec detective?"

He laughed. _Shepard and Liara? I didn't see that one coming... I thought Alenko was the competition..._

* * *

Liara walked down the hallway of the Normandy, giddy. She could still barely believe it. _Shepard wants me too! She really wants me!_ Relief filled her. The kiss, as incredible as it had been, was nothing next to this.

Shepard wanted more than just kisses. That amazed her too. She had worried about that, about what Shepard's reaction to her talk about bonds would be. _I've only known her a few months, and we've only kissed twice. _At first, she had been interested in the commander for her experiences with the prothean beacon. Not to mention, the way she had rescued her...

Her talks with the commander had rapidly become the high points of her days. She would find herself looking forward to the doorchime announcing Shepard coming to visit. The commander was fun to talk to, and was always willing to listen to whatever Liara wanted to chat about. And joining Shepard and Tali for their vid night, while awkward at first, was really fun too. And Shepard had helped her after the incident with her mother on Noveria.

Her heart still hurt when she thought of Benezia. No matter what she had told Shepard at the time, she missed her very much. She did her best to remember the good times. Going to the park with Benezia when she was a girl. Her mother attending the ceremony when she received her doctorate from the University of Serrice. Their first trip to the Citadel.

Shepard had believed in her, trusted her, and taken her on the mission down to Noveria. She had changed the squad's plans just to help her. During the mission, Shepard had stood up to Benezia about her prescence. And after that... Shepard had been there for her then, too.

She had never felt connected to anyone like this before. In fact, she had never imagined that it would feel so incredible. Other asari would talk about it, but Liara had never pictured it happening to _her._ Now, she couldn't imagine giving up this feeling for anything.

* * *

Shepard yawned as she wandered through the command deck. She had already stopped by the mess and grabbed a late meal from the mess, and decided to see who else was awake tonight. The alcoves were empty; with the ship currently travelling between systems on the way to the nearest mass relay, there was no need for the late night shifts to be fully staffed. Only the cockpit, where Joker was working on adjusting the controls in his off time, was lit.

She hadn't been able to go to sleep tonight either. She had considered asking the doctor for something to help, but then she would have had to explain _why_ she was having trouble sleeping... "_Well doc, apparently kissing asari causes insomnia..."_

At least, kissing one particular asari did...

Kissing Liara...

_No! Stop! Not going there tonight!_

She walked up to the front area, and took a seat in one of the navigator chairs next to Joker. "Hey commander, what's up?" The pilot greeted her as she sat down.

"Not that much, I just couldn't sleep tonight. What about you? Almost done fixing the ship up to your standards?"

"Well, I doubt the Alliance will let me put a racing stripe on her, but yeah, I think the Normandy is as close to perfect as she's gonna get. I've been tweaking the maneuvering controls, and I should be able to get you another two percent thrust."

"That's great, Joker!" Shepard felt a surge of happiness. First, the doc had a handle on what was causing her biotic troubles, then her talk with Liara, and now the Normandy was better than ever. _I finally had a really good day!_

"You seem awfully pleased for someone who is having trouble getting to sleep, Shepard. I didn't know navigation code turned you on." He shot her a wink.

"What can I say? I'm a simple girl at heart - some candles, romantic music, and a top of the line warship, and I just melt."

"Well, my shift replacement should be up in a few minutes, feel like some food?" Joker carefully stood up.

"Sure, I could eat again." Shepard got up with him.

"Again? God, Shepard, you're a pig."

"Hey, you know I'm a biotic! Not my fault I have to eat a lot."

"Oink, oink, Shepard..."

* * *

Tali wondered why Shepard had summoned her command crew to the conference room in the middle of the night. The others also seemed curious. When she got in the door, the commander was signing off from the commlink with the council.

"Joker, I'm sending you some coordinates, get us turned around and headed there as soon as possible." Shepard had a wide grin as she spoke to the pilot.

She gestured to the chairs. As soon as everyone was seated, she pulled up an image of a planet. "We finally caught a break, people. A salarian STG team sent out a distress call. Apparently, they found a geth research facility... that's being run by a turian!"

Tali sat up straighter in her seat. They were going to catch Saren at last? No wonder Shepard looked so excited.

"Shepard, I hate to be a wet blanket..." Kaidan started to ask.

"I thought that was his job on the ship," Garrus whispered to Wrex, loud enough to be overheard by everyone else in the room.

"...But how are we expected to take out an entire base by ourselves?" Kaidan continued, shooting Garrus a glare.

"We'll be meeting up with the STG team when we land. They have a forward base already set up. We just need to link up with them there." Shepard answered.

"Any idea what they're doing down there?" Tali asked.

"No, Tali, the message the salarians got off to the council was pretty brief. The geth jammed their signal almost immediately."

"Shepard," Wrex rumbled, "this all seems a little too convenient. We just happen to find Saren's secret base and confirm that he's there too? And we're actually going to have Council approval and troops this time also? This feels like a trap. Things never go this right for us."

"I thought the same thing, Wrex, but the fact is, we can't ignore this one. Besides, there have been no signals to the STG team, so no one on the planet knows we're coming. And with the Normandy's stealth drive, they won't know we're there till we've already landed."

She looked around the room, "Any other questions?" When no one else had any, she dismissed them and headed to her locker.

Tali got her own gear ready and met up with Shepard and Liara in the cargo bay by the Mako. The commander had decided to lead a forward squad to take out the geth AA turrets so the Normandy could land safely.

They strapped in, and got ready for the jolt as the Normandy dropped them towards a small lagoon. "I love this part!" Shepard grinned wolfishly as the Mako fell towards the ground.

"Keelah! You're insane, Shepard!"

"Oh yeah!"

Liara was pale, her hands gripping the armrests of her station. "Shepard, did you really have to tell Joker to drop us so high up?"

"There are geth defenses that could damage them if they got too close."

"And the fact that you enjoy it has nothing to do with it?"

"Oh, lighten up, T'soni..."

* * *

Liara couldn't believe it. Shepard had actually talked down a krogan on the verge of bloodrage. Wrex had been understandably upset at finding out Saren not only had a cure for the genophage, but the salarians were planning on blowing it up. He had been about to shoot Shepard, or so it seemed, when she managed to get through to him.

Liara smiled. Watching Shepard talk Wrex down was impressive. Everyone else had seemed to give up on him. Ashley and Kaidan had even been ready to try taking him out from a distance. But Shepard didn't let that happen.

"Okay, it looks like we're going to need three teams for this one." Shepard zoomed the map out to show the exterior of Saren's research base. "Team one will be a small squad led by me. We'll try to sneak in and disable as much of their defenses as we can. Liara, Tali, you'll be with me."

She pointed to the Normandy's icon on the map. "Garrus, you, Ash and Wrex will guard the Normandy and get the bomb ready to go. It just has to give us enough time to get clear of the blast, nothing fancy."

She looked over at Kaidan. "Kaidan, I'd like you to go with the salarians on team three. Keep in contact with us and try to protect them as much as possible."

She glanced up at them. "This is it, stay safe and play it smart, people. Let's go get that bastard!"

Everyone dispersed to get ready for the assault. Liara paused and motioned to Shepard, beckoning her over to the small tent that had been set up for the science team.

"What's up, Liara? We need to get read- mmmppppphhhh... mmmmmm..." Liara cut off Shepard with a kiss.

When she finally let the human catch a breath, the commander smiled at her. "Not that I'm complaining, but what was that for? We really do need to head out soon."

Liara put her finger on Shepard's lips. "That's for not giving up on Wrex when everyone else had. I just wanted you to know how I felt."

"I'll be sure to tell Wrex you feel that way about him."

"Shepard! That's just evil!"

"You know you love it." Shepard's teasing words didn't match the warm smile the commander gave her.

"Shepard..." Liara's cheeked heated. She was about to say more when a cough from outside the tent interrupted her.

"Sorry to interrupt, skipper, but that salarian's ready to head out." Ashley's voice carried through the thin fabric to them.

"To be continued I guess," Shepard gave her a rueful grin.

* * *

Ashley sat in the cockpit, chatting with Joker while they waited for the commander. Wrex and Garrus were still down in the cargo bay, going over some final details on the bomb. Garrus wanted to improve the trigger mechanism. Wrex just wanted it to 'have more boom.'

"So chief, what's the deal with the commander? She's been acting kinda weird recently." Joker asked her.

"Oh, probably just Liara keeping her up at nights," Ashley told him, shooting him a suggestive wink for good measure.

"Whoah whoah whoah... Hold on a sec, Liara and Shepard? How did I miss that one?" He looked shocked.

"You're not the only one, Garrus missed it too."

"... Wow... so Shepard and Liara... I can just picture it - them holding each other... kissing... bodies rubbing up against each other... I'll be quiet now." He quickly cut himself off when he noticed Ashley's glare.

Before she could reply, the comm board lit up. She checked the signal - Shadow team had just made entry into Saren's base.

* * *

Shepard stared at the beacon in revulsion. The prothean relic sat in a small alcove, pulsing with a faint green light that disturbed her. She could feel the glow pulling at her, trying to imprint itself on her mind again. She hesitated before getting closer.

Liara glanced over at her, taking her hand and squeezing it gently. "You don't have to, Shepard," she said quietly. "You've already done enough."

"No, Liara." She took a deep breath, trying to prepare herself for this. "I do have to. If I don't, we'll never figure out where Saren went off to, or what this Conduit business is all about." She squeezed the asari's hand back. "Just... be ready if... something happens."

She stepped forward, letting the beacon sink the tendrils of vision into her. Unlike her experience on Eden Prime, she could understand it. The beacons were a warning, a record of the prothean's war with the Reapers. She saw the war unfold, the shadow of the Reapers falling on the citadel first, and spreading to other worlds from there. Planets went dark, falling out of communication with the rest of the empire. Fleets were whittled down as they fought one desperate battle after another. Armies shrunk, with fewer and fewer to bolster their ranks each year. The slaughter lasted for centuries.

And at the end of the vision, there was something new. She saw a small planet, a world hidden from the Reapers. In her vision state, she flew between the buildings, watching the scientists frenzied efforts to complete their project. The details were hidden from her, but she could sense their hope.

She shot up from the buildings, leaving the atmosphere and sailing past the outer planets in the system. She looked back, her mind taking in the whole solar system. The stellar landmarks burned themselves into her brain. She could feel the pain building as the new information tried to mesh itself with the visions from the other beacon.

Shepard collapsed on the floor plating, panting, fighting to stay conscious. She felt Liara's hands on her shoulders, steadying her. The asari helped her up, pulling her in close to her body "I have you, Shepard. You're going to be alright."

She nodded gratefully to her, trying to speak, but her voice was still not working. She stared deeply into Liara's beautiful blue eyes. "Thank you," she finally managed to whisper. She walked back to the catwalk, leaning on Liara as they walked.

* * *

Tali ducked behind a small metal outcropping. Another pair of indoctrinated krogan had a squad of geth pinning them down from across the room. Shepard, Liara, Garrus and Wrex laid down covering fire, distracting them while Tali moved to a better position to flank and then disable the geth's shields.

Shepard was trying to link back up with Kaidan, who was leading a squad of salarians to disable the last set of AA guns on the research base. Ashley and some of the Normandy's marines were busy arming the bomb and covering their retreat. Once the bomb was armed, they would only have a few minutes to board the Normandy and get clear. After that, the base would be vaporized. _And Saren with it, hopefully._

That is, if Sovereign didn't stop them...

Tali shivered, remembering the holo image of the reaper that had appeared before them. The things it had said. The threats...

After the krogan and geth were down, the team hurried to the elevator. Ashley signaled them, alerting all teams that the bomb was now active. Joker had the Normandy on the way, too. They had minutes only to clear out the geth between them and Kaidan.

_"Shepard! That ship I picked up just launched a shuttle. We can't catch it in time. You're gonna have visitors." _Joker's comm signal was choppy.

Tali looked up - the shuttle Joker had spotted was already pulling into view. A figure leaped from it, a turian... Saren!

Shepard tried to talk Saren down, but he didn't listen. They ended up exchanging some shots, before he fled after Shepard took out his shields. And now, they had a problem...

"_Commander, we don't have time to get to both the bomb site and the tower. Tell me where I should pick you up."_

Tali stepped closer to Shepard, tears building behind her mask. "Keelah, Shepard, is he saying what I think he is?"

Shepard whispered something to herself - a prayer, Tali guessed. "Joker, meet us at the tower. If we don't help Kaidan get that AA gun down, none of us are making it out of here. And... patch me through to Ashley..."

* * *

Ashley dropped the overheated rifle and pulled out her shotgun. The geth still on the planet were making a last push to get to the bomb and disarm it. _Damn it, Wrex, you better take good care of my sniper rifle!_ She snapped off a few shots, then paused to disable the heat safeties on the gun. _Another minute, and it wont matter..._

She looked down at the bomb at her feet. The power display was pulsing faster and faster, the blinks coming as an almost solid burst of light.

Another marine fell next to her. She cursed and tossed a grenade, scattering some of the geth. She took the brief pause to check on her squad. Only two other marines were still up and firing. Three bodies in Alliance colors were lying unmoving on the ground near the bomb.

_Skipper, I hope you got the others out safely..._

They had lost contact with Shepard's party after the commander's last transmission. She had heard the tears in her voice as Shepard explained the situation.

The bomb pulsed faster.

_Dad, Grandpa, I hope I made you proud. I -_

Light enveloped her.

* * *

Shepard hadn't even cleared the airlock before the shockwave of the blast hit her. The Normandy shook, knocking her off her feet. The others had fallen, too. She hurried to her feet and dashed through the airlock, overriding the usual decon procedures. Running towards the cockpit, she nearly knocked over Pressley, who had been on his way to meet her.

"Commander, there's a priority transmission waiting for you in the comms room."

"Not now, Pressley!"

"I'm sorry, Commander, but it's a priority Alpha-One from Ambassador Udina."

"Shit!" She turned and stormed off to the comm room, leaving a shocked Pressley behind her. She was _so _not in the mood for this right now.

Shepard listened as Udina explained the situation. The council had apparently been receiving transmissions from the salarians, and finally decided to organize a fleet to deal with Saren once and for all. And Udina wanted her back to lead it.

She should have been thrilled. They had finally listened to her. The victory tasted like ashes in her mouth, though. She felt so empty after ordering Ash left behind to die. _I would do it again, too, but I doubt I'll ever feel any better about it._ Soldiers had died under her command before, but this was the first time she had ever ordered it.

"Joker, get us moving! I want us back to the Citadel in time to be at the head of that Fleet!"

"_You got it, Commander!"_

She shut down the comm panel, and sat down against the wall. The tears she was holding back finally flowed freely. "I'm sorry, Ash. I'm so sorry. I wish I could have found another way." She whispered to the empty room.

* * *

Liara found Shepard sitting on the floor against her locker on the upper deck. The commander looked so tired and worn down. "Shepard? I heard what Udina and the council did to you at that briefing. I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault, Liara. But they wouldn't listen. They're just going to let Saren go to Ilos and get the Conduit, and then we'll all be screwed."

"It's not fair, Shepard. You did everything they asked of you and more, and they reward you by stripping you of your command and grounding you." Liara gazed down at her friend, her commander... _My lover?_... and wished she could find the right words to help her. They hadn't even given Shepard time to grieve for Williams before doing this to her.

"I don't care what they do to me, Liara. But they're dooming everyone with their stupidity. And I can't do anything to stop it."

"So, you're just going to give up, Shepard? You'll let the galaxy burn?"

"Not a chance! We're out of the game for now, but I'll find us a way back in." Shepard looked determined now. Liara reached out a hand to her. She grabbed it and stood quickly, and they found themselves in an unexpected embrace.

Liara stared into Shepard's eyes. She wanted to lose herself those beautiful green orbs. Her hands had slid to Shepard's waist, and were slowly drawing the human in closer. She tilted her head and -

_"Commander? I have a transmission for you from Captain Anderson."_

"I am going to rip that damn comm unit of the wall one of these days." Shepard muttered. "Were you spying on us, Joker?" She asked in a louder voice.

* * *

Shepard couldn't believe what she was hearing. The whole galaxy might be destroyed in a few days, and this Terra Firma Party scum was trying to use her to further his own offensive political agenda. The more she listened to him, the more she wanted to deck him. Finally, she made her excuses, and turned to leave.

"You'll regret walking away from us, Shepard." The politician, Charles Saracino, growled. He glared at Tali and Liara, who had come with her. "You and those... _things_... you're with too."

That did it. Shepard turned and slammed her fist into his face, driving him to the ground. Two nearby C-Sec officers noticed and started over towards the disturbance. Shepard signaled her Spectre ID to them. "Mr Saracino here slipped, officers. Sorry to disturb you."

"No trouble, Spectre."

She looked down at the fallen man, who was being helped up by one of the protesters. "I don't ever want to see you again."

"This isn't over, Shepard!"

_*__**Next Chapter: Shepard and company head to Ilos, the final confrontation with Saren, and the aftermath of all this.***_


	7. Chapter 6 - Confrontation

**What Was Lost**

Chapter 6 - Confrontation

Shepard deleted the message from her datapad yet again. She had been trying to write a message to her mother, Hannah, all evening now. She wanted her to know what was going on and why she acted the way she did.

_I hope she understands..._

She had already written pardons for the whole crew. She didn't want them to have to pay for her decisions. She had also sent in a letter to Alliance command stating the same thing. _It might not matter in a few days anyway, but I won't make them suffer because of me._

Shepard worried that she might not be in time. They had already lost almost a whole day thanks to Udina's machinations. Saren could already have the Conduit.

She shook her head. It didn't make a difference. She still had to try. So they were on course to Ilos. In a few hours, it would be over, one way or the other.

She picked up the datapad and started again. She had just written the first few lines when a knock sounded at her door...

* * *

Tali stood in the doorway, staring at Shepard. The human was obviously surprised to see her this late at night. Tali glanced past her, looking deeper in the room. Several datapads sat scattered on her desk, alongside a half-eaten meal. By contrast, Shepard's bed was untouched. She obviously hadn't slept yet. Looking back at the commander, she worried at the circles under her eyes. She looked so tired...

"Shepard, I..." Her voice caught in her throat. "Can I come in?"

Shepard stared at her a moment longer, then nodded and stepped back into the room. Tali followed her in and took a seat on the bed while the commander pulled her chair from the desk. "What's up, Tali?"

"I'm sorry to intrude like this, Shepard, but I couldn't stand it in my quarters anymore. I keep thinking about Saren, about the Conduit, everything... I just really need a friend tonight. I saw your light still on, and, well... can I just stay and talk?"

_"Liar!"_ The little voice in the back of her mind whispered. "_You know you want more than that..."_ She squashed the voice down. Shepard was her friend, she respected her choices and didn't want to lose her as a friend.

"Of course, Tali. I could use a break, myself." Shepard grinned ruefully. "I've been hitting a wall with this anyway."

"What were you working on?" Tali looked over at the datapads on the desk, curious about what kept Shepard up so late.

Shepard got a guilty expression on her face. "I was trying to write a letter to my mother, explaining all this. I didn't want her to have to hear about it from the newsvids or a courtmartial or anything. I just can't seem to get it right..."

Tali felt a little guilty herself. She hadn't written her own family about what was going on either. While she did have the geth data Shepard had given her from one of their missions, she still hadn't communicated with them in months.

"Shepard, do you think I could borrow one of those datapads? I think I have a letter I need to write, too..."

* * *

Liara gathered her courage and knocked on the door. She had been pacing in front of Shepard's cabin for a few minutes before she finally forced herself to knock. Before this, she had spent almost an hour debating whether she wanted to get the small bag from _Feeling Blue_ out of her locker. She had decided this was the right time...

_I said I wanted to wait, but this might be the only chance, the only time, we have. If it is, I want it to be special..._

Footsteps sounded from within the small cabin, and the door whisked open. Shepard was there in front of her. Liara found herself drinking in the sight of the human. The commander was staring back, too. She felt her cheeks flush as she gazed into her enticing green eyes. The small scars on her eyebrow and upper lip. And the way her red hair, worn loose now that she was off duty, fell to her shoulders, like a crimson waterfall...

Before either of them could say anything, movement from further in the room drew her eye. Tali was sitting on the commander's bed, working on a datapad. She looked up and met Liara's gaze, then glanced down, her body language radiating embarrassment.

Liara turned her attention back to the commander. "Shepard, what's going on? I thought you and I were...?" She felt a mix of confusion, hurt and anger fill her voice.

"She just wanted to talk, Liara." Shepard replied quietly. "Honestly, I'm grateful for the company. I've been filling out pardons for the crew and trying to write a letter to my mother explaining all this, so I really needed the break."

Liara's jealousy faded as she took in just how worn out the human looked. The past few months had been so hard on her, and the few breaks she had taken obviously hadn't been enough. And the events of the previous day - Ashley's death, Udina's betrayal, their mutiny from the Alliance - still weighed heavily on her.

_By the Goddess... she looks so exhausted. How long has it been since she's really rested? I'm so selfish, I came up here just thinking about me._

Liara walked into the room and shut the door behind her. She took a seat beside Tali on the bed and motioned Shepard over to join them. "Shepard, you look like you really need a break. Come sit with us and relax."

Shepard walked over and sat beside Liara, resting her head on the asari's shoulder. Liara put her arm around the human's waist, holding her silently.

"I'm so tired, Liara." Shepard's voice was a choked whisper. "I don't know how much longer I can keep this up. They never believe me. And this time, it cost me Ashley and the others..." She started crying, her body shaking as the tears flowed.

Tali had put her arm around Shepard's shoulders too. The two women held the human while she cried. After a time, she slipped into sleep. Liara gently laid her back on the bed. She looked over at Tali. "Thank you, Tali. Thanks for being here for her."

"Of course, Liara. Whatever else, she's my friend, too..."

* * *

Shepard woke up to the sound of her comm panel paging her. She tried to sit up, but her arm was trapped by a warm body. Liara was also on the bed, snuggled against her. She gently disentangled her arm from under the asari, and sat up.

Tali was dozing on the foot on the bed, the young quarian curled up as she slept. She did her best not to wake them, and padded over to the comm panel. "Joker, what is it?"

"_Half an hour to Ilos, commander. Just wanted to give you a heads-up."_

"Thanks Joker. Can you comm the rest and have them meet us on the bridge?"

"_Will do, Shepard."_

She walked over to the bed and shook Tali and Liara awake. As they headed for the door, she stopped them. "I... thank you, both of you."

"Of course, Shepard. Thanks for letting me stay last night." Tali gave her a quick hug, then went out the door, to go get her gear ready.

Liara paused, taking Shepard's hands in hers. She rested her forehead against the human's, gazing into her eyes. Shepard's hands found her waist, holding her. "Shepard... after all this, we should work on what we were talking about the other night."

Shepard blushed, and smiled at her. "Funny, I was just planning on asking you on a date when we get back from this." She leaned forward, kissing Liara lightly on the lips. "I have a special order for you - come back to me, okay?"

"Only if you do the same."

Shepard watched her head off to get her gear, and got suited up herself. She focused, testing her biotics. The dark energy flowed easily. _I guess the doc was right, time and meds and I'll be back to full strength soon enough._ Dismissing the power back down to normal levels, she finished suiting up her armor, and went up to the bridge.

She got to the bridge, and stared out at the planet below. Geth ships circled it, though none had reacted to their presence yet. _Not exactly the way I wanted to test the stealth drive..._ She could see vague outlines of prothean ruins dotting the surface.

"Commander, I'm picking up a faint power surge from one of the ruins. Think that's where we need to go?"

"Probably, Joker. Try to get us in closer for a better look."

"Will do, Shepard." Joker increased power to the engines, slipping the ship in closer to the waiting geth fleet.

The rest of her team joined her on the bridge. Liara flashed her a small smile and stood next to her. The asari reached out, taking her hand. Shepard squeezed it back. Their fingers laced together as they edged closer to each other.

* * *

Liara stared at the VI. An actual working Prothean VI, the first one ever found, and she had to leave it behind. It wasn't fair! She had waited her entire life for this moment. And there was no time for it. Shepard put a hand on her shoulder. "Liara, we'll come back here after all this is over, I promise. I'll translate whatever you like."

Liara stifled a giggle. Here they were on the verge of galactic annihilation, and Shepard still took the time to make her feel better. "You realize, that's going to be really hard for me to top for our second date, right?"

"You don't have to top anything, Liara." Shepard gazed at her, then winked. "Although, I wouldn't mind you being on top of me..."

"Shepard!" Liara blushed.

"Got you moving, didn't it?" Shepard smiled at her, and led them back to the Mako. "Come on, just kill a ton of geth, one crazy turian, and a homicidal super-ship, and we can take all the time we want here."

* * *

Tali groaned, opening her eyes. Fires burned fitfully in places, and cables sparked from the ruin of the Council chamber. She attempted to move, but something large and heavy was pinning her down. A large section of one of the pillars was holding her in place. She tried pushing it off her, but it was too heavy for her to lift.

She could see shapes moving in the distance, near where the elevators were. Several humans in Alliance-colored armor, a couple turians wearing C-Sec uniforms, and even an asari and salarian med team had just entered the area. They spotted her movements and headed over to where she lay trapped.

Liara was pulling herself out of the rubble too. She was bleeding from a gash on her forehead, and her armor was cracked in several places. She cradled her arm, and was limping slightly. She stumbled over to Tali, and tried to lift the rubble off her.

The rescue team had reached them by now, and between them, managed to free Tali from the debris. She stretched, feeling sore and bruised all over. She stood up, and checked her suit. No leaks, thankfully.

The door to the area opened again, and Captain Anderson hurried in with another small rescue team. He strode over to them. "We heard about the tower getting hit. Where's Shepard?" He looked around, worried.

Liara jerked up, dropping Tali's arm in panic. She started towards where the Council platform had been, before one of the medics held her back. "Oh Goddess, she... she..." The scientist's words choked off, her face a mask of fear and pain.

Tali hugged herself. _She has to be alright! She just has to!_ She stepped closer to Liara. "They'll get her out safely, Liara. I know they will."

Something moved from further in the debris. A figure was limping towards them. The fires and sparks cast it in an eerie red glow. _It can't be Saren! Keelah, he can't still be alive after all that!_ She stared at the figure, hope and apprehension at war inside her.

Shepard looked awful. She had several cuts on her face, her armor was missing several pieces, and a large chunk ripped from her left leg armor, blood flowing from it.

Liara had already shaken off the attending med tech and was rushing towards the injured human. She hugged Shepard tightly. Tali joined them, relief filling her. "Keelah, Shepard, you scared me so much."

Shepard smiled faintly at them. "So did you. The last I saw was that pillar crashing down on you. I thought..." She shook her head. "Then, when I was pulling myself out from under it, I heard someone shout 'I found them'. Such a relief."

She reluctantly stepped aside to let the medtechs get a better look at Shepard's leg. Liara, who had the commander's arm in a death grip, guided the injured human over to a small piece of rubble so she could sit and let them examine her properly.

Saren was dead. Sovereign had been destroyed. The council was saved. And they had all lived this time.

It was finally over.

* * *

Shepard sighed. The doctors had finally let her go with some stitches and bandages, after much arguing. She'd had to have Joker fake an emergency call from the Normandy to get out from the med clinic. Unfortunately, the fake emergency had turned into a real one. Anderson had found her on her way to the Normandy, and dragged her back to the embassy.

Apparently, the Council had scheduled an important meeting for her in a few hours. The details were sketchy, but she doubted it would be anything good. It never was. In the meantime, she was stuck in the embassy, just waiting.

Bored.

She didn't even have her crew to talk to, either. Udina had insisted that this was 'purely a human matter', and forbidden them to come with her to embassy. So it was her, Udina, and Anderson, waiting in uncomfortable silence in the office for the Council to call.

To divert herself, Shepard was browsing a list of restaurants on the Presidium. So far, she was having no luck there, either. Trying to find the perfect place to take Liara for their first date was proving to be a frustrating experience.

She had already reviewed a couple dozen of them so far, but none of them seemed _right._ She wanted this date to be perfect. _There's so much I don't know about her still. I need this to go well. I suppose I could always just steal the Normandy again and really take her to Ilos..._

She sat back in the couch, frustrated. _God, why can't I do this... I've had dates before, this shouldn't be this hard._

Dates... yeah...

She had dated before, but this time, something was different. Liara. She mattered, mattered in a way that no one else ever had before.

"I'd suggest this one," Anderson's voice snapped her out of her daze. She looked at where he was pointing, about two thirds of the way down the datapad.

"Captain! Sorry, I was just..." She looked up, composing herself. "Just killing some time is all."

"It's fine, Shepard," Anderson laughed quietly. "Take her there. Trust me, she'll love it."

"Oh God, am I that easy to read?" Shepard blushed.

"I've seen how the two of you look at each other. It's pretty obvious."

"You don't mind?"

"Of course not," He smiled over at her. "I hope you two are happy together." He pulled a small card out. "If you do go there, give them this and ask for a table with a view. Hopefully my name's still good for a few favors."

"Thanks, Captain, I think I'll give it a try." She paused a moment. "Any idea what this urgent meeting is about?"

"No clue," He looked amused. "Given our track record with the Council, since we saved the galaxy, they'll probably courtmartial us and put us before the firing squad."

"Shepard? Anderson? They're ready for us now." Udina called from the other side of the room.

* * *

Liara looked down at the note she had found sitting on her desk in the room. Handwritten on actual paper, it was definitely an extravagance in an age of datapads and extranet. She had already read it multiple times.

_'Liara - _

_I'll pick you up at 1900 tonight for dinner. I'm looking forward to seeing you._

_-Alexandra.'_

Liara smiled to herself. Only Shepard would put down Citadel time on something like this. It was charming, in its own way. She studied the little card again, gently running her fingertips across the writing. She could almost picture Shepard sitting at her desk, writing multiple drafts, trying to get it just right, discarded copies scattered around.

Just right...

She gulped, and walked back over to the closet. She still needed to figure out what she was going to wear. She wanted something to make this night special...

_***Next Chapter: Intermission - Shepard has some downtime before the Normandy heads out again. The Collector ambush.***_


	8. Chapter 7 - Date

**What Was Lost**

Chapter 7 - Date

Shepard tugged at her dress, adjusting it. She had debated what to wear, but, given her limited wardrobe aboard the ship, she ended up with the dress. She hadn't worn it in over a year, and felt very awkward in it. She just hoped Liara liked it.

The dress was a pale emerald green, cut high on the sides to show off her legs. It was classy enough she could wear it to all but the most formal places, but not too dressy to wear to a restaurant or other casual evening out. She liked it because it let her move well and didn't look too odd on her, given her physical conditioning.

_The dress is fine, stop stalling and knock already..._

She had been standing in front of Liara's door for a few minutes now. All day, she had been looking forward to this evening, to seeing Liara. Thanks to Anderson's help, she had the perfect restaurant picked out. Now that it was finally time, she was nervous. Very nervous.

She took a deep breath, and before her brain could sabotage her anymore, she knocked on the door. Muffled footsteps sounded from behind the door, hurrying across the room. "Just a moment," she heard Liara call from inside.

Shepard tried to compose herself as she heard Liara approach from the room. The door whisked open quietly, and she found herself face to face with the asari. "Hi Liara, I- wow!"

She didn't notice that she had stopped talking. Liara stood in the doorway, a long light purple dress hugging her curves. It shimmered in the lighting, drawing the eye as she walked out and shut the door behind her. She was breathtaking.

"What were you saying?" Liara asked with a mischievious look on her face.

She caught her breath. Part of her wanted to fall back on teasing and deflection, her usual go-to in awkward social situations, but that felt unworthy of the moment. She took another moment to admire the vision in front of her, before simply telling the truth.

"You look amazing, Liara..."

"Thank you," The asari blushed slightly. "You look very nice too."

"Thanks. So... uh... ready to go?"

"Of course," Liara smiled warmly at her, and slipped her arm through Shepard's. "So, where are we going, anyway?"

"It's a surprise." Shepard kept sneaking looks over at her. She had done something different to her scalp crest, and the faint sparkle it made when she stepped under one of the ship's light panels looked incredible. "I... hope you'll like it."

"Something wrong, Shepard?" Liara smirked at her.

"Sorry, you're rather distracting..." She smiled back at her. "And I mean that in a good way."

They exited and Shepard hailed a cab. She punched in the destination, and they took off. The distant lights from the ward arms flashed by as their cab headed towards the Presidium. Liara was staring out the window, watching the scenery go by. Shepard was happy enough, peering at the asari. Soon, the cab pulled up to their destination.

* * *

Liara couldn't believe it. How in the name of the Goddess did Shepard get them a reservation at Sapphire Dream? She had only been here once, with Benezia, to celebrate when she got her doctorate from the University of Serrice. The best restaurant on the whole Citadel - some said anywhere - and Shepard was taking her here.

She let Shepard help her out of the cab, and kept a hold on her hand as they walked into the restaurant. Shepard gave her name to the hostess, and they were led to their table. Liara had a further shock when she saw they had a table at one of the windows looking out over the pond and park near the Council tower.

"Shepard, how did you arrange this? Especially on such short notice."

"Nothing major, just had to kill a few people," Shepard's eyes sparkled as she sat down across from her. The commander shot her a small grin.

"I suppose I can forgive you - it is a really nice table." Liara smiled back at her. She looked around the room. Each table had a unique asari glowsculpture over it or near it. The soft light given off by the shifting artworks bathed the room in a dim, romantic glow. There was a small dance floor near a stage where a live band was playing.

The glowsculpture at their table was a small oceanside scene. As the light twisted inside it, the pattern of the waves shifted, displaying the reflection of a full moon dancing on the surface. The light from the statue was perfect for Shepard. The way it played on her red hair, worn loose for once, was enchanting to Liara.

Shepard had apparently arranged for champagne to be waiting for them. Liara was no expert on it, but from the way their server handled it, it must have been a really good vintage. _She really went all out tonight..._

Liara didn't remember what exactly they talked about while they waited for their meal and ate. She kept staring at Shepard, just watching her eat and talk and laugh and smile at her... The whole night was going so well.

"Would you like to dance?" Shepard's question caught her off-guard.

"I'd love to," she held out her hand.

Shepard took her hand and led her over to the dance floor. She put her arms around her, leaving little room between them. Liara put her own arms around Shepard's neck, drawing their heads close together, until their foreheads touched. They started slowly moving, eyes locked together. Liara took advantage of the closeness to run her fingers gently through Shepard's hair. It was so soft and silky.

"Like it?" Shepard asked quietly. She sounded amused.

"I'd say sorry, but I've been wanting to do that for a long time now."

They danced like that for a long time, drifting closer and closer together as the songs played on. Liara kept up her exploration of Shepard's hair - the human didn't seem to mind at all. If anything, by the soft, dreamy smile she wore, she rather liked it.

After what seemed like far too short a time, they returned to their table. Shepard signaled to their server, and a few minutes later, she brought over desserts for them. Liara gasped - real Thessian nectarines dipped in chocolate.

Her shock must have been obvious, because Shepard wore a wide, satisfied grin. "This... when?... How did you know?"

"You mentioned them once, when we were talking. From the expression you had at the time, I thought it might be good idea. And now, looking at your face, I'd say I was right," Shepard's smile was even bigger now.

"You are a thing of pure evil," Liara found she was grinning back.

* * *

Shepard led Liara out of Sapphire Dream. It had wiped out a large chunk of the back pay she had accumulated over the past few months while chasing Saren, but looking over at Liara...

_Totally worth it!_

She felt Liara's arm across her back, her hand up on the back of Shepard's head. Her fingers were still twirling idly in her hair. She had her own arm around Liara's waist, holding the asari close to her as they strolled out towards the Presidium park.

"So, what's next for us, Shepard?" Liara's smile hid a touch of nervousness. They both knew what they wanted to happen next.

Shepard swallowed, a sudden lump in her throat. Now that the moment was here, she was unsure how to proceed. She paused by one of the decorative fountains nearby. "I... did make some plans for... well..."

Liara blushed and looked down, hugging herself with her free hand. "...you mean...?"

"We don't have to... I mean, if you're not ready..." Shepard felt her own face flush. "Liara, I would never want to pressure you... I want you to want it too."

"I do, Shepard. I really do. When I saw that piece of Sovereign crash through the window and the rubble came down on you, I... I was so scared. I thought I had lost you. I..."

Shepard reached out and tilted Liara's head towards hers and kissed her lightly on the lips. "Liara... I thought the same thing. But then I saw you, and..." She gazed into Liara's deep blue eyes. "You make everything better..."

Liara smiled softly at her. "So, let's see what else you have planned..."

Shepard led them across the park, to one of the buildings on the other side. Parnithian Paradise, the most luxurious hotel and spa on the Citadel. She checked them in, having already reserved a room for the night, just in case.

"Shepard, you... just how much prep work did you do for this date?"

"Well, when you're taking out the most beautiful asari in the whole galaxy, you sorta have to go all out." She leaned in and kissed her as they rode the elevator up to their floor. They stepped out and walked towards the room. Shepard held the door for Liara, and turned her around, kissing her deeply as soon as the door closed behind them.

Liara broke the kiss and looked around, taking in the luxury suite. "This is too much, Shepard..." she said quietly.

"I want this night to be perfect for you... for us..."

Shepard stepped up behind her, kissing her neck. She put her arms around Liara, hugging her close. The asari moaned softly, sinking into Shepard's embrace. Shepard slowly started walking them towards the couch, kissing her way up Liara's neck to her scalp crests. She worked her way to the tips of one of them, marvelling at the feel of it.

"Shepard, that tickles..." Liara giggled a bit as the human flicked her tongue across the tip of the crest.

"Tough. You spent half the evening playing with my hair, now you've gotta pay the price."

"I couldn't help it, it feels so nice." Liara gasped as Shepard gently ran her fingers in the grooves between her crests. "Besides, I wanted - ooohhhh..." She cut off as Shepard pulled them down onto the couch.

Liara rolled on her back, looking up at Shepard over her. Their eyes met, and she lowered her head down toward Liara's. She hovered her lips over the asari's, and just when Liara arched her neck up to kiss her, she turned her head and kissed the scientist's cheek, working her way along her jaw. "Shepard... that's just mean..." she moaned.

Shepard didn't respond. She kept kissing Liara's jaw and cheek while her hands snaked behind the asari's neck, feeling their way to the top strap of her dress. She fumbled with the clasp of the dress, undoing it as she finally kissed her way to Liara's lips.

Shepard worked her way down from the asari's mouth, her lips drifting towards the top of her dress. She started slowly lowering the top of the dress, kissing the newly exposed azure flesh. Liara gasped as Shepard's lips explored her body.

Shepard drowned herself in the sensations she was experiencing. The asari's unique scent filled her, as did the cool heat of the blue skin under her fingers and lips. She drank in the feel of Liara's body, the very slightly bumpy texture of her skin. The asari was writhing on the couch under her, quiet moans escaping her as Shepard kept up her exploration.

Soon enough, she slid the dress off Liara's breasts, and paused, staring in wonder. Liara lay there, then sat up a bit, confused as to why the amazing touches had stopped. "Shepard?" she asked in a breathless voice.

Shepard couldn't stop admiring the lovely sight before her. She drank in the vision of the beautiful body laying there in front of her. "You're so incredible..." She whispered.

Liara giggled and sat up some more. "Well, if you're not going to continue, I guess it's my turn." She stared at Shepard with a hungry grin before pushing the surprised human down on the other end of the couch and getting over her.

"Liara! What are y - mmmm" Shepard's shock was cut off as Liara's mouth found hers. Their tongues danced together, Liara's hot breath filling her mouth. Eventually, the asari finally let her up for some air.

While Shepard caught her breath, Liara slid her dress up over her head, leaving her blue body clad only in her panties. Watching Liara undress and feeling her wriggle on top of her as she did so was driving Shepard crazy.

She tried to sit up, reaching up to feel the bare flesh in front of her, but Liara grabbed her by her shoulders, pinning her down on the couch. "Too late, Shepard, you had your chance." She leaned down, kissing her again. "You're mine now..." Another deep kiss cut off the human before she could say anything more.

Liara slid one hand to the middle of Shepard's chest, keeping her pinned, while the other hand roamed behind her body, seeking to help her escape her dress. Soon enough, the human found herself in just her panties and bra. She arched her back, intending to remove her bra herself, but Liara pressed her down again, stopping her.

The asari leaned in, kissing her neck below the ear and whispering, "That's my job, Shepard. I told you, you're mine now."

Shepard felt a jolt of surprse, looking up at Liara. The asari's eyes had turned a shiny shade of obsidian. She was being drawn into them, sinking into her. She could feel her sense of 'self' fading, blurring...

She vaguely heard Liara's voice, quiet and full of passion. "Embrace eternity, Shepard..."

* * *

Liara woke up, feeling a warm arm around her. She looked down, seeing a pale hand draped across her stomach. The asari pressed back against the comforting heat of the woman cuddled against her in the bed.

Shepard was holding her. She smiled warmly as she remembered the night so far. Their lovemaking had started on the couch, moved to the soft rug in front of the fireplace, and eventually made it to the bed. It went on for a long, _long_ time as they explored each other, new frontiers opening for each of them. The meld made it transcend simple sex, taking it to a level far beyond anything she had ever imagined.

She could still feel an echo of their combined passions and thoughts, twisting together. Shepard's burning desire for her. Her own drive to experience the entirety of the human. They had lost themselves in each other, the meld feeding their lust.

She carefully rolled onto her back, trying not to disturb Shepard as she slept. Shepard reflexively cuddled closer to the asari, her arms tightening around her body. She reached out, carefully keeping her touch light, and idly twirled her fingers in the human's hair.

All hers, now.

Apparently, her touch hadn't been light enough, because Shepard's eyes opened, sparkling green orbs that threatened to draw her in, drown her in their depths. The human wore a miscevious smirk. She looked up at the hand twisting in her hair.

"I see how it is... taking advantage of me while I'm sleeping."

"Just admiring you..." Liara barely got the words out - Shepard was staring at her, hungry. She recognized the look from earlier that night, multiple times... "Shepard, you can't possibly still - mmmm"

The human pulled herself on top of Liara, kissing her deeply, cutting off what she was saying. Liara felt the human's tongue slide in her mouth, seeking her own tongue. The kiss went on for a while. When the human finally let her up for air, she felt a warm hand gliding down her body. Shepard smiled down at her.

"I hope you didn't think it was over already..." Shepard paused, kissing Liara lightly on the neck slightly below her jaw - they had both discovered that Liara really liked it. "Because I reserved the room for the whole night..."

Liara moaned, feeling desire building within her again, and let the meld rise, enveloping them, linking them, drowning them...

* * *

Shepard stretched, carefully avoiding waking Liara. She got out of bed and stepped into the living room of the suite. Opening the comm unit, she quietly placed an order for a room service breakfast for later in the morning. She slipped back into the bedroom and laid back down on the bed, kissing Liara on the cheek as she gently shook her.

The asari looked a bit disoriented as she woke up. She also appeared to be a bit tired still. Shepard smiled - not only had they made love again when Liara had awakened her, but a few more times after that. They had done very little sleeping during the night.

"Good morning, beautiful." Shepard kissed the sleepy asari on the cheek.

Liara blushed. Shepard was amazed that after the night they had just spent together, she could feel embarrassed. "Good morning to you, too."

"I ordered us a breakfast for an hour from now, so we might want to catch a quick bath beforehand, but we'll need to hurry." Shepard grinned at her.

Liara looked confused. "Why do we need to hurry, if we have an hour?"

Shepard's smile widened. "Oh, no reason. Just us together in the tub... water running all over our naked bodies..."

"Goddess, Shepard!"

* * *

Liara smiled, feeling happier than she ever thought possible. They were on their way back to the Normandy, after finally checking out of the room. The previous night was almost like a dream. Everything had been perfect. Beyond perfect.

Shepard was dozing on the seat next to her. The commander was so adorable when she was sleeping. She reached out, putting her hand on Shepard's and lacing their fingers together.

Whispering, she looked at the woman who had become such an important part of her life.

"I love you, Shepard."

_***Next Chapter: Mass Effect 2! Shepard gets spaced. Tali and Liara fight at the funeral. The rest of the team splits up, too.***_


	9. Chapter 8 - Grief

**What Was Lost**

Chapter 8 - Grief

Shepard gasped, clawing at the leaking hose twisting and hissing from the airpack on her back. Cold leaked in the holes in her armor, freezing her flesh. A burned gash on her leg sent waves of pain throughout her body.

She drifted, involuntary spasms shaking her body.

_Liara! You better have made it out alive!_

The display on her air gauge rapidly slid towards empty...

_Liara..._

The cold burned into her. Her mind drifted, thoughts erratic. She had seconds, maybe half a minute at most, before...

_Liara, I..._

Visions of a certain asari filled her mind. She was so brave and caring and kind. Just being around her made everything better. She wished that they could... She concentrated on Liara, focusing on their time together...

_Liara, I should have told you I love you..._

* * *

Liara sat on her bed in her cabin, curled against the wall, hugging her knees to her chest. She couldn't stop crying. Shepard was dead, and she had left her. It was her fault. It hurt so much. She was gone and never coming back...

A knock sounded at the door. "Go away," she growled.

"Liara? You need to come out, eat something," Garrus' voice carried from the hall of the transport that had rescued them.

"I said go away!" She screamed at the door. She waited for him to try again, and was a bit surprised when she heard his footsteps retreating.

Shepard was dead...

The tears started falling again.

Shepard was dead.

And it was her fault.

* * *

Tali listened to the priest conducting the memorial service halfheartedly. The human embassy had turned something that should have been private and meaningful into a political event. She and the other non-humans on the crew had only been invited because Councillor Anderson insisted (rumors said violence and even firearms had been involved).

Anger filled her.

Anger at the politicians. This was supposed to be about Shepard, not... she looked around at the myriad news services who had holocams broadcasting the event. They had no place here. They took even this, all that was left, from them.

Anger at the Alliance, who didn't even bother to retrieve Shepard's body. The battle for the Citadel and resulting loss of human lives in defense of the Council had tipped many elections in favor of the Terra Firma party. The newly elected representatives were unwilling to spend resources on a recovery mission, claiming that it was "too dangerous" and "would cause undue diplomatic complications.

Anger at the Flotilla. She hadn't even gotten halfway to the Citadel on the rescue transport when the recall message from them reached her. She had had to call in favors from her aunt just to stay for the funeral.

Anger at the Council. They had sent Shepard off to the edges of the Terminus systems in the first place. They didn't want to listen to her warnings about the reapers. They tried to pretend that Sovereign was simply some sort of advanced geth ship. They had closed their eyes. And doing so, they had sent Shepard to her death.

And most of all, anger at Liara.

The asari had been with Shepard when the attack happened. She had split up from her, leaving the human alone on the command deck. She had just gone on one of the escape pods, not even bothering to check if Shepard made it to hers. She had left Shepard behind.

She let her die.

Then, on their rescue transport, Liara had just locked herself away. She screamed at anyone who knocked on her door. The few times she came out to eat, she wouldn't talk to anyone.

She glared balefully at the asari. She was sitting there, calm and composed. Like Shepard had never died. Like it wasn't her fault. Like...

Tears built behind her mask, flowing down her cheeks. She had never before been glad that her exosuit hid so much about her.

Shepard was dead.

She felt empty inside. Shepard had chosen Liara. She knew that, did her best to accept it, but it didn't change anything.

She loved Shepard. She couldn't help it.

The service wound down, the mourners drifting off in small groups. Tali got up, walking slowly to the small memorial plaque. The others had all left. She reached out, running her fingers across the metal rectangle.

"Shepard..." She whispered. "I'm not really sure what the human customs are for times like this, or what I should say..."

She paused, taking a deep breath.

"Shepard, I should have told you how I felt from the first. I was scared, I guess. I kept worrying about why it wouldn't work. I thought you would reject me because we're both women, or we couldn't even truly touch, or even eat the same foods, or...

"I came up with all these stupid reasons why we shouldn't be together, when I should have been working on solutions to make it work. That's part of why I fell in love with you.

"You never gave up, Shepard. Even when you were pushed beyond the limit, when you lost friends, when no one would listen to you. You always kept trying. You were so strong, and you pushed everyone around you to be strong too.

"When I finally figured out I should tell you, it was too late. You chose her. I tried to be happy for you, I really did. But inside, it tore me up. Now it's different. There's a hole in me, where you should be.

"I love you. I have for a long time."

Tears were building again. She was shaking.

"I should have said it then. I'm saying it now.

"I love you, Alexandra Shepard."

She finally broke down, anger giving way to pain and grief as she fell to her knees in front of the small plaque. She cried for a long time.

* * *

Garrus brought back the next round of drinks. After the funeral, he had gathered the rest of the crew and taken them to the bar near the embassies. Shepard's command crew was having a drink in her honor. A drink... or two... or ten...

Garrus had lost track. After a point, it didn't really matter, he supposed. They shared stories of Shepard, all the crazy things she did on the missions, the little things that made travelling on the Normandy so special. Between stories, they would have another round.

The mood was tense, despite the forced cheer they all pretended to show. Most of it lurked between Liara and Tali. The two women had spent the whole evening glaring at each other. Well, Liara glared. Tali... he wasn't sure, but her body language radiated anger.

Shepard had always been the one who could read her. She seemed to understand the young quarian, seeing past the exosuit and the mask. In his drunken state, he found the thought immensely funny. _Shepard would know exactly how to handle her own funeral._

He started laughing. He couldn't help it. The rest of the table stared at him, like he was crazy or something.

"Garrus... are you okay?" Joker asked tentatively.

"Sorry..." He tried to stop the laughter. "I was just thinking, with all the stories and drinks and everything, Shepard should so be here for her funeral..." He collapsed, dropping his foreheard to the table as he kept laughing.

"Haw! Damn right, Vakarian!" Wrex's rumbling chuckle joined his own. He thumped Garrus roughly on the back. The krogan staggered to his feet. "I'll get the next round, hope you lightweights are up for some Tuchanka Airstrikes."

For some reason, that was the spark that started it. Tali shot up, striding over to where Liara was sitting. The quarian put her hands on the chair's armrest, trapping the asari in the seat. "She would be here, if you hadn't left her, bosh'tet!"

"How dare you!" Liara stood up, shoving the quarian back.

"You left her to die, Liara!"

"She made me get the crew into the pod. I was going to go back for her, but the cockpit was cut from the ship before I could make it."

"You. Let. Her. Die!"

Liara's slap staggered the quarian back. The asari wore an expression of pure fury. The telltale faint purple glow of biotic power shimmered around Liara's arms.

_Oh shit..._

* * *

Wrex sat down on the floor, keeping his hands in plain view. After Liara's little biotic display had spilled over to some nearby tables, the bar fight had been pretty much inevitable. One thing had led to another, and soon enough, the whole place was chaos.

Wrex enjoyed himself thoroughly. He thought Shepard would have approved, in her own way. She never had been much for politics and ceremony and dull speeches. Drinks with friends, good stories, good cheer, and a good fight... That was much more her speed. He had personally headbutted an annoying little salarian in her honor. The squishy bugger had been attempting to blindside Garrus with a barstool.

C-sec, unfortunately, had broken up the fight just when it was getting good. Damn thing about the Presidium bars. The booze was good, but the cops were always too close.

"Just stay down and don't piss them off, Wrex," Garrus leaned back against the bar, rubbing his crest where a pissed off asari had broken a bottle over it. The turian had done pretty well, considering how hammered he had been going into the fight.

"Relax, Princess, not my first time at this particular dance."

The officers were hauling people out when he noticed a figure step through the door. Councillor Anderson pulled the C-Seccer in charge off to the side. They talked for a few minutes, then Anderson walked over to the ex-Normandy crew.

"This office has some perks, at least," he muttered. Looking over at Wrex, who was the least damaged of the lot. "You all are free to go, as long as you don't cause any more trouble tonight. Alenko, Moreau, Chakwas, you're with me."

Wrex watched the humans file out behind their Councillor. Liara took the opportunity to storm out too, with only a final venomous glare at Tali. Wrex looked over at Garrus and Tali. "So, what are your plans now?"

Garrus shook his head, looking unsure. "I guess try to get my job with C-Sec back. Not really sure why, though. I don't really give a damn, now."

"I have to go back to the Flotilla," Tali sounded depressed. "I've put if off twice already, I really can't delay anymore."

Garrus glanced over at him. "What about you, Wrex? Planning on sticking around on the Citadel for a bit longer?"

"Naw, I'm going back to Tuchanka. Shepard was right about me. If I don't kick the rest of the krogan in the ass, who else will? I'm gonna get my people back on track, and get us ready for when those reaper bastards show up. Doin' it for her."

"That sounds really good, Wrex. I know she'd be proud of you." Tali sounded depressed. "Keelah, I need to do something like that."

Wrex stood up, heading for the door. "Well, I'm off, if either of you are near Tuchanka, stop by for a drink and a real fight, none of this Seccers stopping it just when it gets fun."

"Take care, Wrex." Garrus waved farewell to him.

"Ancestors guide you." Tali gave him a quick hug.

"Haw! They're already dead, not sure I want to follow their footsteps quite yet."

* * *

Liara sat in the lounge in the diplomatic quarter of the Presidium, reading some datapads. The Alliance and everyone else might have given up on Shepard, but by the Goddess, she was going to bring her back where she belonged. She would show them all. Shepard was hers, no matter what that stupid quarian might think.

Besides, she owed Shepard... She had left her...

She tried to concentrate on the datapads in front of her. Thanks to what her mother had left her, she had plenty of resources, she just needed to figure out what to do with them.

First, she had to find that system again. She hadn't been paying much attention at the time, but she knew the general area. After finding it, she'd have to arrange for relay transit there. She had a few options to work with - since the Battle for the Citadel, hiring trustworthy pilots was more expensive, but easier, since many pilots had flocked to the Citadel to take advantage of the openings the various fleets had.

Next, she'd have to get a survey ship, one that could find a small bit of floating matter. That, unfortunately, would take either time or lots of cash to the right people. She hadn't decided which way to handle it.

After she had... her target (she still couldn't think 'Shepard's body')... she'd need to contact the crew without alerting the politicians or media about what was going on. She was not going to let them turn the real memorial into a circus.

_Should I tell Tali?_

She couldn't believe things between them had gotten so bad, so far. Tension had been building ever since her date with Shepard. Tali definitely noticed that they left one evening and didn't come back to the ship until well past lunch on the next day. After that... things had been decidely cold. Tali barely talked to her when they'd run into each other in the halls.

_I can't believe she started that fight! That was supposed to be Shepard's memorial._

She sat there, lost in thought for a while. She only snapped out of it when she noticed a human woman standing over her. The human was very attractive, and Liara could feel the faint tingle indicating biotic abilities.

"You're Liara T'soni?"

"Yes, and you are?" She unobtrusively readied her pistol in its holster, as well as prepared to call up her biotic powers.

"Let's just say I represent a third party who also thinks Shepard deserves better than how the Alliance has treated her so far."

"So why contact me? What do you want from me?" Liara was suspicious. The offer seemed too good to be true, especially now.

"My employers don't exactly have the best relationship with the Alliance, currently. We'd rather stay anonymous. Right now, consider this a simple goodwill gesture, in hopes of fostering a future working relationship." The human handed her a datapad, then stood up. "Look it over and consider, we'll be in touch with you later."

Liara barely noticed her departure, she was too busy reading the datapad in front of her. Complete star charts, as well as full survey data for the system where the Normandy had been ambushed by the mystery cruiser. This would save her days, maybe even weeks of searching!

Damping down her enthusiasm, she checked the extranet info. This was all too convenient. She searched for other astronomical markers, so she could compare it to the info on the datapad. After a few minutes, she confirmed that the data was accurate.

She had a lead. She could finally do something for Shepard.

* * *

Three weeks of waiting.

Tali wandered the docking area, bored. She still had a couple hours until the next transport heading to the Migrant Fleet. It had been three long weeks since the fight in the bar after the memorial service, and she had arranged a flight at last.

She was surprised when she spotted Liara walking determinedly on this level of the docking bay. She didn't think the asari would ever go slumming down here. Curious, she followed along at a discreet distance.

Liara ended up outside a small docking bay containing a scout ship. She was talking with a dark-haired human woman, while another darker skinned human male lounged on a crate nearby, watching the entrance. Tali edged closer, staying out of sight as best she could. Eventually she got near enough to overhear what was going on inside.

"...So, in exchange for our aid in finding the Shadow Broker and your friend Feron, you'll let us take Shepard's body for our Project Lazarus?" The woman asked.

"Agreed." Liara had found and recovered Shepard's body and hadn't told anyone? And then sold it to someone? Tali felt anger rising in her again.

"Very well. If we find any more information on the Broker, I or someone else from Cerberus will contact you."

Cerberus! Liara had sold Shepard to Cerberus? What the hell was going on?

She was furious. Part of her wanted to rush in and take Shepard's body away from them. The more rational part told her that there were two armed and trained humans in there, plus Liara, who she wasn't sure about at the moment.

She ducked behind an advertisement kiosk as Liara's footsteps approached. She watched the asari walk out from the bay and off towards the elevators. She peeked back inside the dock, just in time to watch the two humans loading a large container onto their ship.

Tali sank down. She was too late. Again.

Liara had sold Shepard to Cerberus, the same people who did experiments on husks and creepers and mind control and assassination and worse.

_I'm so useless, all I can ever do is sit on the sidelines and watch. And now Cerberus has her, and they're talking about using her in some kind of experiment._

She had failed Shepard.

Silently, she sat in the corner and cried.

After a time, she picked herself up and headed towards the C-Sec offices. It took her over an hour to get someone to listen to her. By then, the Cerberus ship had left its bay. She couldn't even get ahold of Garrus. He had resigned the week before, the officer said. Personal reasons. They had no info on where he was now.

_Wrex was right. I can't just wait around for someone else to fix things. I have to do it. But one day, I'll find out where they took Shepard's body and get it back. I won't let them keep her. This time, I'll do it right._

_***Next Chapter: Project Lazarus gets started. The crew has broken up in the past two years, things happen to them. Shepard's still dead. Mostly.***_


	10. Chapter 9 - Fragments

**What Was Lost**

Chapter 9 - Fragments

Tali groaned, frustrated. Her father had yet another mission for her. In addition, Admiral Gerrel tasked her with investigating a young quarian overdue on his Pilgrimage. When she asked for more responsibility after returning to the Fleet, she hadn't imagined that it would include so much paperwork or so many side errands.

Wrex had been right, though. She was finally being useful. While they didn't consider the reapers to be an immediate threat, her father had at least ensured that the Admiralty Board listened to her and took her warnings seriously. They were still more concerned with the geth and the dark energy problems on Haestrom, but they did start looking into the reaper menace. She felt like she was doing something positive at last.

Not to mention, some days she actually made it through a few hours without thinking about Shepard.

Tali had intended to use her new position to track down Shepard's body and recover it from Cerberus. But one thing led to another, and she ended up going on mission after mission. The few leads she managed to uncover between tasks hadn't panned out.

Now, it was probably too late.

After two years, she had no idea what the condition of Shepard's body might be, or what Cerberus might have done to it. So, between missions, she searched for any clues about Cerberus itself. Unfortunately, a terrorist incident on the Fleet perpetrated by the shadowy organization preempted her inquiries. The Admiralty Board took over the investigation. She was still able to search, but the extra resources she had been using were no longer available.

Taking away her focus had ripped open the old wound of Shepard's death. Once again, she had been unable to do anything for her. It hurt so much.

Tali still loved her.

She pulled a small, worn book from one of the pockets on her exosuit. _The Princess Bride_. She had never managed to get it back to Shepard after Ashley died. Now it was the only thing that she had left of her.

She opened the book and started to read it again.

* * *

Liara sat back, dismissing her terminals with a wave of her arm. Another dead end on the hunt for the Shadow Broker. She was getting closer and closer, but each step took time and effort. Lots and lots of time and effort.

Still, her training as an archaeologist was serving her well. She was used to hunting through piles of debris to find small nuggets of value. Being an information broker wasn't that different. Just data instead of dirt, search engines instead of shovels.

Illium was proving to be a most useful base of operations. Free of the normal restrictions of the Asari Republics, she was able to find nearly anything she could want. She established herself as an independant broker, and rapidly emerged as one of the most prominent ones on the planet. She had even been able to reconnect with some of her mother's old network.

It had only been two years and she was already near to finding the Broker. Just a little more info, a few more clues, and she would have him. She would make him pay for Feron. She would get her friend back.

She kept working, the small holophoto of a red-haired human woman sitting forgotten on the corner of her desk.

* * *

Wrex paced the small 'throne room', impatient for the latest scouting report. His plan was... working was too strong a word. Uniting the clans was proving to be far more trouble than he had expected.

Still, he was slowly gaining support. This past month, two more clans sent ambassadors to open negotiations for joining his tenuous alliance of clans. He hadn't even had to kill any of them either. Yet, anyway.

He chuckled ruefully. Maybe some of Shepard's patience really had rubbed off on him. Diplomacy and cooperation dominated his life now. It made him want to headbutt someone, anyone, from time to time.

He might have the chance soon enough. Clan Gatatog had chosen Uvenk as their ambassador. The two of them had nearly killed each other a few times over the years, and disagreed on almost everything. The only reason Uvenk was even bothering with the negotiations was because the female clans insisted.

_Hopefully a thresher maw will eat his truck on the way here._

He commed the clan shaman, asking him to meet the transport. At least someone else had to suffer along with him.

Diplomacy and politics...

He really needed a good blood rage rampage to get the taste from his mouth.

* * *

Tali pulled out the book again. Ever since Shepard died, she found herself reading it when she had any free time. Though it had left her sick for half a week after, she had even taken off her glove, just to feel it, truly feel it for once.

_Too bad there are no miracle pills in real life..._

She still hadn't given up on Shepard. A friend on the Fleet Intelligence committee recently forwarded her a report on Cerberus. One of their freighters spotted a convoy leaving Omega. A few discreet bribes had provided a cargo manifest. While Omega had no true customs inspectors, nearly anything could be bought there, for the right price.

_Shepard, I will find you. This time, I won't fail._

She dreamed of it, sometimes. Dreamed that Shepard was still alive. That she would come for her. They were so real. She would reach out, put her hand on the human's face. Pull her in for a kiss. A real kiss, without her helmet to get in the way.

Waking up from those dreams was torture. Every time, she would feel the pain of losing her again. The rest of the day after one of those dreams, memories of Shepard would claw at her too. She could distract herself with her missions, and it would work for a time. Then Shepard would be back in her mind.

Tali shivered. Despite the pain from the dreams, she didn't want to give them up. The dreams and the book were all she had left of Shepard. That and her promise.

_No matter what, I will find you!_

She would be able to search again soon. The expedition to Haestrom wasn't due to set out for a couple of months still. She would stop by Freedom's Progress to check on Veetor for Admiral Gerrel on the way.

_I'm coming for you, Shepard._

She closed the book, putting it back in her suit pouch. She needed sleep. As she closed her eyes and drifted off, she wondered if she would dream tonight. She fell asleep trying to decide whether she wanted to, or not.

* * *

Pain ripped into her, dragging her up to the blackness. Night-dark flames burned her, searing her all over. Spears of ice lanced into her, tearing her open.

Agony.

Beyond anything she had ever known. It drowned her, seeking to pull her down from the blackness, down to what lay beneath. She tried to fight it, but it clawed into her, sinking itself into her very core.

She could hear voices, floating outside the darkness. She opened her eyes, intending to seek out the source of the voices. At least, she thought the eyes belonged to her. Attempting to move them brought more needles of suffering.

Light blazed in her eyes, blinding her. Beyond the light, she saw figures moving. They looked at her, at machines nearby. She could hear their words now, but the pain kept her from understanding. She tried to reach out to them.

A cool breeze of calm thundered through her blood. It dulled the pain, letting the blackness slip quietly over her once more. The eyes she was using to look out of slid closed.

Her mind drifted down into the darkness.

As thought fled from her, she tried to remember the last time she had been here. Someone saved her?

_I have to find her..._

The thought echoed in what was left of her active mind. The whisper of memory wrapped itself around her soul, sheltering her.

She slipped back down, sinking below the darkness.

_...find..._

* * *

Garrus cracked open the next crate. More thermal clips. The Blue Suns shipment he had 'liberated' would certainly help his efforts. Along with the grenades from the first crate, his team would be well-supplied for their next mission.

The Blood Pack had intercepted a shipment of medigel and was holding it, extorting massive sums of cash from the clinics and citizens of Omega. He didn't intend to let that stand. His team had been training all week to get ready to hit the Pack's base. Taking out the Suns smuggled weapons had merely been a bonus.

Garrus looked around the small base. Humans, turians, an asari, even a batarian were busy storing away the supplies and prepping weapons. His team. He was proud of them - they were all dedicated to cleaning the gangs out from Omega.

Realistically, he knew they would never remove all the corruption. Aria T'loak, for example was probably permanently beyond his reach. Still, he was doing something that mattered. That was far more than he could say about his time in C-Sec. No rules, no red tape, no office politics. It was almost like working with Shepard. Almost.

He finally felt alive for the first time in two years. He had people he cared about. A job worth doing. A cause. Comrades he could trust, who understood what was truly important. He was continually surprised how much that mattered to him. He just hoped one day his father would understand...

Still, things were going well. They were making a real dent in the merc gangs operations. The bounty on his head kept getting bigger and bigger. He grinned, thinking about it. The regular citizens of Omega loved him. The more the gangs tried to stop him, the more popular he got. Shutting down Eclipse's Red Sand operation alone garnered him two new recruits, a human biotic who only went by the name Ripper and a turian heavy weapons specialist, Sidonis.

He glanced at the clock on the wall. The Pack's shift change was in an hour. He grabbed his sniper rifle from the arms cabinet.

Time to hunt.

* * *

Kaidan cursed and slammed the circuitry panel back into the the targetting unit. The guns the Alliance had shipped to Horizon just would not cooperate with him. Fix one problem and two more would crop up.

He had finally gotten the targetting link working right when the VI imager fried. Repairing that had shorted out the power regulator. Of course, requisitioning a new one of those from the Alliance would have taken months, so he used a scavenged one. Which promptly burned out the comm relay unit...

Maintaining the damn guns was seriously cutting into investigating the colony disappearances in the Terminus systems. His original cover was a liason / maintenance officer, and should have left him plenty of time to check on neighboring colonies. Unfortunately, the guns had other ideas. Not that he minded all that much.

He got up. Fixing the targetter could wait for another day. Right now, he needed beer.

He put away the tools, leaving them near the console. Stretching, he walked towards the main colony. At least the weather here was beautiful. Most days, the temperature was comfortable. He loved working outside here. Fresh air, nice weather, and other benefits... He dropped his armor and weapons off at the small hut assigned to him, and headed towards the bar in the heart of the colony.

Inside, he saw that Lilith, one of the agrotechs, had a drink waiting for him at their usual table. He had been seeing her for a few weeks now, and things were definitely heating up between them. In addition to the weather, she was the biggest reason he didn't mind staying here.

"Hey sweetheart," He sat down in the chair across from her and took a drink.

She smiled over at him, her eyes sparkling. "So, what broke down today, Mr Alenko?" Their usual joke - by now, everyone in the whole colony knew about his continual troubles with the gun emplacements.

"Targetter - don't worry though, I'm sure one of these days the holodisplay will fry and you'll win the pool." He waved for some menus. "How was your day?"

"Well, dirt never really gets exciting, you know? Still, we should be self-sufficient within a month or two. We just finished the next to last field."

"That's great! Want to go out and celebrate tonight?" He grinned along with her.

"Mmmm, I think tonight we're staying in, Kaidan..."

* * *

Tali boarded the small scout ship. She was heading up a team to investigate Veetor's whereabouts and safety. Admiral Gerrel originally wanted her to wait a bit and stop by on the way to Haestrom. Now, with the Freedom's Progress colony going ominously silent, finding him had taken on a new urgency.

She looked at the team gathered on the ship. Most of the faces were new to her, but she was familiar with Prazza. The stubborn bosh'tet had worked with her before, and the dislike between them was mutual. He was hotheaded and rude.

They ignored each other as best they could on such a small ship. Prazza stuck close to the rest of the marines while Tali visited the engineers. They reviewed maps of the settlement and rosters of the colonists, trying to figure out how much opposition they migh encounter. The Fleet's intelligence had even bribed an information broker on Omega to provide them a list of mechs shipped to the planet too.

As a result, they knew more or less what to expect from the colonists. It was what might have silenced the colony that worried her. The current theory of the team was a slaver hit by the batarians. Merc teams wouldn't make enough profit, and most criminal syndicates wouldn't kill potential customers.

They had made one stopover, to pick up some extra weapons, as a precaution. Prazza had argued against the delay, but ultimately Tali was in charge and she chose to be prepared. She had a bad feeling about this mission. Travelling with Shepard had taught her the importance of paying attention to her feelings.

Thinking of Shepard caused her to remember the dream she had the night before departure. It had been... intense was the only word she felt could do it justice. She had woken up in a sweat. She hadn't been able to go back to sleep after it, either.

Tali pushed the thoughts from her mind. She had a job to do. Her intuition told her there was something important about the mission to Freedom's Progress.

_***Next Chapter: Shepard wakes up, finds out where she is. Tali lands on Freedom's Progress. Shepard learns how her body ended up with Cerberus.***_


	11. Chapter 10 - Awakening

**What Was Lost**

Chapter 10 - Awakening

"_Wake up, Commander!_" A voice shook her out of her sleep.

She groaned, opening her eyes slowly, the light hurting her eyes.

Of course, her eyes weren't the only thing that hurt. Her body ached all over. Especially her head. She reached up, feeling unfamiliar scars on her face.

_"Commander, you HAVE to get moving!"_ The voice yelled at her again.

She staggered of the medbed and grabbed the armor and weapon in the nearby cabinet the voice directed her to. Equipping herself, she set out to find where she was and what exactly was going on. Someone owed her answers. Where she was, where Liara was, and most definitely, why she wasn't dead.

* * *

Tali's shuttle landed a good distance outside of Freedom's Progress. Aside from an automated VI assistance program on one of the satellites, there had been no replies to their hails. Not even the ATC or emergency channels.

No lights were visible when they flew over the colony either. No movement at all. It was all very ominous. Something had gone very, very wrong here.

She left the engineers and the science team with the shuttle, and set out with Prazza and his marines. They were going to survey the colony first, see if they could figure out what happened here. Only after they were sure it was safe would she call in the rest of the squad.

They approached one of the farm buildings on the outskirts of the settlement. The marines spread out to cover the doors and windows while she and Prazza went closer for a better look. There was a light on in the home, and a faint sound coming from inside.

She crouched below one of the windows and peeked up, looking inside the home. No movement, no sign of any people. She motioned for Prazza to cover her while she called her drone out to scan the interior.

Chiktikka scanned the small dwelling rather rapidly. No sentient life detected. She hadn't really expected any, but she felt better for having checked.

The marines collapsed on the house, guarding the door while Prazza opened it and slipped inside. She followed him, checking the corners as Shepard had taught her.

Inside, the house was tranquil. No sign of a struggle, no weapon marks. It was almost as if the owners had just left. There was even food left on some plates on the dining table. A closer scan revealed that the food had been sitting there for at least three days, maybe four.

Checking the shed gave them the same results. Some tools littered the ground, as if dropped mid-use, but no signs of conflict at all.

"Keelah, what happened here?" Neeri'Kula, one of the snipers for the squad voiced the question that was on all their minds.

"I don't know, this is eerie," Tali looked around at the gathered marines. "I've never seen anything like this before, not even with Shepard."

"We should get going, commander. We're not equipped to handle this." Prazza was looking back the way they had come.

"I'm not giving up on Veetor, Prazza. We still need to know if he's here or gone or... We can't just leave him." Tali glared at him.

"Be reasonable, we need to get out of here before whatever happened here happens to us."

"I'm in charge here, Prazza, and we're not leaving without some answers." Tali checked her map - the farm must be new because it didn't appear on the display. "We'll be very careful, but I'm not abandoning anyone."

The rest of the marines nodded at that. Prazza didn't look happy with the decision, but he didn't make any further trouble right then.

* * *

Shepard slid behind the wall of the platform, shots from the rogue security mechs streaking by overhead. The soldier next to her, Jacob, had answered some of her questions, but she wasn't satisfied at all. Not even close.

_"Our mechs went rogue."_ Duh. The first time one tried to kill her right outside the medbay, she had figured that one out pretty fast.

_"I don't know where your crew is."_ She was a bit surprised at that one. The uniforms Jacob and the other facility employees wore didn't match any Alliance uniforms she could remember. Which meant that whoever these people were, they weren't Alliance. She thought that the Alliance, or at least Liara, would have tried to find her.

_"Project Lazarus..."_ They had brought her back from the dead. She still wasn't sure how that was even possible. She also didn't know why they did it either.

_"I can't tell you who we work for."_ Yeah... that one was a big danger sign. She didn't know any of these people, they wouldn't tell her where her friends were, and they expected her to just trust them? Not happening.

_"It's been two years."_ Another shock. Why hadn't Liara come for her during all that time? Why hadn't any of her friends?

She was following Jacob as they searched for this Wilson. She might not trust him, but she didn't see any other options at the moment. Along the way, she had found more records on this Project Lazarus. The more she heard, the less she liked it. They did it for her, specifically. Why was she so damn important?

Shepard took out the last of the mechs in the room and looked around. According to Jacob, they were getting close to where Wilson was holed up. After they found him, they'd head to the shuttle bay and hope that Miranda - the voice that woke her up, apparently - could meet them there too. She really didn't like relying on him. The whole situation had far too many 'maybes' and 'I can't answer thats' for her taste.

Wilson, when they finally found him, didn't inspire trust either. He also wouldn't answer any of her questions, beyond a short rant about them being betrayed and how it was probably Miranda. Shepard doubted that, mostly because this Miranda had guided her away from the mechs in the first place.

He was able to tell her a little more about this Project Lazarus. She wasn't a clone or robot or anything. It was something, although it really didn't tell her what she wanted to know. She wished he could say how exactly she was here at all. She remembered dying...

Before she could get more answers, mechs burst through the door on the far side of the room. And the time for questions was over.

* * *

Tali entered the hospital unit, cautiously following the marines. They had finally found some activity. On the edge of the main colony area, their scanners picked up movement. A few of the security mechs were active, but their friend-or-foe code was faulty. The mechs hadn't even issued a warning before shooting at them. No one had been injured, thankfully, but it added to the eerie feeling of the colony.

The hospital was quiet, at least. Once again, it looked like the doctors here had simply walked out in the middle of whatever they were doing. Medical instruments, pill bottles, bandages, and medigel tubes littered the floor. Like the other buildings they had checked, there was no damage on the walls or doors, or other signs of a struggle.

She checked the data terminals in the administration room. Just like the other buildings, the last entry by a person was 13:17 local time. Unlike the others, though, these terminals had been accessed, some time in the previous day. Whoever had hacked into them had covered their tracks too well to tell any more.

Neeri looked over her shoulder, reading the records too. She paused the playback, pointing out something that caught her eye. "Tali, look at this. Someone turned off the monitoring protocols for the automated triage units. And they did it after the colony was deserted."

"We don't know if it was a colonist who was missed or if it was whatever that took them, Neeri," Tali hated crushing their hope, but she had to be realistic.

"It could be Veetor, Tali. He was always more of a programmer than a soldier or anything. This looks like some of his work," Neeri countered. "If he's still here and alive, it might explain the mechs too. He sees the... whatever... happen, he panics and reprograms the mechs and other machines here."

"It could also be a trap left by whoever took the colonists." Prazza jumped into the argument. He was on her side? This mission was full of surprises, for sure.

"Nothing's changed. It doesn't matter right now who programmed the mechs. They're trying to kill us. We have to take them out to find Veetor. Or find what happened to him." Tali pointed to one of the residential buildings further in the main colonial area. "Let's check that one next."

* * *

Shepard kept her gun levelled on the two men. Cerberus?! Cerberus had resurrected her? What the hell? Jacob thought that telling her would make her trust them? Why would she ever trust Cerberus? They murdered Admiral Kahoku, a man she respected. They conduction horrifying experiments on people. They set traps for the Alliance soldiers.

Reluctantly, she lowered the gun. As much as she despised it, she was forced to rely on them for now. She had no idea how to get out of this facility, and, judging by the explosions rocking the place, she didn't have time to search on her own.

"I'll work with you. For now," She told the two men.

"Sorry Shepard, I thought it might help if you at least knew who we were." Jacob was over by the door, checking the next hallway for more mechs.

"Yeah, well, it doesn't. I make it a point not to work with terrorist scum if it can be avoided." Jacob didn't seem too bad, but then, she knew better than to judge a book by its cover. Something about Wilson, on the other hand, rubbed her the wrong way. She resolved to keep a close eye on him. Not that she trusted Jacob all that much either.

Shepard kept following them, keeping an eye out for an opportunity to escape on her own. Unfortunately, she hadn't spotted anything yet. The station was pretty thoroughly trashed already. The mechs had done severe damage. Plus, she did want to find Miranda. Whatever else, Miranda seemed to be the one in charge. She might have some better answers for her.

The next room, a large storage area, was guarded by a large group of mechs. After clearing it out, they found another datapad in a small alcove to the side. Shepard listened to the log impassively. More details about Lazarus.

It sickened her inside. What the hell had they done to her? All this talk about rebuilding her, repairing the damage, fixing her neural patterns... Was she still herself? Did they do other things to her, implant devices, codewords?

They left the alcove, heading to the next doorway. They had to be getting close to the docking bays. The door was sealed. Wilson entered the code, unlocking the door. As the door slid open, a gun thrust through the gap, the shot ringing out in the enclosed space...

* * *

Tali ducked behind the low wall of the garden. Activating her omnitool, she deployed Chiktikka on the flank of the pair of mechs guarding the ATC office ahead. The drone's shock blast stunned the mechs, exposing them long enough for Prazza and Neeri to drop them.

"This is getting ridiculous, Tali!" Prazza shouted over to her.

"I know, Prazza." Tali recalled Chiktikka and advanced to the building. Neeri covered her approach while Prazza scanned the room inside. He shook his head - no mechs visible or on sensors. At least none that he could detect. They had already suffered a few nasty surprises. One of the marines had fallen back to their shuttle, a shoulder wound and suit puncture taking him out of the fight.

They cautiously opened the door, sending Chiktikka in first, just in case. The room was as deserted as their scans said it was. They filed in, and the marines covered her while she used her tool to access the computers.

"Yes!" Tali was elated. The security cameras for the landing pads and the storage bays were activated. The others had been shut down by whoever had altered the files in the med lab. These were the first cameras she had been able to access.

She called the others over as she allocated the cameras to the monitors on the wall. The other quarians crowded around them, everyone bumping against each other as they all tried to get a good view of the displays.

"There!" Neeri pointed to one of the docking bay monitors. It was for a camera covering the administration office for the bays. They could see a figure sitting at the control consoles for the bay. A figure wearing an exosuit. "I told you Veetor was still here!"

The relief filling the squad was palpable. Veetor was alive! The only problem was...

Tali pointed at a couple of the other screens. Security mechs were visible, patrolling the area between them and the storage bay. Worse, most of the doors in the way were sealed too. That would slow them down even more. "This won't be easy."

"Let's just fly the ship in, grab him and go," Prazza suggested.

"If we try that, the mechs could shoot it down. Worse, we'd have to run through a crossfire and sit exposed while we hack the door to that building. We're better off taking it slow and careful." Tali pulled up a detailed map of the colony, zooming in on the area they needed to cover.

"We can split into two groups. One group will sneak around the long way, taking out the recon drones as they go." She highlighted a path that circled the edge of the shipyard. "Neeri, take two other marines and cover that path."

"I should lead the other group, if we're going to split up," Prazza objected.

"Prazza, the main team is going to be taking on the majority of the mechs. We'll need your heavy support weapons to take them out easier," Tali plotted another route on the map. "We're going to have to clear the way so we can get Veetor back to the ship safely."

She looked around at the assembled team. "Be careful out there. We have no idea what other traps Veetor might have set for us in his panic."

* * *

Shepard had her gun up and pointed at the woman before the echo of the shot faded. She also called up her biotic energy, preparing it. Whoever this woman was, she had executed Wilson without a word or a chance. What the hell was going on here?

The woman lowered her gun, but Shepard kept hers aimed at the newcomer. "Okay, who are you and why the hell did you shoot him?"

"Miranda? What the hell?" Jacob looked confused too.

"Wilson betrayed us. He was going to turn on you as soon as you got to the shuttle." Miranda coldly informed them. She appeared entirely unconcerned that Shepard's gun hadn't moved from her at all.

"I'm not going anywhere with either of you until I get some answers. Starting most definitely with why you simply shot him like that. We could have restrained him and questioned him later." Shepard glared at the two Cerberus members.

"We don't have time for this now, Commander. This station is going to blow any minute now, we have to get out of here. And this," Miranda pointed at the shuttle in the bay behind her. "Is the only shuttle left. So if you want out of here, we're going as a group."

Shepard reluctantly holstered her gun and dismissed her biotics. "Fine, we'll take this shuttle and you can drop me at the nearest inhabited planet, and we'll be quit of each other." She followed the pair onto the shuttle and sat down across from them, where she could keep an eye on them. Especially Miranda. Anyone who could execute someone so easily deserved to be closely watched.

"We're heading to the nearest Cerberus base, Shepard. You said you wanted answers earlier, you can get them there."

"I don't think so. I really don't want to go with you people." She dropped her hand to her pistol, and got ready to call up her biotics.

"You don't have a choice, Commander. This is an emergency shuttle, it's programmed to only go to one place. So you might as well relax and enjoy the ride." Shepard really wanted to slap the smug superior look off her face.

Shepard sighed and sank back in the seat. She despised this whole situation. Cerberus was playing her, somehow. She just wanted out.

After a few hours, the shuttle slowed as it pulled up to a small space station orbiting an unimpressive gas giant. She could see a few scout-class ships docked with it already. She could probably steal one pretty easily...

_Is it really stealing if you're taking it from a terrorist?_

"Don't even think about it, Commander. We can provide you with transport, we just want you to meet someone first." Miranda was staring over at her.

"Meet one terrorist, meet them all. I think I'll just take the transport and go, thanks." Shepard really didn't want to see any more of Cerberus.

"Not how this works, Shepard. You really need to take this meeting."

* * *

Tali fired her shotgun around the corner, taking out another mech. The things seemed endless. At least the other team was keeping the majority of the drones busy. Dealing with the mechs was bad enough.

"Tali, we're going to get slaughtered if we stay out here much longer!" Prazza darted across the small garden area to take cover in a nearby doorway. "This plan isn't working."

"I know! Where did he get all these mechs?" She looked around at the buildings, picking one at random. "Regroup there, we'll take cover and signal the other team to back down for now."

Her team laid down covering fire as they ducked into the building one by one. Prazza, the last to get inside, sealed the door behind himself. "This is crazy, Tali. We're not equipped to fight a whole army of mechs by ourselves."

"We're a bit stuck, Prazza. The mechs are converging on us now. We'll have to take them out, regardless of what we choose to do." She opened her commlink on her omnitool. No reply from Neeri - they must be observing comm silence. She left a brief message detailing their current situation.

_I hope Neeri gets it in time._

The marines had taken guard positions by the windows and Prazza was watching the door. He glanced over at her as she dismissed her omnitool. "Did you reach them?"

"No, I left an update for them. I hope they recieve it in time."

"Tali!" One of the marines beckoned her over to his window. "Take a look at this! A ship is landing at the main port!"

She peered out the window. A small long-range shuttle hovered over a landing pad, slowly descending before disappearing from view behind a building. "Keelah, I hope whoever is on that ship can help us..."

* * *

Shepard glared at the holo image in front of her. She didn't know how much longer she could stand here and listen to this crap. The Illusive Man was going on about how she was a 'symbol of fear for the reapers' and 'humanity needed her' and 'Cerberus isn't what you encountered before'. So much garbage.

He wouldn't tell her anything about her friends, either. Oh, Wrex had gone back to Tuchanka, but he didn't say anything about the others. He was especially careful not to reveal anything about Liara. She was apparently working for the Shadow Broker or something and 'couldn't be trusted.' Not that Shepard trusted anything he said anyway.

He was trying to keep her isolated, reliant on him and Cerberus, that much was obvious. Unfortunately, she really didn't have any better options at the moment. Short of killing a bunch of Cerberus operatives and stealing one of the scout ships.

Still, if human colonies really were disappearing, she needed to do something. And supposedly neither the Alliance nor the Council were doing anything about it. So, for now, she would play along. She kept listening with half an ear while he went on some more about 'humans solving human problems.'

"Look, I'm sure all this crap is fascinating to you, but why can't I just go back to the Alliance, reform my team, and investigate this on my own? You know, with people I actually trust." She interrupted when he paused his narcissitic ramblings.

"Shepard, a lot has changed in the past two years. After you had the Fifth Fleet rescue the Council, the Terra Firma party used the massive loss of human life to tip the balance of several key elections. Representative Saracino ordered the search for your body cancelled as soon as he could. He really doesn't like you, for some reason."

"Fine, the Alliance is out, but if you have all these contacts out there, why can't you use them to get me my team? You keep saying I'm important because I stopped Saren and Sovereign - well, I didn't do it alone. I had a lot of good people with me."

"Most of your Alliance crew were reassigned, and as for the aliens, do you really think they'll care about a purely human problem?" The Illusive Man had a small smile on his face. He obviously knew more about the matter, but wouldn't tell her unless it would help him use her.

"I think they're my friends, so yes, they would help. Plus, if these disappearances are the work of the reapers, like you suspect, then that makes it much more than a human only matter. Especially since they've all seen the true threat." Shepard was really getting mad now.

"Are they really your friends? You asked how we brought you back, but you never asked how we got your body in the first place. It's very simple - Liara T'soni sold it to us."

_***Next Chapter: Shepard investigates the Freedom's Progress disappearance and meets up with Tali again.***_


	12. Chapter 11 - Reunion

**What Was Lost**

Chapter 11 - Reunion

Shepard sulked.

The recon ship was on course for Freedom's Progress, the latest human colony to go silent. She had some basic intel about the colony - population numbers, basic layout, things like that - but she hadn't done more than glance at them.

Miranda and Jacob, sensing her mood, had left her alone for the trip. She appreciated it. Not only did she not trust them yet, but she really didn't feel like talking at the moment.

_It can't be true!_

She kept repeating it in her mind, over and over. The Illusive Man lied to her. He wanted her off-balance, solitary. Liara would never betray her like that. If Liara had found her, she would have taken her body back for a real funeral.

_He lied to me. It has to be a lie._

Cerberus wanted to use her, make her its tool. She refused to let them. For the moment, she would cooperate, but the sooner she could get rid of them, the better.

_There's no way she'd betray me like that..._

Shepard picked up one of the datapads, scanning the map on it briefly. She tried to concentrate on it, but her mind wandered back to Liara. He obviously knew about their relationship, so of course he would try to drive a wedge between them.

_Damn it! I need this stupid recon over with so I can find her and get some answers._

He must have lied to her.

The shuttle flew onward, eventually entering orbit. Shepard, lost deep in thought, never noticed their arrival to Freedom's Progress.

* * *

Tali fired a blast through the window over her head, dropping another of the mechs. They were holding for the moment, but two of the marines were injured and their stock of thermal clips and medigel was running low.

They hadn't been able to signal their ship or the recon shuttle they had spotted a few minutes ago. Whatever had jammed their comms was still working, and she still didn't have a way around it yet. She could only hope Neeri got the 'hold' message and either her team or whoever was on the new ship would come take the pressure off them soon.

Three more mechs approached from around a corner, as well as a gun drone. Prazza fired their second to last rocket, taking out the group while it was still clustered. The explosion also managed to catch one of the other mechs in the area, clipping its legs.

Gunfire echoed from a few buildings away. Apparently, whoever was on that other ship was also fighting the mechs. She motioned for one of the marines to join her at the window nearest the sounds of combat.

"We need to keep the mechs on this side busy. Whoever just landed is also fighting them. If we can clear a path between them and us, we might be able to make a break for it."

"We don't know that they're friendly, Tali." Prazza objected.

"Even if they're not, its the best chance we're going to get. We have to risk it." She called up Chiktikka, setting the drone to scouting mode. "With any luck, it's an Alliance squad here to check on the colony."

Chiktikka circled the building they were holed up in, and, upon returning to her, displayed a map of the general position of the mechs near them. Thanks to Prazza's rocket and the efforts of the newcomers, they only had a few mechs close enough to pose any real danger. She redeployed the marines to cover the most likely approaches for them.

She crouched down behind the window. Nothing to do now but wait. And hope that whoever else was out there proved to be friendly.

* * *

Shepard ducked behind the overturned bed, sending a biotic wave towards the mechs as she took cover. Two of them toppled, and one of the hound mechs staggered into a wall, damaged, but not destroyed. A quick burst from Miranda's SMG took it out a second later.

"If all the colonists are gone, who's controlling these mechs? The main computer for the settlement is shut down, right?" She asked the two Cerberus operatives.

"No idea, commander," Jacob answered. "Could be one of the colonists managed to hide and activated the security systems."

"We did see some activity as we landed, in one of the buildings ahead," Miranda added. "It might be a trap that whoever else is here triggered." She fired off a tech blast, disabling one of the last mechs in this building. "That or whatever took the colonists might have left it behind to take care of anyone who followed after to check it out."

"Let's assume 'trap' and go from there. Unless you really think luck is on our side?" Considering how the past two days had gone since she had been revived, she wouldn't be surprised if the reapers were watching them right now, ready to land and crush them.

Shepard took out the last mech with a singularity then triple shot from her SMG. They checked the room, but like the last few buildings, none of the computers could access the colony network. Someone had deliberately isolated the main colony. Her bet was on whoever had activated the mechs. Cutting any rescuers off from the security network meant their progress slowed to a crawl.

After they cleared the room, she called the other two over. "This is getting us nowhere. We need some solid answers on what happened here. It seems really weird that none of the buildings we've checked have any evidence or records. Even the most careful slavers couldn't clean up a raid as thoroughly as this."

"I agree, commander," Miranda nodded. "We're close to where I spotted the activity on our flyby. At this point, even if it's a trap, it's probably our best chance to find some clues."

They hurried over the walkway between buildings, pausing just long enough to take out a few drones that tried to flank them. The room was empty, but beyond it...

"Shepard, that's the building I saw when we flew in," Miranda quietly told her, pointing to a small house across the walkway. Many destroyed mechs littered the ground around it. Shepard edged up to the corner, getting a better look. At first glance, it appeared deserted too, but she could see shadows moving on the wall opposite the window.

"Looks like whoever took out those mechs is still inside. Stay in cover, but don't fire unless I say. They might be survivors or an Alliance team. Let's do this right."

Jacob took point, carefully approaching the house. Shepard and Miranda covered him from their doorway, then advanced to join him. She listened at the door while her omnitool started unlocking it. Definitely movement inside.

"Be ready," she told her team as the door hissed open.

* * *

Tali tensed, keeping her weapon at the ready. Cerberus! Things just kept going from bad to worse on this mission. At least the human wasn't being openly hostile. He looked over the quarians, then gestured towards the doorway. Two other figures stepped in.

One was human woman in a white jumpsuit. She had dark hair, and was attractive, by human standards, anyway. She only had a small pistol and SMG, but there was the faint dark purple haze of biotic energy slowly dissipating as she released her readied power. As for the the other human...

Tali gasped.

_That's not possible..._

Shepard was dead! She had watched the Normandy blow up. She had heard what Liara said in the cargo bay back on the Citadel. This had to be a clone, or an imposter or...

"Did that geth data I gave you help you after your Pilgrimage, Tali?" Outside the Fleet, only Shepard knew what Tali had taken back to the Fleet. Not to mention, she recognized her - most humans had trouble telling one quarian apart from another, unless their suits were very different.

"You... how... I..." She had so many things she wanted to ask, but the questions all jumbled together and they all tried to come out at once.

Shepard made a 'stay-put' motion to the two humans with her, and put her hand on Tali's arm, guiding her to the small room off to the side of the main one. Tali also signaled her people to stay where they were, not that it was really needed. Prazza and the dark-skinned human were busy glaring at each other, and the woman was doing an impressive job of pretending she wasn't in a room with five quarians with weapons at the ready.

As soon as they were in the relative privacy of the small bedroom, Tali threw her arms around Shepard, hugging her tightly. A second later, the human's arms were holding her too. She felt tears building behind her mask.

"Keelah, Shepard, I never thought I'd see you again," she whispered. She didn't want to let go, not even for even a second, not when her most impossible wish had come true.

"I missed you too, Tali, very much." Shepard hugged her tighter.

Eventually, she stepped back, keeping her hands on Shepard's arms, but giving them some room to talk. Shepard looked... she wasn't sure how to describe it. Lines of oddly glowing orange scars covered her face. She also seemed tired, hurt.

"Are you... are you okay?"

"I don't know," Shepard shot her a small grin. "I know that sounds stupid, but I really don't know how to answer that one. I still hurt all over. Whatever they did, they didn't finish before I woke up, and it... it hurts." She paused. "But I'm here now. I'm back, and I found you."

_'I found you.'_ Tali shivered a bit. She knew Shepard didn't mean it quite the way she wished, but still... warmth filled her. "I'm not complaining, but how did they bring you back at all? I mean, I doubt they used a miracle pill..."

She cut off, as Shepard leaned back against the wall, laughing. "What's so funny?" She asked the human, glaring a bit.

Shepard stifled her giggles. "Sorry, Tali. I wasn't laughing at you. It's just... everything that's happened, and you read that book... I remember Ash saying she lent it to you." She looked down at her hands. "As for the how, I really don't know. They had a long, detailed explanation full of medical terms I didn't understand, but the basic gist of it is, this is the real me, I'm not a clone or robot or whatever. They actually brought me back, no tricks or mind control. So they say, anyway."

Tali frowned at that. "And you trust them?"

"Hell, no," Shepard snorted. She sat down on the bed, leaning back, sighing. "Unfortunately, I haven't really had any other options. They've been very careful to not tell me anything really useful. Just that it's been two years, colonies are going missing, and no one is doing anything about it, so I have to." She grinned. "Nothing ever changes."

"So if you don't trust them, why are you still with them?" Tali asked the obvious. She sat down next to Shepard, taking comfort just being in proximity to her.

"Like I said, no real options yet. Haven't even had a chance to steal one of their ships. Plus, I felt like I had to investigate, just in case they were telling the truth." She looked out the window at the vacant colony. "I guess they were, for once."

"I'm sorry, Shepard," Tali glanced down at her hands, embarrassed. "I looked for you, for so long, but... after the Citadel, I lost all traces of your body. And one thing after another kept happening on the Fleet, and suddenly it's been two years..."

"It's okay, Tali," Shepard pulled her in for another hug. "You still looked for me. I... It means so much that you tried." She paused. "Wait, you said 'after the Citadel.' How did I get to the Citadel? Did they bring me there for a funeral or something?"

"Shepard, they didn't even look for you." She felt an echo of the old anger rising. "They didn't want to 'waste any more resources' on the matter. We were rescued, then they took us right to the Citadel and had a memorial service for you."

She hugged Shepard tighter - this next part was going to hurt her, but there was no way to avoid it. "As for how you got to the Citadel, I... I'm sorry. There's no easy was to say this." She gulped. "Liara found you. She brought you back to the Citadel and..." She tried to go on, but couldn't.

Shepard's smile lit up her face. "I knew he was lying! She didn't give up on me! She came for me and saved me. I guess Cerberus stole my body after that, then put me through that project."

_Keelah, I don't want to do this..._

"There's more, Shepard. She... she's the reason you're with Cerberus. She sold you to them."

* * *

Shepard sat on the bed, reeling from the shock. _It wasn't a lie... she really sold me out. Why, Liara? What did they give you that was so damn important?_

It hurt. Deep inside, knives tore at her. Liara betrayed her. _I love you, Liara, and I thought you loved me, too... How could you do this to me?_

"Commander, we really should get moving," Miranda peered into the small room.

"Not now, Miranda."

"We have a mission to complete, Shepard." She started into the room.

"I said, not now!" Shepard didn't remember calling up her biotics, but the familiar energy pooled in her, vibrating along with her fury. "I really don't give a damn about your mission at the moment. Just... just go, please..."

Miranda nodded doubtfully and stepped back into the main room, leaving Shepard alone with Tali. They sat there for a while, neither of them speaking. The quarian held her, supporting her without words. After a while, she straightened up, getting ready to stand.

"I really do have to get this over with." She stood, unsteadily. She looked over at Tali, who was also getting to her feet. "I never got to ask, what are you doing here? Not that I mind, but is it something I can help with?"

"We were sent to check on a young man on his Pilgrimage. He had been out of contact for a while, but when the colony as a whole went dark, the Admiralty Board decided to send a full scouting team to see what happened to Veetor."

"He disappeared with the colonists, too?"

"No, he's holed up in one of the freight warehouses near the cargo dock." She pulled up a map on her omnitool. "We managed to find an unsecured feed from the cameras, and spotted him there. I think he activated the mechs to protect himself from whatever took the colonists. We just happened to trigger them when we landed."

"We'll help you find him, Tali." Hearing there was a survivor cheered Shepard. Helping someone - someone who wasn't Cerberus - was a worthy cause. And helping Tali even more so. "Maybe he knows what happened here and can help us."

"Thanks, Shepard. I... We'll talk more after, okay?" Tali gave her a quick hug, then stepped in the next room to organize her marines.

Shepard called Jacob and Miranda over and briefly explained the situation. After she was done, they rejoined the quarians in the main room to plan the attack on the warehouse.

"Tali, we'll take the main door while you slip around the side and flank it. Hopefully the distraction will keep the mechs busy so you can grab your guy and pull back. Try to get in touch with your other team too. If we can attack from all three entrances, this will be much easier."

"They're Cerberus, we can't trust them, Tali!" One of the quarians, Prazza, objected. "You know what they did to the Fleet."

"I don't trust Cerberus. I trust Shepard, and she's not Cerberus. If she can work with them to find out what happened here, so can we, long enough to get Veetor out anyway." Tali replied.

Shepard caught Tali's arm on the way out. "Be careful, okay?"

"You too, Shepard. I don't want to lose you again." She glanced over at Jacob and Miranda near the door and dropped her voice to a whisper. "I know what I said, but don't trust them. They're just going to betray you as soon as it's even remotely worthwhile."

"I know," she nodded. "See you at the warehouse."

She watched Tali leave the room to rejoin her people. Sighing, she readied her guns and walked over to the other two humans. The pain of Liara's betrayal still ripped at her, but she suppressed it for now. She had a mission to complete. After...

There would be time for answers later.

* * *

Tali cursed. Prazza, that hotheaded idiot, ordered the marines to rush the warehouse grounds before Shepard's squad had made it to position. They had slipped into the loading area without problems, but now...

The towering YMIR mech fired a rocket at one of the marines. It didn't hit her directly, but Tali cringed as the blast wave ripped into the woman's suit. She darted over to the fallen marine, pulling her further into cover.

"Shepard, this thing's tearing us apart! We could really use some backup!" She yelled into her commlink. She called up her omnitool and booted up the medical program on it.

"_...our way. We'll... ...door now..."_ Whatever was interfering with the comms didn't block them nearly as much now that they were close to their target. From the other side of the large door to the compound, she could hear gunfire and the distinctive sounds of tech blasts. _Shepard has to be close enough. She'll help us deal with that thing._

Prazza pulled the missile launcher from his back and readied it, loading their last rocket into it. "Prazza, you moron, wait for Shepard to get here and distract it!" She called to him, hoping common sense would triumph.

He angrily waved off her orders. "I'm not going to let Cerberus have Veetor, Tali! We're taking that thing out and getting him out of here before they can abduct him."

Before she could stop him, he stepped out from the crates he was taking cover behind and braced himself to fire the missile. The YMIR noticed the movement and turned to face him, its minigun arm swinging into line with his body.

Tali desperately fired off a disabling blast, hoping to distract the huge mech, but it was hardened against such attacks and the blast did little more than chip off some of its shields. She could only watch as the gun whirred and sent a stream of bullets into Prazza, ripping his body to shreds before he could fire off the rocket.

She ducked back into cover, dragging the marine with her. She could hear the heavy thuds announcing the mech's approach. When it was almost to her crate, a second, much more welcome sound filled the courtyard. Shepard's team had opened the large loading bay doors. The three humans sent a stream of fire into the mech, staggering it and turning it away from her.

She used the distraction to haul the marine inside one of the side offices nearby. The remaining survivors of her team joined them there and covered her while she once again called up the med program to treat the injured woman.

Soon enough they heard a large explosion. The humans had taken out the YMIR. Shortly after, Shepard stepped into the room with them. Tali stood, walking over to her. "I said we'd talk later, but I need to stay here with her." She nodded down at the injured marine. "Go see if you can find Veetor."

"I'll find him for you, Tali." Shepard turned, heading out the door.

A few minutes later, the marine was stabilized and Tali had finally been able to make contact with the shuttle and Neeri's team. The shuttle would pick up the other squad then meet them here so they could take Veetor and go. She left the marines with the wounded and walked to the administration building Shepard had entered.

"...and if he did see these Collectors, we should take him with us for further debriefing." She heard the female Cerberus agent say. "He might be able to tell us more, Commander."

She stepped around the corner, ready to object, but she didn't need to.

"He's in shock. He needs treatment, not interrogation. He's going home with Tali. We have the data, that should be enough." Shepard was glaring at the other woman.

"Thank you, Shepard." Tali said quietly.

The other two humans turned to her, surprised. Shepard smiled her way, then returned her attention to her squad. "Take the data back to the ship. You can start uploading it to the Illusive Man while I talk with Tali."

_***Next Chapter: Shepard gets a chance to talk more with Tali. She meets up with Joker and the new Normandy. Plus, a quick trip to the Citadel.***_


	13. Chapter 12 - Alliance

**What Was Lost**

Chapter 12 - Alliance

Tali sent Veetor back with the marines, while Shepard had Jacob and Miranda go back to their ship and get ready for liftoff. Once everyone else left, she walked over and hugged Shepard.

"Thank you, Shepard. I heard what that Cerberus bitch was saying. She wanted to take Veetor and interrogate him. I was going to say something, but you shot her idea down without any prompting." She held her tighter, smiling up at the human. "Thank you for still being yourself."

Shepard hugged her back. "Tali, you know I'd never let them do anything like that. I can't believe they even suggested it..."

"It still was nice to hear." She paused. "So, what are your plans now?"

"I'd like to give the info on the Collectors to the Alliance, but I'm betting that they'll want to return and report to the Illusive Man first. Did I mention how much I hate this?" Shepard winced, absently rubbing the scars on her face.

"Are you okay? Did the mech hurt you?"

"It's fine, Tali." Shepard waved off the concern. "I guess they didn't quite... finish... rebuilding me before I woke up. I'll be alright." She sat on a nearby crate. "You know, you could come with me. I would love to have your help again."

Tali hated to hurt her again, but... "I can't, Shepard. I would love to, but I can't. I have another mission after this."

"Well, can I help you, then?" Shepard smiled sadly at her. "I... I could send the data with them and go with you..."

She trailed off as Tali shook her head. "I wish it could happen, Shepard. The Admirals would never let it happen, though. Your connection to Cerberus... it would be too risky to them."

She took Shepard's hand. "When I'm done, I'll help you. I'd go now, but I have my duty, and you need to make sure the Alliance gets that info. You know if you let Cerberus handle it, they'll just hold onto the data until they can use it for their own ends."

"I know," She gave Tali's hand a squeeze. "Sometimes I really hate being the good guys..."

"About earlier... I'm sorry, Shepard. I wish there had been an easier way to tell you... Are you going to be okay?"

Shepard leaned back on the crate. "...I don't know. Part of me still doesn't believe it, but... If it's not true, how did I end up with them? And then... it just feels... it hurts so much. And she left me alone with them. I... I don't even know where she is, and I can't ask..."

Tali didn't know what to say to that. She felt so useless. She couldn't think of a thing to do to help her right now. She couldn't even imagine what Shepard must be going through. To be betrayed by someone you loved...

"Shepard, if I can help you with anything, I will. I... you're important to me." _I love you, Shepard._ She looked over at the human, still holding her hand.

"You're important to me too, Tali." Shepard gave her a brittle smile. They both sat there for a while, an uncomfortable silence hanging between them. "Uh, so tell me about you, what have you been up to while I was... gone?"

Tali filled her in on what happened after the ambush. Shepard was understandably upset when she heard about how quickly the Alliance gave up on her. She hurried on to the funeral. The story about the bar fight after the service had the human laughing. Tali had to admit it was a pretty funny story, looking back on it.

She also shared what she knew about everyone else. How the Alliance had gotten rid of the non-humans after the service. Wrex going back to Tuchanka to reuinite the krogan. Garrus rejoining then leaving C-Sec. Her own long, long wait to get back to the Fleet.

Tali went on to talk about her work on the Fleet. Shepard looked happy when she heard that the Admiralty Board was actually taking warnings of the reapers seriously. She was less than pleased when Tali explained about the Cerberus attack, however.

All too soon, she was finished catching Shepard up on events. She glanced over at her. _I don't want to leave her, not again._ "I... I have to go, get Veetor back to the Fleet. Then just one more job for my father. After that, though, I'll help you."

"Be safe out there, Tali"

"You too, Shepard. Watch your back with them. And stay alive, okay?" She hugged the human tightly, then started towards her shuttle. _Stay safe, damn it. I can't lose you, not again._

* * *

Shepard found herself listening to the Illusive man once again. She agreed in principle with stopping the collectors, but she was wary about some of the details. And some issues were not up for negotiation.

"I will agree to work with you, for now. But to actually join Cerberus? Never." She was adamant on that point.

"Be reasonable, Shepard. We did bring you back, and there's so much more we can do for you. I know you might have had a few minor differences with our organization in the past, but right now, we all need to focus on the threat to humanity."

"Bringing me back is the only reason I'm still standing here listening to you. I heard about what you did to the quarians a little bit ago. Things like that are why I will never join you. Even having to work with you sickens me." _He calls assassinating people and performing twisted experiments on colonists 'minor differences'?_

"Very well, I won't press it now. I'm sure, once we learn more about the collectors, you'll see the advantages."

"Don't hold your breath," she muttered. "As I said, I'll cooperate for now. Did you at least learn anything from the data we retrieved?"

"Yes, although we could have learned more if you had brought the survivor back with you for questioning. You're too soft, Shepard."

She stared at him, anger building inside. _And you wonder why I will never join you? Scum!_

He continued, not noticing her glare. "The collectors use some sort of smaller device or creature - we're not sure which, the scientists are still analyzing it - to immobilize their victims. They release swarms of these on the targets, overwhelming everything in the area. Finding a way to neutralize this has to be our top priority. Otherwise, we'll never be able to stop them."

A data terminal on the wall lit up, signaling an incoming message. "We'll need to put together a special team to deal with this. Due to your death and other circumstances, your old team is unavailable at the moment, but I've put together some dossiers on potential squad members for you. The best of the best that we could find. I think they'll serve well."

She briefly reviewed the info. The team members he wanted her to recruit were scattered all over the Terminus Systems and Council space. "How exactly am I going to get to half these places? Your recon ships don't have the range for something like this. Not to mention, we won't have the room either."

"I've taken care of that, Shepard. This is one time I think you'll be genuinely pleased with our work. Good luck on your mission, Shepard. Just remember, humanity is counting on you."

The door behind her hissed open, and she turned to see who was joining the conference. The Illusive Man shifted his holocam to address the figure standing in the doorway. "I'll leave further explanations to you." The holoimage faded out as he shut down the link.

"Hello, Commander," Joker grinned at her, amused at her shock.

* * *

Shepard followed Joker around on the tour of the new Normandy. The ship was definitely impressive, certainly more so than even the first one. She made a point to talk with the crew as they visited each section, to get a feel for the people the Illusive Man assigned to her mission.

So far, it wasn't quite what she expected. Most of the crew was far different from the fanatical freaks she had taken down while hunting Saren. The engineering team was especially friendly and really seemed to know their jobs. She would have been happier with Tali in charge down there, but still, they were good, competent people.

Kelly was very friendly, too. Shepard talked with her for a while, getting to know her. The first Normandy hadn't had a ship's psychologist, though in hindsight, it probably would have helped...

Meeting EDI had been a bit unusual. She wasn't sure what to think about an AI running a good deal of their combat and other vital functions. Still, she seemed... nice... and Shepard did her best to be pleasant to her, too.

Besides, she admitted to herself, watching Joker bicker with her was kind of fun.

She took the elevator up to her cabin. Joker had mentioned something about her having the whole top deck to herself, but she was still surprised to see the size of it. It was huge! And she had her own private bathroom too!

She sat down at the desk, dropping the datapad with the dossiers off to the side while she adjusted the chair. The pad slid to a stop in front of a holoframe, the movement and proximity activating the picture. The frame lit up, a picture filling it...

Liara.

Shepard stared at the picture, the datapad lying forgotten beside it. Gingerly, she picked the small frame up and hugged it to her chest. She sat there, crying, for a long, long time.

* * *

She was lost. The labyrinth seemed endless - shifting and twisting right in front of her at times. Portions would fade out, shadows devouring them, while new paths opened where blank walls had been. Barren rooms shimmered into existance, then vanished.

She pressed on, taking turns seemingly at random. She just knew she was going _somewhere_. Something called her deeper into the maze. It wasn't a voice, for it spoke no words. But she understood it anyway.

Its song echoed in her bones, drawing her ever further towards the middle. She didn't know why she was so certain what she sought was in the middle, but she was. She needed to go there, needed it more than anything.

She rounded another corner and saw it. Unlike the other rooms, this one was occupied. A gleaming metal table stood in the middle of the room. Beside it, smaller carts full of shiny, sharp instruments rested. Reddish-brown stains marred the floor under it. And around the table, several shadowy figures waited.

As one, the figures turned to stare at her when she tentatively set foot inside the room. Unhurriedly, they glided towards her. She tried to turn and run, but the door was gone. The figures continued their steady advance, ignoring her panic.

Their hands were not strong, but no matter how she tried, she couldn't shake off their grip once they reached out to her. She struggled as they dragged her towards the table in the middle of the room. They picked her up easily and, almost gently, laid her down on the metal table.

She tried to sit up, but she couldn't move from where they placed her. Her body would not listen to her. The figures gathered around the table, looking down at her, and talking in some odd language that tickled her mind at the edge of understanding. One of the figures walked slowly to the wall where the door had been.

The wall shimmered briefly, and a new figure stepped into the room. This figure was also shrouded, but at the same time, more defined than the others. The new figure joined the others already around her. It said something, extending its hand, and one of the others handed over a large, wicked-looking scalpel from a small table nearby.

The new figure laid the scalpel down her chest, its weight far greater than she expected. The little knife felt like it was crushing her, pinning her down. She felt her chest laboring to continue breathing as the blade pressed down on her.

The figure, meanwhile, reached up and started peeling the shadows off. Darkness fell like discarded clothes, leaving only blue skin behind.

Once the shadows were gone, Liara picked up the scalpel, a cruel expression on her face. She leaned over, pressing down with one hand while the other lined the blade up. The knife bit into her, pain flaring up...

* * *

Shepard jerked up, gasping. Sweat ran down her forehead, falling on the sheets of the bed. Her breathing was uneven and her hands shook as she looked down at them. She felt dizzy, unfocused. Her mind raced, panic still shooting through her.

_Only a dream! It was only a dream!_

She clung to the thought, desperately trying to calm herself. It had felt so real. She reached up to her face, her fingers gently tracing the scars left behind from the Lazarus Project. She could still feel an echo of pain from the dream knife cutting into her face. Lowering her hands, she checked them for blood.

_It felt so real! Liara... she cut me!_

Shepard sat there for a moment more, then rose unsteadily, staggering to the small bathroom. Turning the water as hot as it would go, she hurriedly stripped and stepped into the shower. Steaming water poured over her, racing down her body.

_Just a dream! Just a dream! Just a dream!_

Her mind took refuge in the mantra while she let the hot water soak into her. Even in the shower, she still felt a cold shiver run throughout her body. The dream had been so real, so intense. She could still see the knife bearing down on her...

Eventually, she shut the shower off and got dressed. Checking the clock, she saw it was only 0300 ship time. Looking at the dischevelled bed, she knew she wasn't going to be sleeping any more tonight.

Shepard took the elevator down to the crew deck. The kitchen area was silent, so she just grabbed a drink and made herself a sandwich. She wandered up to the command deck. Surprisingly, Joker was just heading to the pilot's chair already.

"Joker, what are you doing up so early?"

"Oh, hey Shepard," He waved absently in her direction. "Just doing a little customization. I read about some VI privacy protocols that I really want to try."

"Joker, you're not going to break the ship already, are you?"

"Nah, I'm not really a fan of a backseat driver, you know? I just want _it_ to stop criticizing my flying all the time." He sat down, pulling out his omnitool to start interfacing with the controls. "She's a new ship, I need to get a feel for her. So I've been leaving off a few minor systems, not like anyone noticed so far."

"Commander, I have been monitoring Mr Moreau's familiarization. None of the systems he has switched off have negatively impacted shipwide performance." EDI's holointerface powered up. "He has adjusted to the new control interface faster than my projections indicated."

"See? This right here is what I'm talking about, Shepard." He pointed at the EDI terminal. "Last thing I need is Skynet Junior looking over my shoulder while I fly."

"Commander, I must insist. Cerberus guidelines state -"

Shepard cut her off. "EDI, he's right about getting a feel for the ship. He's the best pilot in the whole Alliance, so let him do his job."

"Of course, Commander. Informing you of ship performance issues is merely one of my duties." The holoimage powered off.

Joker slipped his jacket off and dropped it on the holo terminal. "Man, that thing creeps me out sometimes. I swear I can feel it watching me when I'm sleeping." He powered down the omnitool. "I guess if it listens to you and gives me some space, I can skip the programming."

He stretched, yawning. "So, what about you, Shepard? I know why I'm up now, but why are you?"

Shepard hesitated. On the one hand, she felt a bit silly. It might have been disturbing, but it was still only a dream. On the other, if she couldn't talk about it with a friend, who could she talk with? "I'm not sleeping well. I guess they didn't quite finish putting me back together all the way before the station blew up. Plus, there was a really bad dream."

"Geeze, don't say it like that. 'Not put together right?' Next thing you know, you're gonna be shambling around eating brains and stuff."

"Well, if that happens, at least you'll be safe." She smirked at him.

"Ouch. That was a cheap shot, Shepard."

"Hey, you're the one who left the goal wide open, can't blame me for going for it." She sobered a bit. "I guess part of it is worry. I really don't know what they did to me during those two years. They said they didn't change anything, but..." She spread her hands.

"Yeah, I can understand that. I'd probably be freaked out a bit if that happened to me."

"Plus, well, it's Cerberus..."

"I know what you mean. They worry me too. I liked the whole 'new Normandy' thing, but still... I'm joining you, not them."

She nodded. "So yeah, I'm not one hundred percent yet. Working on it, though."

He stood up. "Want to continue this in the mess? I could use some breakfast and I know you biotics eat a lot."

She followed him down to the mess hall. They grabbed some food and relaxed in the chairs. After they finished, he looked over at her. "Shepard, what's really bothering you? You've been edgy all day, and more than just working with Cerberus can account for."

Shepard glanced around, making sure none of the crew was around, then met his eyes. "Okay, I'll tell you, but this stays between us."

"Of course, Shepard," he nodded to her.

"You know Liara and I are... were... together." She didn't wait for his agreement. "I... She's the reason I'm with Cerberus. She gave my body to them."

"God, Shepard, I'm sorry..." He trailed off. After a minute, he looked back at her. "At least on the bright side, you're not dead anymore, so that's a plus, right?"

"I know. I keep trying to tell myself that. It still hurts, though. And now I can't even find her to talk to her." She got some more coffee and sat back down. "Anyway, there's not much I can do about it now, and that hurts too."

"Well, I'm with you, Shepard. And I'm sure the Doc is too."

"Thanks, Joker, that means a lot." It did help, more than she expected. "I'll need your support for this. I've got a plan, and I'm pretty sure Miranda at least is gonna hate it."

"Okay, I like this already. So what's the play?"

"I do agree that we need to stop the Collectors, but I'm not going to let Cerberus run the whole operation. As soon as we hit the relay, I want you to set course for the Citadel. I'm still a Spectre, I think, I'll see what support I can round up. Plus, I can talk with Earth's embassy there too, find out what the Alliance is doing about all this."

"Sounds good, Shepard. I'll keep quiet about it until time." Joker grinned. "You realize Miranda's going to have kittens when she hears this. Taking Cerberus' best, most secret ship to the heart of the Council."

"Yep, this plan does have a lot of advantages." She smiled back at him. "I'm telling you, I have a good feeling about this."

He groaned. "You just had to say that. Now you know it's all going to hell."

* * *

The Normandy docked in one of the private berths in the Wards docks on the Citadel. Shepard looked out the windows. She couldn't see any sign of the damage Sovereign left behind after his assault. If anything, the Citadel looked livelier than ever.

As soon as they had entered Council space, she had commed the human embassy, using her old Spectre codes. It was a relief to find Anderson still in charge. He set up a meeting for her, and promised to speak with the Council on her behalf, to get her Spectre status reinstated.

And like she expected, Miranda really didn't approve of her plan. Most of her objections fell in one of two groups: 'wasting time' - she sort of agreed with Miranda on this one, getting politicians to actually do the right thing was going to take a while - and 'the risk to Cerberus' - which she didn't care about at all.

They got through Customs easier than expected. The officer in charge of their dock, Captain Bailey, recognized her from her previous time as a Spectre, and not only registered her as alive again, but also expedited the paperwork for her.

Shepard took Miranda and Jacob with her to browse the Wards markets while she waited for her appointment. They found some parts for the Normandy's engines that Gabby and Ken were looking for. She also stopped by one of the food suppliers and arranged for some spices and other such to be delivered to the Normandy. She smiled a bit when she noticed that not even Miranda objected to that little errand.

Soon enough, it was time for her meeting. She left Miranda and Jacob in one of the cafes and hailed a taxi to take her to the Presidium. The taxi got her to the Embassy district faster than expected, and she found herself outside the embassy assigned to humanity.

"Shepard! Damn, kid, it's good to see you!" Anderson smiled at her. "I heard you were back, but I thought it was just talk."

"It's really me, sir. Cerberus did something and brought me back, somehow. I'm not sure about all the details, but I'm the real thing."

"Good to hear. Not the Cerberus part, but you being back." She followed him over to the balcony, and they looked out at the Presidium for a time. "There are some things you need to know, some changes that happened in the past two years."

"I'm guessing I'm not going to like it."

He nodded. "There's some good news, but not much. After the Battle of the Citadel, as they're calling it now, we had a lot of human dead, since you gave the order to save the Council and the Destiny Ascension. The Terra Firma party gained a lot of ground, blaming you for that. They won a lot of elections back home. One of the new representatives, Nicholas Saracino, had a brother you ran into. His brother died in the fight and he took it personally.

"When you died, they had enough support in the assembly to block a recovery effort. They declared you dead and therefore, no longer part of the Alliance." He sighed. "When I heard you were back, I tried to get you reinstated, but you being with Cerberus made it impossible."

She started to object, but he waved it off. "I know, you wouldn't join them and you're just using them. At least, that's where the good news comes in. While I can't get you back in the Alliance right now, you have been reinstated as a Spectre. That's purely Council business and I'm still humanity's Councillor.

"So it's my honor to welcome you back to service, Spectre Shepard," He extended his hand, and she shook it, grinning.

"Thank you, sir! It's good that I could get that, at least." She handed him a datapad. "Speaking of Cerberus and service, here's what I've been able to observe on them. Hopefully, I can find out more for you as this goes on too."

"I wouldn't expect anything less. I've gone over the information you sent ahead about the Collectors. The Council won't do anything yet, claiming it's just a human matter, but I'll make sure the Assembly back home listens."

"Good to hear, sir. I trust Cerberus about as far as I can throw the Citadel, but they're not wrong on the extent of this threat. I saw that record, the Collectors took a whole colony, without a shot being fired. We've gotta do something to put an end to that."

"I agree." He went back to the desk, setting the datapad down on it. "I hope you can pull it off, Shepard. I have faith in you, but I have a feeling this one's gonna be ugly."

* * *

Shepard grabbed a quick drink from the bar by the embassy. The meeting had definitely gone better than she expected. She might not be back with the Alliance, but she still had friends there. And she was still a Spectre. That made her feel better.

On the way back to the docks, she picked up some decorations for her cabin - a few fish for the tank, some models for the display, small things like that. She also bought some shipboard outfits that didn't have Cerberus logos on them.

Some Alliance officers were having lunch at one of the Presidium's outdoor restaurants. She felt a twinge of jealousy. They still had a place to belong, but not her. She walked on by, heading for the taxi stand.

Before she could get there, she felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned, seeing the distinctive blue of an Alliance uniform. One of the officers from the restaurant. She gasped, recognizing the soldier.

"...I thought you were dead, Alexandra," Hannah Shepard looked like she was in shock.

*_**Next Chapter: Shepard and her mother. A new recuit joins the party. The Normandy heads off to Omega.**_*


	14. Chapter 13 - Communication

**What Was Lost**

Chapter 13 - Communication

Alexandra Shepard stared. Her mother, Hannah, was right in front of her. She hadn't expected this, not yet. She had planned to try to explain things to her mother, later on, when she had better answers... and a few months of figuring out what to say... and maybe a mass relay or two or twenty separating them...

"Mom, I... it's good to see you," she finished lamely.

Her mother grabbed her arm, dragging her off to one of the nearby benches. "You've been missing for two years and all you have to say to me is 'it's good to see you'? They declared you dead! I went to your funeral!"

"I know, Mom. It's... look, it's complicated." Hannah had the usual 'you are in SO much trouble, young lady' look on her face. This wasn't going to be pretty.

"So it was some deep cover assignment, so secret you couldn't even tell your own mother? They told me you were dead!" She could see tears gathering in her mother's eyes, the anger warring with hurt on her face.

"I was. Dead, I mean. The ambush was real enough. Then I was rebuilt. Brought back. I'm still not really sure how. But I'm back, Mom."

Hannah embraced her, hugging her tight. "I thought I'd lost you, Alex. I tried telling myself you were undercover, some Spectre assignment, but it was two years..." Her voice caught, her body shaking as she held her daughter. "I kept hoping..."

Alex hugged her back, her own body trembling too. "I'm sorry, Mom. So, so sorry..." Tears were building at the corners of her eyes. "I wish I could... I hadn't..." She couldn't keep going. She didn't have the words.

* * *

Tali waited in the ship, bored, for the security teams to check them over. Since they had encountered Cerberus operatives, the Admirals had ordered a full quarantine and security inspection for the ship and all crew.

So they sat and waited while every part of the ship was examined. It had been hours already, and there was no indication they'd be free any time soon.

At least she had managed to get Veetor and the injured marines medical help. They had been scanned and searched first, and taken to one of the medical ships. The security teams hadn't wanted to make any exceptions, but a short comm conversation with Admiral Gerrel got them an exemption. The admiral was pleased they had recovered Veetor.

She had spent the travel time and the inspection writing letters of condolence to the families of the lost marines. It had been hard - she started and restarted the letters over and over again. She had finally finished them. She still wasn't satisfied, but the families deserved to know what happened to their loved ones.

Tali picked up the datapad again. There was still one more letter she had to write. Before they had left each other back on Freedom's Progress, she had exchanged contact info with Shepard. They promised to keep in touch this time.

There was so much she wanted to say. This time, she swore to herself, she wouldn't wait until it was too late. This time, she would make sure Shepard understood how she felt.

If only she could figure out what to write.

She leaned back in the chair. The pad was still blank. Nothing she tried to say seemed right. She didn't even know how to start.

Tali sighed. Shepard was still hurting. From being dead, from Liara's betrayal, from the whole Cerberus mess. It wouldn't be right to press her now. On the other hand, the last time she had taken it slow, she had lost her to Liara...

The comm system lit up, signaling an incoming transmission. She listened absentmindedly while the security chief informed her that their ship was safe and none of the crew were Cerberus assassins in disguise.

The crew exited, one by one, and she followed. She considered where to go now. There was still a few days before she departed on the Haestrom mission. She didn't have any pressing business to take care of.

Just one letter to write.

Tali decided. There was one person on the Fleet who could help her with this. And who wouldn't gossip about it later. She took the elevator down to the interfleet shuttle bay. She set course for the Tonbay.

"Auntie Raan, I hope you can help me with this..."

* * *

Alexandra sat across the table from her mother. After they had composed themselves, Hannah had dragged her off to a nearby coffee shop with deep, private booths. They sat and ordered, their server reading the mood at the table and leaving the women to talk.

Hannah simply stared over the table at her daughter, not saying anything. After they had stood up from the bench, the 'you're in trouble' look had returned, full force. The longer it went on, the more uncomfortable she felt.

_I can save the galaxy, but Mom always seems to know how to get to me..._

"Mom, I - "

"One call two years ago. One. And that was purely business." Hannah's calm, even voice cut through her words like a knife.

"I know... a lot was happening. I should have called more. Or written." She felt ashamed. She hadn't even finished the letter she had started the night before the Ilos mission. "I was busy."

As soon as she said it, she knew it was the wrong thing to tell her mother. "Busy. I'll give you that at first." The even voice continued, but Hannah sat up straighter, a gleam in her eyes like a predator spotting movement in the brush. "You had a renegade Spectre to track down. But after that, you had almost a month of downtime on the Citadel. What was so important that you couldn't get in touch with your mother for a whole month?"

Unbidden, an image of vibrant blue skin, captivating eyes, and soft curves flashed through her mind. She must have blushed, because her mother wore a small knowing smile. "I see how it is... Why don't you tell me about her? Start at the beginning."

"I never said there was... I mean..." She trailed off because her mother was desperately trying to stifle her giggles.

"Oh please, I know you, Alex." Hannah rolled her eyes, amused by her daughter's embarrassment. "You met someone, someone special to you. Now are you going to tell me the whole story, or do I have to break out the stare again?"

"Okay, okay, I surrender. You know my assignment after becoming a Spectre was to hunt down Saren, right? Well, his chief lieutenant was an asari, Matriarch Benezia. We didn't know where she was, but the Council had a lead on her daughter.

"We rescued Liara from the geth and she joined the crew, to help us find Saren and her mother. I guess that's where it started."

"Liara..." Her mother said the name neutrally, as if testing it. "An asari?"

"Yes, Mom, an asari." She hurried on. "So anyway, that's how I met her. We didn't really start dating until after the whole Saren thing was done."

"That can't be it or you wouldn't be frowning right now." She knew her mother wasn't psychic, but sometimes...

"After I... died, she went out and found my body when the Alliance wouldn't." She stopped when she saw the guilty look on her mother's face. "It's okay, Mom. Anderson told me about what the TFers did, blocking any recovery efforts."

"It's not okay." Hannah's voice was heated. "Those scum used you in their little political games. You deserved better than that. I tried to get something, anything for you, but I couldn't. I was sent as part of the damn goodwill tour, sidelined so they didn't have to listen to me any more."

"I... sorry, Mom."

"Not your fault, Alex. I just wish I could make them pay for what they did to you." She shook her head. She smiled softly and reached over the table, patting her daughter's hand. "Don't let me distract you, though. You were telling me about her finding your body."

Alex nodded hesitantly. Even thinking about what happened next hurt. "She did find me. She brought me back to the Citadel. Then... she... she gave my body to Cerberus. They told her they could bring me back."

Hannah was silent, her expression flat and unreadable. Finally, she squeezed Alex's hand. "You're my daughter. I can't say I like the Cerberus thing, but... I have you back now. I thought I'd lost you."

"When the ship blew, I thought it was over for me, too," she said softly.

"So, if she helped bring you back, why isn't this Liara with you right now? And why did you look so hurt when I asked you about the rest of the story?" Her mother's shift back to the original topic didn't surprise her. She could tell Hannah didn't want to think too much on why Liara had needed to retrieve her.

"I don't know where she is, Mom. That's the problem. She traded my body to them for information, apparently. A friend confirmed it for me. She traded me away, then disappeared. No one seems to know her location or anything. And she didn't leave a message or anything for me. She gave my body to a bunch of terrorists, then vanished." The anger flared up in her again, as her words stirred up the pain of betrayal.

"She just left you? And didn't try to talk to you at all once they returned you?" Her mother sounded angry now too.

"You see why I didn't want to talk about it."

Hannah nodded briskly. "So what are you going to do now?"

"I don't know." She shrugged helplessly. "I want to hear her side of it, but I can't. She gave me up and walked away. I can't even talk with her." She sighed, staring down into the coffee mug as if it might have answers for her. "I guess that means it's over."

"I can't make that decision for you. But ask yourself this, if she really loves you, why isn't she here with you now? Why would she just leave you with no way to get ahold of her?"

"You're probably right, Mom. I guess in a situation like this, no answer is the same as 'it's over'."

* * *

Liara relaxed on the sofa. Rain pattered on the windows of her apartment, creating patterns as the water streamed down it. She turned on the holoscreen, pulling up a random news channel. She watched for a bit, disappointed, then changed to an entertainment station.

_I guess that's the downside of being an information broker. You lose patience with incompetent reporting. Half of those 'breaking stories' I knew about days ago, or at least knew they were coming. The other half... worthless celebrity-chasing garbage._

She stretched, getting up from the sofa. Heading to the kitchen, she picked up one of the datapads scattered around the apartment. She scanned it briefly while she heated a meal, then decided to go through with the deal outlined on it. If the informant could be trusted, she might be in a position to expose one of the Shadow Broker's top agents on Illium.

If.

She sent an affirmative response to the informant, along with instructions for a meet. Even if this fell through, she would only lose some money, and thanks to Benezia's will, she had more than enough to cover such expenses many times over. She tried not to use it much, to maintain her cover as simply one more up and coming information broker, but situations like this were exceptions.

Liara wandered back to the sofa, turning up the volume on the holoscreen and selecting a random channel. Ads for some new holovid blared, declaring it to be the new best movie ever. Even better than the previous best movie ever.

She watched absently. Her mind kept wandering. Being an information broker certainly was more exciting overall than being a prothean archaeologist, but somehow, she didn't get the same sense of satisfaction.

She had liked being able to share her discoveries, to work with others who appreciated her work. While she did tend towards solo expeditions, she still interacted openly with her colleagues. Her work had purpose. It supported others.

Now, when she found something important, she often kept it to herself, waiting for the right time to use it. She would sell the information or trade it, dealing with faceless contacts or anonymous drops. Even her regular clients preferred to keep their dealings strictly professional. It was ironic, in a way - she worked with more people in a week than she would normally talk to in a year as an archaeologist, but none of them really knew her. Her own secretary didn't know where she lived. It wore at her.

She still wanted to find Feron, of course, but more and more, her focus was on the Shadow Broker. She wanted him to pay. For Feron. But also for her. He had betrayed her, and she would make him suffer for that.

She still felt empty, though. Something was missing. Maybe capturing one of the Broker's minions would help with that. She nodded to herself. She could finally do something tangible. That would help, right?

It would have to.

* * *

Tali sat across from her aunt at the small table in the mess hall of the Tonbay. Fortunately, Raan had been free when she docked, and they had taken a small meal together. While they ate, Tali explained the situation to her aunt. To her credit, Raan listened seriously, only occaisionally interrupting with a question or two.

When Tali finished, Raan sat quietly for a minute, considering all she heard. "So, you want to write a letter to this Shepard, but you're not sure how to start. Why come to me? I'm not really an expert on humans. Or love letters."

"I didn't have anyone else I could ask. I mean, can you picture me asking Father for advice on dating a woman? A human woman at that?" She giggled. "Actually, that does sound fun. I think he'd blow a suit seal or two."

"Tali... please don't give Rael a heart attack." Raan smothered her own giggle. "I wasn't joking, though. This kind of thing really isn't my area of expertise."

"I just don't know what to do. Raan, you're the only one I could trust to talk to about this."

"Well, I'd say just be honest. From what you told me about her, you're probably going to have to make the first move. So my suggestion is, don't be too subtle. Give her some time, but be up front about what you want."

"Make the first move, but don't press her, but be forward about it... How am I supposed to do all that?" It did help, in a general way, though it left her no nearer to solving her initial problem.

"Tali, I wasn't kidding. This kind of thing just isn't my area." Raan sat back in her chair. After a moment, she looked back over at her. "Seriously, you have a new chance now, so I'd say to go for it. You deserve to be happy, Tali. And as for the right words, start simple. Write from the heart. I know it sounds sappy, but I think you'll find the right things to say to her."

_I still don't know how to start this stupid letter..._

"Keelah, I never thought I'd actually be looking forward to flying into geth territory..."

* * *

Alexandra sighed happily. For the first time since her return, she felt good. Her mother had commed her ship, letting them know their captain would be out longer than expected, and she had told Jacob and Miranda the same thing. They had spent the rest of the day together, catching up and just talking.

It hadn't all been easy. Several times, the conversation would touch on Hannah's assignment, which was heavily classified, or on Alex's current situation, which was awkward for many reasons. Or it would drift back to Liara, and why she had never told her mother about them.

Still, despite the awkward moments, it had been a very good day. _Mom doesn't just read my mind, she always seems to know what to say to help out._ They had finished the day at one of the nicer restaurants on the Presidium. Hannah had treated them, since most of Alex's fund were still tied up - being dead for a couple years made recovering her accounts a pain.

Hannah eventually had to return to the Orizaba, and they reluctantly started towards the Alliance docks. There was a small delay at the security checkpoint, since she was no longer an Alliance member, but Alex's Spectre status got her through anyway. They stopped at the entrance to the airlock, and her mother pulled her in for a long hug.

"Take care of yourself, Alex. One funeral is one too many for me."

"I will, Mom. You take care of yourself, too."

"And keep in touch more often this time. Saving the galaxy is no excuse for not writing." Her mother softened the glare with a smile.

"I'll try, but I am gonna be kind of busy with -"

She cut off as her mother counted three points on her fingers. "Galactic apocalypse. Dead. New girlfriend. You're out of excuses."

"Okay, okay. I'll make time to write regularly."

"I'll see you soon, I promise. I love you, Alexandra."

"I love you too, Mom."

Alex gave her mother a final hug, then stepped back so she could board. She watched as Hannah boarded the ship, waving to her before the airlock closed between them. She waited a few minutes, then turned back towards the elevators. Passing back through the security, she decided to walk a bit before heading back to the Normandy.

She browsed a few of the stores, but even if she had been able to access her accounts, nothing she saw really tempted her. The vids in one of the entertainment stores just reminded her of the movie nights she'd had back on the old Normandy. With no friends to share them with, she just wasn't interested.

The small bookstore a little ways beyond that only reminded her that Tali still had her copy of _Princess Bride_. Even if she had been tempted, she had enough reports and dossiers to go over that any book she bought probably would sit for a long time.

It was a bit depressing. Aside from Joker and Chakwas, she didn't have any friends on the ship. Jacob was nice enough, and she was even warming up some to Miranda - when she didn't want to shove the woman out the nearest airlock, anyway - but she just couldn't get over them being with Cerberus. The rest of the crew kept a respectful distance. They were very good at their jobs, and she liked talking with them when she'd make her rounds on the ship, but she still didn't fully trust them.

She wandered for a while more, ending up back on the Presidium. The lights had been dimmed, the Citadel getting as close to 'night' as it ever did.

She knew she had made a mistake as soon as she found herself in the park area. There, its blue tinted windows glowing, was the Sapphire Dream, where she took Liara on their first date. And across from the fountain, Parnithian Paradise, where they spent the night...

_Damn it! _She sat down on the bench, her good mood evaporating. _I can't get away from her. Mom's right, I need to make it a clean break, move on. If she really loved me, she would have been there for me. She doesn't, so move on. Let her go._

Move on.

She could do that. She had a cause - stop the Collectors from abducting more colonies. It didn't quite fill the hole in her heart, but it helped. Maybe that was the best she could do for now. She could patch her feelings for now, the way her body had been fixed.

_Fix what you can for now._

* * *

Garrus ducked behind the crate, shots smashing into the wall where he had been moments before. The Blue Suns squad had a perfect ambush set up here. Or perfect for someone who wasn't him, anyway.

He grimaced. Sidonis had set him up. The other turian asked him to come with him, help with a personal problem. He hadn't thought anything of it at the time. All his people had personal stakes in taking down the Omega gangs, so he trusted Sidonis when he said it was a private issue. He had shown up alone, like an idiot.

But not unprepared.

Garrus pulled a grenade out, and set it to timed detonate. He tossed it towards the wall on the left, then grabbed another one out, selecting it to smoke, and threw it in the general direction of the Suns snipers.

The smoke and the explosion caused a small break in the firing from the merc squard. Taking advantage of the distraction, he dove through the hole in the wall the grenade opened, landing hard on the floor of the warehouse next door. He picked himself up, stumbling into a sprint towards the cargo doors.

He grabbed his next to last grenade, flicking the switch to proximity detonate as he tossed it behind him. He kept running, dashing out the door and into the general area of the cargo level. The public area was suspiciously deserted.

His notions were confirmed a moment later when a second Suns squad sent two rockets his way. Maybe they weren't as dumb as he thought. Several more Suns laid down covering fire for their teammates while the heavies reloaded.

Garrus swore. With the heavy squad between him and the elevator, the only option left to him was the service lift in the mess hall. He swapped his last grenade to flashbang, threw it towards the heavies, and flung himself desperately across the open area in the middle as the mercs reeled from the stun explosion.

He wasn't quite fast enough. Two bullets from the merc team disrupted his shield and a third shattered the armor on his left leg, tripping him. Staying low, he crawled as quickly as he could towards the mess. An explosion behind him sent shards of metal spraying across the area, signaling that one of the heavies had also recovered from their shock.

He pulled his rifle out and fired a burst behind him as he got into the mess hall. He stood up, running over to the small elevator. Mashing the buttons, he sent a second burst back through the door, hopefully keeping the mercs busy.

After what seemed like an eternity, the lift doors opened. He dashed in, mashing the first button he could and watched in relief as the door slid shut and the elevator started up. Now, he had to make it back to the hideout. He tried sending a message, but predictably, his comm system was thoroughly jammed.

_Sidonis screwed us good! I just hope the rest of the team didn't get caught by surprise..._

* * *

Shepard found herself down at the Wards market again. She still had an hour or so before their depature window, so she was doing some last minute shopping. She grabbed some more supplies for Ken and Gabby down in engineering and some brandy for Chakwas. She also signed for a package that Joker was apparently having trouble getting through Customs. She thought it was better not to ask too many questions.

She stopped at a ramen shop, grabbing a bowl. It was tasty, hot and filling. She was almost done when she noticed the advertising kiosk near her change subtly. It was talking to her, but not in the usual ways such displays did.

"Hey, Shep. In the market for some top quality assistance?"

_'Shep?'_ She ignored the kiosk, concentrating on finishing her ramen.

"Come on, Shep. Aren't you the least bit curious about this offer? I guarantee it's a one-of-a-kind deal, you won't find it anywhere else!"

"Okay, I'll play along." She walked over to the kiosk, looking at it. A woman in a hooded cloak, face obscured by static, was on the display. "Let's hear about this offer."

"That's not how the script goes. You didn't say the right phrase." The image frowned.

"What phrase? Look, if this is some sort of new marketing gimmick, I've been out of touch for a few years now." She was getting irritated.

"They forgot to tell you? This is what I get for working with amateurs." The display cleared up, the face becoming clearer. "I'm Kasumi." She paused, obviously expecting some sort of recognition. 'You have heard of me, right? The Elysium Museum job?"

"Sorry, not ringing any bells." She was definitely curious now. "Should I have?"

"Shep, Cerberus contacted me, told me there was a big job that needed doing. Didn't they at least brief you on me?" The display shifted back to normal as a woman leaped down next to her. She recognized the woman from the kiosk.

"Let me guess, you're Kasumi?"

"Bravo, no wonder you're in charge," she said sarcastically. "I made a little arrangement with your Illusive Man, Cerberus helps me out with a small problem and I help with the Collector mess. I'm not joining, though, not big on the whole terrorist fanatic thing."

"Well, if you're really going to help, you should know I'm not Cerberus either." Shepard grinned at her. "I'm just working with them too."

"Okay then!" Kasumi smiled back at her. "I'll meet you back at the ship."

"Wait, I'll need to sign you on, until we get your clearances set up."

The woman rolled her eyes at her. "Hello, Shep? Master thief here. If I couldn't get onboard by myself, I wouldn't be much use to you."

"Just be careful, our security systems are a bit... unusual." She decided to follow the thief. Watching her try to hack EDI would definitely be amusing. "Don't say I didn't warn you"

* * *

Garrus stared around the room. The bodies of his team littered the floor, bloody wounds to their heads showing how they had been executed. All of them were there, except one. Sidonis. Of course it was too much to ask that the traitor get what was coming to him.

He grabbed some leftover ammo and the few remaining grenades, and left the hideout as fast as possible. Unfortunately, he had lingered too long. A merc spotted him and snapped off some shots. He dropped the merc, but not in time. The distinctive sound of a gunship engine echoed faintly in the distance.

"Shit!"

He ran across a nearby bridge. He had always hoped he'd never have to use this fallback position. The bridge was the only way in or out. Now he was trapped.

He smiled grimly. Let them come. He had plenty of ammo, only one area to cover, and lots of medigel.

_Sorry, Shepard, guess I didn't make that much of a difference after all. You'll have to settle for as many of these fuckers as I can take out._

_See you soon._

*_**Next Chapter: The Normandy heads to Omega (really this time - sorry this chapter ran a bit longer than expected). Archangel!**_*


	15. Chapter 14 - Mercenaries

**What Was Lost**

Chapter 14 - Mercenaries

Shepard giggled. Kasumi had tried to sneak into the Normandy through the cargo hold, and EDI now had her stuck in an airlock. She had agreed to let the thief out when Shepard confirmed that Kasumi had indeed taken the job and should be considered a full member of the crew.

"...and with all your skills, we'd make a fantastic team, EDI. Just imagine the places we could get into. Think on it, and let me know." The airlock cycled open, revealing Kasumi leaning against one of the walls, talking to EDI's holoimage.

The thief looked over at Shepard - she had obviously noticed the airlock opening, but she only now pretended to see her. "Having an AI running security is cheating, Shep."

"I tried to warn you. EDI is really good at what she does."

"Oh yeah. If I had her on my team, I'd be rich enough to buy the Citadel a few times over within a year." Shepard found she liked the other woman's cheer and enthusiasm. "So, where do I find my quarters on this thing?"

"Any open room you'd like, pick one and it's yours."

"Okay, I'll set myself up in one with a view. Hey EDI? Any rooms you can suggest that have a nice window?" She was a bit shocked at how casual the thief seemed to be with the Normandy's AI. Kasumi noticed and grinned over at Shepard. "Hey, I don't judge. AI, human, alien, whatever. EDI's cool."

"Thank you, Kasumi." The AI's voice sounded from the holopanel. "I would suggest a room adjacent to the port lounge on the crew deck."

"I'll set myself up there. Come see me later, Shep. I'm guessing if Cerberus didn't tell you about me, they also neglected to mention the details of the little mission I have in mind." And with that, the thief strolled off deeper into the ship.

"Weird girl." Dr Chakwas commented from behind Shepard, surprising her. "I'm glad I caught you before you could disappear to your room. I wanted to talk with you, Shepard. With all that's happened, I still haven't had a chance to check over what Cerberus did to you. If we're headed to Omega, we'll have some time for that now."

"Huzzah, more poke-and-prod," Shepard groaned. She followed the doctor to the medbay anyway. Chakwas did have a point, and she was curious to learn more herself.

In the medbay, the doctor ran multiple tests on her. It took almost an hour for all the tests to complete. At the end of it, she found herself facing a very confused Chakwas.

"It's the oddest thing, Shepard. I took some samples to confirm later, but most of the damage you took during the ambush has been healed." She pointed out the few remaining areas on the medical display on the wall. "And even those last areas are showing signs of healing, too."

"Isn't that a good thing, doc?" She was puzzled.

"Yes, but I should be finding some signs of the event still. Scars, bone fractures, what have you. Even medigel can only heal so much. But these implants seem to have altered your normal cellular repair functions."

"So, it's good, right?" Shepard pressed the point.

"I just don't know at this point, Shepard. I am seeing odd readings in other areas that may be connected. Tell me, have you been eating more than normal? More than you usually did as a biotic, I mean?"

She thought about it. Looking back, ever since she had been resurrected, she had been eating a lot. "Now that you mention it, yes. I didn't think anything of it at the time, since biotics burn a lot of calories already."

"I thought as much. Whatever they did to you, your body is having to work harder. That means more food." She closed the display. "I know this isn't your favorite thing, but I'd like you to come back in a week for some more scans. I want to run a comparison on these readings, get a better idea of what exactly the implants and procedures changed on you."

"Will do, doc." An idea formed in her mind. "Can you also check my biotics, see if they've gotten stronger or anything?"

"You know measuring biotics isn't an exact science. I can do my best though. Why do you ask, Shepard?"

"Remember the trouble I was having with it before I went away?"

"Yes, is it happening again?" The doctor looked concerned.

"No, it's not. At all. That's why I want you to check it and compare. Ever since I've been back, it feels stronger and easier than ever to use."

"I can do that. I'll pull up the test program now, just start when ready..."

* * *

The gunship fired another salvo at Garrus' hideout. Fortunately the building, part of an old mining ship repurposed into living quarters, held against the attack. As its rocket pods reloaded, he leaned up and sniped two of the mercs trying to advance in the wake of the distraction. The rest of the mercs fell back, diving into cover.

The damn gunship was proving to be a huge problem. While most of its attacks merely scuffed the thick, armored walls, it still forced him to stay in cover, giving the mercs time to attempt the bridge. Sooner or later, some of them would get lucky, and it would all be over.

He sighed. The only chance he had left was risky, very risky.

He flipped his sniper rifle over to armor piercing mode and waited. Soon enough, the gunship flew back into view, reloaded and ready to attack again. He stood and fired.

Garrus lucked out.

The first three shots he got off either missed or bounced harmlessly off the heavy armor. The fourth slammed into the joint on one of the rocket pods, nearly severing it from the wing. The fifth, however, was the one that did the true damage.

The metal slug tore into one of the rotors, immediately causing the gunship to lurch out of the control. The pilot recovered quickly, but that wasn't the full extent of the damage from the shot. The slug, after shredding the rotor, deflected into a hydraulic line. Fluid sprayed from the punctured hose, and sickening metallic screeches sounded from the aircraft.

The damaged gunship turned and flew off, trailing smoke and sparks. The remaining mercs, seeing their support chased off, started to pull back.

Garrus let out a breath. He had bought himself some time. The only question now was, would the mercs run out of bodies to throw his way before he ran out of bullets?

* * *

Tali still hadn't finished the letter by the time she was scheduled to start the voyage to Haestrom. Every time she'd start, she ended up erasing it before she finished. Nothing seemed good enough for what she wanted to say.

At least she'd have a few weeks on the transport to get it done. They were taking a slow, stealthy route into geth controlled space, giving her plenty of free time to think and write. No distractions.

It still didn't help. Days passed, and the datapad sat on her desk, blank. It left her in a foul mood that had the other quarians on the ship stepping lightly around her. Even Neeri wouldn't knock anymore when Tali was trying to write.

Finally, when she was almost ready to give up, the words came to her. Whatever had stymied her was gone, the words almost pouring out of her onto the datapad. She went over it a few times, to make sure it was just as she wanted it, then, before she could change her mind or start over again, she queued it for transmission at their next relay jump.

* * *

Shepard relaxed on one of the couches in the small lounge adjacent to the room Kasumi claimed. The thief was pulling bottles and other items out of a small box she had arranged to be delivered before they left. For the past few hours, they had worked at turning the small lounge into a small bar. It had been Kasumi's idea originally, but Shepard approved.

She had done most of the heavy lifting, easily maneuvering the furniture around with her biotics. After a heated debate on how best to decorate it, Kasumi had banished Shepard to lifting and moving only. She flatly refused to let her touch the selection of (stolen) paintings she had brought aboard, claiming that only she could hang them right. Shepard tried pointing out that it was her ship, but the cheerful little thief ignored her, setting her to moving another couch into the room.

_Kasumi certainly knows what she's talking about_.

Shepard surveyed the room. Already, it looked... relaxing. Soothing. She sat back, thinking about the mission the thief had proposed. There was still time before they could attempt it, because apparently Kasumi still didn't have all the specialized supplies they'd need. She had been vague on what exactly those supplies were, only commenting that they weren't explosive. She didn't really trust the mischevious grin on the thief's face whenever the topic of the infiltration surfaced.

Shepard was a bit surprised how fast she had warmed up to the thief. Kasumi was... different was pretty much the only word she could come up with to describe her. She would talk about anything and everything, changing topics before Shepard had a chance to react. Some of the things they talked about were a surprise.

"So, Shepard, we're going to Omega to find more recruits? I've been there a few times, not sure I like it, not much worth stealing. And speaking of stealing, are you and Jacob a thing?"

"How the hell do you get from stealing stuff on Omega to that?"

"That's a no, then!" The thief smiled happily. "Guess I'll be taking him. And by the way, the sculptor sent word, the statue I need should be ready in a couple weeks..."

Most of their conversations bounced around like that. Kasumi loved to stick her nose in everyone's business, and she would tell Shepard everything she learned. Miranda, for example, had a secret account on a dating site. That one left the two of them giggling for a while, trying to imagine the poor man who Miranda would actually date.

Overall, Shepard felt better than she had in a long time. She had a purpose, she had friends, and she was over Liara. She told herself that last part over and over, figuring that if she repeated it enough, it might actually be true one of these days...

She had moved the holophoto in her cabin to the top shelf behind the desk, but that was it. She couldn't bring herself to put it away entirely. She tried not to look at it, but every time she headed to the door of the cabin, she'd find herself glancing that way.

_Mom was right, as usual. Even a clean break takes time to heal._

She had a purpose, definitely. The Illusive Man had forwarded details on the other colony disappearances. The more she read about it, the more certain she was that the threat was far larger than the Alliance and the Council were willing to admit.

She also had friends. Knowing that Joker and Chakwas were aboard helped a lot. Kasumi was rapidly becoming one of her favorite people to see. Ken and Gabby down in engineering were also nice. Kelly was just too cheerful to ignore. And she was even warming up to Miranda and Jacob. They certainly weren't what she had been expecting from Cerberus personnel.

The only thing she couldn't seem to fix was the hole in her heart.

* * *

Liara stifled a yawn. Once again, she found herself pulling an allnighter. The contact she was scheduled to meet hadn't shown up. A few days later, an obituary was posted, listing his death as the result of an unfortunate traffic accident. A few bribes to the right people had let her access the forensics reports.

Apparently, the turian stockbroker had 'accidentally' stepped in front of a moving hoverbus, after 'accidentally' shooting himself in the head. With a sniper rifle. Five times.

A few more well placed bribes and threats had gained her entry to the dead man's apartment. She hadn't expected to find much, but she took his files anyway. Predictably, most had already been wiped clean.

Still, if her years as an archaeologist had taught her anything, it was how to recover information from even the tiniest remnant of something. Her contact had used a cleaning service. Talking with them had provided her a list of items in his apartment. Going over it, she noticed something had changed. After their last visit, a new sculpture had been added to the living room. She had grabbed it, taking it back to her office for further study.

The sculpture turned out to be camouflage. Hidden inside was a datadisk. She spent the next several days decrypting it.

And now she was stuck.

The disk had turned out to be a list of numbers, with no reference point. She was trying every combination she could think of to unlock its secrets, but so far, she was having no luck. Without a starting point, the numbers were useless.

She got up, pouring some more coffee, and returned to work. She would figure out what the numbers meant and why they were worth killing for. Then she would use them to track the Broker down. And kill him.

Only after he suffered, of course.

* * *

Shepard stared out the window at Omega. The... station was such an inadequate word for it... Omega hung in orbit, glowing like an angry red spike against the inky backdrop of space. Something about it sent a shiver up her spine.

It had been interesting listening to Miranda negotiate docking rights for the ship. It was the oddest blend of threats, bribery and flirting she had ever encountered. Miranda had eventually secured them a private berth on one of the upper rings. She had shared a smile with the other woman, the first genuine one between them.

Jacob joined them on the bridge, followed by a not-exactly-subtle Kasumi. The four of them got their gear together and headed for the airlock. As the door cycled, Shepard went over some last minute details with her team.

"Miranda and I will take point on this one. We're going to see what we can dig up about this Archangel, Zaeed and Mordin. Kasumi, since you have a bit of a history here, I'd like you to hang back with Jacob and cover us."

Kasumi, a big grin on her face, nodded quickly - Shepard figured she wouldn't object to the new plan. Jacob, on the other hand, looked like one of those old time cartoon characters glancing up at the safe falling overhead.

They exited the airlock, the burnt metal smell of Omega washing over them. Waiting on the other side was a salarian. He started to greet them, but was roughly shoved aside by the grouchiest looking batarian she had ever seen. He told them in a no-nonsense voice that if they wanted anything on Omega, they'd better go see Aria T'loak first. Or else.

Hopefully, this Aria would have information about their three recruits. Shepard wasn't looking forward to dealing with another set of scumbags. Still, they did need people, especially a science expert, and finding them meant playing nice with the locals.

Past the welcoming committee, she saw a human merc beating a bedraggled batarian. She was a bit surprised when the man introduced himself as Zaeed Massani.

_Well, THAT was certainly easy..._

Apparently, Zaeed had a deal with Cerberus too. Another errand she'd need to run one of these days. She didn't really mind, though. She had studied up on the new recruits on the way to Omega, and what she read about Zaeed impressed her. He would definitely be useful to have along on their mission.

"Zaeed, I'll have you join Miranda and me when we go talk to this Aria."

"Sounds good, I'll be interested to see how you handle her." He grinned her way. "Should be fun as hell to watch." The merc hauled a large bag of guns over to the airlock and tossed it in. "Get one of yer minions to stow that crap somewhere safe, what."

After getting Zaeed's gear taken care of, she led the team in the direction the batarian had indicated, heading towards this Afterlife bar. Rounding the corner, they found themselves in a large plaza. There, before them, was a massive building with a flourescent sign proclaiming it to be 'Afterlife'.

Aria was a bitch, but a likeable one, in her own way. They talked for a time, and eventually Shepard persuaded her to share some information on Archangel and Mordin. The scientist was running a clinic in a quarantined part of Omega. Miranda had wanted to extract him first, but Shepard overruled her.

"According to Aria, the mercs are planning something big for Archangel. I agree we do need to get to Mordin soon, but I'm worried that if we wait too long, it'll be too late for Archangel. Let's get him out first. Besides, he might know more about the plague."

Miranda reluctantly nodded. "Good point, Shepard. How are we going to get past them, though? I know you're good, but I don't see even you taking out three armies worth of mercs."

Shepard grinned. "That's going to be the easy part. We're going to let them get us in. Aria said they were hiring, so let's just sign up, go in with them, and grab Archangel out from underneath them. Let them do the hard stuff, we'll take the prize."

"Not all them mercs are braindead, Shepard. They'll probably use us as bullet catchers, if anything." Zaeed pointed out.

"I guess we'll just have to cause as much mischief as we can before we go in, then. Miranda, you take Jacob and prep the shuttle for an emergency evac. Kasumi, you can come with Zaeed and me. Once we're at whatever base the mercs are using, slip off and see what you can mess up. Be creative."

The thief smiled widely at that. "You know, Shep, I think this is the first time anyone has asked me to break in and intentionally mess things up. This is going to be fun."

"Thought you might like it," Shepard smiled back at her. "Zaeed, you've run with some of these groups, see if you can get us a better assignment than cannon fodder. Or at least see if you can get us into sensitive areas."

"Do what I can, Shepard. No guarantees though, half these bastards want to kill me and the other half haven't met me yet."

* * *

Garrus managed to catch a few minutes of sleep at last. Since he took out the gunship, the mercs hadn't pressed him nearly as much. They sent a few teams to probe the building, but never enough to be a serious threat.

It worried him.

They were undoubtedly fixing the gunship now, and massing their forces for another assault. Still, it did give him some time to rest and recover. He cleaned his rifle, stockpiled some extra clips and medigel canisters, and did his best to take advantage of the calm.

He also arranged for a few little surprises for the first ground forces that tried the bridge again. He was almost out of grenades, but he set most of the ones he had on proximity triggers near the bridge. He also placed a couple on the stairs leading up to the floor he was camped out on, just in case. He made sure to include a few incindiaries in the mix, as he had noticed members of the Blood Pack in the last assault.

If he could only take out that damn gunship the next time it attacked, he might actually make it out of this. Once the gunship was gone, he was confident he could hold the bridge almost indefinitely. Sooner or later, they'd let their guard down and he could slip away.

It wasn't a good plan. _Hell, it's not even a decent plan._ But it was a plan. It gave him something to focus on, some small shred of hope.

_Besides, I got lucky once, I might be able to do it again. Unless they're willing to ground the thing for a few days, that gunship will still be flying damaged when they get it back in the air. I can focus on the rotors, a little more damage there and I might actually pull it off..._

*_**Next Chapter: Shepard meets up with Archangel. More trouble on Omega. Liara finds a new lead to investigate. Tali approaches Haestrom.**_*


	16. Chapter 15 - Exposure

**What Was Lost**

Chapter 15 - Exposure

Shepard fought down the urge to unleash her biotics full force and teach these arrogant mercs who they were dealing with. The whole 'briefing', if it could even be called that, was simply a long exercise in humiliation.

After a long aircar ride to an anonymous destination, they had been dumped with the rest of the new hires and told to wait for the airship to be repaired. The real merc bands treated the recruits like garbage, insulting or ignoring them as they saw fit.

The only advantage they had so far was none of the mercs had noticed Kasumi slipping off to the secured sections of the base. Shepard and Zaeed also split up, mingling with the rest of the newbies, hoping that the mercs wouldn't think to double check the numbers. She didn't think they would, since the recruits were being used as bullet catchers just like Zaeed predicted, but she wanted to give Kasumi the best chance possible.

She wasn't relying solely on Kasumi, however. Zaeed, looking up an old friend in the Suns, arranged for their team to go in the second wave, when they'd have some cover. Shepard herself had already taken out the mechanic working on a gunship in the hangar. The thing would still fly, but not very well. She also slipped into the mech storage area and changed the IFF codes on the large YMIR in the back. It would be a nice surprise for the first merc to turn it on.

Eventually, they all regathered in the small lounge near the mech bay. They nodded to each other, not risking saying anything that might be overheard. They had done the best they could, they just had to hope it would be enough when the time came.

All too soon, the signal sounded throughout the compound. Mercs and recruits hurried around, organizing themselves into small squads. Shepard doublechecked their number - group 3 of wave 2. She nodded grimly to Zaeed and Kasumi. They both knew the job - stick with the mercs, don't shoot Archangel, get rid of any mercs they could if the opportunity presented itself.

The first wave of mercs was gunned down by Archangel. Whoever he was, he was a hell of a sniper. She readied herself. Their wave was up next.

* * *

Garrus was exhausted. The mercs' new strategy of sending in wave after wave of cannon fodder was wearing him down. It was also burning through his ammo faster than expected. He only had two boxes of clips left, then he'd have to risk a trip to the supply room in the back.

At least the damn gunship hadn't returned. That plus a mass of mercs rushing him on the bridge would have been the end.

Another wave of mercs ran across the bridge. He started dropping them, concentrating on the ones wearing actual mercenary company insignias. If he could take out the experienced combatants, the raw recruits would probably panic and fall back. He managed to drop all the professional mercs before he had to reload.

As he lowered his rifle, he cursed. Most of the recruits had fled, but two in unmarked armor ducked into cover on his side of the bridge, carrying something large. The sneaky bastards had deliberately let their own men get shot so they could slip a demolitions team in during the chaos.

Worse, another wave was already advancing across the bridge. He pulled his rifle up, sighting in on the oncoming mercs. If he was going to die, he would take as many of these bastards with him as he could.

Something caught his eye. There, in the mix of recruits, was a redheaded human. A very familiar woman...

_It can't be! She's dead!_

He checked again. It was. Either she was back, or someone had made a very convincing android. He flicked his rifle to subdual mode and fired off a low-powered round. It deflected off a powerful biotic barrier. So, not an android then. That meant...

_When the Universe hands you a miracle, thank it, shut up and be grateful, Vakarian!_

* * *

Shepard and her team dashed across the bridge when the merc organizer signaled them. For some reason, Archangel didn't target any of the three of them, aside from a few grazing shots that merely bounced off Shepard's barrier.

Some of the first wave must have survived too, because a couple of mercs were hastily assembling a juryrigged bomb on the ground floor of the complex. Shepard didn't hesitate before shooting both techs before they could react.

At the foot of the stairs, Kasumi waved at them to halt. They waited, tensely, while the thief cautiously crept about halfway up the stairs. She called her omnitool out and started fiddling with something on the wall. A moment later, she held up a pair of grenades.

By this time, the third wave of recruits had been sent out. Shepard unleashed a biotic blast that knocked several of them off the narrow bridge. Zaeed gunned down the few who made it through the biotics and Archangel's sniping.

In the calm after the latest attack, they slowly climbed the stairs and approached the apartment Archangel was sniping from. Opening the door, they entered the room, careful not to make any aggressive moves.

"Took you long enough to get up here. Did you stop for tea or something on the way?" Archangel's voice, muffled by the thick helmet the turian was wearing, sounded oddly familiar.

"We had to take out a few uninvited guests downstairs." She paused a second, considering the vigilante. "Why are you so quick to assume we're not with the mercs?"

"Because I know you better than that, Shepard." Garrus took off the helmet, dropping on the table next to him.

"Garrus!" She yelled, overjoyed. She ran up to him, pulling him into a tight hug. The turian returned the embrace.

"I know this isn't the time for explanations, so I'll just stick with 'I'm glad you're not dead'." He smiled at her.

"Likewise. I was worried when I heard you just disappeared off the Citadel."

Movement caught his eye and he looked out the window. "Shit! They're forming up again, and it looks like they added mechs to the mix this time. We'll have to catch up later, Shepard."

She nodded. "Okay then. I can have a shuttle here in about 20 minutes, if we can hold out that long. This is your Fortress of Doom, what's the plan?"

He considered a moment. "You and your friend there," he pointed to Kasumi "take the ground floor, use your biotics and her tricks to take out any mechs and mercs that make it across. I'll stay up top with him." He nodded at Zaeed. "We'll take out as many as we can with the sniper rifles, but some will still probably get by."

Shepard agreed. "I'll comm the shuttle then, tell them to hurry." She relayed the message to Miranda while she and Kasumi shoved the furniture on the ground floor around to make impromptu cover.

Soon enough, the mercs launched a massive wave across the bridge. Zaeed and Garrus took out most of the mercs, leaving the mechs to Shepard and Kasumi. The thief's tech blasts disabled many of the mechs, while Shepard focused on the mercs that the snipers missed. Her biotics cleared vast sections of the bridge, decimating the assault force.

* * *

Garrus watched the carnage on the lower level, impressed. Shepard obviously hadn't let being dead dull her skills. Her biotics were tearing apart the mercs. He let the few survivors of the newest wave retreat safely. Their fear would demoralize the next wave that had to make the run across the bridge.

Soon enough, the wave formed up and started over. He swore when he saw the imposing form of an YMIR assault mech towering over the troops. He pulled out his last two grenades and prayed to the spirits they would be enough.

"_Garrus, leave the YMIR alone. I have a surprise ready."_ Shepard's voice floated to him through the commlink.

"Okay, Shepard. I hope it's a good one, though. Looks like Eclipse is going all out for this wave." He spotted the Eclipse commander, a salarian, preparing to personally lead the wave. He zoomed in on the little bastard. That piece of scum was responsible for much of the Red Sand and slave trade on Omega. "I have a surprise for these fuckers, myself."

Garrus pulled out a very special mod, slipping it into the right slot on the rifle. Doublechecking the display, he smiled grimly. Only five shots left before it stopped functioning. More than enough. He calmed his breathing, aiming on the merc leader. The first two shots from his rifle sparked the mercenary's shield, overloading it. The third round exploded his head, showing the nearby Eclipse soldiers in green blood and brains. "That should get their attention."

It did. The mercs scattered, their organized formation descending into chaos. The panic got worse when the YMIR was activated. The giant mech took two steps forward, then turned around, spraying the fleeing mercenaries with a hail of fire. It continued its rampage, shooting off missiles and bursts from its machine gun into the merc base.

"Damn, Shepard, you weren't kidding when you said you had a surprise. I thought it was over when I saw that damn thing stomp up."

"Thought you might like it." Shepard grinned widely at him. "By the way, that was some nice shooting. Taking down their leader like that."

"That little bastard deserved it. He runs... ran most of the slave trade here on Omega. He was also one of the larger drug dealers. I'd been hunting him for months. I got his brother, but I could never catch him alone."

Before they could continue, a muffled explosion shook the building beneath them. Garrus stumbled to his feet and ran to sensor display.

"Oh hell, Blood Pack finally made it through the utility corridors. I was hoping we'd be out of here before that happened." He looked over at Shepard. "Can you and your team seal them back up? I'll try to keep the bridge guys busy."

"Keep Zaeed with you. Kasumi and I can handle a few krogan." Shepard nodded firmly at him. "The whole point of this is for _all_ of us to make it out alive."

Kasumi smiled. "Besides, if Shep and I can't outwit a bunch of vorcha and krogan, we deserve to be blown up."

"Shep?" Garrus glanced over at his friend, amused.

"Don't start, Vakarian." Shepard threatened.

* * *

Shepard dashed up the stairs. Sealing the access tunnels had been simple. Her biotics disabled the Pack mercenaries while Kasumi closed the emergency shutters. Unfortunately, while they had been down in the tunnels, the gunship had joined the attack on the base.

She ducked in the room, throwing herself behind one of the couches. She glanced around, looking for her friends.

Zaeed sat against the back wall, clutching his leg where a large chunk of armor had been ripped out by the gunship's attack. Garrus...

Garrus lay face down on the floor, blood pooling beneath him. He appeared to be breathing still, but it was uneven. She wanted to do something, anything, to help him, but she couldn't get to him, not with that gunship hovering just outside.

Kasumi adjusted her omnitool, preparing to fire off a tech blast at it. Shepard called on her biotics, keeping them ready, but mainly using her gun. The ship was too big, too well shielded for her biotics to affect to any useful degree.

So they kept a stream of fire up on it, Kasumi from one window and Shepard from the other. It took a while, but eventually Kasumi's omnitool shut down the gunship's shield and Shepard unleased all her pent-up biotic power against the flying weapon. The blast slammed into it, dark purple energy tearing the machine apart. It exploded with a satisfying boom.

Not wasting any time, Shepard rushed to Garrus, calling up the medical program on her omnitool. Setting it to 'turian', she directed Kasumi to use hers to check on Zaeed.

Her heart sank as she scrolled down the report the omnitool displayed. Internal hemorraging, shattered jaw, severed mandible, broken crestline, abdominal rupture... The list kept going. Shepard, not a doctor, realized if they didn't get Garrus treatment _now_, he wasn't going to make it.

"Miranda, where the hell is that shuttle?" She yelled into her comms.

_"Almost there, Shepard, we're picking up your signal clearly now, call it another thirty seconds, max." _Miranda must not have been exaggerating, because she could pick out the faint sounds of the shuttle engines approaching.

"Tell Dr Chakwas to have a medical team standing by, we have an emergency situation here."

"_We will, Commander. Miranda out."_

* * *

Liara smiled. She finally had the secret of the numbers. The first set were reference codes for the Illium stock market. The second set referred to a letter in the name of the companies indicated. From there, it was fairly straightforward.

Sort of.

The message had been an address. A small, anonymous parcel service. Using the dead man's codes plus a hefty bribe, she retrieved the contents of his storage box. She took an aircar to the Central Market in Nos Astra and spent the next hour ducking in and out of stores, hopefully throwing off any potential pursuers.

When she eventually made it back to her apartment, she got a drink and sat down to examine the box. First, she ran a full scan, checking for the prescence of explosives or other traps. Nothing. Still, she decided caution was called for.

Carefully, using her old archaeology tools, she pried the lid off the box. When she looked at the lid, she was glad she had been so paranoid. There, where the latch of the box was, a tiny silvery needle glistened, a faint green goo coating it. Something so simple, so primitive the omnitool had missed it.

Inside, another datadisk rested amid a pile of currency of various nationalities and some travel permits. Ignoring the money and papers, she grabbed the datadisk and linked it up to one of the computers in her work area.

More gibberish filled the screen. Another encryption she'd have to break.

Sighing, she bent over the desk, losing herself in the work.

* * *

Shepard paced the small waiting area, too agitated to sit. Dr Chakwas and her assistant were inside the medbay, frantically trying to fix the damage the gunship had inflicted on Garrus. Chakwas said they got to him in time, and hopefully it wasn't too late to fix the worst of it.

_'Hopefully' is such an inadequate word right now..._ She was so frustrated. One of her closest frieds was fighting for his life in the next room and she was forced to wait out here, powerless to help. All her training, her natural biotic gifts - all of it was useless.

She was still wearing her armor, not wanting to leave and change in case... Her mind wouldn't form the words. Garrus might need her and she didn't want to miss it. So she did the only thing she could do. She paced the room and waited.

Finally, a couple hours later, the medbay door hissed open and Chakwas beckoned her inside. The doctor motioned to a chair near her desk.

"I've done what I could, Shepard. Some of the damage was too severe - the missing mandible, for instance, will require a compatible graft. I fixed the life-threatening problems, though. He'll have plenty of scars, but he's going to make it."

_He's going to make it!_ Shepard hugged the doctor, forgetting in her relief that she was still wearing her dirty, bloodstained armor. "Whoops, sorry doc. I was just so happy to hear that, I forgot..."

"I understand, Shepard." Chakwas laughed. "He's still in Critical care right now, so I can't let you see him just yet, but that's only a formality. He's going to be fine, but he won't be awake for a while yet. Why don't you go get a shower and some food and check back later?"

"Okay, doc. Let me know if anything changes though." She headed off to the elevator, jubilant. _Garrus is going to be okay!_

* * *

Tali sulked in her cabin. She had pulled the letter from the queue just before the relay jump and deleted it. She still wasn't totally sure why. _Panic_ was the best reason she could come up with, looking back on it. Although, another part of her came up with a different answer.

The letter, however well written, just didn't feel right. She wanted to let Shepard know how she felt, but the letter was too... safe. It would be so easy to hide behind the distance it afforded her. She could say anything without really having to risk herself. After all, whatever Shepard answered, she wouldn't have to deal with it for days, even weeks maybe.

Tali didn't want to do that. She was nervous how Shepard would respond to what she had to say, of course. But she still wanted to tell her in person. Take the chance.

She still felt like a bit of a coward for pullling the letter, but mostly, she felt relieved. Now that they had cleared the last relay, she wouldn't have a chance to transmit again until they rejoined the Fleet. So her only choice now would be to tell Shepard. Face to face.

_Well, face to helmet, anyway..._ She chuckled a bit. For some reason, the helmet never seemed to stop Shepard from reading her. The caring the human showed towards her was definitely one reason Tali wanted her so much. Before she could follow that train of thought further, the comm panel buzzed, drawing her attention.

The ship pilot announced their entry into orbit around Haestrom over the intercomm. She gathered her weapons and scientific equipment and joined the rest of her team. It was a new group she was working with. Neeri'kula, her original choice for second in command after Prazza died, was still out with an infection from the wounds she suffered on Freedom's Progress. She had been replaced by Kal'Reegar, an old friend of her father's.

Kal had been on many such missions before and was well respected by the marines. Tali felt much better about his presence than she had about Prazza's. Unlike Prazza, Kal knew what to do and prepared his soldiers for a quick, easy mission. He stressed to them that the goal was to get in, gather the data the Admiralty Board needed, and get out before the geth noticed.

Approaching the main viewscreen, she could immediately tell why the Board was so concerned with this mission. The sun Haestrom orbited was... wrong... dying... diseased? Maybe all three? It certainly looked far different from the records left over from before the Exodus.

The pilot informed her he couldn't approach closer for a better view. The sun was putting out far more radiation than it should have been. It would fry their shield in seconds and the hull not long after that.

Tali cursed. That would make this mission much more difficult. They'd have to land in a shuttle, set up the sensors, then find a sheltered area to monitor them from. All that would take time. Not to mention, it would also leave them hideously vulnerable to any geth patrols that happened by. Unfortunately, they didn't have much of a choice.

When she had first received the details of the mission, she hadn't understood the Board's urgency. Now, looking at the sun's angry light, spilling over from the far side of the planet, she did. If the geth were behind what was happening here...

She shuddered. Visions of dying suns, of stars turned to novas or supernovas filled her mind. Depending on how this was being done, the geth could trap the Fleet and wipe them out. Here was a weapon they had no defense against, save running. And if the geth were behind it, and they decided to target the quarians, no other race would shelter them, for fear of being the next ones to be annihilated.

She organized the first landing party. The scientists were a bit upset that they were relegated to the second wave, but Kal was adamant about the need to establish a secure base, and she backed him fully. Something about the situation tugged at her instincts, trying to warn her. Kal must have noticed something too, because he added some of the heavy weapons to the cargo hold of the shuttle.

She looked again at the planet below them. There was something ominous about the ruined buildings and the sickly yellow-white light pouring over them.

_I have a bad feeling about this..._

*_**Next Chapter: Garrus recovers a bit. The team heads off in search of Mordin. Tali shuttles down to Haestrom. Liara finds another clue... and more.**_*


	17. Chapter 16 - Expeditions

**What Was Lost**

Chapter 16 - Expeditions

Shepard pulled up a crude map of the quarantined area of Omega on the briefing room display. Miranda leaned in, studying it along with her. Aria T'loak had provided them with what information she could about the area, but it wasn't much. Modules had been rearranged and barricades set up, in a desperate attempt to block the spread of the plague, so much of the map was out of date.

They had a general idea of where Mordin's lab would be, but even the most recent scans showed there was no fast, direct route to get to him. At minimum, they'd be docking in the supply airlock two levels down from the clinic. From there, they'd have to get past Aria's barricade and find a way up to the clinic's floor.

Worse, Aria informed them that, following their decimation of Eclipse in the Archangel incident, the Blue Suns and Blood Pack were using the excuse of the plague to fight over the now unprotected Eclipse territory. Her agents reported open warfare between the merc bands in the quarantined zones.

Shepard had originally hoped Garrus, with his knowledge of Omega, could guide them, but his injuries prevented it. Dr Chakwas was releasing him from the medbay soon, but only on the condition that he stick to light duty.

As if summoned by her thoughts, the door hissed open and he stepped into the room. She smiled at the sight of him. The bandages looked bad, but he was moving confidently. His eyes lit up when he saw her.

"Garrus, damn good to see you!" She walked over to him, hugging him before stepping back to look him over.

"Likewise, Shepard. I thought I was getting a one-way to the Spirits when that gunship popped up the second time. Way too close for my tastes." He nodded her way. "Though you still have me beat. You'll have to tell me how the hell you're up and about after getting blown up and spaced."

"Liara, Cerberus, it's kind of a long story. I can fill you in later." She shrugged, trying to sound casual about it. "I think you're winning on the facial scar category, though."

"Hey, some women find facial scars attractive. Granted, most of them are Krogan..." He grinned at her, then winced in pain. "Okay, no more jokes for now, I really don't need the rest of my face to fall off."

Shepard laughed. "Hell, Garrus, you always were ugly." She gave him another hug. "Let me introduce you to the rest of the team."

After introductions were made, they sat down to get planning. Garrus shared what he knew about the plague and the quarantine area, but unfortunately, it wasn't much. Still, they at least had a better plan now.

Once again, Shepard split the group into two teams. She chose Kasumi and Miranda to go with her, opting for speed and stealth for the first group. Jacob and Zaeed would provide support and secure the route behind them. Garrus agreed to stay behind on the Normandy and act as their communication officer, since Dr Chakwas wouldn't let him leave the ship quite yet.

All in all, it was a fairly straightforward plan. With the mercs busy with each other, they shouldn't run into too much opposition. She really hoped getting Mordin out would go smoother than rescuing Garrus had.

* * *

Liara was frustrated. The encryption on this disk was far tougher to crack than the other one had been. She had already tried every decryption program she had access to, but none had worked so far. Whatever her informant had used, it was state of the art.

_State of the art... what if..._

She looked over at the small box she had found the disk in. After all the codes, the hidden clue in a statue, the anonymous delivery center she found it in, her informant had chosen to protect the box with one of the most primitive traps available.

She browsed her files, checking the historical section. There! She pulled up the old Turian Security Force code from the time of her contact's grandfather. The man had been one of the most reknowned intelligence officers in the service, and had personally designed the encryption protocol. Most codebreakers didn't even carry it anymore, however, as it was well over a hundred years out of date.

The file decrypted. With a smile of triumph, she started to browse the new information...

* * *

Tali helped Kal'reegar and the marines set up their main base of operations. They chose a small bunker in one of the sturdier buildings. The soldiers quickly laid out some extra fortifications and placed small caches of weapons where they'd be readily available.

The shuttle was on the way back to their ship, ready to ferry the scientists and techs down to join them. This trip would also bring all the necessary instruments they needed to study the damaged sun. In preparation for their arrival, she had cleared out a small room with a number of viewpanels for the science team to set up in.

A third team was in the scout module in high orbit, constantly scanning for any sign of the geth. The first thing she did when they landed was set up a secure, high powered link to the module, so any warnings could be relayed right away.

Tali was busy working on the doors to the bunker when the science team landed. She paused her work, guiding them to the area she set aside for their studies. Once they were situated, she returned to fixing up the old blast doors. If the geth did show up, she wanted a way to hold out long enough for their ship to rescue them.

Soon enough, they had the bunker ready to go. Kal met with her and together they worked out an evacuation plan, in case the geth attacked. She would take the scientists plus any data out on the first shuttle while the marines covered them. Then, with their ship coming to pick the soldiers up, they would use the superior firepower to extract the marines and flee the area. It was a simple plan, but as Kal pointed out, that meant there was less to go wrong with it.

Tali hadn't been too pleased at being placed in the first group of the evacuation, but she agreed with Kal's logic. If the geth really were behind the troubles with Haestrom's sun, it was vital that someone make it out with the data. She was the best choice for that, given her prior experiences, technical training, and familial connections.

She still couldn't shake the uneasy feeling crawling in the back of her mind, however. She was missing something, something important. She made sure she always had her shotgun close at hand, and even kept Chiktikka on watchdog mode when she was busy with an in depth study.

Kal was also on edge. He had doubled the marine patrols from their original plan, citing the large number of empty buildings in the area, but she saw the truth. He knew something was wrong, too, and was trying to make sure they weren't caught off guard whenever _it_ happened, whatever _it_ was.

On their fifth day on Haestrom, the science team made a breakthrough.

The damage to the sun was a result of dark energy buildup. They weren't sure why it was happening, but they at least had a starting point to investigate now. She went over their findings, summarizing them in a report for the Admiralty Board. Even if they found out nothing else here, it would give future teams more to work with.

* * *

Shepard knelt by the sick batarian, running her medical protocol. The ill man was in the middle stages of the plague, but hopefully they could get him help in time. They had already found many other victims in the quarantined area. It felt good to be able to help someone, instead of just logging their ID for the family.

They got him fixed up, and promised to send a med team when they found Mordin's clinic. After that, they had to deal with a few Blue Suns, then they convinced one of the few surviving families in the area to follow them to the clinic too.

Unfortunately, it seemed like the Suns were losing to the Blood Pack. While Shepard had no great love for either merc band, the Suns at least pretended to be civilized. The Pack, on the other hand, was busy killing anything that moved, tearing up the place as they did so. She hoped she could find Mordin in time.

All too soon, they reached the end of the Suns' territory. A team of the Suns was holding against an assault squad from the Pack. Getting the drop on the Suns was simple. After that, the Blood Pack mercs didn't prove that much of a challenge.

"Shepard, we're wasting too much time here." Miranda pointed out the obvious.

"Well, if you want, you can go ask the nice krogan out there to let us by. Be sure to say please."

"I'm serious, Shepard."

"So am I. Unless you know a shortcut, the only way to the clinic is through them. Look at it this way, at least we're almost there, if the directions we got from those survivors are accurate." She peered around the corner. More Blood Pack. "I think there's only this one more group, then we should be there."

"Shep, why can't we ever have the recruit who lives in a high-class mansion? And has the odd piece of art that's conveniently portable and valuable?" Kasumi prepared her cloaking unit. "I'm really tired of mercs."

"Believe me, I am too." Shepard nodded. "I'd like to see something new, myself. Anyway, lets get past them and on to the clinic."

Kasumi cloaked herself, sneaking ahead to flank the mercs. Shepard and Miranda readied their biotics. On her signal, the two women blasted the mercs with their powers. Shepard immobilized them and Miranda detonated the hold, sending the krogan crashing into the wall. Kasumi popped out and took down the remaining Pack member, overloading his flamethrower. The vorcha exploded, shattering the barricade he was hiding behind.

Past the barricade, they found the entrance to Mordin's hospital.

"Are you sure this guy is a doctor, Shep? This place has more guards than some museums I've visited." Kasumi glanced at the security mechs and turrets covering the door.

"Garrus did say he's a bit of a mad scientist. I'm just hoping he's more on the 'scientist' side and less on the 'mad'." Shepard felt a bit doubtful too. The building didn't look like any hospital she had ever seen. "C'mon, let's see if the doctor is in."

* * *

Garrus hated being stuck on the ship. Oh, the new Normandy was nice enough, but he really wanted to be in the action. Not to mention, Dr Chakwas was getting on his nerves too. She was hovering around the ops center, ostensibly going over the crew status with Kelly, but he knew she was watching him, making sure he didn't exert himself too much.

He snorted. If a gunship couldn't kill him, a few duty shifts in a comfy chair sure as hell wouldn't hurt. It certainly felt better than sitting in sickbay all day with nothing to do. At least out here he was useful.

He followed Shepard's progress on the monitors, giving what advice he could. He didn't really know much about that section of Omega, but he knew the gangs. He let Shepard know what to expect from the Blood Pack, and where their main bases of operation were, so she could avoid them and hurry on to Mordin.

Soon enough, the team had passed beyond the area he was familiar with. He sat back in the chair, simply watching the team advance through Omega on the screens. He had to trust that Shepard would be okay.

Garrus didn't doubt her skills. Shepard had taken out the gunship that injured him. It had been damaged, true, but she still took it out with her biotics and some assistance from her friend. Her skill in clearing the bridge before that had been impressive too.

He still worried, though. As skilled as she was, she had still died in that ambush, two years ago. He had lost enough friends already. Now that she was back, he didn't want to lose her again.

He wandered up to the cockpit, sitting down in the chair next to Joker. The pilot looked over at him. "Hey Garrus, what's up? I thought you were coordinating or something."

"I can do that just fine up here. I have their signal patched into my omnitool and it'll alert me if anything changes." He looked around, making sure none of the crew was nearby. "I wanted to talk to you."

"Hey, if it's about that missing booze, check with Kasumi. She's the one setting up that bar down on the crew deck, and I think I heard her say she likes the way the light shines through the dextro drinks."

"Nothing like that, Joker. I was curious about, well... this," he gestured around. "How the hell did you and Shepard and Chakwas end up on a Cerberus ship? Oh, and how is Shepard not dead? I know she's not a robot or anything, but still..."

Joker sighed. "I'll tell you what I can, Garrus, but I don't know all the details myself. I guess we can start with why I'm here. Simple answer - after the old Normandy was destroyed, the alliance brass didn't want to listen to a damn thing I had to say about reapers or recovering the wreck or anything like that. It pissed me off, so when Cerberus told me that they were healing Shepard and building a new ship and needed an expert pilot for it, I signed on."

"I can relate to the 'no one listened' part," Garrus agreed. "C-Sec is busy closing their eyes and pretending the reapers are all gone just because we killed Sovereign."

"Yeah, well, I could see how things were shaping up back in the Alliance. If I had stayed, I'd be stuck behind a desk or training cadets or something equally unpleasant. I don't know why the doc jumped ship, but I'd guess her reasons are pretty similar. I don't agree with... well, almost everything Cerberus does, but at least they're _doing_ something, y'know?"

"Believe me, I'm not thrilled about the whole Cerberus thing either." He grinned at the pilot. "What I don't get is why Shepard is with them still. I'd've thought as soon as she found out who had her, she'd have stolen a ship and left something large and explosive behind."

"Probably the whole 'they're actually doing something' thing." Joker shrugged. "You did hear the Alliance officially discharged her, right?"

"Yeah... It does make you wonder whether we really did the right thing by stopping the reapers from wiping out most of the politicians on the Citadel."

"I hear that!" Joker chuckled. "Anyway, she's made it very clear she's just working with them temporarily. Timmy wasn't thrilled to hear that."

"Timmy?" Garrus was puzzled.

"The Illusive Man. I'm not a fan of the bastard either, so... Timmy."

"Ah... Timmy..." He tested it out. "So how come Shepard isn't dead? She's been pretty evasive on it when I've tried to talk with her."'

"I'm not surprised." The pilot's expression sobered up, all humor gone from his face. "First things first - you probably shouldn't bring up Liara, it's kind of a sore subject with her right now."

"Why? I get that things can change in two years, especially given Shepard died and all, but last I saw them, they were... well, you know..."

"Yeah, they were. Look, I don't know all the details, but the core of it is, Liara's the one who gave Cerberus Shepard's body. Then she disappeared, and when Shepard woke up, there was no sign of her, not even a message."

"Ouch." No wonder Shepard looked pissed when he tried to talk about it.

"Yep. Even worse, she had to find all this out from Timmy, so that didn't exactly put her in the best mood." He paused. "As for how they brought her back, I don't know and she doesn't either. The only one who has the full information on it is Miranda, and good luck with that."

"It's really her, though? Not just a clone or something?" Garrus really needed to know.

"It's her." Joker nodded emphatically. "What little I do know is they had to use a lot of grafts and implants and other such stuff to patch her back together."

"Heh. I guess we have even more in common now." He felt good, though, that Shepard was herself and really was back.

* * *

Liara grinned. After several hours digging through the data, she uncovered a hidden file in the midst of the other intel. Upon reading the file, she understood why her informant had gone to such lengths to hide it.

According to her informant's investigation, the Shadow Broker had assigned one of his top agents to the region. This agent, called the Observer, served as one of the Broker's closest lieutenants. And he or she served in the Illium region.

Her contact had compiled a good deal of data about the Observer's activities over the past few years. He hadn't been able to narrow down many personal details about the agent, but with the data of previous assignments, it gave her a solid starting point. Already she was filtering the data through several programs.

Liara grabbed some lunch from her kitchen while her computers worked. She had taken the past few days off from her office, not wanting to risk anyone, no matter how trusted, with this data disk. She spent the time in her home, working here.

Intelligence operations were surprisingly similar to archaeology, she reflected. Just less dirt. She still wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not.

She actually missed being out in the field. There was something immensely satisfying about finding an artifact, being able to hold it in her own hands. Plus, she had enjoyed the travel, the exotic locales.

She looked over at some of the pieces she had on display in the apartment. She still had her first prothean relic she had ever found, there on the upper landing. She also had the one that had won her an award from the University of Serrice when she presented her paper on it. And there, next to it...

Liara stopped dead in her tracks, her breath caught in her throat. _How many times have I walked by without paying attention? How long has it been since I noticed it..._

Shards of Shepard's ruined breastplate rested forelornly in the display case in the corner, illuminated by a pale light from the top of the box. Hesitantly, she slowly walked over to the case. Deactivating the security field, she reached out, brushing the damaged metal with her fingertips. Cold to the touch.

Like her.

She leaned against the wall, sliding down it until she ended up sitting on the floor. _Goddess, how long has it been since I even thought about her?_ All at once, her good mood evaporated, replaced by a sick, empty feeling.

Tears formed at the corners of her eyes, unnoticed. _How could I have forgotten about her? What is wrong with me?_

She reached up, picking up a piece of the armor and hugging it to her chest. She sat there crying for a long time.

* * *

Shepard groaned - of course their simple mission to grab the scientist and get out just had to get complicated. Mordin refused to leave until they distributed his plague cure to the quaratine zone.

"Shepard. Must load the cure into the main ventilation system. Cure habitation area, stop the spread of plague." Mordin continued the examination of the patient on his med table. "After cure, will assist in mission."

"Very well. Just be ready to go when we make it back. We'll be pulling out as soon as possible." She called her team over. "Jacob, Zaeed, you two go back and make sure those survivors get here safely. Miranda and Kasumi, you two are with me."

"Great, how come we get more krogan, Shep?" The thief grinned her way. "Just once I'd like to fight a hanar tap dance squad or something like that."

"Thank you for that mental image." Shepard grimaced. "Let's just get this done and get out of here. I'm thoroughly sick of Omega."

*_**Next Chapter: Mordin joins the crew. The Normandy heads off to acquire Subject Zero. Garrus is back in action. Liara deals with some of her problems.**_*


	18. Chapter 17 - Corrosion

**What Was Lost **

Chapter 17 - Corrosion

Garrus stared at the monitor in front of him. It had been twenty minutes since they had last had contact with Shepard's team. The Blood Pack must have set up some kind of jammer by the ventilation system they were using to spread the plague.

It worried him. While he knew humans were immune to the plague, there were still a lot of krogan and vorcha there, and they had fortified the area. It was going to be rough for Shepard to make it through to the vent controls.

He knew he was worrying more than usual. After the attack on his base, he didn't want to underestimate the mercs again. _I can't afford to lose any more of my face... And I really don't want to lose Shepard again._

"Garrus, stop fiddling with the controls. Last thing I need right now is 'it' mad at me." Joker glanced over at him.

"It? Joker, I know you like ships, but I think you're going a bit far."

"I believe Mr Moreau is referring to me, Mr Vakarian." A feminine voice sounded from behind him. He spun around in the chair, but saw nothing.

"What the hell?"

Joker sighed and gestured at the holodisplay. "EDI, this is Garrus. Garrus, this annoying Big Brother reject is EDI, the ship's AI."

"AI? You have an AI here? Are you insane?"

"You think I like it any better? Every time I do something, its all 'Cerberus guidelines state' and 'general regulations require'. It doesn't understand that true piloting requires the personal touch, a real hands on feel. Of course, I guess it doesn't have hands..." He glared over at the display.

"It is a pleasure to meet you, Mr Vakarian." The AI said to him. "Despite Mr Moreau's paranoia, rest assured I have the well being of the entire crew in mind. Your safety is my primary duty."

"Call me Garrus." He replied automatically.

"Shhh, don't encourage it. Next thing you know, we'll all be in pods, serving as batteries for it or something." Joker whispered dramatically.

"I would never do such a thing, Mr Moreau. Humans are an inferior power source compared to element zero reactors."

"See, it's that exact kind of comment that worries me."

So, uh... EDI? What all do you do here?" Garrus felt a bit weird talking to a _ship_.

"I am in charge of the Normandy's electronic warfare suite during combat. I also assist with ship maintenance and general systems upkeep."

"Well, good to meet you, EDI." He turned back to Joker. "She seems nice. For an AI, I mean."

"It's a cover, Garrus. I'm telling you, one day we're all gonna wake up in pods..."

* * *

Shepard stormed back into the med clinic. Mordin stared at her. "Shepard. Monitored your progress. Verified cure distribution. Would think you would be pleased."

She held up her left arm. The krogan teeth were still embedded in the armguard and the rest of her armor was coated in blood and other effluvia. "A little more pressure and it would have bitten my arm off. We held up our end of the bargain, now you're going back to the ship with us. Then I'm taking a long shower to get the krogan guts out of my hair."

"Excellent idea. Krogan blood mildly corrosive. Oddly enough, considered an aphrodesiac on certain batarian worlds."

"Not helping, Mordin."

"Very well. Gear is ready. Shall we depart?"

They picked up Jacob and Zaeed and returned to the ship without incident. Kelly and Garrus were on hand to meet them in the airlock. Garrus looked relieved to see everyone back unharmed. Kelly did too, but she also had a datapad she started to pass towards her.

"Shepard, I have confirmation from the Blue Suns about our purchase of Subject Zero. They would like to immediately-"

Shepard glared at her, cutting her off. "Kelly, what about this situation makes you think now is the right time?" She gestured at her armor.

"Sorry, Commander, they did say 'immediately'. I'll get Joker to set course while you... uh... get settled." Kelly backed away, suppressing a smile.

Garrus didn't bother hiding his grin. "Cut it a bit close this time, Shepard?"

"Just one really stubborn krogan. Biotics didn't stop him, neither did a bullet to the head. Had to shove a grenade in his face, hence the..." She held up the arm, teeth still in it, for him to inspect.

"Aww, the big, bad Shepard had a problem with a little krogan?" He smiled wider.

"Really not in the mood, Garrus..."

She headed back to the elevator, but before she could get there, Dr Chakwas intercepted her. "Shepard, I need to talk with you, it's about the medical tests I performed for you a few days ago."

She really felt like swearing. Or violence... "Doc, it can wait, right now, I'm getting a shower."

"Very well, but I expect you in my office when you're able. It's important." The doctor stepped aside, letting her pass.

She stepped in the elevator, riding it up to her cabin. Getting out, she activated the terminal by the door. "EDI, I don't want to be disturbed for anything short of a fullscale reaper invasion for the next half hour."

"Understood, Shepard."

"Thanks, EDI." She shut the door and stripped the armor off, dropping it in a pile on the floor. It could wait until later to clean it. Before she stepped in the shower, she walked over to the terminal. "By the way, can you get a space set up for Mordin to use as his lab? I want him to get started on that seeker countermeasure as soon as possible."

"I have already allocated an area on the command deck and arranged for suitable equipment to be delivered. It should be delivered and set up by the time we depart from Omega." The AI's voice floated out from the main room.

"Thanks again, EDI." She closed the door to the small bathroom and stepped in the shower, turning the hot water all the way up.

After a long shower, she finally felt human again. It had taken about five tries before she got the last of the krogan guts out of her hair. She pulled out a fresh outfit and put it on, thinking about what she should do next.

_I should probably go see what the doc wants to talk about. Or..._ Her stomach growled. _Food first, medbay after._

Wandering down to the galley, she found Kasumi apparently had the same idea. "Hey Shep!" The thief greeted her. "I thought the doc wanted to see you right away?"

"I'm ignoring her." Shepard replied cheerfully. "I had my shower, now I need food. A lot of it. The doc can wait."

They got some food, and sat down to eat. "So Shep, I got something juicy this time. I had a little peek in Kelly's files. Did you know she writes poetry?" The thief giggled.

"Okay, you can't leave me hanging like that. I need details."

"No lie. They're about Garrus, no less. She thinks he needs a long cuddle. She also thinks his scars are sexy."

Shepard was laughing now. "Kelly and Garrus... Oh god, I just can't picture that! This is too perfect. Finally something I can hit him with."

"Thought you might like that one, Shep." Kasumi grinned back at her.

She might have continued, but Dr Chakwas stepped into the small area, frowning. "Shepard, you said you'd come see me when you were done showering. That was almost half an hour ago."

Shepard groaned. More time in the medbay, just what she wanted.

* * *

Liara hadn't moved from the wall she was sitting against. She felt sick. How had it gotten so bad, so fast? How did it all go wrong?

The armor resting in the display case next to her mocked her. _'How could you just forget me like that?_' it seemed to say.

She didn't have a good answer for that. The simple truth was, she _had_ forgotten about Shepard. She let herself get caught up in revenge and pain and misery. She hadn't wanted to think about certain things.

Things like leaving Shepard behind on the first Normandy. Intellectually, she knew getting the crew out had been the right thing to do. Her heart, however, saw it differently. No matter what she told herself, it still felt like she had just left her there to die.

Giving Shepard's body to Cerberus also hurt. _Goddess alone knows what they're doing to her body now..._ She felt like such a fool. _I just believed them when they said they'd bring her back. I handed her over because I wanted to believe, and because I wanted revenge for Feron, too. How could I be so stupid?_

And then, because the pain of losing Shepard and betraying her hurt so much, she had done her best to forget her too. Forget loving her. Lose herself in hate and revenge. Why did it matter, really? Forgetting her was just one more betrayal, one more way she had let Shepard down.

_What HAVE I done?_

She felt broken inside. Hollow. All at once, it hit her. All the pain she had been hiding from. All the grief. It tore her up.

The tears wouldn't stop falling.

* * *

For the second time that week, Shepard found herself on the scanning table in the medbay. Once again, the doctor ran multiple tests on her, to confirm the results of the scans last week. The doctor still hadn't told her _what_ results she was confirming, she had just _hmm'd_ a lot and said "That's interesting" a few times.

"So doc, feel like telling me what this is all about?" She asked after the last test finished.

"As you asked, I tested your biotics last week. I found some... abnormalities. I think it's linked to what the Lazarus Project did to you to bring you back."

"Abnormalities?" She was worried. "Doc, what's going on? No one ever seems to tell me anything straight up anymore."

"Sorry Shepard. I'm really not trying to confuse you, but this situation really is unprecedented, among humans anyway."

"What does that mean? What situation?"

"Quite frankly, it's your biotics in general. Like you told me last week, you're not having any trouble with them, at all. That shouldn't be the case. In fact, not only do you have better control over your biotics than you did two years ago, but they're actually growing in strength." She put down the datapad.

"Okay, I'll bite. Why is that a problem?" She just wanted a simple answer.

"As I said, this isn't something that occurs in humans. Normal human biotics tend to grow to certain level and plateau. They may get stronger after that, but nothing like that initial burst of growth that usually accompanies puberty." She pulled up a chart. "This is a chart of your growth, however."

"So my biotics are still getting stronger. I've been using them a lot, I don't see the problem." Shepard looked at the chart. It was full of medical notations that left her puzzled.

"Again, it's not the growth that's the problem. It's the rate of it. You're stronger than you were at the start of the Saren hunt. Much stronger. The other odd thing is your control has been growing along with it. The problems you had before your accident aren't just under control, they're gone."

"I still don't get it. My biotics are getting stronger and I have control over them. I'd call that a good thing, doc."

"I can see how you'd see it that way, Shepard. The reason I'm concerned is, like i said, this condition doesn't happen in humans. In fact, the only species it's known to occur in is the asari. And it is a serious problem."

She pulled up another chart. "You said you've been eating more, and this is why. Human bodies aren't meant to handle this kind of thing. You have to consume more calories to support it."

Chakwas handed Shepard a datapad. "The good news is, your growth rate is slowing down. I've also had time to put together a new dietary plan for you. Further, I've scheduled regular checkups with you. And given that schedule to EDI, so don't think about ducking out on me."

"Seriously, does anyone on board remember that this is my ship?" She muttered.

"In addition I've requested supplemental information from Thessia, including some meditation and control exercises." Chakwas ignored her comment. "You're going to start on them right away. And yes, I will be checking on that, too."

She looked over at Shepard. "The reason I'm so concerned about it is your implants. The ones Cerberus put in you as part of the Lazarus Project. I'm not sure your body can support both your life support implants and your biotic strength if it keeps growing at this rate. If it slows down more, which it seems like it is, then you should be okay, but if not, well... let's not think about that right now."

"Thanks, doc. I mean it." She was shaken.

_Great... so I'm getting stronger, but it could kill me. Just great._

* * *

Tali studied the readings the science team recorded from Haestrom's sun. According to their data, the buildup was accelerating. In a year or two at most, the sun would collapse from the unnatural decay.

The only good thing was in the two weeks since they detected the buildup, they had been able to rule out geth involvement. There was no sign of any geth technology used in the decay. One worry down. Though they still had no idea what caused this in the first place.

Their ship had taken a risk and dispatched a relay drone with their findings so far. She judged the risk worth it, to make sure Admiralty Board knew it wasn't caused by the geth. Speed was still essential, but the urgency that had sent them out in the first place was gone.

With the immediate threat of a geth superweapon gone, the science team was enjoying themselves. They were excited to be able to study a collapsing star in detail. She had actually had to veto an extension of their mission. The geth might not be behind the dying star, but they still patrolled the space around it and could return at any time.

She had her own goal. She busied herself looking through the old quarian buildings, searching for an astronomical observatory or something similar that might have records on the sun. If they could compare it to the current data, they'd have a better idea on when the decay started.

Of course, her search was interesting for other reasons. She was fascinated with the ruined buildings. _Quarians built this! _She loved seeing what her people were capable of. She just wished they had more time to explore.

The old library drew her most of all. When she wasn't searching, she spent her time there, salvaging as much of the information from it as she could. She devoured the books, loading one after another onto her omnitool to read.

It was on the nineteenth day of their mission that she found the observatory.

* * *

Shepard stared out the viewports at the Purgatory prison ship. The massive, repurposed colony ship, covered in Blue Suns insignias, hung in orbit around a small world. They had arrived just a few minutes ago, and once again, Miranda was on the comm system arranging for docking.

The Suns were paranoid about security, and she really couldn't blame them. A prison ship full of the worst convicts in the galaxy was no place to get soft. According to the warden, she would be permitted to bring only two other crewmembers with her. She wasn't too thrilled about that, but they were just there to pick up Jack and finalize the transfer of funds. And since the administration level was physcially separated from the prison pods, there should be very little actual danger. Oh, she was sure the Suns would try to get more money out of them, but the Illusive Man had provided a surprisingly generous surplus for them to bargain with.

She rode the elevator down to the crew deck and wandered to the forward battery, where Garrus had set up a small area for himself. The turian was currently cleaning some of his weapons, the parts laid out on a small table in the middle of the room.

"Shepard, I thought you'd be getting ready to pick up your new recruit. Or are we not there yet?" He kept working, not looking up.

"I hope you can put those together quickly, Garrus. We're there. The Suns say I can only bring two with me, so I want to take the best."

"I'm still on light duty only, according to the doc, Shepard." Garrus pointed out.

She sighed. "I swear Chakwas is worse than my mom, sometimes. Look, we're just going in, signing some forms, and transferring some credits. Then we get a shiny new super biotic and everyone leaves happy. We'll be done in five minutes. I figured you could use a break from the ship."

"Well, I guess doing a little datapad work qualifies as light duty..." he agreed. "But if the doc says anything, this one is your fault."

"Relax, Garrus. We just need to do some paperwork. What could go wrong?"

*_**Next Chapter: Subject Zero and the fate of the Purgatory. Tali explores the old quarian observatory.**_*

_*A/N 1: Shepard's little biotics problem will be explored more later. I'm just having fun translating certain things like levelling up etc from game terms into a story. Besides, I always found it interesting that after being dead for two years, Shepard could (if you chose to change her class) simply develop new skills that normally take years to train or shouldn't even be possible. Plus, it's just fun trying to figure out all the ways the Lazarus Project messed with her..._

_*A/N 2: Liara's on pause for a bit after this one. She still wants to find the Observer and the Broker, but she's a little broken at the moment..._


	19. Chapter 18 - Null

**What Was Lost**

Chapter 18 - Null

" 'What could go wrong?' You just HAD to say it, didn't you, Shepard?" Garrus yelled over the gunfire towards where the human was taking cover. "Why didn't you go all the way and say you had a good feeling about this one, too?"

"Look on the bright side - we get to keep the second half of the payment now!"

"Shepard, there is something seriously wrong with your brain sometimes..." Despite the danger, he was actually enjoying himself, he had to admit. Being on a mission with Shepard was just like old times. The thrills, the joking, everything. _THIS is where I belong..._

For the first time in a while, the ghosts of his team didn't haunt him. He had a mission to do, and friends who were counting on him. It mattered, more than he had thought it would. Even though the mission definitely hadn't turned out like expected so far, he felt better. Not fixed all the way, but better. _I'll take that for now._

"Kasumi, can you do anything about that damn mech?" He heard Shepard yelling to the thief. The YMIR the Blue Suns had let loose in this block had finished with the prisoners and was turning its attention on them.

"I have an idea, Shep. Cover me a minute." The thief engaged her stealth systems and slipped away. Soon enough, he spotted a distinctive blur behind the YMIR. A few seconds later, the back of the mech erupted in a series of explosions.

"Hey! Those were my grenades!" He glared at the other woman when she finally rejoined them.

"Hello? Thief here? 'Sides, I just borrowed them for a good cause." She winked at Shepard. "Sexy Boy there gets a bit worked up if you touch his weaponry, doesn't he?"

"Sexy Boy?" He really didn't like the evil grin Shepard was wearing.

"Garrus, I'll tell you some other time." Shepard tried to get the words out without laughing, but a giggle still escaped her. "Believe me, you're gonna find out about this one. I'll simply say that it's not just krogan women that find facial scars attractive..."

"Fantastic... Look, I hate to interrupt the mocking session, especially when I'm the star, but can we focus on the psychotic prisoners and the trigger happy guards, ladies?"

"You forgot to mention the fact that the ship is slowly self destructing and we're cut off from our shuttle." Kasumi added cheerfully.

"Should be fun!" Shepard's eyes practically gleamed.

"Shepard, your sense of fun scares me..."

* * *

Tali stepped inside the observatory, awed. Not only was it in better shape than most of the surrounding buildings, but there were actual displays showing the work the ancient quarians had done here.

Chiktikka was out, recording every detail of the building. She didn't want to miss a single thing in here, so she had brought back extra power packs to keep her drone running longer than usual. The drone would report to her if it picked up anything unusual.

_Of course, this whole place is unusual..._

She brushed her fingers along a dusty panel, feeling the engraved writing through her suit's sensors. A chill went up her spine. Actual quarian writing, carved in stone, in a quarian building. She dusted the carving off.

'_Velaar'Naas Memorial Observatory, funded by the Committee for the Advancement of Knowledge, founded on...'_ The writing trailed off, portions of the stone having crumbled over the centuries from a lack of upkeep.

She set to work, dusting off what she could and recording it, doing her best to piece together the fragments littering the floor so she could reconstruct as much as possible. She also gathered as many datapads as she could. Not all of them were still functioning, but she was able to restore most of them. She copied as much as she could to her omnitool, not wanting to risk losing anything a second time.

She hadn't yet told the rest of her team about this place. She knew she probably should, and soon, but for now, she was enjoying exploring it on her own. It was _hers_.

Later that day, she returned to the supply shuttle, grabbed a small portable generator, and hauled it back to the observatory. Hooking it up to the power cables in the room, she held her breath and turned on the main control panel.

For a long moment, nothing happened. Then, almost reluctantly, the consoles in the room slowly flickered to life. She smiled in triumph.

* * *

Shepard caught up with the fleeing woman. The convict turned towards her, her biotic aura glowing brightly. "The fuck are you people?"

Shepard called up her own biotics, but left her guns holstered. "The people who are going to get you out of here."

"Fuck you! I saw your ship, you're all Cerberus." Jack looked pissed, though from what little Shepard had seen, that seemed to be her default setting. "Why don't you take Ugly there and get the hell out of my way?"

"Ugly?" Garrus growled at the prisoner.

"Shit, cool down, Scars, I was talking to your girlfriend there." Jack hooked a thumb towards Shepard. "You got some wicked cool cuts, chickie. Get some nice ink to go with 'em and they'd be right badass."

Shepard shook her head - now was not the time to get into her scars or the 'Ugly' comment or anything else. "We really don't have time for this. Look, Jack, we need you to come with us. My name's Shepard, that's Garrus and Kasumi. We need your help. There's bigger things going on right now. Plus, we do have the only ship left here."

"That just means I kick your asses and take it. Like fuck am I trusting Cerberus, ever."

"None of us are Cerberus, we're merely using them. You don't have to trust them, just trust me." Shepard was worried - the explosions were getting closer.

"Shit! Shit!" The convict paced, smashing aside a crate with a biotic swipe. "This shit's fucked up. Awright, Shepard, I'll go with you, but I make no promises. These Cerberus assholes try anything, I'm gonna feed them their guts, no lie."

They escorted a still-complaining Jack to the shuttle dock and rode back to the Normandy. Jack sneered at the Cerberus logos on the airlock.

"So, not Cerberus, huh? What kinda shit you think you're trying to shove my way, Shepard?"

"I take it this is Subject Zero, otherwise known as Jack?" Miranda's cool voice greeted them as the airlock cycled open. She looked the tattooed woman over, obviously not impressed. "She's not quite what I expected. Cerberus invested a great deal in her release, I hope she proves worth all the effort."

"Hey, Cheerleader, stop with the Cerberus rah-rahs and quit talking like I'm not standing right here. Otherwise, I'm gonna fuck your day up." Jack glared at Miranda then glanced over at Shepard. "Does she actually do anything useful around here, or was she just hired for her tits?" She sneered at Miranda, her gaze pointedly fixing on her rear. "Okay, maybe not just the tits. Bet all the boys on board love following you around."

"Oooookay... Well, you've met Miranda, why don't I show you around the ship and introd-" Shepard tried to lead Jack away from Miranda, wanting to head off the impending fight.

"Fuck that. This ain't kindergarden, Shepard. I'll go find someplace nice and dark and private for myself. And if Cheerleader steps foot in it, I'm gonna shove her head up her ass. It looks big enough and I got the biotics to do it, so don't test me, bitch." She added the last towards Miranda.

Miranda waited until Jack was out of view. "Well, she certainly is colorful. Do you think she'll work out? She seems a bit hostile."

"Yeah, she kicks a lot of ass with her biotics. She took out two YMIRs by herself. I think she'll be useful when we run into the collectors again." She glanced over at Miranda. "I'd stay out of her way, though. She might be serious about that whole biotic threat."

"Hey Shepard." Joker called from the pilot's area. "So, did you think we didn't have enough crazy on board or something?"

"What's it to you, Joker? Looking for a girlfriend?"

"Don't even joke about that!" Joker looked around, panicked, making sure Jack really was gone. "God, Shepard, that's seriously not funny."

"Relax, I think EDI might get jealous anyway."

"Sssshhhhhhhhh! Shhh! Shhh!" He glanced over nervously at the holodisplay, though it was still dark. "Don't say things like that, it could be listening!"

"I am always listening, Mr Moreau." The holo panel remained dark, despite EDI's voice floating to them from the speakers.

"Goddamnit!" The pilot sighed. "I'm telling you, Shepard. I don't know how much more of this I can take. I'm gonna be the first one to get his brain stuck in a jar for study or something, I just know it."

"Fine, fine. No more teasing for today. EDI, that goes for you too. Leave Joker alone for today, alright?"

"Very well, Shepard. I will resume my behavioral analysis tomorrow."

" 'Behavioral Analysis'? I knew it! I just knew it!"

* * *

Three days after finding the observatory, Tali found the records she was seeking. In a storage room off from the main floor, she uncovered a backup set of data cylinders. It had all the information the automated systems had gathered over the past few hundred years.

She finally decided to bring the rest of the science team to the observatory, now that she had something substantial to show them. The other quarians were suitably impressed with what she had done to repair the old building.

Once inside, the science team spread out, investigating every corner of the place. The scientists pored over the data and instruments she had found and prepared for them. They were especially excited to have baseline data to compare their current readings to.

That evening, she had a brief conference with Kal and Yuni'Lanar, the head of the science team. They both agreed that relocating to a small apartment building next to the observatory would be their best move. With the restored equipment, the science team's mission would be greatly sped up.

The only point of concern came from Kal'reegar. If they did have to evacuate, it was a good ten to fifteen minute walk to the nearest area large enough to land the shuttle. However, he thought that shaving days or even weeks off their mission was worth the risk. After all, the sooner they left geth space, the safer they'd be.

The science team had the lab equipment moved in a few hours. The marines also transferred their weapons and support gear. Soon enough, they apartment building next door had been converted to their new base of operations.

Four days after they moved their base, disaster struck.

* * *

Shepard sat on the bench in the forward batteries. "Sorry about getting you in trouble with the doc again."

"It's fine, Shepard." Garrus waved off the apology. "Besides, you're the one she was pissed at. How did that go? Something like 'boneheaded ideas about proper medical procedure'? Anyway, I got to peek at that dietary plan she's making for you. Did you know she's boosting your caloric intake by reccommending more ration cubes?"

"That's clearly cruel and unusual punishment." Shepard shuddered. While ration cubes might have all the nutrients a body needed to survive, they were about as exciting as eating cardboard. Soggy cardboard.

"And she has you doing those asari meditation exercises?" He shook his head. "Sometimes I think I'm the only sane person on this ship."

"If you're not crazy, then why are you here?" Shepard grinned his way.

"Well, some human dragged me here while I was knocked out. Not much choice about it."

"I dragged you here because you decided to redecorate your face with a missile!"

"Keep telling yourself that. I could be on a beach right now, charming the ladies with stories of my tragic war wound." He looked over at her. "Seriously, Shepard, thank you. If you hadn't come along when you did..."

"That's what friends are for, Garrus."

"Friends... I've been meaning to ask, do you trust the rest of the crew you've been picking up?"

Shepard sighed. "Honestly? Yes, I do. Between the Collectors, trouble with the Alliance, and dealing with Cerberus, I have enough problems as is. If I worried too much about my team, I'd go crazy. Well, even more crazy." She preempted his joke with a knowing look.

"Yeah, I hear you. I just worry cause of the Sidonis thing. I trusted my team too, and it got me shot. Be careful is all I can say, Shepard."

"I will. Is there any specific reason I should be concerned?"

"Not really. Most of the people we're picking up seem to be competent and... okay, I won't say stable, but on your side, I guess. I just don't want you to get killed. Again."

"Jeeze, die one time and nobody will let you forget it..."

"Well, there is one thing I have to ask. EDI - do you really trust it? I know Cerberus has those failsafes and stuff, but it's an AI, Shepard."

She nodded to him. "Weird as it might sound, I do. She's been very helpful and nice, and honestly, aside from picking on Joker a lot, she's been great to deal with."

'If you say so... Like I said, I'll follow your lead, Shepard. You need someone to watch your back here."

* * *

It had taken Jack almost a day to remove all traces of Cerberus logos from the small, cramped area down below engineering that she had claimed for herself. The arrogant shitheads pretended they were all big and noble now, helping save colonies and hug rainbow unicorns or whatever.

_Bastards!_

Even if she hated the assholes, she did her best to feel out the rest of the crew. She needed to know who she could count on if she had to jump ship and who would just knife her in the back. The first list was depressingly short.

The engineers working above her were nice enough and didn't seem like a real threat, so she figured she didn't need to worry much there. She had scared them enough when she moved in down below. Plus, they spent all their time talking, like some damn romance dramavid or something. _Those two should just get on to the fucking, already..._

Garrus, the messed up turian she had met on the prison ship, didn't like Cerberus much, so she probably wouldn't mind when she bombed them all to hell. Not to mention, he looked like he'd be fun in the sack - turians usually were. She'd have to take him for a test drive one of these days.

Kasumi likewise wasn't in this for Cerberus. Hell, offering to split whatever take they got when they bailed ought to be enough to get her on Jack's side. Though she did seem to hang all over that dumb fuck Jacob when she thought no one was looking.

Jacob was too good at his job to ignore and too dumb to see he shouldn't be working with these terrorist assholes in the first place. He'd be a problem. Especially since he let his dick lead him around behind Miranda all the time.

Just thinking about the Cheerleader bitch made her want to hurt someone, a lot. The Cerberus whore hadn't wanted to give her any files on what they had done to her, and had only relented when Shepard made it a direct order. Prissy bitch was still mad about it. Jack had made several tours of the operations area just so the slut could see her reading all their dirty laundry.

Shepard... Jack didn't know what to make of her. On the one hand, she was working with Cerberus, which sucked. On the other, she seemed to hate them almost as much as she did. Shepard also couldn't be discounted if there was a fight. Jack really didn't want to have to fight her, she was freaky strong with biotics, almost as strong as Jack herself.

_Fuck it! This is too much thinking._ She went back to the files scattered around on her bed. She needed to pull some solid info from them, find who needed killing. Then just talk to Shepard. That would be a good test, she decided. If she went along with Jack when it was time to clear out the trash, cool. If not, well, she'd have to have an accident on one of these mission.

* * *

Shepard was beginning to dread seeing Miranda on her tours of the Normandy. The other woman would always have some problem that only she could solve. Whether it was about the Illusive Man and his reaction to giving Jack sensitive files on Cerberus activities (he hadn't been pleased, to say the least) or the latest update on what Kasumi had stolen (Miranda wanted her to put a stop to that, but Shepard had better things to do than pounding a square peg into a round hole all day), it seemed lately all she ever got was bad news.

So when the other woman found her down in the mess hall, she had to suppress a groan. "Miranda, unless Jack killed someone, I really don't want to hear it. I'd like one meal, just one, this week where I don't get bad news."

'It's good news for once, Shepard. Mordin reports that the first version of his seeker countermeasure is ready. He'll be working on a finished version later, but we at least have something to work with now."

"That _is_ good news." Shepard agreed. A thought occured to her. "Wait... we don't have anything to test it against, how does he know it's ready?"

"That's the not-so-good news." Miranda sat down with a sigh. "He claims he doesn't need to test it, that the science speaks for itself. So basically, we'll be relying on a crazy salarian and his calculator."

"Super."

"Figured that might thrill you." Miranda got herself some coffee. "Plus, jack hasn't seriously hurt anyone all day, and nothing worth mentioning has gone missing, so maybe you'll get that quiet day after all."

"Shepard, I have an urgent transmission for you." EDI's holodisplay lit up.

"I knew it..." She shot Miranda a wry grin. "What went wrong now, EDI?"

"We're receiving a general distress call from a quarian ship. The ship itself is not in any immediate danger, but damage to its engines and Eezo core will keep it immobile for at least 72 hours."

"I'm sure we can swing by and help out, no big, so what's with the interruption?"

"Based on your personal data, Shepard, I believe you might be interested to know they are also requesting any and all aid in rescuing the rest of their team from a world in geth-controlled territory. More specifically, they are emphatic about retrieving one Tali'Zorah vas Neema."

_***Next Chapter: What went wrong on Tali's mission. The Normandy meets the quarian ship and finds out more details.**_*

_*A/N: I know in the game Tali isn't available to be rescued yet, but for the purposes of my story, I'm altering the timeline. Pray I don't alter it further._

_..._

_Sorry, couldn't resist._


	20. Chapter 19 - Trapped

**What Was Lost**

Chapter 19 - Trapped

Tali stared at the dead quarian. The scientist lay in a pool of his own blood in front of a shining, blinking machine he apparently had pulled from a locker in the wall. One look at the device confirmed her fears. Geth.

Their only hope was that any signal from the device would be ignored. The machine appeared to be from the time of the Exodus, so there was some hope among the scientists and marines that it wouldn't be monitored anymore.

She exchanged a look with Reegar. They didn't say anything, not wanting to damage morale further, but both of them knew the geth would be coming. Machines didn't get bored. There was probably some geth sitting out there checking for signals just like this one. It might not be a high priority for the geth, but the quarians' time on Haestrom was now counted in hours, at most.

She cautiously approached the device. After the initial pulse that had killed the scientist, it hadn't done anything more, not even reacting when their drones got close to check on the fallen man. She ran her omnitool over it. No signs of activity other than a faint homing pulse. The updated security protocols in the tool easily deactivated the machine for good.

In her gut, though, she knew it was already too late. The signal had gone out. That meant they needed to salvage as much as they could from here and hope they could evactuate in time, before the geth arrived.

While she worked with the science team to prepare as much as possible for recovery, Kal set the marines to fortifying the area, in case the geth were closer than they expected. Due to the massive amount of radiation emitted by Haestrom's sun, they were trapped on the surface for at least another two hours, until night finally came.

They had managed to get a partial message out to the shuttle pilots, informing them of the situation and ordering them to standby for emergeny retrieval as soon as it was safe enough to land at their location. Their ship had also been contacted, and was on alert posture.

What she hadn't told anyone, except Kal, was she had updated the orders for their ship. If the geth arrived before nightfall, the ship was to recall the shuttles and immediately head for the nearest mass relay. Their ship, designed for stealth, could never stand up to even a moderately sized geth patrol craft. It could, however, slip away and get a message out. If that happened, the ground team would have to hold out until rescue could arrive.

As night drew closer, she allowed herself a brief flicker of hope. They had everything ready to go for the evacuation, they just needed the sun to go down. It would still take them two trips to retrieve everyone and the vital data, but that wouldn't take more than twenty minutes or so.

Time seemed to drag. There was nothing to do except sit in a safe room by the extraction site and wait. Conversations would stir up, but they didn't last. Everyone was too nervous for idle chatter. They sat around, monitoring their suit chronometers.

Tali glanced at her own clock.

One hour until nightfall.

* * *

Shepard paced her cabin. Ever since EDI had informed her about the quarian distress call, she had been on edge. _What the hell happened to Tali? I know she was headed into geth space, but she said it was just an intel gathering mission. It shouldn't have been that serious._

Unfortunately, EDI hadn't been able to provide any more information on the quarians. According to her, the distress call had just been detected. All they knew was the ship was part of Tali's mission and had been forced to leave her behind.

They were en route to the redezvous with the damaged ship at maximum speed. Their original plan had been to find the krogan warlord Okeer. That mission would have to wait, for now. Shepard, upon receiving the news, had ordered an immediate change in course, so they could intercept the quarian ship.

A knock at the door interrupted her brooding. She opened it, a bit surprised to see Garrus there.

"Hey Shepard, can I come in?" He asked her. She nodded and he stepped inside, his movements edgy. Curious, she motioned to the sofa and they walked over to have a seat.

"Is everything okay?" She was concerned with how her friend was acting.

He sighed. "I tried working on the weapons. You know, do something to keep my mind busy. It didn't work, though. I keep thinking about Tali, stuck on a geth world somewhere."

She leaned back in her seat. "I know what you mean. I keep trying to go over mission intel, or plan our next move, but I can't concentrate. It really doesn't help that their message was so vague. All they could say was that she's stuck deep inside geth space and needs immediate rescue."

"Yeah... I really hate this."

"Stuck here while a friend is in trouble?" She knew exactly what he meant. "It sucks."

They sat there for a while, neither speaking. The only sound in the room was the slight burble of water from the fish tank. Finally, Shepard had to say what was bothering her most.

"The worst thing is, I knew she was going to have trouble. She told me she was going into geth space when we ran into each other on Freedom's Progress."

"You think you should have done something to help her?" He asked, though both knew it was more a statement than a question.

"Yeah. There wasn't anything I could do, at the time. I still feel lousy, though." She shot him a wry grin. "I know it doesn't make sense."

"You wouldn't be you if you didn't feel that way, Shepard."

Once again silence filled the room for a bit. This time, though, Garrus was the one to break it.

"It doesn't seem fair, does it?" He asked.

"Huh?"

"Sorry, I just meant in general. All these problems keep popping up, and everyone expects you to take care of them. No one wants to have to do anything themselves. Then when you actually do something about it, they sit around and criticize how you did it."

She looked out the viewport at the stars sliding by. After a long moment, she quietly agreed. "It really hurt when Anderson told me I had been discharged from the Alliance. I did everything for them, and they reward me by kicking me out." She glanced his way. "Kicking you out, too. I never would have been able to stop Saren and Sovereign without you and the others, and they did their best to forget you."

The bright flash of a passing comet briefly illuminated the window. "Now whole colonies are going missing, and they won't help. They won't even listen." She continued. "And Tali, one of the few people to actually investigate the disappearances, might die because she's a quarian, and no one cares about them."

She looked over at him. "EDI told me that, you know. A couple Alliance freighters ignored their distress call. Oh, they passed it along, but they didn't do anything else, despite being closer. Pisses me off so much, Garrus."

"...Bastards."

Another quiet pause.

"Spirits... I hate this so much, Shepard."

"Yeah..."

"I'm guessing Cerberus won't be too pleased about the delay this will cause. I'm sure they'd prefer we test Mordin's countermeasure or investigate the other colonies or something along those lines."

"Fuck 'em. Tali's more important."

"Agreed."

* * *

Miranda sat at her desk, lost in thought. The screen in front of her flickered, casting a blue glow across the room. She was staring at a point on the wall, no longer even noticing the terminal. The report on it had been done for hours now, but she hadn't sent it off yet.

She should have filed the report right away, sent it off at the first mass relay they hit. The Illusive Man insisted on being kept up to date on everything Shepard did. She was too important to his plans to be allowed to simply do whatever she pleased. She needed to be guided, focused in the right directions, directions that would help advance the cause of Cerberus and humanity.

Instead, Miranda simply sat here, thinking.

At the most basic level, it was an easy choice. They were delaying a vital mission in order to head deep into geth space merely to rescue one quarian. The collectors could hit another colony any time. The sooner they tested Mordin's countermeasure, the sooner they could confront and stop the collectors. An alien, especially a quarian, certainly wasn't worth that.

The small, nagging voice in the back of her head wouldn't leave her alone.

Shepard was willing to take that chance, to risk everything to help her friend. Despite herself, Miranda found it noble.

It also depressed her.

Oh, she had people she trusted, like her childhood acquaintance Niket, or even Jacob. She had contacts throughout most of civilized space who provided her with information and assistance as needed. She could even rely on the Illusive Man to be practical and uphold his bargains.

What she didn't have were _friends._

One of her father's very first lessons was that friends made you weak. They'd make you want to help them, do things that put you at risk to aid them. They'd sway your convictions. Distract you from important issues.

Looking back, she realized the bastard had won that one after all. No matter how much she vowed that she wouldn't let him corrupt her, his lesson had sunk its claws deep inside her. Whenever people tried to get close, she'd push them away. Or worse, use them. She made sure she always got the better end of any dealings. Never let anyone get close.

Shepard wasn't like that, at all. She was going out of her way to rescue a friend, someone everyone else had given up on. Even the Alliance, who had received the distress call hours before them, wasn't bothering to send aid. After all, who really cares about a bunch of quarians?

_Shepard does._

Before she could think any more about what she was doing, Miranda erased the report. For a long while after that, she sat at the desk, staring at the blank screen.

* * *

Tali watched the monitor, her heart sinking. The angry red icons of incoming hostile ships rapidly approached Haestrom. It figured.

The geth hadn't sent a simple patrol ship or even a light scout, something they could evade or at least have a chance at pulling off a fighting retreat against. The ship that finally showed up to investigate was an assault class cruiser.

The quarian ship had, as soon as they identified the incoming ship, immediately left orbit and began a noisy burn, hoping to lure the cruiser away. It had worked, but only partially.

The geth ship detached several shuttles before chasing the fleeing quarians. And now, those shuttles were entering orbit, on course to land nearby.

She glanced at the window. A hazy red light filtered in. A mere twenty minutes too late, Haestrom's sun was at last starting to set.

It crushed her, inside. It seemed like such a small thing. Only twenty minutes meant the difference between life and death. A little more time, and they would have evacuated safely, with the data. Now, they prepared to fight for their lives.

The marines barricaded the observatory as best they could. Doors had been sealed, windows covered, even the air vents had been closed off. They were also setting up some outside fortifications, to try to keep the fighting away from the scientists as long as possible.

They all knew that in the end, everyone would be fighting. Even a conservative estimate had the geth outnumbering the quarians at least three to one. Their only hope at this point would be to slow the geth, buy enough time for rescue to arrive.

She had a sinking feeling that their ship would not be doing the rescuing, either. Before the ground team had lost contact, the explorer vessel reporting severe engine damage from a precision blast by the geth cruiser. Even if it had made it to the relay, it would be in no shape to pick them up after that.

She was also upset by Kal's decision to leave her inside the observatory, with the scientists. Except for Kal, she had more experience than anyone in combat, and she definitely knew the geth better than him, even.

That, he had argued, was why she needed to stay safe. Someone had to coordinate, to plan for them. Someone needed to organize the science team into some sort of combat unit. Someone had to lead.

As much as she hated to admit it, Kal had been right. They would need everyone before this was over. And she did have the most experience facing the geth. She knew their tactics better than anyone. After all, she had faced them so very many times alongside Shepard.

Her eyes tracked the red icon on the display as it entered the atmosphere. As it got closer, it resolved into a cluster of smaller symbols. Tali counted five geth landing craft. And, to her dismay, a Colossus-class assault unit.

She swore. Things had just gotten a lot worse.

* * *

Shepard finally reached the end of the meditation exercise and stood up, stretching. Dr Chakwas had been adamant - since they wouldn't rendezvous with the quarian ship for a few more hours, Shepard had time to start her new regimin.

She had to admit, the exercises did help, although probably not in the way the doctor had imagined. She felt calmer than she had in a while as she gathered her armor from where she set it by the door. Gearing up, she checked her weapons and ran through a basic warmup with her biotics. She wanted to be ready for action as soon as they found out where Tali was.

She rejoined her team up on the command deck, watching out the viewport as Joker decelerated to dock with the quarian ship. As they approached, the pilot whistled.

"Damn, how is that thing still flying? I've seen swiss cheese with fewer holes."

"I hear you." Shepard agreed - the quarian ship had damage all over, and parts were leaking atmosphere. The engines were especially bad. Only one of them registered as functional to their sensors, and even then the power signature was erratic. She opened her comm system. "All personnel prepare for aid and recovery efforts."

Joker halted the ship a short ways out from the other vessel. "Sorry, Shepard, there's no way I can safely dock with them right now. They're simply too damaged. We're going to have to shuttle them off."

"You did good, Joker." She turned to her team. "Miranda, will you organize a rescue team and start getting them shuttled over to us? I need to meet with their captain and find out what happened and where Tali is."

"Of course, Shepard." The other woman turned, calling out names from the regular Normandy crew to meet her in the shuttle bay. Shepard was a bit surprised - she had expected more resistance from Miranda, but so far, she had gone along with the plan with no objections.

"Mordin, do you mind helping her? Aside from Dr Chakwas, you have the most medical knowledge here."

"Certainly. Quarian physiology fascinating. Always wanted to perform live examination."

"...Right." She looked over at her turian friend. "Garrus, you're with me. While Joker and Miranda are busy shuttling the survivors over, we'll find the captain."

"You got it."

Everyone headed off to their assignments. Shepard met up with Garrus down at the shuttle and rode over to the quarian ship with him. Once there, they exited, making room for Miranda and Mordin to help get the injured onto the shuttle.

The captain, Virok'telsa vas Rellor already had the most seriously injured waiting by the airlock. Soon enough, the Normandy's shuttle was filled and on the way back. Meanwhile, Shepard pulled the other captain off to the side.

"Captain, I wanted to thank you for your efforts in saving us. Especially considering you're Cerberus." The quarian sounded doubtful towards the end.

"I'm not Cerberus, just working with them temporarily." Shepard was getting really tired of always having to explain that. She couldn't wait until she was done with the arrangement. "I'm Alexandra Shepard, I'm a friend of Tali's."

"Ah, Captain Shepard! Tali'zorah has talked a lot about you. It's good to finally meet you. I just wish it was under better circumstances."

"Likewise. And it's not Captain, I'm not even military at the moment."

"You have your own ship - you're a captain." The quarian pointed out.

"True, I guess." She looked around. "What happened to you guys? And where's Tali?"

* * *

Tali laid down covering fire through the window, but the geth ignored it. One unit sparked and fell to the ground, disabled. That didn't slow the other three, who advanced on a trapped marine and cut him down with a stream of pulse laser fire.

Most of the marines were already dead. The geth had overrun their outer positions in minutes, swarming them one at a time with superior numbers. The last holdout, where Kal had made his command post, they had simply destroyed the building with fire from the colossus. She had some small hope that the marines there might be alive, since Kal had chosen that building specifically because of the reinforced basement, but even if they were, they wouldn't be able to help with this fight any time soon.

Fortunately, the observatory was larger and better constructed than the surrouding buildings. So far, it had managed to weather the fire from the geth, including the colossus. With all the entrances sealed, it came down to a siege.

The quarians had supplies for a few days, possibly a week if they really stretched it, but they were low on thermal clips and medical supplies. Kal had spread most of those out among the marines, but with their positions overrun, there was no way to retrieve them.

She counted the survivors. Two marines, six scientists and herself. Nine people, out of an initial group of thirty two. Two of the scientists were wounded, as was one of the marines. They were helping with light duty for now.

As the hours wore on, she rotated watch among the able survivors. She had finally gotten to sleep herself when it seemed like someone was shaking her awake just minutes later. The marine was oddly cheerful, given the situation.

"Tali! The scientists picked up something on the observatory sensors! It appears a ship entered the system and engaged the geth patrol ship. And now the geth ship is gone!"

She smiled. "Keelah! We might make it after all!" A sudden thought occured to her, smothering her good mood. "The geth probably know it too. If they do, they're going to try to make sure we don't survive to get rescued. I want everyone to grab a weapon and be ready. We'll need to hold out long enough for whoever is up there to get a shuttle to us."

Her predictions proved accurate. Within minutes, the geth had formed up and began a full-scale assault on the entrance to the observatory. The colossus positioned itself in front of the main doors, preparing to enter breach mode.

A hail of fire killed one of the scientists and the last healthy marine when they tried to fire a rocket at the assault unit, to disrupt it. Another scientist died to a sniper platform. Tali ordered all the windows sealed after that. They wouldn't be able to thin the geth numbers more, but they were too few, now. They couldn't afford any more losses.

_Whoever you are, get here quick! We need you now. Please..._

*_**Next Chapter: Shepard leads a rescue team down to Haestrom. Her reunion with Tali.**_*


	21. Chapter 20 - Rescue

**What Was Lost**

Chapter 20 - Rescue

Shepard watched Haestrom draw closer in the viewport. The Normandy had arrived in system a few minutes ago and engaged a geth cruiser. Thanks to their stealth drive, the battle had been brief and one-sided. Two shots from the Normandy's cannons took out the geth ship rapidly, and they proceeded on towards the planet.

Garrus hadn't wanted to waste time with the geth ship, wanting to simply use the stealth drive to bypass it and get to the planet quickly. Shepard had disagreed. She didn't want the geth ship interfering with the rescue operations.

Surprisingly, Miranda backed her up on it. The other woman pointed out that while the Normandy might be stealthed, the shuttles definitely were not. If there was any sort of delay, they'd be stuck on the ground, too.

They hadn't signaled the quarians on the ground yet, not wanting to alert the geth to how close they really were. They knew that some signal had probably gotten out to the geth surface forces, but the less information they could let slip, the better.

She met up with her team down in the shuttle bay. She was only taking Garrus, Kasumi, Mordin and Jack on the first trip, leaving plenty of room for any survivors they might find. Garrus and Kasumi would be going with her, to investigate the last known position of the quarian science team, while Mordin would stay with the shuttle to prepare for any medical needs. Jack would guard him, and be ready to play heavy biotic support if needed.

"Fuck yeah, Shepard! I've gotten to kill lots of shit, but never a geth! You better leave me one of those assholes at least." The tattooed woman's eyes practically gleamed in excitement.

"Support only, Jack. We have friendlies out there, remember? This is a rescue mission."

"Yeah, yeah, you watch your shit, I'll watch mine. I'll make sure it's one of those machine fuckers before I blow it all to hell."

"Right..." Shepard continued. "We have to land a little bit out from the building they're holed up in. The sun hasn't fully set yet, and the only landing area covered enough is there." She indicated a position on the map her omnitool displayed. "The bad news is, they're going to know we're coming, so be ready for heavy resistance. Before they fled, the quarian ship spotted at least five landing units, so that means around sixty geth, minimum."

"Seventy. Geth landers do not include life support or other such systems. Also, use airdrop for larger units. Plan on at least one assault-class weapons platform." The scientist interrupted.

"Okay, seventy plus some kind of heavy support. Thanks, Mordin." She considered the map. "At least they'll be spread out. They have to keep the quarians contained, so that should limit the numbers we'll run into at any one time."

She thought for a moment. "We'll still need to keep them distracted. Jack, once we get past the first barrier here," she pointed to a spot on the map, "I want you to break off and cause as much havoc as you can over to the flank. Do as much damage as possible. Have fun."

"Fuck! This is gonna be better than sex! Most sex, anyway. Oh fuck yeah!"

"Mordin, you stick with the shuttle still. We'll be clearing out any geth along the way, but careful just the same."

"Of course, Shepard. Will guard the shuttle. Also, wish to take readings on local buildings. Quarian architecture not often studied."

"...As long as you're ready to go when called." She looked at her team. "Any questions?"

* * *

Tali ordered the remaining scientists to take the injured and hole up in the basement. She stayed in the comms room of the observatory, trying desperately to establish communication with whoever had landed.

So far, she hadn't been able to break through the geth jamming. The enemy had too many jammers for her signal to get through. She kept at it, though.

"_...-ming to-... ...-ill arr... ...ee min-" _The comm unit sparked to life, relaying the incoming transmission. Unfortunately, the same jamming that obscured her signal also distorted the message from the other shuttle.

She adjusted the controls, hoping to clear up the message. She had no luck, though. The signal was simply too garbled. It repeated one more time, then the comm unit went silent again.

_I hope that just means whoever is out there is having the same trouble with the-_

A massive explosion rocked the building. Chunks of ceiling rained down, littering the floor with debris. A large slab of one of the walls crumbled to the floor. The force of the blast knocked Tali off her feet, sending her crashing to the ground.

Groaning, she picked herself up off the floor. Apparently the colossus unit had finished setting up. The geth must be desperate to wipe them out so they could concentrate on the newcomers. Their time was running out.

She checked her suit, finding several small leaks. She did her best to patch them as quickly as possible, but she knew she'd have to see a doctor soon if she wanted to avoid a severe reaction. Fortunately, none of her main systems had been damaged by the blast.

After fixing her suit, she went to check on the scientists. The hallway leading to the room they had sheltered in was littered with debris. She found the room and tried the door, but the blast must have broken the mechanism. Cursing, she manually cranked the door open.

She got it partially open, but stopped when she got a good view inside. The entire outer wall had collapsed in on the room. She could see a few mangled limbs, enough to know that there would be no survivors inside.

She ignored the tears forming at the corners of her eyes. She could mourn later. For now, she needed to get back to work. Tali returned to the comm room, sealing the door behind her. One way or another, that door would only be opening one more time.

* * *

Shepard ducked around the corner, barely avoiding getting shot as a plasma bolt narrowly missed her. Another goddamn geth prime held the area between them and the next door. Worse, the side wall had crumbled, letting the sunlight in. The intense light shining in kept overloading their shields, slowing their progress to a crawl.

There had been occaisional bursts of static from the building ahead, but even EDI couldn't extract a clear enough message from them. Still, it cheered her to know that there were some survivors in the ruins.

They had already been delayed by a fallen pillar. The rubble had blocked in the only doorway leading to the location of the survivors. Finding a way to clear it ate up time. And of course, the geth had slowed them even more. They had to take out the geth patrol before they could set up the mining explosives.

Now they were stuck again. Between the geth prime and the airborne drones, not to mention the sunlight, they were stuck. They had been forced to pull back to the entryway. They were holding for now, but that wasn't good enough.

"Jack, we're pinned down here. Can you get over here?" She called into the comm.

"Shit! I'll try, Shepard." Jack's signal was choppy. "These fuckers are really determined. Can you hold on a min?"

"We're not going anywhere any time soon. Just hurry!"

"Fuck, keep your pants on. I'll be there quick." The convict cut off the signal.

Soon enough, the distinctive sound of Jack's biotic shockwaves filled the courtyard. Shepard added her own biotic blasts through the doorway. Together, they cleared out most of the drones and regular geth units.

Unfortunately, the prime was more durable. Even together, their biotics couldn't get through its shielding and stabilizers. They finally managed to take it down with combined tech blasts from Garrus and Kasumi. Garrus' sniper shots dropped it, shattering its central processing unit.

"Damn, that was fun!" Jack smiled broadly. "We gotta kill more of those!"

"Thanks for the save, Jack."

"Not a prob, Shepard. Shit like this really gets your motor running." She looked around. "Think there's more around here we can wreck?"

The team pressed deeper into the ruins.

* * *

Tali let herself hope for the first time since the geth had arrived. She could hear the sound of explosions and gunfire drawing closer. The colossus had halted its assault on her position, turning away from the observatory. The other team had to be close now.

She kept up her efforts to communicate with whoever was out there. Though, with the colossus unit right outside, she doubted she would get a signal through. She still didn't give up. She needed to let them know she was still alive.

"This is Tali'zorah vas Neema calling whoever is out there. I am trapped in the large observatory by a colossus along with three squads of geth. If you can hear this, please hurry. The building I'm in has suffered severe structural damage."

She repeated the message two more times. There was no reply. She glanced out the viewport. She could see some activity in the square down below. The distinctive black-purple flash of biotic explosions was visible even from this distance. She couldn't make out details from this distance, but it did appear that whoever was out there was getting closer.

"_...-s on the-... ...-st to yo-... ...-cation. Sta-..."_ The message was a bit clearer, but she still couldn't understand it.

"This is Tali'zorah. I received your message but it came out garbled. Please repeat."

"_...i, this is S-... ...-ld on. We're al-..."_ No luck still.

She returned to the window, trying to spot the other squad out there. Movement caught her eye. Her rescuers appeared to be about halfway across the square. They disappeared around a corner, almost to the small courtyard outside the observatory.

The colossus! She dashed to the comm unit.

"This is Tali'zorah. If you are receiving this, be careful in the next area. There is a colossus assault unit outside the door. Repeat, a colossus in the courtyard you're approaching."

There was no reply. She guessed the other team was too close to the colossus for them to break through the jamming. She could only hope her message got through to them. It would be too cruel if they were killed this close to saving her.

Soon enough, she spotted activity at the edge of the courtyard. A group of figures stopped behind the rubble at the far end. They didn't have any recognizable insignia she could see from this distance. In fact, they didn't have a uniform appearance at all. So, they were probably not military or a merc band.

_I hope you're friendly! And that you get here quick!_

* * *

Shepard crouched down out of line of sight of the colossus. The quarian they had found, Kal'reegar, also ducked as the assault unit fired a blast overhead. Dust and small chunks of wall rained down as more of the building behind them crumbled.

"Damn! We're not going to last long if we don't take that thing out quick!" She nodded to Jack and fired off a combined biotic wave with the other woman. The colossus didn't even budge. Its shields flickered briefly, then returned to full power.

"Fuck..." Jack sounded awed. Shepard couldn't blame her - their strongest biotic attack, and the geth unit shrugged it off completely.

"Sorry, Shep, I don't think my toys are gonna do much for this one." Kasumi had already tried using several of her tools, but the geth was hardened against tech attacks too. "Looks like we're stuck taking this thing down the hard way."

"Shepard, I have a couple rockets left. I could hit it while your team flanks it." Reegar sounded a bit shaken but still determined.

"You've done enough, Kal." She shook her head at him. "I commed my medic, he's on the way here now, so stay down and stay alive."

"You're not my commander, Shepard. I can't just sit by and do nothing." The quarian argued.

"You won't help Tali by getting killed, either!" She pushed him back further into cover. "If you want to help, stay here and try to get in touch with Tali. We need to let her know we're coming."

"All right, Shepard, we'll try it your way. Just make sure you get all the bastards."

"Don't worry about that! We're gonna blow all these fuckers back to hell!" Jack grinned.

Shepard surveyed the courtyard. "Garrus, you take the catwalk to the side there, stay up and try to keep the lesser geth off us."

"Will do," he nodded. "Reegar, if I could have those rockets, I'll do my best to keep the colossus busy, too."

"Make 'em count. That's all I could salvage." The quarian passed him the remaining missiles.

"Kasumi, you use the distraction to slip by and get ready to try the colossus' shields again." She pointed to one of the bridges in the courtyard.

"Sure, Shep. Don't take too long, though. My cloaking won't last forever against that."

"Jack, you're with me. We're gonna sneak around the other side and take out that damn colossus when Kasumi drops the shields on it."

"Oh yeah!"

The team split up. Garrus fired a few bursts from his sniper rifle while Shepard and the others dashed through the open part of the courtyard. Even so, a few geth platforms took shots at them. If not for the strength of their barriers, the two women would have been in trouble.

They took out the geth in their path and made their way to the side of the colossus just in time to see Kasumi drop her stealth field and fire a tech blast at the assault unit, overloading its shields. Shepard sent an immobilizing wave at the geth, then Jack followed up with a full strength biotic blast. The resulting detonation rocked the ground.

"Fuck yeah! Shepard, we're fucking unstoppable!" Jack grinned widely her way.

Shepard normally would have smiled too, but she was too worried about Tali at the moment. "Yeah. I really hope that's the last of them for now. We need to get in there and find Tali."

"Yeah, whatever. Shit like this has to get you pumped, though. We fucking wrecked them, righteously." Jack looked around. "You go find your friend, I'll make sure there's no more geth bastards out here."

Kasumi nodded. "I'll stick with her. There's gotta be lots of stuff out here we can salvage." She lowered her voice, making sure Jack had wandered far enough away. "Besides, someone should keep an eye on the one-woman demolition team, Shep."

"Thanks, Kasumi, I really appreciate."

She got to work on the door, and soon Garrus joined her to help get it open. It took a bit, but between them they unsealed the door. After they finally opened it, they cautiously advanced into the room, checking for any geth.

"I hope we're not too late." Garrus quietly commented to her.

Shepard nodded in agreement with him, too anxious to speak.

Inside, they found a door on the side of the room near the entrance. She opened it, but couldn't get inside. The room was filled with rubble from the collapsed wall. She could also see several exosuited limbs.

"No..." She whispered. She heard Garrus mutter a prayer to the spirits.

"I... we..." Shepard didn't know how to finish. "We should check the rest of the building..."

* * *

Tali could no longer hear sounds of combat from below. Since she also didn't see any geth wandering around, she assumed that meant whoever was out there had succeeded in taking out the colossus.

She cautiously walked to the door, unsealing it for her rescuers. She headed down the stairs, towards the main room. She held her breath as the other group emerged from the hallway. She had to hope...

_Keelah!_

She broke into a run.

_It's her!_

She threw her arms around Shepard...

* * *

Shepard was frozen in place, shocked. Tali had her arms around Shepard's neck and was... well, she was kissing her. It was certainly the last thing she had expected to happen. The quarian had her helmet pressed against Shepard's face, the mouth area of her mask on her lips.

She awkwardly put her hands on Tali's hips, trying to regain some control over the situation. That only seemed to encourage the quarian, who pressed herself tighter against Shepard's body.

It must have looked weird too, because she could hear Garrus laughing quietly off to the side. She didn't blame him. She could only imagine what they looked like at the moment.

Finally, Tali broke the kiss, stepping back a little from Shepard. Even so, the she didn't seem to want to lose contact, because she took one of Shepard's hands in her own. She was staring up at the human, relief and happiness clearly evident in her body language.

"You saved me again, Shepard..." Tali leaned in, letting herself rest against Shepard. "I told myself... I... I promised I would tell you how I feel when I saw you again, and now..."

"I'll... ah... go check on the others, make sure the shuttle is ready to go." Garrus discreetly stepped from the room, still laughing.

_Garrus, you bastard!_ She just knew he was going to tell Joker all about this one...

Meanwhile, Tali had slipped her arms around Shepard's waist, hugging her again. "I thought I was going to die without telling you." She whispered. "I should have told you back on Freedom's Progress but I was too scared."

"...Tali?"

"I really like you, Shepard. It broke my heart when you died. I don't ever want to feel that again. So I'm telling you know. This time I'm not giving up."

"Uh..."

Tali placed a finger over the human's lips, silencing her. "You don't have to say anything now. But now you know how things are. Think on it, okay?"

"Tali, I-" She started to speak, but Tali cut her off again.

"Not now, Shepard. I mean it." The quarian looked up at her, warning her that she was indeed serious.

Shepard nodded, not saying anything. It seemed to be the right thing to do, because Tali took her hand and led her back to the main room. "I need to gather the data we collected, then we can leave. I've had enough of this planet."

She followed the quarian, her mind still in a fog. _Tali kissed me!_ It had definitely been a kiss. And despite the helmet and the general awkwardness, it had felt good. Really good. She looked over at the other woman. _What do I do now?_

Tali was thrilled when Kal'reegar walked in a few minutes later with Jack and Kasumi. While she talked with her companion, Shepard walked over to her team.

"Garrus called Mordin. He'll be bringing the shuttle to meet us in a few minutes. The sun is low enough that it's safe to land in the courtyard at last." Kasumi shot Shepard a quizzical glance. "Are you alright, Shep? Your face is red."

"Let's get out of here before more geth arrive." She ignored the speculative look the thief was giving her.

"Fine, Shep. Keep your secret for now. I'll find out eventually." Kasumi grinned widely at her.

Soon enough the shuttle landed outside the ruined observatory. They helped the injured Reegar into it, and loaded the cargo area with all the items Tali had collected. They took off, heading back to the Normandy.

Shepard stared out the windows as they flew, lost in thought. _What should I do?_ She looked over at the quarian sitting next to her. Tali was dozing, finally able to relax. She looked so... cute. Shepard sighed quietly.

_What do I want?_

*_**Next Chapter: Encounters on the Normandy. Finding warlord Okeer. Trouble on the Horizon colony.**_*


	22. Chapter 21 - Gossip

**What Was Lost **

Chapter 21 - Gossip

Garrus grinned. This mission had gone far better than he expected. None of the team had been injured at all, and they had saved Tali and one of her marines. Not to mention...

He shot a wink over to Shepard, who blushed furiously and returned to looking out the viewport of the shuttle. Tali, still resting, shifted closer to the human, resting her helmet on the woman's shoulder. Shepard's face flushed even more as the quarian snuggled against her.

_By the spirits, this is going to be fun!_

He found himself laughing quietly, remembering what the two women had looked like kissing. Tali had been so eager, practically wrapping herself around the human, while Shepard fumbled about, trying to figure out what to do. It had been so awkward and silly.

He had known about Tali's crush for quite a while, so it hadn't been too surprising from her end. Shepard, on the other hand, was a bit harder to read. His friend obviously hadn't hated it - putting her hands on Tali's hips and pulling her in closer during the kiss said as much - but she also apparently didn't know what she wanted to do now, either.

Of course, he needed to find the right way to tell Joker about this. He still owed the pilot for surprising him with the news about Shepard and Liara two and a half years ago, and this promised to be the perfect way for a little revenge.

Joker would definitely appreciate the story, he was sure. Especially the part where he'd descibe what Shepard looked like trying to return the kiss.

_I know she'll get me back for this one, but it's simply too good to pass up._

* * *

Jack tossed her mission gear in a pile next to the airlock. One of the Cerberus flunkies could clean it for her. As far as she was concerned, that was all they were good for, and they should count themselves lucky she didn't kill the lot of them. Bastards.

She still felt pumped from the mission. Killing all those geth had been intense. And the way she and Shepard had ripped apart that big fucker...

The mission had been successful too, she supposed. They saved Shepard's little quarian friend and her buddy. Plus, they scored some nice loot from the ruins. And lots of people would pay big cash for actual geth parts. She had made sure to snag some for herself before they left. Always good to have some extra cash or tradeables on hand.

_Shit, this ship is loaded. And the weapons are top of the line. Plus, that crazy salarian keeps fixing them up even better. I guess sticking around won't be so bad. 'Least Shepard has lots of stuff for me to kill..._

Jack wandered towards the elevators, crewmembers rapidly getting out of her way. Keeping a psychotic grin on your face was definitely the best way to avoid being hassled by people, she thought. Look crazy enough, and most people won't even try to fuck with you.

Unfortunately, that didn't work on everyone. She groaned when she saw the Cerberus whore step off the elevator. She tried to avoid Miranda as much as possible, mostly because she didn't want to piss Shepard or EDI off too much by throwing down with her.

"Jack," the other woman greeted her cooly. "I followed your progress from the CIC, very nice work taking out that colossus."

Jack opened her mouth before her brain registered what she was about to do. She had almost said 'fuck yeah' or some other buddy crap. Maybe all this teamwork bullshit Shepard kept spouting was rubbing off on her...

_What the fuck is wrong with me? Am I actually listening to the superslut?_

Miranda kept staring at her, waiting for a reply.

_Right, time to fix this..._ Jack shoved past her, turned around and flipped her off as she activated the elevator. "Eat a dick, bitch!" The look of shock and hurt and anger on Miranda's face was absolutely priceless.

_Back to normal... Now for a drink. I need to clear this shit out of my head. Fuck._

* * *

Shepard stared at the ceiling, her mind drifting. She had barely made it to her cabin, waving off Kelly and the others who clambered to speak with her. She only paused just long enough to tell Joker to set course for the last known location of warlord Okeer - plus a couple days' detour to rendesvouz with a quarian transport so they could drop off the survivors.

That wouldn't include Tali. She had been very clear that, now that her mission on Haestrom was over, she would be staying with Shepard. Currently, Tali was being treated by Dr Chakwas, her suit having been damaged during her ordeal. Shepard was worried about her, but she was also a bit relieved. She needed time to think.

She had changed out of her armor, but that was as far as she'd gotten. She should have been hungry after that much biotic activity, but she didn't feel like eating right now. Neither did the shower tempt her. Her mind swirled, conflicting thoughts filling her head.

_Tali kissed me..._

It should have felt uncomfortable. The exosuit alone should have made it feel incredibly weird and... and...

_It was nice._

That thought kept repeating in her brain. It had been nice. And she really, really wanted to do it again. The exosuit didn't matter. Because it was Tali.

Shepard sighed.

_Am I ready to try again?_ What Liara had done still hurt. She kept trying to get past it, but she still found herself thinking about it from time to time. The nightmares had faded, for the most part, but she still got one every now and then.

Now it was clear that Tali wanted... her. Her friend wanted to be more. Shepard wasn't so sure about herself. Did she want to risk herself again? Risk ruining what she had with Tali now? Could she chance losing another friend after everything else that had been taken from her?

_What do I really want?_

The thoughts chased each other, jumbling up in her mind.

_What do I want...?_

Sleep was a long, long time coming.

* * *

Liara couldn't believe it. If the news hadn't come from one of her most trusted sources and been verified by two others, she would have dismissed it as a cruel joke. Or worse, a setup by the Shadow Broker to distract her.

It it was, it was working perfectly.

_Shepard is alive!_

She didn't know what to feel. Relief certainly dominated her thoughts. Her friend, her lover, her... Shepard was alive again! Whatever Cerberus had done with the body, it had worked. Shepard was back, and was really herself.

Of course, the Cerberus thing brought up waves of dread and a vaguely sick feeling in her stomach. What would Shepard think when she found out how she ended up with Cerberus in the first place?

And she would find out, of that Liara was certain. Someone would tell her, or she'd investigate on her own. There was no way Shepard would simply let an important detail like that slip by. And when she did...

_I did this... She might be alive again, but she's stuck with Cerberus. It's my fault!_

Regret also featured heavily in her contemplation. She hadn't even left Shepard a message. True, she hadn't expected Cerberus to actually bring her back at all, but still. No message, no explanation, nothing.

_What does she think of me now? How do I fix this?_

* * *

Shepard wandered down to the bar Kasumi had fixed up in the port side lounge. She really needed to get a drink. The lounge was mercifully empty when she arrived, most of the crew still resting before the morning shift, despite being on a light duty rotation during their detour to the quarian transport.

She poured herself a drink, sitting on the couch to watch the stars fly by. She leaned back in the seat. She still felt a bit tired. The previous night, she had barely been able to sleep at all, her mind kept racing, thinking about things. About Tali.

No matter how much she thought about it, she couldn't make a decision. Since the kiss, she hadn't been able to get the quarian out of her mind. Not that she wanted to. Mostly, she was unsure of what to do next.

"Hey, Shep!" Kasumi's cheerful greeting filled the lounge. "Couldn't sleep either?"

"Hi, Kasumi." Shepard smiled weakly at her. She had been so lost in thought, she hadn't heard the thief enter the room. "Yeah, a lot on my mind."

"Soooooo, you gonna tell me about it, or do I have to stalk you until I find out?" The thief grinned conspirationally at her. "Cause you know I will."

"I guess it would be good to have someone to talk to." Shepard reluctantly agreed. "First, I need another drink."

"Sounds good. I could use one, myself." Kasumi poured two drinks, handing one to Shepard.

"Before I tell you, you promise not to spread this around?"

"Can't guarantee that! You're just gonna have to take a chance, Shep." The thief paused thoughtfully. "This wouldn't have anything to do with why Garrus and Joker were laughing in the cockpit for ten minutes straight, would it?"

"Oh god damn it." She groaned. "I am going to kill him this time."

"Kill which one? Garrus or Joker?"

"Yes!"

Kasumi giggled softly. "Okay, now I really have to know - what happened?"

"Fine... Down on Haestrom, Tali kissed me. That's all. Garrus was watching and I guess he told Joker about it."

"That can't be all. Something had those boys almost in tears." She stopped for a bit, thinking. "Wait... Unless she took off her helmet, how did she...? I mean, how do you kiss...?" Kasumi looked confused. "Okay, Shep, I think you need to explain more, because I'm not seeing how it could work."

"Yeah, well, I'm pretty sure you can see what they were laughing about." Shepard sighed. "I can't really blame them. I can only imagine what we must have looked like."

"Oh my..." The thief wasn't even trying to hold back her laughter. "That's... wow..."

"Yes, because Joker taunting me about being a zombie was getting old..." She got up, fixing another drink. "Apparently the universe thinks my life isn't complicated enough."

"Okay, I have to ask - how was it?" Kasumi looked honestly interested. "You gotta tell me."

"It was nice." She blushed, she was sure. "Really nice, despite, y'know... well..."

"If it was that good, then why did you practically lock yourself in your cabin the past few days and why are you down here drinking instead of with her?"

"It's complicated, Kasumi." She didn't know how to explain.

"No, it's not, Shep." The thief was oddly serious, for once. "You like her and she obviously likes you, it doesn't get much simpler than that. So again, why have you been avoiding everyone? Including her?"

"I don't want to mess this up, alright?" She leaned back in the couch. "I'm not sure I could go through that again..."

"Look, I don't know what happened in the past, but it's obvious you've been hurt before. My question is, are you going to let it cost you what you could have right now?"

"I know..." She finished off her drink and fixed another.

"Uh, Shep, maybe you should slow it down a bit?" The thief looked concerned.

"Nah, one of the 'blessings' of being a strong biotic. My metabolism burns through alcohol really, really fast." She sat back down. "Hell, I have to drink this much just to feel even a little bit."

"So what are you gonna do? You still didn't answer me."

"I'm not sure yet. Honestly, I don't know. I came down here to think about it."

"Well, I'd say go for it, but that's just me. Granted, you might have a few things to work out, but I'm sure you can handle it." Kasumi returned to her normal, upbeat demeanor.

"I'll let you know what I decide," Shepard promised. "But enough about me, how are you and Jacob?..."

* * *

Kaiden rested in the bed, Lillith snuggled up against him. Life here on Horizon was good. He had filed his weekly report, sending it off for some bureaucrat to read and forget, he was sure. Not that he minded at all. The longer they ignored him for now, the better, in his opinion.

The guns were the only downside of the current situation. He still kept running into problem after problem. He'd no sooner fix one, than two more would pop up. Aside from that, he was happy here. The weather was almost always nice, so he didn't really mind working outside on them.

All in all, things were going well. And they promised to only get better...

He looked down at the woman sleeping against him. There on her finger was the engagement ring he had bought her. He had ordered it from one of the best jewellers on the Citadel and arranged for it to be shipped all the way out to the colony to surprise her.

Engaged. He hadn't expected it, certainly not on a colony at the far end of the Alliance. Of course he had relationships before, but none of them had ever seemed permanent to him. Not like this. Lillith made him happy. Complete.

All too soon, morning rolled around. They woke up and enjoyed a leisurely breakfast. They kissed goodbye, and Kaiden headed out to deal with his nemesis. Sure enough, the newest targetting software he had installed last night caused some glitches that jammed the reload mechanism...

He got to work, taking his time. Since he didn't have much else to do out here, he simply enjoyed his time outdoors while he worked. The light breeze and partial clouds only served to make the day even better.

A little after lunch, his comm unit buzzed, interrupting his progress. "This is Kaiden, go."

"Alenko, we need you in the ATC building right away. Something's going on at the mass relay."

"I'm on my way." He shut down the omnitool and broke into a run, heading for the port. _Is it slavers? We're a bit out of their usual territory._

He dashed up the stairs of the ATC building, and found the senior port official on the top floor of the tower. "Mike, what's going on?"

"No idea. Our sensors picked up something massive coming through the relay, then they started going crazy before we could get a good read on it." He tossed a datapad to Kaiden. "That's what we were able to pick up before we lost contact."

Kaiden scanned the datapad briefly, his confusion growing. _What the hell? Whatever it is, it's about the same size as the Destiny Ascension! No way this is a slaver band._

"Shit."

"Yeah, that was pretty much our conclusion too." Mike led him over to one of the tracking panels. "According to the last known readings, we have about two days before it gets in system, then maybe three hours after that." He paused. "Ready for the worse news?"

"Tell me."

"In addition to knocking out our sensors, this thing also jammed our comm relays. We can't get word out to the Alliance."

* * *

Tali was relieved to finally be out of sickbay. Dr Chakwas had kept her there for three days now, making sure her infection was under control. True, she had suffered a moderate reaction due to the multiple suit punctures from the battle, but she was fine now, mostly.

She had had several visitors during her stay. Joker came down to greet her again, and stopped by after his shifts. Garrus was a frequent guest too. At first, she had been shocked to see the scarring he suffered. Still, aside from being a bit grimmer, he seemed like the same old Garrus. '_Just missing a few pieces,'_ he added wryly.

Shepard had visited too, but the human seemed a bit awkward. She never brought up the kiss, and always stopped by when Chakwas or someone else was there too. She also looked... tired, maybe, or worried. Tali wasn't sure, but something was going on with her.

Tali was anxious to find out. She needed to get the human alone so they could talk. She intended to do just that after she got her quarters set up.

The new Normandy was amazing, she had to admit. As much as the Cerberus aspect and the AI worried her, she couldn't get over how incredible the ship was. Everything was top of the line, and unlike a normal military ship, Cerberus had made several concessions to crew comfort.

She headed up to the top deck, where Shepard's cabin was. She knocked, waiting a moment. She didn't hear anything. Apparently Shepard wasn't in. She went down to next deck, checking the command area. Shepard wasn't there, but Joker was.

"Hey, Tali, feeling better?" The pilot asked.

"I am, thanks." She sat down in the chair next to him. "Have you seen Shepard around?"

"She stopped by a couple hours ago, checking if we're still on time for the rendesvouz, but other than that, not recently."

"Oh."

"Are you sure you're okay? You seem a bit down." Joker looked over at her, concerned.

"I'm fine. I was just hoping to find her, talk to her." She tried to sound more upbeat.

"If you say so," the pilot agreed doubtfully. "You might want to try the crew deck, then. The doc put her on this new diet and meditation program. She hates it, but she's stuck to it so far. Check one of the lounges."

"I'll take a look. Thanks, Joker." She got up, intending to head down a deck.

"This wouldn't have anything to do with your little kiss on the planet, would it?" The pilot's question stopped her in her tracks.

"Keelah, Garrus told you?" She blushed behind her mask.

"Yep. He sure did." Joker grinned at her. "Wish I could have seen it."

"Great..." She sighed. "Just great. No wonder she's been avoiding everyone."

"Look, I know it's not really my place, but you should give her some time. She'll talk with you when she's ready."

"I know, but I waited two years already."

"Tali, she was a bit... dead... for that time." Joker pointed out. "Can't really blame her for being hesitant now."

"True."

"You know, if you really want the inside scoop, you should go talk to Kasumi."

"The weird hooded woman who was with the ground team?" Tali was puzzled. "Why her?"

"Well, she's been buddy-buddy with Shepard ever since they recruited her on the Citadel. Plus, she seems to know eveything that goes on aboard ship." Joker shrugged. "She might not tell you, but it's worth asking."

"I'll give that a try then. Thanks again Joker."

* * *

Shepard meditated. At first, the routines the doctor provided had proved frustrating, but now, she was just beginning to see the true value. She was making rapid progress in learning the various asari techniques, and her biotic control was better than ever.

Not only that, but they really did help her feel calm and centered. She was still concerned with all the problems she had to deal with, but for a time, they didn't bother her. She could simply clear her mind and let herself relax.

She had time to do that now, too. EDI confirmed that the warlord Okeer, the krogan scientist they were after, was currently located on Korlus. Now that they had dropped off the quarian survivors at the rendesvouz, they still had a few hours until they arrived at Okeer's location.

After a time, she finished the exercises. She got up, stretching, and thought about where to go now. She decided to check in with Miranda and EDI. Hopefully, the two of them would have more information on Korlus as well as a reason for why Okeer chose to set up a lab there. She intended to go into this mission prepared for anything, for once.

Not that it would go that easily - it never did. She was sure something would go wrong. Still, it wouldn't hurt to be prepared. She knocked on the door of Miranda's office-slash-quarters.

"Come in." The other woman's voice called from the other side. "Hello, Shepard," Miranda greeted her as she entered.

"Hey Miranda, got a minute?"

"Of course."

"I was wondering, did you and EDI find out why Okeer chose Korlus for his lab? It seems like an odd choice for a scientist."

Miranda activated a wall display, pulling up a detailed image of Korlus, along with a scrolling list of relevant data. "At first, it didn't make sense to us either. However, after reviewing the information on Okeer's recent employment history EDI provided, we spotted something."

"Miss Lawson thought it was significant that three of the past seven consulting jobs Okeer has taken have been with the Blue Suns." The AI's voice joined the discussion. "Not only that, but all three had the same contact - Commander Jedore."

Miranda picked up the discussion. "Tracking this Jedore's purchases found this." She called up an expense report, highlighting a section. "Cloning and breeding equipment, as well as mass puchases of krogan scale weapons and armor. I'd say it's likely that Okeer is trying to cure the genophage somehow. Probably in return for supplying Jedore with loyal warriors."

"Great... So if he's got a lab and support, why would he choose to drop all that to come with us?" Shepard's mind flashed back to Saren's lab on Virmire, recalling the experiments the crazy turian had authorized while under Sovereign's control.

"Warlord Okeer is reported to have engaged in limited dealings with the Collectors over time." EDI commented. "It was noted that on several occaisions, he was unsatisfied with the results of the deals. I would assume that appealing to his sense of vengeance might be appropriate."

"What she said." Miranda nodded. "He may have worked with the Collectors, but he hates them, and he'd probably be up for some payback if given the chance."

"Thanks, that does help." Shepard was already considering several plans.

"Shepard, could we talk a minute?" The other woman glanced over at the holodisplay. "Privately, if you don't mind EDI."

"Of course, Miss Lawson." The holoimage shut down.

"What's up, Miranda?"

"It's about Jack, Shepard. She's not a team player. She might be working with you for now, but are you sure we can rely on her? She's hostile and uncooperative at best, and an active danger to this ship and everyone on it at worst."

"I'm pretty sure we can. She's getting better, but there's still a long way to go." Shepard paused, looking over at her. "She's been on board with no serious incidents for weeks now, why the sudden concern?"

"It's not sudden. I've been observing her for a while." Miranda looked determined. "I really do think she's a threat. Maybe not today, but one of these days we're going to regret ever bringing her aboard the ship."

"I'll think on it." Shepard promised. "I think she needs more time, though. She has potential, but she's been hurt before. She did great down on Haestrom - she stuck to the plan and really helped out against that colossus. If we can keep working with her, I think she'll be a great asset to the team."

"It's your call, Shepard. I just wanted to share my concerns."

"Thanks, Miranda." Shepard nodded. "I promise, I'll keep an eye on her."

"Very well, Shepard."

* * *

Kaiden worked on the guns, desperately trying to fix them before whatever was out there arrived in system. In the four hours since the unidentified signature had been detected, the entire colony had gone on alert status. Everyone was doing what they could to get ready if... when... the worst happened.

He cursed himself for slacking so much. He had let himself slack off, get comfortable on the planet. He had spent far too many days enjoying the weather or sneaking off for a date with Lillith when he could have been fixing the guns for good.

Now he was paying for it. They had two days, maybe three, until the incoming whatever arrived. And of course, the guns weren't ready. The targetting computers refused to cooperate.

He got a sick feeling in his gut. His fiancee and all his friends on the planet could die in a couple days, and it would be his fault. _Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! I should have fixed this right away. Hell, I should have called for a replacement unit and a tech team to install it when the problems first popped up. But no, I had to delay it, make any excuse to stay on world..._

With the comm jamming in place, there was no way to call for help either. He kept working. Somehow, he had to make this right.

*_**Next Chapter: Recruiting a krogan. The situation on Horizon gets desperate. More Normandy encounters.**_*


	23. Chapter 22 - Omens

**What Was Lost**

Chapter 22 - Omens

Tali stared down at the ruined world below them. Korlus hung in orbit, the decaying shell of a once-great planet. Now, it was the junkyard of the galaxy. She had been here once before, with her father who was arranging the purchase of some ship parts for the fleet. It hadn't changed much - if anything, it was even uglier.

Their shuttle was en route to the landing zone closest to Okeer's last known position. The whole squad was going this time, split into two teams. She was in Shepard's team along with Jack and Kasumi, while Garrus, Miranda, Zaeed and Jacob escorted Mordin, who wanted to test one of his latest upgrades.

She was thrilled that Shepard chose her for her team. While she still hadn't managed to get Shepard alone to talk, she was glad that the human wasn't avoiding her. Kasumi also was busy when she tried to track down the thief.

Now they were headed down to Korlus, tracking a rogue krogan scientist. Unfortunately, their sensors detected large numbers of Blue Suns mercenaries on the ground. Not to mention, they only had a vague location of the warlord. They narrowed his position to one cluster of wrecks in the flatlands of the main continent.

The plan was to search the two most likely areas. Hopefully one team would find Okeer quickly, before the Suns could react to their prescence. Shepard's team was taking the more heavily fortified one, of course.

Tali glanced over at Shepard. She was unusually quiet, considering they were just starting a mission. Normally, Shepard would be excited, joking with the crew and generally ready to go. Today, however, she was subdued.

"Shep, you okay? You're kinda quiet today." Kasumi picked up on it too.

"I'm fine." The human smiled briefly at her, then resumed staring out her viewport, the smile fading from her face rapidly as soon as her head turned.

"Fuck, get yer head in the game, Shepard. We got a shitload of those Blue Suns assholes down there to kill. I still owe 'em for my little vacation on the Purgatory." Jack appeared to be some weird combination of pissed off and excited.

Shepard just sighed. Something was definitely going on with her. Tali resolved to talk with her for sure after the mission.

Kasumi slid over closer to Tali. "Do you have anything to do with this?" The thief asked her quietly, nodding towards Shepard.

Tali shook her head. "No. At least, I don't think so."

"Right... I think you know more than I do. We can talk more later."

She groaned. "Looking forward to it."

* * *

Shepard sent forth a biotic wave, tripping the charging krogan off the narrow path. Kasumi shot her a thumbs-up from across the platform. Shepard tried to return the gesture with a smile, but her heart simply wasn't in it today.

Normally, she had no trouble getting psyched for a mission. She loved the thrill, the rush. Especially being able to fully unleash her biotics. That alone was a treat. Usually, she needed a specialized training room or a deserted area for anything like that.

But not today. Thanks to the asari meditation techniques the doctor had started her on, her control was better than ever. But she couldn't get into it. Something was missing. Something important.

_What's wrong with me?_

Her team pressed on. They had found a wounded merc who traded some medigel and a promise of safe passage off planet for information on what was happening here. Evidently, Okeer doublecrossed Commander Jedore somehow, and the krogan he cloned for her came out wrong. Not controllable at all.

He had also pointed out the main lab, set up in one of the nearby wrecks. The ship, once a hospital vessel, had easily been converted to a research and cloning facility. They signaled the other team, ordering them to head to the lab as soon as possible and back them up.

She should have been excited. They had solid intel for once, and with the fighting between the krogan clones and the Suns, a fantastic distraction to cover their advance. Not only that, but her team was in the lead.

_So why can't I get into it? I'm just going through the motions on this one._

Eventually, they foun Okeer's lab, but of course he wouldn't join them before they did something for him. He wanted them to hunt down and kill Jedore, who was launching a final attack on the facility, while he prepared his 'perfect' krogan for transport.

Shepard didn't care. She barely listened to his ranting, something about a pure krogan who would blah blah blah... She didn't even complain when he asked them to go find Jedore and kill her.

Jedore wasn't difficult to locate. She had holed up in the cloning room a few floors down, and was releasing the krogan inside to stop them. She even had a YMIR mech guarding her.

"Fuck, clones and a big fucking mech? I am so gonna waste this bitch!" Jack shot Shepard a feral grin. The tattooed woman was definitely psyched for the fight.

"What's the plan, Shep?" Kasumi also smiled.

"Jack and I will keep the krogan busy while you two disable the shields on that thing." Shepard gestured to Tali and Kasumi. "After we take out the mech, we kill Jedore and get Okeer and get off this rock."

The other three nodded and they split into teams. Shepard covered Tali, blasting clones out of the way while she used her omnitool to start on the mech. Her drone also kept the krogan busy. From the other side of the room, they could hear Jack and Kasumi doing much the same thing.

Soon enough, the only foe left was Jedore. Without her clones and YMIR, she was easy to take down. They searched the dying merc, finding the shutoff control for the gas she was pumping into the main lab.

"...Haven't won ye-..." Jedore's eyes stared unseeing at the ceiling while the generator nearby started glowing ominously.

"Shit, bitch was booby trapped!" Jack dove for cover behind a nearby bank of cloning tubes, Kasumi and Tali right behind her. Shepard simply stood there a moment, looking down at the dead merc, before taking cover herself. Even so, her delay cost her. The blast slammed her down to the floor.

Fortunately, her armor absorbed the brunt of the attack, though she would have some nice bruises. She shook off the last of the dizziness, and stood up, looking around. The overloaded generator had taken out a sizeable chunk of the room.

"Shepard, are you okay?" Tali asked, concerned.

"Yeah, the fuck were you thinking?"

Shepard waved off the questions. "I'm fine. Let's go get Okeer and get the hell out of here. I just want all this over with."

By the time they returned to the lab, it was too late. Okeer had died from the gas, though he had managed to protect his clone.

"We taking this thing?" Jack pointed at the tank.

"I guess so. He did say he programmed it with all his knowledge, so hopefully that includes the info we need on the collectors. Even if not, he might work with us, and a krogan on the team would be a good thing." Shepard didn't really care, though.

She looked down at her armor, where the generator blast had scorched it. Normally, she would have easily avoided a trick like that. Today though, she had simply stood there until it was almost too late. _Something is wrong with me..._

* * *

Kaiden stared at the tracking screen in the ATC building. The unidentified ship had just entered the system, and it was huge. Not only that, but the power output on it was immense too. Far beyond usual ship generators.

"Mike, got an ETA on that thing yet?" He checked his weapons again as he asked.

"Three hours, more or less. Probably less." The ATC chief sounded worried.

Kaiden didn't blame him. He still hadn't managed to get the damn guns working, although he finally found the core of the problem. The standard control program had been sabotaged by some outside source. The recent 'upgrade' he'd installed had instead riddled the system with errors.

_When this is over, I'm going to hunt down the son of a bitch who sent us that update and make them pay!_

"Right. I don't want to panic anyone, but we need any volunteers with military experience or familiarity with weapons to report to my little armory. I should have enough weapons for everyone. Might not do much good against whatever that thing is carrying, but it's our best shot now."

"I'll make the call," Mike activated the comm unit, setting it for emergency broadcast.

Kaiden headed downstairs, jogging briskly to his armory hut. He rapidly set out a row of weapons for volunteers to take. The Alliance had provided him a wide variety of guns to take, but unfortunately, no heavy weapons or grenades. He had a few frag grenades from his personal supplies, but that was it.

After he had armed several of the colonists, he set out, searching for Lillith. His heart sank when the small science station told him she was out in the field, surveying the land for the next planting season. He tried to comm her, but there was no reply. He left a brief message, begging her to find shelter somewhere safe.

When they first detected the unknown ship, she had informed him that she intended to keep working. '_Even if they're raiders, we're still going to need to eat after all this is over,'_ she had told him.

He hadn't wanted to argue. If anything, being away from the main colony might protect her. At least she wouldn't be in the militia. He didn't know if he could handle her being shot at like that.

He returned to his armory, checking his weapons again. _One more hour, and they'll be here..._

* * *

Tali marched out of the elevator and sounded the buzzer at Shepard's door. She knew the human was inside - EDI confirmed it. After they returned to the ship, Shepard had ordered the korgan tank stored in one of the small rooms on the engineering deck while she thought about what to do with it, then headed upstairs. Apparently, she hadn't come out since then.

_Enough is enough. I'm going to talk with her - she doesn't get to avoid me or ignore me today. Not after that thing with Jedore._ Tali frowned as she waited at the door. _I don't know what's wrong with her, but I'm not going to sit by and watch her die again._

She knocked on the door after getting no reply from the buzzer. Still nothing. She activated the holodisplay near the elevator.

"EDI, open her door please. I really need to talk with her." Normally, she did her best to avoid the AI, but now she had much bigger issues.

"I'm sorry Tali'Zorah. Shepard activated privacy mode and left strict instructions that she is not to be disturbed." The AI's voice answered her - it sounded regretful, somehow.

"Please, this is really important. She almost let herself die down there today. Something is wrong with her, and I need to know what. We have to fix whatever is bothering her, or next time she really might die."

The holoimage was silent for a long moment. Then, just when she was about to try to find another way through the door, EDI replied. "Very well. I am instructed to protect all members of the crew. I choose to interpret that to include protecting them from themselves, when the situation demands. I will unseal the door now."

"Thanks, EDI."

The door quietly hissed open. The room inside was dark, only the lights from the fish tank and a few display panels providing illumination. She stepped inside, looking around. She still didn't hear anything, aside from the gentle hum of the ship's systems.

"Shepard, I know you're in here. Please, I really need to talk with you." She peered further into the room. There, on the couch, she could see a vague silhouette - Shepard.

"Damn it. I told EDI not to open the door, no matter what." Her voice was unusually flat.

"She's worried about you. She decided that you needed someone to talk to." Tali fumbled about, until she found the controls for the room lights, and activated them, closing the door too. She then walked over to the couch where Shepard was leaning back, and sat down next to her. "So talk to me. What's really bothering you?"

"It's under control, Tali." Shepard still didn't look her, simply staring out the viewports near the ceiling.

"No, it's not!" Tali's anger rose. "You nearly let yourself get blown up today, Shepard! You almost died! Again!"

"It was one mistake, it won't happen again."

"It shouldn't have happened at all!" She wanted hit the human, do something, anything, to get through to her. The emotionless voice was really pissing her off.

"I know."

That was the final straw for Tali. She grabbed Shepard's shoulders, turning her so she had to look at Tali. "Tell me what's behind this, Shepard, I mean it."

For the first time since she entered, Shepard's face changed. The almost dazed look faded into an angry scowl. "Fine, you want to know? It's this!" She gestured around the room. "It's this whole damn situation."

The human tossed a datapad on the small table in front of them. "I got word from my mother. Because of my 'Cerberus connections' and her new mission, she can't even contact me. Because I'm a threat."

She paused for a breath. "I'm so tired of this. The captain of the ship that signaled us about your situation didn't trust us at first. Because of Cerberus. You could have died because they wouldn't trust us."

Shepard looked at Tali, as if really seeing her. "I hate it. No one is doing anything about the Collectors, so I have to put up with them. That's why I was so out of it recently. I want to stop the Collectors, save the colonies, but I can't without Cerberus."

"Shepard..." Tali tried to interrupt, but the human kept talking, words finally pouring out.

"I can't even go home, Tali. Those bastards in the Terra Firma party had me discharged when I died. I'd probably be arrested as a known terrorist, thanks to Cerberus."

"I'm so sorry." Tali hesitantly reached out, taking one of Shepard's hands.

"So yeah, it feels kind of empty. No matter what I seem to do, it helps them. I'm stuck playing by their rules. I really hate it."

"That's no excuse for getting yourself killed again."

"I know..." Shepard's voice trailed off. "I don't know how to fix it, though. Before, when we were hunting Saren, I had a cause I cared about. I had friends, a crew I could trust. A home. It mattered, you know?"

"You still have friends, Shepard." Tali smiled over at her.

"Yes, and helping you and Garrus was good. I even agree that the Collectors need to be stopped." She sighed. "It's just so hard to care about the mission when I know that whatever I do, it'll end up helping Cerberus. That really makes me feel hollow. Dirty. Tainted."

* * *

Shepard stared over at Tali. The quarian just didn't get it. What good was it to stop the Collectors if it meant that something equally as vile benefitted? While they had never abducted whole colonies yet (and her mind stressed the '_yet'_), she still remembered all the horrid experiments Cerberus performed on Alliance soldiers and citizens.

She had spent the previous night trying to decide what she wanted, and her answer was simple. She wanted out from this arrangement. Dealing with Cerberus made her feel sick. She wanted to be free of them, to help the colonies because it was the right thing to do, and not have to worry about what would happen to them after.

She could still hear the Illusive Man's words when he disagreed with her about Veetor. He would have interrogated an injured, shocked man rather than send him to where he could get proper treatment and aid. Helping that kind of person, even a little bit, left her empty inside.

She also didn't want her friends to be any more tangled up in this miss than they already were. She needed people she could trust, but it tore her up inside that she had to place them in this position at all.

"Tali, what really bothers me is I can't do this without you."

"What do you mean by that?" The quarian glared over at her.

"Sorry, poor choice of words. I just hate that you have to be in this situation. One of these days, I'm going to have to do something about Cerberus, and here we are, stuck on a Cerberus ship full of their crew."

"Shepard... You think we'd just leave you again?" If anything, Tali seemed even more upset now. "That's not happening, so get it out of your head. You're stuck with me, so deal with it."

Shepard laughed, earning another glare from Tali. "Stuck with you... I can think of far worse fates." The humor faded. "I can't help worrying, is all. I wish... I don't want you to get hurt."

"I don't want you hurt either." Tali squeezed her hand. "That's why you need us. That's why I'm here." She stared at the human, some anger returning to her voice. "And that's especially why you can't let yourself get blown up by some third-rate bosh'tet of a merc."

"I won't." She felt more confident.

"I want you to be clear on this. _I'm. Not. Leaving_." Tali definitely was determined. "You're just going to have to live with it. And I intend to see that you live with it this time."

"As you wish." Shepard's smile was genuine, for the first time in a long while.

Tali was still for a long moment, then hugged her. "I read that book, Shepard," she said quietly. "Don't say that if you don't mean it."

"Uh..." Shepard's brain froze. "That's... I... Tali, I..."

_OhCrapOhCrapOhCrapOhCrap..._

The quarian leaned over her. "Tali..." She whispered, trying to get her mind working again. Tali drew closer, sliding near to her.

"We never did talk about the other day. On Haestrom."

* * *

Kaiden slammed the door shut. He had managed to grab a couple of the volunteers and they barricaded themselves in the small armory. Whatever these things were, they were persistent. They also had some weird swarm of creatures that immobilized anyone they stung. Over half his militia had fallen to them before they could seal up their armor.

Even that didn't protect them totally. Given time, the swarm things would eat through the armor. His biotics provided some defense against them, repelling them, but he was the only biotic on the planet, and he wasn't strong enough to protect his whole squad. At best, he could keep a few other nearby people clear of them.

"What the hell?" Mike's hands shook as he clutched his rifle. "What are those things?"

"No idea." Kaiden tried to remember his briefings on the various Terminus races, but he couldn't recall any species even remotely similar to the one attacking them. They did appear to be slavers of some type. They weren't actively fighting anyone that could be avoided, instead trying to capture as many as possible. "Any luck getting a signal out?"

"No, damn it!" Mike looked worriedly out the window. "These fuckers are blocking everything. I couldn't even get ahold of our outer settlements."

"Shit!" He fired a burst at one of the enemies. "So no word from Lillith?"

"Sorry, Kaiden."

_She better be okay!_

* * *

Miranda read over the briefing the Illusive Man provided. The colony on Horizon had fallen silent a day ago, following the pattern of previous Collector attacks. If the attack happened the same way they predicted, the Collectors had just landed and were starting their harvest.

What bothered her was the speed with which the Illusive Man had discovered it. It was almost as if he had been expecting that colony to be hit. He might have more information about their patterns, but something about the whole thing triggered her instincts.

_There are a lot of colonies and yet he was expecting them to hit Horizon. It's not even in their usual area of operations. So why Horizon?_

"Shepard?" She activated her comm system. "This is Miranda. The Collectors just hit the colony on Horizon. We finally have the jump on them."

*_**Next Chapter: The Collectors hit Horizon. Shepard tests out Mordin's countermeasures. Shepard and Tali work a few things out.**_*


	24. Chapter 23 - Investigation

**What Was Lost **

Chapter 23 - Investigation

_"Shepard? This is Miranda. The Collectors just hit the colony on Horizon. We finally have the jump on them."_ The comm unit in her cabin sounded, surprising her a bit.

_Thank god! I am so not up for this right now... I think..._

Shepard glanced over at the console, relieved. Tali had been getting a bit too... she wasn't quite sure of the right word, but she definitely wasn't ready for wherever their conversation had been heading. Well, maybe not ready. Not quite yet, anyway.

"I'm going to kill her..." Tali growled. The quarian reluctantly stood up, letting Shepard get up too. She looked at the human. "We're not done, Shepard."

"Yeah, I'm getting that, Tali." She started towards the comm panel, intending to find out more information from Miranda.

"Wait..." She put her arms around Shepard's waist, turning her so they were face to face. She reached up, cupping her face in her hands. "I don't think you do, not yet." She only had a moment before Tali kissed her, pressing her mask against her lips.

It still was a bit weird for Shepard. She still didn't know exactly what she should be doing in return. She put her arms around Tali, drawing the quarian in closer. It did feel really good to hold Tali. And even the mask didn't make things too awkward, she guessed.

Tali evidently liked it too, because she let the kiss linger for a long while. Her arms snaked around Shepard's neck, holding her. Not that Shepard really minded. The kiss was nice. Even the slight weirdness had faded. She couldn't remember why she thought waiting was a good idea.

_Okay. Maybe I'm not totally ready, maybe this isn't the right time, but will it ever be? I don't know if I'll have the 'right time.' This... I have to start again somewhere._

Eventually the quarian stepped back, disengaging from the kiss. Tali looked up at her, giggling softly. "We really need to get the hang of this..."

Shepard laughed too - it _was_ funny. "Yes, we do."

"So you..."

"...Yeah, I think I do." Shepard replied quietly.

"So... uh... what do we do now?"

"You're asking me?" She shook her head. "Oh no. You started this, it's your call."

"That's so unfair, Shepard."

She stuck out her tongue. "Tough."

_"Commander?"_ The comm unit pinged, Miranda's voice calling for her again.

A few seconds later, EDI's holodisplay also activated. "Shepard, Miss Lawson is being very insistent. She has already instructed Mr Moreau to set course for Horizon, but she would still like to speak with you immediately."

"To be continued, Tali." Shepard regretfully stepped back from her. She looked over at the AI. "Thank you, EDI, I'll be down there shortly."

* * *

Miranda paced impatiently in the cockpit, waiting for Shepard to finally join her. Moreau kept shooting her annoyed looks, but she ignored the pilot. They had already altered course for Horizon, maximum speed, and should arrive in a few hours. Fortunately, they were already near a relay when the notification came in.

This time there was a real chance to catch the collectors in action. They should be able to make it to Horizon in time to hopefully stop them, or at least capture one or more for study and interrogation. But to do that, they needed to plan. And that meant she needed to talk to Shepard.

_Our first real chance, and I can't find the woman! What could be more important than this?_

"EDI, have you located Shepard yet?" She asked the AI.

"I have, Miss Lawson. Your message was passed on, and she will be joining us shortly." The cool, even voice sounded from the display panel as the holoimage appeared.

"What's taking her so long? We need to start planning right away."

"I conveyed the urgency of your request, Miss Lawson. She will be here." The holoimage disappeared.

"Oooh, damn. It just walked out on you. So to speak." The pilot smirked at her.

"Shouldn't you be getting ready for the relay jump?" She asked him, annoyed.

"Oh please, I could do that in my sleep." Moreau rolled his eyes.

"I would not reccomend that." The AI's display activated again.

"I was joking, EDI."

Before she could say something to the pilot, Miranda spotted Shepard stepping off the elevator. The commander was smiling - a real smile for the first time in a while. _I don't care what happened to her, it's got to be better than how she was on the mission to Korlus._

"Sorry I'm late, Miranda. What's the story on the Collectors?"

"We just received word, Shepard. The colony on Horizon went dark, exactly like other colonies the Collectors have hit. If the pattern holds, we should be able to intercept them while they're still... harvesting."

"Right. What do we know about Horizon?"

"It's a recently founded colony, small population, most agricultural settlements so far. There is a small Alliance military prescence reported, but it's supposed to be limited to a few advisors at most." She looked over to Shepard. "There is one thing that's odd, though."

"Yes?"

"It's too far in Alliance territory. All the other colonies that have been hit were on the very edges of our settled space. This one isn't."

"Maybe they finished the outer ones and are starting to work their way in?"

She shook her head, pulling up a small galactic map on her omnitool. "Nope, there are many more colonies still on the rim. If their pattern held, those should have been hit first. Something is different about Horizon, and that worries me. Why did they change their pattern for it?"

"Okay, so they're doing something new. Trap?" Shepard looked her way.

"Trap." Miranda agreed, nodding. "Though, I don't think for us. It was only happenstance that we're close enough to get there in time. I think they're after something else."

"EDI, anything to add?"

"No, Shepard. At present, I can only speculate on the Collectors' activity. When we arrive in system, I should be able to formulate a better explanation for the change in their pattern."

"Telling ya, Shepard, replace that thing with a magic 8-ball. You can get the same vague answers and it won't take over the ship and kill us all in our sleep."

"Shush, Joker." The commander shot the pilot an annoyed frown. "At least she's trying to help."

"Yes, Mom."

"Look, Miranda, what's really bothering you? You didn't page me multiple times just for this."

Miranda paused. What she wanted to say next would be a small betrayal of the Illusive Man, but...

"Shepard, I'm worried about how we got the information in the first place. The Illusive Man spotted this right away. As if he was waiting for it to happen. Like he knew they were going to hit Horizon. I know it's his job to spot patterns like this and take advantage, but..."

"It doesn't feel right." Shepard finished for her.

"Exactly." Miranda felt relieved she didn't have to say it. "Just... keep your eyes open down there, Shepard. There's something wrong with this whole situation. If you don't mind, I'm going to stay on the ship for this one and see if I can find out more."

"Thanks, Miranda."

_What game is he playing this time? I need to get to the bottom of this._

* * *

Tali practically danced down to her quarters. Not only had she gotten to kiss Shepard again, but the human also was open to... well, wherever they ended up taking this.

_Oh yes!_

She giggled behind her mask, glad that no one could see the obviously silly-happy expression that must be on her face. Shepard was hers! _Yes! Yes! Yes!_

The only thing was, apparently Shepard wanted her to decide what happened next. It did leave her at a bit of a loss. She didn't really have a plan for that far ahead. Mostly, her thoughts had been about getting Shepard to this point.

She needed some advice, but she wasn't sure who to ask. Garrus might be able to help her, but telling him would be the same as telling Joker, and she really didn't need to give them any more to tease her with. Kasumi told Shepard practically everything she found out, so that was out too. Jack... no. She figured she could talk with Mordin or Dr Chakwas. She'd have to talk with one of them eventually anyway. If she ever wanted to touch Shepard without the suit.

And she did. She really, really did. Even with tactile sensors turned up to full, it just wasn't the same. She wanted to feel Shepard's skin, the touch of her lips. She wanted to hold her, without the exosuit getting in the way.

She reluctantly headed for Dr Chakwas' medbay. If only there was a simple way of doing this... But the medical issues meant she'd need something to help. At least Dr Chakwas knew her, and knew Shepard well, and could help out, hopefully. She knocked on the door, and a few moments later, Chakwas opened it for her.

"Hello, Tali. Is something wrong?" The doctor surveyed her, obviously checking for signs of a suit puncture or other issue.

"No, nothing's wrong. I just..." Her voice trailed off. She tried desperately to find a less embarrassing way to say the next part. "I wanted to know if you... That is..."

The doctor smiled warmly at her. "Have a seat and take it slowly, Tali."

Gratefully, she sat down in a chair across the desk from Chakwas. "Doctor, I... I'm not really sure how to ask this..." She started again. _Keelah, this is so awkward..._

"Take your time. Don't rush into it."

"Well, I was wondering if you knew a way for, uh... Is there anything you can suggest for a safe way for me to... umm... you know?" She blushed deeply behind her mask.

The doctor must have noticed something, because she laughed softly. "Tali, it's okay. You know that anything you say here is private. I want to help you, but you need to tell me what's going on."

"Sorry, this is just so embarrassing." She took a deep breath. "I wanted to know if you can help me with this. I want to be able to be with someone, without the suit."

"By someone, you mean Shepard, right?" The doctor gave her a knowing glance.

"...Yes."

"Hmm." Chakwas leaned back in her chair. "Unfortunately, this isn't an area that I studied in medical school. I don't know of anything offhand that can help."

"Oh." She tried not to sound too disappointed.

"What I can do is, request some material to study. I may not have anything for you right now, but hopefully I can find something soon. It'll just take me some time." The doctor paused, considering. "You might also ask Mordin. He's a doctor too, he might know something that can help you out."

"Thank you. I'll go talk to him." She got up, intending to go see the salarian.

"Wait, Tali." Chakwas stood too. "The fact is, there really isn't much on quarian-human relations. It's a pretty empty field at present, so I'm not sure how much information I'll be able to get. I'll do my best to help you too, but as much as I hate saying this as a doctor, a lot of things you're just going to have to figure out as you go."

"I guess so." Tali muttered.

"I'm sure you two can make it work, though. I have faith in you." The doctor gave her a brief hug. "Don't get discouraged. You'll be okay." She walked to the door with her. "Here, I'll go with you. I might be able to help him."

"Thanks."

* * *

Shepard flung herself down on the couch in the converted lounge. She lay there for a long moment, sighing.

"Something the matter, Shep?" Kasumi looked up from the book she was reading in the next couch.

"Yes. No. I don't know." Shepard stared blankly out the window. She debated if she wanted to try explaining everything to the thief. _What the hell... might as well. I do need someone to talk to._ "Just thinking about things, I guess."

"Tali?"

"Yep." She nodded absently. "You were right, the other day. I'm not gonna let what happened before ruin what I could have now." She glanced over at the thief. "I'm just a bit unsure about what to do now."

"Technical difficulties?" Kasumi's tone made the words sound far more dirty than they should have, and the leer she shot Shepard made it even worse.

"Ugh, mind out of the gutter, please." Shepard gave her a look of mock disgust. "Seriously though, I guess you might be right. That is one of the things I've been thinking about."

"So what're you gonna do about it?"

"No idea." She saw the frown on Kasumi's face and hastily kept going. "Seriously, I really don't know. I left that part up to her. I don't want to rush her or anything, and if this does go anywhere, I want it to be safe for both of us."

"True, that is gonna be an issue." Kasumi looked thoughtful. "And of course that has nothing to do with you wanting to delay having to make any decisions." She paused. "Wimp."

"I know." She sighed again. "I don't want to hurt her, Kasumi. She's... well, she's Tali."

"Have you tried telling her this?"

"I was going to, but this investigation mission to Horizon kinda came up."

"Shep, evil aliens are no excuse." The thief grinned at her, then slid into a warmer expression. "Seriously, I know it wouldn't be easy, but you really should talk with her about these things. She'd be thrilled to know how much you care about her."

"Yeah."

"And you guys really do need to address the suit issue. Ignoring it won't make it go away."

"True." She got up. "I guess I'll go find her. We should still have a few hours before we hit Horizon. Hopefully we can talk some."

"Good luck."

* * *

Kaiden tried the comm unit again. No luck, not even with the signal booster in place. His little bunker was cut off entirely. The only way they could find out what was going on in the rest of the colony would be to go out there, and that seemed like a sure way to get caught by the aliens.

Rather than fighting his marines, the aliens seemed content to leave them in the bunker while they slowly loaded the colonists one by one into strange looking pods. He could only hope that Lillith had managed to avoid them while she was out on the new fields. He desperately wanted to go check on her, but knew that would be suicide. The small flying creatures would eat through his armor in minutes, then he'd be stunned too.

"Mike, any luck patching us through to the satellite?"

"Nope. Actually, I'm pretty sure they vaped it." The ATC controller was glacing worriedly out the windows while his omnitool repair programs worked on one of the computers.

"Shit." He wasn't too surprised. Whoever they were, these aliens really didn't want word of their activities getting out. Every comm tower in the colony had been demolished.

"You know they're not just going to let us get word out about this, Alenko. They've gotta wipe us out too, before they go."

"I know. We have to hold on, though. Someone must have noticed that an entire colony went silent. They'll investigate. We just have to hold on." Even as he said it, he peered to the east, towards the fields Lillith had been working on.

"You'll save her, Kaiden." The older man nodded his way. "She's tough, she'll make it."

_Damn it! We need a miracle. I need one! I told her I'd take care of her, and I've already failed._

* * *

Tali sat on the stool in Mordin's lab. The salarian was talking quietly with Dr Chakwas at a nearby computer bank, going over her medical records. She wasn't sure how this could get more embarassing, but she sat still, hoping to avoid tempting fate.

Finally, the little medical conference appeared to be over. Mordin walked over to her, followed by Chakwas. Aside from greeting her, the salarian had been speaking only to the human, who explained the situation. Oddly, the distance the medical terms put on the issue helped. It made things seem less... connected... to her. It was still awkward to sit her, knowing what they'd been talking about, but it did help some.

"Tali'Zorah, Dr Chakwas informed me of your request. Outside usual area of study, though interspecies genetics is close enough. Old STG work will provide base to start on. Will need more thorough exam with you and Shepard."

"More thorough?" She asked dubiously.

"Genetic comparisons, chemical compatibility tests, allergy reactions, that sort of thing." Mordin looked thoughtful. "Will start immediately. Work on Collector defense finished for now, only field testing left. Something new to study is appreciated."

"Keelah..." _'Fleet and Flotilla' and all those other vids never seem to mention this part of things..._ She looked down at her hands. _And I'll have to tell Shepard about this somehow, get her to come in for testing._

Chakwas noticed and gave her a compassionate smile. "It'll be okay, Tali. We'll find something to help you."

"Indeed. Will check with asari medical facilities. Asari cross species mating research copious. Provides excellent starting point for future research." Mordin nodded her way. "Of course, will keep reasons for request private. Also, leaving decision for what to tell Shepard about this to you."

"Thank you. I... thanks." She trailed off lamely.

"No thanks necessary. Always pleased to help crewmembers."

She left the lab, Chakwas following her. Tali turned to the doctor.

"I'm sorry for taking so much of your time, doctor. Especially for something like this."

"Tali, I don't mind." Chakwas chuckled warmly. "Actually, it's a lot better than gunshot wounds, burns or other such calls. It's nice to have a positive case, for once. Not to mention, you actually came to me. It seems like half the time on this ship I have to track down people if I want to see them at all." She glanced knowingly at Tali. "Speaking of..."

"Yes?"

"Someone's going to need to get Shepard in for those tests. I want to help you, Tali, but she's my patient too. I can't just lie to her about it."

Tali nodded reluctantly. "I understand, doctor. I'll... I'll tell her about it soon."

* * *

Miranda studied the files in her room. No matter how many times she went over it, the results stayed the same. The Illusive Man had known that the Collectors were going to hit Horizon. More, someone appeared to be actively blocking any outside investigation of what was going on there. All in all, it looked like he was deliberately trying to make sure they got there first.

That bothered her on many levels. He wanted them to test Mordin's countermeasure and find any information on the Collectors they could. Those goals were understandable. But deliberately blocking outside aid so they could be the first ones on scene?

_It's not right. Even if we stop them here, we don't have the personnel to help an entire colony. Not to mention, we don't know how many Collectors will be there. We could be severely outnumbered._

She also didn't like that he hadn't provided any list of colony population. They didn't know who was down there or how many. There could be Alliance military who would love to capture 'known terrorists'. They could have no doctors at all to help the injured.

Miranda frowned. There had to be some reason he didn't want them to know who or what was on planet. If he was blocking them, she guessed it meant one of two things. Either he had an agent who had deliberately tipped off the Collectors to hit the planet or the Alliance had a special project he wanted more info on.

_It's probably the project option. A remote planet would make an ideal spot for developing a new weapon. And if we knew about it, Shepard would certainly object to Cerberus taking the data for it. Still, to play with the lives of an entire colony for this..._

_Maybe I'm being paranoid. Maybe someone else got here first and is blocking us. It's possible. But there's something more going on here, I'm sure of it. I won't tell Shepard yet, but after the mission, she needs to know._

Shepard would be furious that the Illusive Man had delayed any possible Alliance investigation. Right now, though, they had to help the colony. She could deal with the other issues after they helped the colonists.

_I hope we're not too late..._

*_**Next Chapter: The Normandy arrives on Horizon. Kaiden runs into Shepard again. Other issues turn up**_*


	25. Chapter 24 - Harvest

**What Was Lost **

Chapter 24 - Harvest

Shepard doublechecked the armor modules Mordin had provided the ground team with before passing them out. Unfortunately, the scientist only had the resources to make three of them before the assault, though he promised more the next time they could resupply.

She ended up taking Tali and Garrus along with her. As they didn't know how many Alliance personnel might be down there, she preferred to have a team that was obviously not Cerberus. Not to mention, if they did find something useful, she wanted to be sure they'd have a chance to pass it on to the Council and the Alliance, too.

Garrus, as usual for the beginning of a mission, had his weapons out and was performing a final check on them. He looked confident, though he kept glancing down at the module Mordin built. Shepard understood. It was one thing to hear they had a countermeasure, it was another to be the first ones to test it.

Tali, on the other hand, seemed much happier. The quarian sat beside her, holding her hand and leaning her helmet on Shepard's shoulder. They hadn't said much, but just seeing Tali and having her here like this made Shepard feel better.

_"ETA five minutes."_ Miranda signaled them. She had agreed to serve as the communication officer for the mission, though something seemed to be bothering her. When Shepard asked her about it, she had only said they could talk after.

"Thanks, Miranda." Shepard performed her own final checks. She called up her biotics, the familiar surge of power flowing through her easily. The asari meditation techniques really did help. She effortlessly went through a few basic exercises, satisified that she wouldn't have any problems with them today.

Soon enough, the shuttle touched down, letting them disembark behind one of the small houses in the colony. No Collectors were visible, but some seekers flew by, ignoring them. _I guess Mordin's new toy really does work!_

Garrus breathed a sigh of relief. "Damn... Let's not do this again, okay?"

"Yeah," Shepard agreed, laughing a bit as the tension left her. She commed the Normandy. "Miranda, Mordin? We're on the ground and the countermeasure units are working."

"_Excellent. Was reasonably certain units would hide you from swarms._" The salarian's voice sounded cheerful.

"Reasonably?" Garrus growled into his comm.

"_Seventy five percent. Acceptable risk."_ Mordin's voice paused a moment. "_Signing off for now, will monitor in depth results from lab._"

Garrus snarled and looked her way. "You know, Shepard, when I was in C-Sec, I never really bought that whole excuse about someone 'asking for it', but right now, I gotta say I can understand where they're coming from."

"You and me both." Shepard nodded to him. "We better get started. After that, I'm not sure I trust that these things will last, so we should get this over with. Seal the shuttle and we can move out."

As soon as the shuttle was secured, they cautiously started towards the main area of the colony. Tali stopped a minute and pointed at something in the distance. "Shepard, those are automated defense turrets, but they don't look like they've been activated at all. Any idea why?"

"No clue. Maybe they weren't done installing them? This is a pretty new colony."

"Even so, there are a lot of pirates and slavers that operate in the Terminus systems. You'd think they'd make the defenses a priority." Garrus speculated.

"Sabotage, maybe? If these Collectors really are working with the Reapers, they might have indoctrinated agents or something helping them." Shepard glanced worriedly around. So far they still hadn't seen any of the Collectors themselves, just some seekers flying by.

Soon enough, they ran into some Collectors. To Shepard's mild surprise, the aliens seemed to be biotically gifted, at least some of them. Still, her abilities outstripped theirs, and she was easily able to take down their barriers so Garrus could snipe them. What really shocked the team was what accompanied the Collector troops.

"Husks..." Tali whispered quietly.

"So the Illusive Man's hunch was right. They are working with the Reapers." Shepard stared at the dead husks in front of them.

"Or they're the indoctrinated ones." Garrus looked around, making sure no others were nearby. "Really not liking this, Shepard. I don't see any spikes, so they had to have brought the husks with them."

"Let's keep going. This helps, but we need something useful, intel that can really help us." Shepard set out again, slowly advancing further into the colony.

* * *

Miranda checked the results again. Someone on the colony had definitely used Cerberus encryption codes, and fairly high level ones, at that. In fact, the last transmission with them had been only a few days before the attack was believed to have started.

She couldn't find the destination for the message, but she could guess. Codes of this nature were given only to the Illusive Man's personal agents. Like her. Not only had he known for sure that the Collectors were going to hit Horizon, judging by the the speed at which the aliens had silenced the colony, he had probably taken steps to make sure the colonists couldn't get word to the Alliance.

There was more. While she hadn't been able to break the encryption yet, the evidence suggested that a special data package had been transmitted to the agent and uploaded to the colony computers. Specifically, the defense computers.

_He lured the Collecters here and made sure their attack would succeed, no matter what. I know they were going to hit a colony no matter what, but this..._

From a numbers point of view, it made sense, in a very cold-blooded way. The Horizon colony was a small, agricultural colony with no special exports or features. It had a low population and was close enough to a relay that the Normandy could reach it fairly rapidly. They had to confront the Collectors some time, and this made it ideal.

She understood what his reasoning probably was. It was logical. Control the enemy, make them hit where you want them to hit, then trap them. The small scale of the colony limited the numbers, giving them an opportunity to test Mordin's work in relative safety. After all, they needed a way to counteract the seekers, otherwise they'd never stop the Collectors.

_He did help me get free of my father. And he helped me rescue my sister. He couldn't stop them from taking a colony, so he directed them to the one with the fewest casualties. He minimized the damage. It does make sense._

It still bothered her.

* * *

Tali followed Shepard as they explored the colony. Their most recent encounter with the Collectors let them stop the aliens from loading some of the colonists into oddly shaped pods. The enemy seemed to be storing the incapacitated humans for future transport.

She shivered. Seeing the fragmented records on Veetor's holodisplay had been bad enough, but watching it up close was even worse.

It was affecting the others too. Garrus kept constantly checking the area, sweeping his sniper rifle back and forth. Shepard looked grimly determined. Her biotic barriers were up so strong that Tali could see the faint glow around her.

"Miranda? Are you getting this?" Shepard commed the Normandy.

"_Yes, Shepard."_ The Cerberus woman sounded subdued. "_There's... something we need to talk about when you get back aboard. I found how they got past the colony defenses so easily."_

"How?" Garrus broke in, angrily.

_"You can't do anything about it right now. I'll fill you in after the mission. Miranda out."_

"Damn," Garrus breathed. "Shepard, are you sure this is a good idea?"

"Not really, but we don't exactly have other options at the moment." She pointed to a large warehouse a few buildings over. "Let's try that one. It looks sealed, there might be survivors in there."

"Can't we do something for them?" Tali gestured around them, at the frozen colonists who hadn't been loaded into the pods yet.

Shepard regretfully shook her head. "Even if we did have some way to bring them out of this stasis, they'd just get frozen again. We need to get the Collectors off planet, first." She called her comm unit up again. "EDI, is there any way you can activate those defense turrets? I bet they could put a few holes in the Collector ship."

_"I am sorry, Shepard. All communication with the colony computers is down at the moment. I require direct access from one of your omnitools to interface with the turrets_."

"Right. Any idea where we could do that?"

_"I am detecting a sizeable independant power source near a small housing unit two blocks away. Most routes appear to be blocked, however, cutting through the warehouse you intend to investigate should provide access to the area."_

"Thanks, EDI." Shepard looked over at Tali. "When we get there, we'll cover you, get that door open for us."

"Will do." She nodded to Shepard. Having an immediate task to focus on helped. As much as she wanted to save the people they had just rescued, she knew Shepard was right. They had to get rid of the Collectors first.

_We will help you._ She silently promised them. _We just have to do a few things first..._

* * *

Kaiden cautiously peered out the window. It seemed like what they detected before had been correct. The aliens were pulling back to deal with something else. Whether that was finishing their harvest of the colonists or fighting a rescue team, he couldn't tell.

"I hope this means someone's come to save us." Mike, next to him, was also staring out the small window.

"Me too."

_Still no sign of Lillith either... I really hope that means she's simply hiding, not that they already have her..._ Guilt and worry filled him. _If only I had fixed the damn guns when I had the chance. I kept putting it off, saying it could wait one more day. Damn it!_

"Hey, look at that!" Mike pointed to something in the distant courtyard.

Kaiden saw what Mike had seen. It looked like a small team was fighting the aliens. He couldn't make out any insignia or color scheme to suggest who was out there.

"God... there's only three of them. Are they insane?" He watched the small team fighting some of the larger creatures, the ones that almost resembled husks, except much bigger.

_Husks?_ He took another look. Yes, there was a pack of the horrid things, racing towards the other group. _Are these things some new abomination the reapers are sending after us? Or is it someone else? Cerberus experimented with the husks and the thorian creepers, too._

"Damn... those things are the same things the reapers used against us two years ago, when I fought with Commander Shepard."

"I thought you said you stopped the reapers." Mike sounded doubtful as he peered at the husks.

"We stopped _one_ reaper. Besides, other people had these things. It might be someone else controlling them."

"Right now, I don't care, I just hope whoever those guys are, they kill these damn things so we can get everyone back."

"Yeah."

* * *

Shepard stared at Kaiden. He was certainly the last person she expected to see here. And he definitely didn't look happy with her. If anything, he seemed to be barely containing his anger.

"I heard you were back, that Cerberus brought you back and you were with them," he growled accusingly at her. "I thought it was a lie. After all, the Commander Shepard I knew would never join that group of terrorist scumbags."

"Kaiden, that doesn't matter right now. Are you okay? Are there any more survivors?" She was surprised by his hostility.

"What do you care? Did your boss send you to cleanup anyone your new toys missed?"

"You think I had something to do with this?" Shock jolted through her, followed by a slow wave of anger.

"How did you get here so fast? Our comms were jammed, we didn't have a chance to send a distress call. So how did you know to check here? Besides, you're with Cerberus, and we saw them experimenting with husks and other things two years ago. Figures they'd get you to be their cleanup team."

"I didn't join Cerberus, damn it! We came here to save you." Kaiden was really pissing her off now.

"Then explain the husks! Explain how you got here so quick. Or, I know, how you're not dead." He glared over at her. "Yeah, let's start there. What are you? Some freak from a Cerberus science project?"

"That's enough!" Garrus shouted, even before she could say anything. "I always knew you were a bit of an idiot, Alenko, but I never thought you were this stupid. We came here to find a way to stop the Collectors."

"Wasn't talking to you, Vakarian. You might be fooled by that... _thing_... there, but I'm not. You're helping those fuckers!" Kaiden was shouting back now. "They took my fiance!"

For a long moment, no one spoke. Then Shepard took a step towards Kaiden, stopping when he angrily waved his arm towards her. "We'll get her back, Kaiden. We damaged their ship, we might be able to catch it if we hurry."

"Fuck off! Either you're some sick freak experiment or you're a traitor, so there's no way I'm going with you. I'm save her on my own." He turned, storming off towards the landing field and what was presumably the comm building. "Don't get in my way."

* * *

Tali sat at the small conference table with Shepard, Mordin, Garrus and Miranda. Joker and Chakwas were also there, standing to one side and listening as Miranda told everyone what they found out.

"Keelah... he's the one who set them up, who leaked the information about the colony to the Collectors. He probably also told them about Kaiden being there, to see if they really were working with the Reapers." She couldn't believe it. As awful as Cerberus might be, this was almost too much.

"They were going to hit a colony anyway, Tali. At least this way, we were in position to stop them." Miranda didn't sound confident though.

"I'll talk with him, see what he has to say about this." Shepard was definitely angry. She had been mad ever since their reunion with Kaiden had gone sour. "He better have a good reason."

"It had to be done," Miranda said softly, looking down at her hands. "I keep telling myself that..."

"Bastard." Garrus sounded mad too. "He set them up, set Kaiden up, and set us up too."

"I know he wanted us to comm him as soon as we got back, I guess I'll have a chat with him." Shepard got up. "Keep this to yourselves for now, please. We don't know for certain yet, and I don't want to damage morale unnecessarily."

"I will." Joker was uncharacteristically serious for once. "This..." The pilot trailed off, looking disgusted. He walked out of the room, the others following.

Tali made to leave too, pausing by Shepard. "We still did a good thing today," she told her friend. "We saved over half the colonists and we damaged their ship. It's not a total win, but it's a start, so don't blame yourself too much."

"Thanks, Tali." Shepard smiled at her, relieved. "I know we did the best we could today, but it doesn't seem enough. I guess you're right though."

Tali rested her hand on Shepard's arm. "I'll stop by later, we can talk more after you comm the Illusive Man." She paused. "Besides, there's... um... something else I need to talk with you about."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, it's good overall, but I know you won't like part of it." Tali turned. "I... see you later, Shepard."

"Bye, Tali."

* * *

Shepard stormed out of the comm room, repulsed. The Illusive Man admitted to leaking the information on Kaiden, as well as helping delay the Alliance so the Normandy could get to Horizon first.

_That bastard would throw away a whole colony just so he can "win"! I wish there was some other choice, but for now, as much as I hate it, I'm stuck with him. Even so, once the Collectors are done, I'll have to do something about Cerberus._

"Shepard, sorry to disturb you." Miranda's cool voice brought her out of her contemplations. "I listened in on the call. I'm sorry."

"I am too." Shepard studied the other woman. She did seem unusally upset. "It's hard to see anyone doing something so... awful doesn't seem like a strong enough word."

"I know." Miranda nodded to her. "I was hoping he had a real reason for keeping the colony silent. Collectors spies maybe, or something like that. But to do it just so we could get there first..."

"I don't know how much longer I can do this, Miranda. That... He crossed the line, big time. I'm not okay with it, not even close."

"I'm not sure, either. I'll have to talk with him, but-" The other woman shook her head, pausing for a moment before changing the subject. "I meant to tell you, EDI wanted me to remind you that you still have that krogan tank in the cargo hold. I know this isn't exactly the ideal time..."

"But when is it ever the right time?" Shepard finished wryly, playing along with Miranda's change in subject too. She really didn't want to dwell too much on the Horizon situation, either. _I can't do anything about it right now, so I might as well deal with the problems I can solve._

Soon enough, she had the krogan awake and willing to work with the team. She would have to keep an eye on Grunt, and make sure he fit in, but it seemed like a good sign. He didn't know much about the Collectors, as Okeer hadn't put much of that knowledge in his learning program, but even so, he should be a solid fighter.

After that, she headed back to her cabin. She found Tali sitting on the floor outside, waiting for her. The quarian didn't notice her at first, as she was busy reading something on her omnitool.

"Tali." Shepard greeted her. _What does she want to talk about this time?_

*_**Next Chapter: Tali and Shepard. Liara does some investigating. The Normandy sets out to find the last of the new crewmembers.**_*


	26. Chapter 25 - Compromise

**What Was Lost **

Chapter 25 - Compromise

Tali waited outside Shepard's room on the top level of the Normandy. She hoped the commander's talk with Cerberus went well, but she doubted it. Some things were guaranteed to be trouble, and that promised to be one of them.

Still, they couldn't do much about it now, so it was a worry for another day. She had more important things to talk with Shepard about.

She glanced down at the datapad. Mordin had provided her some materials on human customs and body language. At first, she had been too embarrassed to even read them, but she had gotten over that fast. She needed to know more...

"Tali." As if summoned by her thoughts, Shepard stepped out of the elevator, spotting and greeting her.

"Shepard, are you okay?" The human wore a small frown, not exactly unexpected considering how the comm report must have gone.

"Not really, but I'm not going to dwell on it right now. There's nothing I can do at the moment." Shepard opened the door and walked in, waiting for Tali to join her. "What did you want to talk about earlier?"

Tali took a deep breath. She wasn't ready - part of her was sure she'd never truly be ready for this - but it was obvious Shepard didn't want to talk about Cerberus now. Besides, she really did need to ask her about the tests. She didn't want to keep putting it off. She sat down on the couch, looking down at her hands in her lap. "I... um, I wanted to ask something of you. I need..." Now that the moment was here, she just couldn't do it.

_I hate this suit! I wish I could just be with her, for real. But I'm stuck with this. So how am I supposed to ask her? Just tell her 'Oh, can you come to the med lab for a number of chemical and biological compatibility tests?' It's just too cold to say. But... how do I do this? Nothing I've seen covers anything like this._

"Yes?" Shepard sat down in the chair next to the couch.

"Well, it's sort of about us..." she trailed off. _'Sort of about us?' Could I possibly be any more pathetic at this?_

Shepard waited, not saying anything, but watching her closely. One part of her was glad the human was taking this seriously and paying such good attention to her, but the rest of her wished the woman would say something...

_Just say it..._ the voice in the back of her head whispered. "I... I'd like to ask you a favor." She started again, glad the human couldn't see the embarrassment on her face.

"Of course, Tali. What do you need?" The human wore a small smile - something about that grin told Tali that Shepard knew she was blushing behind her mask.

"I... There's some tests I'd like you to take with me in the medlab." She rushed it out, before she could stop herself again.

"Tests." Shepard's mouth twitched as she said the word, as if she had bitten something unpleasant.

"It's... uh... it's a compatibility test." There. She finally got it out. "For us. So we could, well..."

"...Oh." Shepard's face flushed.

"I want... I want to be able to kiss you without this stupid suit. I..." Her voice kept going, despite part of her brain screaming at her to shut up, already. "I want to be able to really hold you. I... I want you, Shepard."

"I want you, too." Shepard replied softly.

"I've been thinking about this for a while now. I know me being a quarian makes things awkward, but I really want this to work. And I know it won't be easy. And..." She finally stopped as Shepard slid over to the sofa, sitting next to her.

"Tali, I want it to work too." Shepard took her hand, holding it gently. "I'll go see the doctors soon and we'll figure something out, I promise."

"_Fleet and Flotilla_ really never captured the romantic aspect of this." Tali giggled.

Shepard laughed too. "Yeah, no one seems to mention this part." They sat for a moment, then the human turned to her. "You know, I've been wondering something."

"Yes?"

"How much can you feel in that suit?" Shepard asked her huskily. She leaned in, kissing Tali's neck. She shivered, despite the tactile sensors not being at full sensitivity. _Keelah, if it feels this good now... We have GOT to get those tests done soon._

"Shepard, I..." She cut off, moaning softly as the human kept kissing her neck, and slipped her arm around her waist too. She put her own arms around Shepard's neck, holding the human close.

"I guess that answers that." Shepard grinned at her.

"I... It feels so good to me, but what about you? You can't enjoy kissing an exosuit." Tali finally asked. She didn't want to break the mood, but she worried about this. How could Shepard like kissing her when the only thing she could touch was the suit?

"I'm not kissing the suit, I'm kissing you." She leaned back in, planting another kiss on her neck to emphasize the point. Tali moaned again, the feelings from the tactile sensors driving her crazy.

Later - Tali wasn't sure how much later - Shepard leaned up, grinning at her. "I told you we could figure something out for now."

"Keelah, I... Shepard..." Her brain didn't seem to want to work right. Her body wasn't interested in moving, either. All she wanted to do was stay right here, in Shepard's arms.

Shepard hugged her closer, pulling her in more. "I'm glad you like it," she whispered softly.

She returned the hug, cuddling in to Shepard. "I do. I just wish I could return the favor for you."

"Tali..." Shepard sighed, then smiled at her. The human wrapped her arm around Tali's waist. "You don't have to do anything. I want to make you happy."

"You... you..."

"I told you before, we'll work something out." Shepard kissed her quickly on the cheek. Well, helmet, but Tali wasn't complaining.

_Maybe... maybe it's not perfect, but she's right. It's good enough for now. We can make this work. We will... And next time, I want to make her feel good, too._

* * *

Liara sat at her desk, lost in thought. She still wasn't sure what to do. Shepard was alive. Somehow, she was alive again! And she hadn't tried to contact Liara. Somehow, it wasn't too unexpected, either.

_She must have found out what I did... Goddess, no wonder she doesn't want to talk to me._

It was depressing. She hadn't even left a letter for Shepard or anything. For all she knew, Shepard didn't know where she was at all. _Or doesn't care anymore..._

She ruthlessly squashed that small voice down, but not before the damage was done. The voice was right, after all. Partly, anyway. This was all her fault. And now, she was stuck with the current dilemma. How to fix it...

She had already tried writing a letter at least half a dozen times, but it was simply too impersonal. 'Sorry I sold your body to terrorists to perform weird medical procedures on and by the way, are we still together?' didn't really work. And anything else just seemed insulting. Like she was ignoring what had happened.

Even if she did write it, she had no idea how to even find Shepard. Her extranet account had been locked after she died, and she didn't know how to contact her now. She wasn't even sure where to find her now.

_Some information broker I am. I can't find Feron and now I can't even find Shepard. I screwed this up royally. And I don't know how to fix it._

The picture on the desk mocked her. Her and Shepard, on one of their dates on the Citadel. _We look so happy in that photo. How did I let this go so wrong?_ Shepard was smiling, hugging her as they sat by one of the fountains on the Presidium.

She sat back in the chair, sighing. _Damn it. I have to do something. I want to. I need to. But I don't know what._

* * *

Garrus waited in the mess hall while the cook, Gardner, fixed the dextro dinner for the evening. Fortunately, the food on this new Normandy was far better than the rations on the first one. At least here, he was reasonably certain the stuff on his plate actually was food...

Joker sat across from him, poking at something green and vaguely leafy. A salad of some sort, he guessed. The pilot was eating slowly, barely touching the food.

"Something wrong, Joker?"

"Nah, just not that hungry today, I guess." He sighed and continued, after pushing the food around some more. "Well, it's the whole thing with Horizon. I still can't believe I ever signed on with that scum, new Normandy or not."

"Yeah, it does seem a bit..." Garrus struggled to find a word strong enough.

" 'Evil' is the best I could come up with." Joker supplied. "I grew up on one of the colonies, you know. Not Horizon, but it was close enough. That could have been home. I want to stop the Collectors, but not at that price."

"I can't imagine Shepard letting this stand. She'll do something about it, you know that."

"Yeah..." Joker still looked a bit lost. "I hope she can."

"I know, it sucks."

"Big time."

They both sat there for a while, silently. "So what do we do now?" Garrus asked eventually.

"Hell if I know." Joker laughed bitterly. "Screw it. I'm tired of this, I really could use a break. Remember that downtime we had before Virmire?"

"Spirits... Ashley in that horrible dress? I think that image is burned in my brain permanently" Garrus made a face.

"Think we could talk Shepard into something like that again? After this whole mess, I'd say the crew could use some free time. Get away from this whole mess for a bit."

"Can't hurt to ask next time we see her. It would certainly help morale around here." He spotted a familiar redheaded human entering the mess. "Guess we're in luck." He waved to her as she saw them. "Over here, Shepard."

"Geeze, she's smiling way too much." Joker growled as she got closer. "It's not natural to be that happy, I'm telling you."

"Hey you two!" The commander greeted them and sat down. "What's up?"

"You're certainly happy, Shepard." Joker grinned at her, despite his previous mood. "Something good happen that we don't know about?"

"Uhh..." Garrus saw the telltale blush. "I guess I just relaxed a bit. That's all. Needed some time after that comm."

"Yeah, we were just saying that the crew could use a real downtime." Joker was saying, but Garrus focused on the commander, ignoring the pilot.

_Relaxed a bit... right... Tali visited her, or I'm still a cadet. I know that stupid grin, it's the same one she had whenever she'd spend some time with Liara. _He smiled over at Shepard. _I'm happy for her, really. Okay, happy and a bit jealous._

"Fine, Joker, we'll change course for the Citadel." He listened to Shepard after the pilot was done sharing his observations. "We'll give the crew a couple days off while we go over the new dossiers. We can also get Mordin some supplies to make more of those countermeasures."

"Sounds great to me, Shepard." The pilot stood up, smiling now. "We should be make it there in a day or two. It'll be good to take a break."

After he was gone, Garrus looked over at the human. "Okay Shepard, spill. He might not have noticed, but I saw you after your dates with Liara. What happened between you and Tali?"

The commander sighed, sinking back in her chair. "God, does everyone know?"

"Keep smiling like you did when you walked in and I'm sure they'll figure it out." He laughed. "Seriously, I'm happy for you two. It's nice to know you guys are making it work."

"We're not quite there yet."

"Whatever, you know what I mean." He waved it off.

"...Thanks, Garrus."

* * *

Shepard nervously knocked on the door to the medbay. She could have simply walked right in, but the delay helped calm her nerves. _I don't know what kind of tests they're going to run, but this is for Tali. If I want to be with her, I need to do this._

_Still, could this be any more embarrassing? Having to talk to both Chakwas and Mordin about my sex life... Ugh._

"_Come in_." Dr Chakwas' voice sounded from the intercomm next to the door.

The doctor looked up as Shepard walked in. "Oh, hello Shepard. Is everything okay? Your usual checkup isn't for another few days." The doctor had a small grin on her face that said she knew exactly why Shepard was here today.

"Hey Doc, I..." She gulped. "I... Tali said you needed to see me. For, um... you know..." She trailed off, lamely.

Chakwas' smile got wider. "Ah, so she did tell you about the compatibility tests. I thought that might be it."

"...Yeah..." She blushed deeply. _I'm going to kill Tali for this!_

"You don't have to be embarrassed, Shepard. These are just some standard tests. They shouldn't take all that long to run, and I'll be able to have some results for you two soon enough."

"Okay. What do I need to do?"

A little while later, the tests were all done. Chakwas collected the data and got ready to take it to Mordin. Before she left, she turned to Shepard.

"Look, I probably shouldn't have to say this, but even if we do come up with something, you guys are still going to have to make some adjustments anyway. I'm researching some materials for you to go over, and I'll get those to you later. I just had to tell you."

"I know, doc. We'll make it work."

"I know you will." The doctor smiled warmly. "Still, it's not going to be easy. I'll do what I can to help you two, but you're still going to have to make compromises."

"Yeah, sorta figured that one out already." Shepard grinned wryly.

"You should go see Mordin too. He's also helping Tali with this, so he probably has some tests of his own to do."

"...Joy..." Shepard growled. "Might as well get this over with. Thanks for the help, doc."

"We haven't done anything yet."

"Still, you know what I mean. I really appreciate what you guys are doing for us." Shepard nodded to Chakwas on the way out the door. She headed to the elevator, and rode up to the command deck, where Mordin's lab was.

She checked the lab - the salarian was indeed working on a project when she walked in. It looked like he was working on... Shepard wasn't sure what he was working on.

"Ah Shepard, good to see you. Was planning on paging you soon. Still need your medical profile for the project Tali'Zorah visited me about. Assume you're here for that."

_Does everyone on the whole damn ship know?_ "Yes, Dr Chakwas said you'd need to see me. That you're working on something."

"Have some theories, but no concrete plan so far. Need to check results first. Fascinating case. Quarian-human relations relatively untouched area of study so far." The salarian paused. "No pun intended, of course. Would never joke about patient welfare."

"Oh." It took Shepard a moment to get the joke, too. "I guess it would be. A new area, I mean."

"Indeed. Exciting to have new field to work on. Research journals to write. Experimental data to share." Mordin looked very happy at the thought.

"Okay, ground rules. No journals, no publications, and most definitely, no sharing." Shepard stated firmly. "I mean it."

"No need for concern. Was intending to change names and other pertinent details to protect identity. Information will help other couples, good to share." The scientist looked her way. "Apologize for enthusiasm. Enjoy the thought of helping with research. Different from STG work. This study involves no negative aspects."

"I guess I didn't think about it that way." She sat down on the chair by his work station. "So what do you need from me?"

* * *

Tali knocked on Shepard's door. A few moments later, the door slid open, the human standing by the controls on the other side. Shepard smiled tiredly at her. "I thought it might be you. Come in."

Tali stepped inside. "Long day?"

"Yeah. I, uh, visited the doctors, got those tests done." She nodded her way. "I hope they can come up with something after all that."

"Me too." Tali walked over to the couch and sat down. Shepard took a seat next to her, and reached over to hold her hand. They stayed for a time, simply enjoying each other's company. Eventually, they felt the ship's mass drive powering up as they approached the relay, the thrum of the engine quietly vibrating the ship.

"So, did you have any plans for our visit to the Citadel?" Tali asked her.

"I hadn't come up with anything yet. Unfortunately, being dead is a bit hard on your bank account." Shepard grinned over at her. "Did you want to do something?"

"Just to spend some time with you, away from the ship. And away from people shooting at us."

"That sounds nice, Tali." Shepard pulled her in for a hug. "It's a date then?"

"Yeah, it's a date."

*_**Next Chapter: The Normandy visits the Citadel. Miranda takes the opportunity to dig a bit more into Cerberus' role in the Horizon attack. Shepard and Tali's first date. Other small disasters.**_*


	27. Chapter 26 - Respite

**What Was Lost**

Chapter 26 - Respite

Miranda seethed. The contact at their dock at the Citadel was obviously lying to her. _Like hell he doesn't know anything about Horizon. The Alliance rescue team that got there after us came here at full speed. This little worm did see them._

"Would you like to try that again? I think you're mistaken about seeing the Alliance ships. I really despite inaccurate reports." She put extra menace in her voice this time.

"W-well, maybe I did see some troops come through the other day." The dock worker, one of Cerberus' numerous spies, nervously looked over at her. "Troops are always coming through here, though."

"These would have come from the Horizon colony," she said flatly.

"Horizon? Never heard of it." He replied a bit too quickly.

"Fine, I guess we do this the hard way. Left or right?" She called up her biotics, rippling her barrier so it was faintly visible.

The informant gulped. "Left or right?"

"Which kneecap do you want to keep?" She idly lifted one of the empty crates nearby, then slammed it down, crushing it.

"Okay, okay!" He desperately waved for her to stop. "Look, I was ordered to keep quiet about it. There's been a lot of interest from higher up about Horizon for a month or two now. They were really serious about it for some reason. I don't know why, but they kept asking weird questions about its imports. Not that the little dirtball had any that were worth mentioning."

"I'll decide what's important. Tell me about the imports." She glared at him.

"The guns! He asked me all sorts of stuff about those defense guns the Alliance shipped 'em. Not sure why, but they made me keep a close eye on the parts for them."

"I see." That did explain a lot. Namely, how the defense turrets had failed so spectacularly. _Of course the Illusive Man had them taken care of. He had to make sure the Collectors would attack._ "Is that all?"

"N-no..." He trailed off. "I... uh, I also transmitted a list of personnel assigned there to some place in the Terminus Systems. Omega, I think."

"You can leave." _That bastard! He also leaked that one of Shepard's team was there too! No wonder they hit it._ "I don't ever want to see you again."

"Don't worry, I think I've had enough of the Citadel." He looked ready to run right now.

She had already dismissed the informant from her mind. He wasn't truly important, not in the larger picture. No doubt the Illusive Man would have a new one reassigned soon enough to replace him.

What mattered was the implications of the news. The Illusive Man had definitely set up the colony for attack. He planned it, prepared for it. And before Shepard was awake, even. It infuriated her.

_I thought Cerberus was about protecting humanity, not selling it out!_

* * *

Tali waited by the airlock for Shepard to arrive. She had spent the previous night worrying about how their date was going to go. _I wish I knew what we're going to do. I should have watched those damn vids Mordin sent me._

She hadn't really been able to come up with any ideas for their date, either. _This is just great. I finally, finally get her to go out with me, and I can't come up with anything to do. I'm really pathetic. I have no idea what's going to happen on our date._

She was distracted from her worries when she spotted Shepard walking around the corner from the deck. She looked really nice. She had changed from her usual casual uniform to a simple asari-style dress. She also had her hair down from the ponytail she normally wore.

All in all, she was definitely not the Shepard Tali was used to. _Wow! She's beautiful!_

Tali glanced down at her suit. _This is so unfair. I can't even dress up for her. I... damn it._ She waved shyly to the human as the woman joined her at the airlock. "You look amazing, Shepard."

"Thanks." The human blushed a bit. "Are you all ready to go?"

Tali reached over and took Shepard's hand in hers. "Yes, let's go." She looked down at their hands. Her fingers fit between Shepard's well, and she liked the feel of the human's fingers against her hand. _If only... no, I'll enjoy this._

They walked like that for a while, simply enjoying each other's company. Soon though, they found themselves in one of the main plazas on the wards. She looked around, spotting several restaurants. "Where are we going?"

"It was a bit last minute, so the only place I could get a reservation that served food for both of us was there." Shepard pointed to a small place a bit down the block.

"A salarian restaurant?" Tali asked doubtfully. "What's their food like?"

"I'm not sure, but isn't trying new things kind of the point?"

Unfortunately, their plan hit a small snag. "What do you mean, you gave away our table?" Shepard glared at the host.

"I'm sorry ma'am, the party in the private dining area was larger than expected, so we had to move more tables in. We'd be happy to get you a preferred table on a later day if you'd like, but for now, I apologize for the inconvenience." The host didn't sound sorry in the slightest.

"Great..." Shepard muttered. She turned to Tali as they walked out. "Sorry about this, I was really hoping to take you some place nice."

"We'll find something." She hugged Shepard's arm.

They looked around for a while, trying to find a place that had food choices for both of them. Eventually, they were stuck with one option in walking distance. "The Fishdog Food Factory?" Tali stared at the restaurant. "Seriously?"

"Well, it does have turian/quarian options..." Shepard pointed out.

"So we've gone from salarian food to krogan food?" She shuddered a bit dramatically. "That seems a bit... I don't have the word for it."

"Oh come on, how bad can it be?"

* * *

"...'how bad can it be?' " Garrus glared at Joker. He whispered over at the pilot. "You brought Jack drinking with us!"

"What the hell was I supposed to say? No?" Joker looked over to the bar, where Jack was arguing with the bartender. The turian gestured at something, then staggered as Jack grabbed him and held a fist, her biotic field glimmering over it. "My legs may be a bit fragile, but I like them right where they are, so of course I told her she could come!"

"What the fuck is this?" The biotic stormed over and slumped down in the chair. "They're trying to say this varren piss is booze! This shit barely makes me a bit shaky."

"What is it?" Garrus peered into the glass.

"Fuck if I know. They call it a Tuchanka Airstrike." She glared into her drink. "Shit is barely a backyard firework, if you ask me."

"So what did you do? You were over there for a bit." Joker looked over at the bartender.

"Dumbass tried to say I couldn't handle even one of them. Fucker changed his tune though." She grinned savagely. "I ordered a few rounds for all of us. You pussies better be up for this."

"Sounds great." Garrus felt more and more convinced this was a bad idea.

"Hell, live a little, Scars." Jack slapped him on the back. "Get a few drinks, get laid. Isn't that the point of this shit?"

Garrus sighed. "Not exactly, Jack."

She frowned over towards him. "What the fuck then? I've got the drinks covered, and there's probably plenty of girls who go for guys with scars, so what's the fucking problem? Hell, if you need a good fight or something, I'm sure we could take any of these pussies here."

Garrus shrugged at Joker and grabbed a another drink when the server brought it by. Some things simply weren't worth explaining. Life was too short as is.

* * *

Tali stared over at Shepard as they walked out of the Fishdog Food Factory. Krogan cuisine certainly had been a... unique... experience. She just hoped they could find something more normal next time. Or at least easier on her stomach. Even the most mild "quarian option" hadn't sat well with her.

Shepard on the other hand... "I can't believe you actually liked the krellich. They were still alive and wriggling! How could you eat two orders of them when I could barely look at it?"

"Lightweight." The woman teased. She took Tali's hand, pulling them close together. "You said you had an idea for what to do next?"

"Yes. The newest full length vid for _Fleet and Flotilla _opened recently, I thought we could see that."

"Sure." Shepard nodded. "That sounds nice."

The theatre was mostly empty, fortunately, so they were able to get good seats. Tali cuddled up against Shepard, holding her close as they watched. Shepard slipped her own arm around Tali, drawing her in even more.

The vid itself also set a nice mood. Tali hadn't mentioned it to Shepard, but the reviews she found for it all talked about the increased amount of romance in the plot of this one. She could tell when Shepard got into it, because the human laced her fingers through Tali's.

After the vid was over, neither of them said anything, but they both found themselves heading towards the fountains in the park. _I really hope Mordin and Chakwas come up with something for me soon, because right now, I really want to take my mask off and kiss her..._

She felt so nervous. The date had gone fairly well so far, she figured. But now, she wasn't sure what to do next. She didn't know what Shepard was expecting from this. _I need to watch that vid before our next date!_

She tried thinking of something they could do, but nothing seemed right. She wanted so many things, most of which weren't possible yet, and even then, she didn't want to screw up.

Still, the moment seemed right. Shepard's skin practically glowed in the artificial dusk, and the quiet park and the lingering mood from the romantic vid all made Tali think this was the perfect time to kiss her.

She leaned in slowly, her whole body seeming to quiver. Sure, they had kissed before, but this was different. This was a date. No after-battle adrenaline, no arguments. She was going to kiss Shepard on a date.

Her stomach fluttered. Shepard was so beautiful. She put her hand on the human's cheek, gently tilting her head towards her. Their faces drew closer together...

...And with a sickening shudder, Tali threw up.

* * *

Miranda read the message again, numb from shock. If Lanteia could be believed - and Miranda did trust her, at least as much as she trusted anyone - her father had finally tracked down Oriana.

_Damn it! Why now? Isn't dealing with the Collectors enough? Why does this have to go wrong now too?_

She couldn't delay on this one. She sent a message to Niket, asking him to get Oriana and her family ready to flee, and another to Shepard, telling her that she had a personal situation that she needed to take care of as soon as the Normandy could depart.

_I hope I'm not too late... _She shook her head. _No, that bastard won't move yet. He'll send someone in to check out the situation. He won't go himself, but he also won't let his flunkies act until he's certain he has the right targets._

She glanced at the other datapad on her desk. Decrypting the files she had bought from an information broker would have to wait. She'd have time to find out what the Illusive man had done about the Horizon colony later. Oriana needed help right now.

Miranda sighed. Even if Shepard returned immediately, over half the crew was still out on shore leave. It would take at least a few more hours to get everyone back aboard and get them cleared through customs.

That was, if she could convince Shepard to help. She'd have to tell her everything, or most of it anyway. And then hope Shepard didn't think it was a Cerberus trick. She doubted she would. Her friend seemed to trust her crew.

She paused. _Friend? _When did Shepard become her friend? It was true though. She honestly liked and respected Shepard, and enjoyed serving on the Normandy with her. It felt good to finally have a place to belong.

She paced her cabin, waiting for a reply from either Lanteia or Shepard.

* * *

Shepard sat with Tali in the med lab while Dr Chakwas finished reviewing her results. If she hadn't known better, she'd have guessed the quarian was drunk, but as it was, she thought she knew what the problem was.

Sure enough, Chakwas confirmed it a moment later. "I'm sorry, Tali. I checked everything, and it appears you have a mild case of food poisoning. I think something you ate recently wasn't properly prepared for a quarian."

"Keelah..." Tali groaned softly. "We are never going to that place again, Shepard."

"Agreed." Shepard nodded to her.

"Tali, I have some medicine for you, but I'd still prefer you stay overnight for observation." Chakwas handed her a small bottle as she walked over. "I want to make sure you don't get a more serious reaction from your immune system."

"Okay, doctor." Tali lay back on the bed, still clearly ill.

"Could you give us a minute, doc?"

"Sure, Shepard. Just don't stress her further, alright?" The doctor stepped out, reading her datapad.

Shepard leaned over, kissing Tali fast on the cheek, or at least where the cheek should be under the helmet. "I'm sorry about tonight, Tali. I know it wasn't really what either of us had planned."

"It's fine, Shepard." Tali giggled softly. "I can promise you, it's certainly a date I'll never forget."

"Oh yeah." She laughed some too.

"Next time, we'll do better. Just no more krogan food."

"As you wish." Shepard kissed Tali again. "I'll stop by in the morning to check on you."

"Shepard..." Tali sounded sleepy. "I told you, don't say that if you don't mean it..."

She gave the quarian's hand a final squeeze then stepped out the door, nearly running into Miranda. "Oh, hey Miranda."

"Shepard, do you have a minute to talk in private? I have something I need to tell you about that's urgent." The Cerberus woman looked visibly agitated.

"Sure, let's talk in your office. You can tell me what the problem is."

* * *

Garrus groaned. His head was throbbing as he cautiously opened his eyes. He immediately shut them, the glare from the light streaming through the windows driving his headache even higher.

_By the spirits, how much did I drink last night? Wait... windows? My cabin doesn't have windows. Where am I?_

He tried opening his eyes again, going even slower this time. It still hurt, especially when he turned his head to glance at the window. From the view, he guessed he was in one of the hotels in the Wards.

_How did I get here? I was out drinking with Jack and Joker, then Jack picked a fight with those two krogan after Joker left. I remember we won, so she got us another round to celebrate, then another and another... What the hell happened after that? Did they return for revenge or something?_

He started to sit up, but two things stopped him. First, simply trying to lift himself up intensified his headache, forcing him back down as he growled at the pain. This was definitely the worst hangover he had ever suffered.

The other thing that stopped him was the pale, tattooed arm draped across his chest. His eyes widened in response to the growing sense of horror building inside him.

_Oh no... no no no! Spirits, please tell me this can't be true!_

He looked to the other side of the bed. Sure enough, Jack lay there next to him, completely naked. She stirred a bit, in response to his movements, shifting closer to him before drifting back to sleep.

_Oh crap! This can't be happening!_

He lay there for a while, desperately trying to think of a way to fix this. Eventually, he had to give up and settle for attempting to get out while he could. He gingerly tried to slip out of bed without waking her. Unfortunately, he must have moved too much, because Jack growled softly, her eyes flickering open.

"Uh..." His brain failed him.

"Shit." Jack stared at him, as if trying to figure out what he was doing here. "How much of that crap did I drink last night?"

"I lost count after the seventh round." He looked over at her. "Did we..."

"Fuck? Yeah, I sorta remember the first time. Gets a bit hazy after that."

"Oh." 'Oh' was nice and safe and neutral. He struggled for something to say after that. "Wait... First time?"

"Yeah, you got into it after the first one and we sorta kept going."

"Oh."

'Well shit, guess there's only one thing to do now." He really didn't trust the look in her eyes. Way too much crazy in there.

"What's that?" Garrus asked warily.

"We're going again." She climbed up on him, straddling him. "I'm not done with you yet."

_Oh fu-_

* * *

Tali slowly walked out of the medbay. She still didn't feel fully recovered yet, but she was tired of sitting in there with little to do. Dr Chakwas was in the other room conducting some tests for other members of the crew, and Shepard was busy; she had recalled all the crew still on shore leave, so they could depart for a new mission Miranda brought up.

Apparently, someone was targetting her family, and Shepard agreed to help out. Tali completely agreed. If someone was going after their families, it was best to put a stop to it right away. Even though it kept Shepard busy, she didn't mind too much. She really wanted to go watch the vids Mordin sent her before they talked again.

She sighed. Their first date might have had some good points, and she had gotten Shepard to joke about it, but overall, it was a disaster. _I can't believe I threw up right as we were about to kiss! That's just... I don't know, but I don't think I could have made it worse if I tried._

She wished she had someone to talk to about it, but Kasumi wasn't in her lounge and Garrus seemed to be avoiding everyone for some reason. He had been acting very strange ever since they returned to the ship, and she didn't know why.

She finally made it back to her cabin, and sat on her bed, pulling up the first vid Mordin sent her. The first one, _'Understanding Body Language: Human Edition_' was rather long, set up with several "lessons". She watched the first two, but had to stop before she got too confused.

_I'll just watch one a day, and practice them. That way I'll really learn it well._

_'Human Courtship and Mating_' was much easier to get into. Almost disturbingly so. She started with the first part of the human females section, dating, but she kept skipping ahead to the latter sections, mating.

_Keelah, that's... wow..._

Tali was so caught up in it, she barely noticed EDI's announcement that the Normandy would make the relay jump to Illium in a few minutes.

*_**Next Chapter: Illium! Shepard and Tali find out about Liara. Garrus and Jack after their night. Tracking Samara. Helping Miranda. More trouble.**_*


	28. Chapter 27 - Foreboding

**What Was Lost **

Chapter 27 - Foreboding

Garrus knocked on Shepard's door. He wasn't really looking forward to doing this, but he needed to talk to someone. Joker was definitely out, and same with Kasumi - he couldn't risk either of them gossiping about what had happened.

He could talk to Tali, but he wasnt sure she'd be able to help him with this. Not to mention, he'd probably have to explain certain things, and that would only make this even more embarrassing. At least Shepard should understand the basic situation.

"Oh, hey Garrus." Shepard greeted him as she opened the door. "Something wrong?"

"Kind of, yeah." He nodded to her. "Could we talk in private?"

"Sure." She shut the door behind them, then walked over to the side holopanel. "EDI, privacy mode please."

"Yes, Shepard." The AI's cool voice sounded.

"Thanks." She gestured for him to sit on the couch. "So, what's up?"

"I think I made a mistake on shore leave." He shook his head. "No, I know I made a mistake, and I'm not really sure how do deal with it."

"Did you kill someone?" She asked him.

"No, but that would probably be an improvement." He tried to think of a good way to start it, but gave up and settled for simply telling her. "I went out drinking with Joker, and Jack sort of invited herself along."

"Drinking with Jack. I can see how that's probably not the best idea."

"Yeah, well anyway, the bartender told her she should avoid some of the stuff on the menu, and well..."

"She took it as a challenge." Shepard finished for him. "Let me guess, she started a fight after that."

"Yeah, but we won, so it doesn't really count."

"Fair enough. So what went wrong."

"Well, I don't remember all the details, or even most of them, but apparently..." He sighed. "Spirits, this is hard to say."

"Take your time." She wore a small, amused smile. Had she already guessed what he was going to say?

"Anyway, after that, we had a few more drinks, and I..." He gulped. "Jack and I slept together..."

He cut off because Shepard was laughing hard. "Oh. Oh god, that's too funny."

"Shut up." He growled half-heartedly. "It's not that funny."

"Yes it is." She tried to get serious for him, but was still giggling to herself. "You and Jack... wow, just how much did you drink last night anyway?"

"Could you take this a bit more seriously? I need help."

"I'll say." She laughed again. "Jack... Just wow..."

"So what should I do?" Maybe coming to her had been a mistake too, but he really did need to talk to someone, and he had to admit, if he had heard about this from someone else, it probably would be pretty funny to him, too.

"Not sure what to tell you on this one, Garrus. I guess you could just chalk it up to a drunken mistake and move on." She shrugged. "I won't tell anyone, but you know Joker will find out eventually. He always seems to. Not to mention, you said he was drinking with you, at least for the first part, so he might already know about it."

"Could you keep quiet about it for now?"

"Of course." She looked over at him. "So what are you going to do?"

"I guess you're right. One night of drunken mistakes can happen to anyone. I'll just try to put it behind me and move on."

"Pretend it didn't happen?"

"More or less." He nodded to her.

"Okay, two more questions for you." She had a small grin. "When it blows up in your face, and we both know it will, what then?"

"Not sure. I guess I'll just have to see when the time comes." He figured what she was going to ask next.

"Last question then. How was it?" She didn't disappoint him - she was smiling broadly.

"I..." He was glad he couldn't blush the way the human could. "It wasn't that bad."

Shepard collapsed back on the couch, laughing.

* * *

Miranda worried. She hadn't heard back from Lanteia yet, beyond a cryptic message asking for a meeting in a bar on Illium. She hoped that simply meant the asari had information she didn't feel comfortable sharing over the distance. Still, she couldn't help being concerned. Her sister was in trouble, and while she was on the way as fast as possible, there was no guarantee she'd make it there in time.

She had spent a good deal of time setting up a new identity and travel plan for Oriana and her family. While she was sure the Illusive Man could have taken care of it better and easier, like he did the first time, she didn't trust him as she once did.

If he was willing to use Shepard's friends to bait the Collectors, what might he do with Oriana? As much as she hated to consider it, she had to. She needed to make Oriana disappear not only from her father, but from Cerberus as well.

That complicated matters. The only ones left that she could really trust were Niket, Lanteia, and Shepard. Lanteia could handle the bureaucratic end of things, and Niket was going to meet them on Illium. Shepard would come along for support, in case her father had arranged for a surprise or two.

That left EDI. She knew the AI monitored all communications, especially extranet access, on the ship. She needed to get the AI on her side, somehow. The easiest way would be to ask Shepard to order EDI to support them. However, she preferred to talk to the AI and explain the situation. She wanted the AI to cooperate willingly.

"EDI? Could I talk to you privately?" She called in the direction of the terminal in her office.

"Of course, Operative Lawson. What can I do for you?" The AI's cool voice floated to her as the holoimage appeared on the terminal.

"You've followed what's going on with our trip to Omega?"

"Yes. Part of my duties include monitoring all data transfers to and from the ship. However, I classified it as a personal matter, non-mission critical, and filed it under the private archives."

"I appreciate that." She debated how much extra information she needed to give the AI, and decided to tell her most of what she shared with Shepard. "There's some information you should know about this..."

A short time later, she had filled in the details of the situation to the AI.

"I believe I understand, Operative Lawson. I will keep all pertinent details private."

"Thanks, EDI."

They were still about half a day out from Illium. She had done everything she could to help her sister at this point. Now she just had to hope she was still in time...

* * *

Liara focused on the datapad in front of her. She was so close to one of the Shadow Broker's top agents, the Observer. It had taken her almost a week, but after sifting through some suspicious transmissions, she had found one from the spy.

Apparently, the Observer was stationed on Illium too. That definitely made things convenient for her. Once she found out a little more, she could track the spy down and hopefully pull out a direct trail to the Broker. At long last, she could fix one of her mistakes.

_I can finally avenge Feron. I couldn't save him, but I can at least stop the bastard who ordered him killed. Maybe that will be enough._

The 'maybe' depressed her. It reminded her of other things she had messed up. Like Shepard. She still hadn't found a way to contact her yet. _That's the problem with giving her to a secretive terrorist group - they're good at hiding things._

Even the Alliance hadn't been much use in finding her. Her few contacts with them had all dried up after a short time trying. It was as if the Alliance government was trying to forget the whole situation. Considering the loss of life at the Battle of the Citadel, she could understand them wanting to leave Shepard as a martyr.

It was a project for another day, however. She wasn't going to let herself forget about Shepard again, but right now, she had something she could do. She could track down this Observer. She could get even closer to the Broker.

_I can't forget her again. I won't!_

* * *

Tali was nervous the whole elevator ride up to Shepard's deck. And it only got worse when she was outside the door. _That date was a disaster. Sure, we had some good moments, but still... We have time before Illium, I want to make up for it._

She knocked on the door, and soon enough heard Shepard's footsteps from inside. The woman opened the door, gesturing for her to enter. As soon as she made it in the door, the human put her arms around Tali's waist, hugging her.

"I was hoping that was you," Shepard whispered quietly.

"I'm glad." And she really was. _She was waiting for me!_ Tali settled back against Shepard, enjoying the feel of the human.

Shepard kissed her neck, the suit relaying the sensations to her. "That's so not fair, Shepard," she breathily got out.

"Deal with it." The woman sat down on the couch, pulling Tali into her lap.

"I was..." She cut off as Shepard kissed her again. "I was hoping we could make up for that date. I know it didn't go that great, and I wanted to try again."

"Tali..." Shepard sighed. "Sometimes, things just go wrong. It happens. I was happy to simply get a chance to spend time with you."

"I... I don't get it, though. It's like everything that could go wrong, did that time."

"It happens." Shepard hugged her closer. "Look, I'm serious. I know it didn't go right, but it still made me happy that we got to go out."

"But..." She still wanted to make it up to her.

"Tali, it's okay, really." She tried to say something again, but Shepard cut her off, kissing her neck once more. It was very distracting, but in a good way. A really good way...

A little while later, she leaned back against Shepard. "I wish I could do something for you. Times like this make me hate this suit so much."

"I don't mind, really. I like making you feel good."

"Still... We need to figure something out. Okay?"

"We will. Promise." Shepard hugged her. "But for now, can't we just enjoy this?"

"Fine."

* * *

Shepard sat across from Tali at the small table in the mess a little later, only halfheartedly poking at her food. She knew Tali still worried over their date and the problems with her suit, and she wished she could do something to reassure the quarian.

"I was curious about something, Shepard." Tali's question brought her back from her musings.

"Yes?"

"What's it like being a biotic? We really don't have many at all on the Fleet, so I only ever met one before you."

"What do you mean by 'What's it like?' " Shepard was a bit confused now.

"How much different is it from being normal?"

"I'm not sure how to answer that, Tali."

"Why?" The quarian leaned in, intent on her. _Why does she want to know so badly?_

"Well, I've always been a biotic." She shrugged. "I don't really have a point of reference to compare it to, since having biotics is 'normal' for me."

"Oh."

"I guess I'd say I like it. There are some minor annoyances, but overall, I can't imagine not having it." She called up her abilities, using them to gently feather Tali's suit, grinning as the quarian shivered slightly. "It can be fun, though."

Tali giggled a bit. "I see."

"Okay, my turn. What made you ask?"

"I want to get to know you better, Shepard." Tali leaned in a bit. "There's so much about you I still don't know, and I need to."

"I hadn't thought about it like that." Now she felt bad. "Sorry, I probably should have."

"I'll forgive you for that, this time." The quarian sounded amused.

They kept chatting for a while, both Shepard and Tali relaxing as they talked. Eventually, EDI's cool, electronic voice interrupted them.

"Shepard, we will be docking at Illium in fifteen minutes. Operative Lawson is waiting for you at the airlock."

"Thanks EDI, I'm on the way." She looked over to Tali. "Care to join me?"

"Sure." She paused a second, thinking. "Will Miranda mind, though?"

"We can ask her."

They grabbed their gear and met up with Miranda at the airlock. The Cerberus woman frowned at seeing Tali. "Shepard, did you...?"

"No, I didn't say anything, but having some backup might be a good idea, especially if, well..." She couldn't come up with a good way to say it without giving away information Miranda might want kept private.

"I guess it won't matter in a few hours anyway. And you're probably right. I'd rather be prepared for extra trouble." She looked over to Tali. "I asked Shepard for help in getting my sister and her family relocated."

"Ah." Tali sounded a bit surprised.

"What? I have a family too." Miranda smirked, though Shepard still caught hints of tension in her posture. She was obviously worried about what her father might have done while they were on the way.

"Right, well, let's go?" Shepard gestured to the airlock.

* * *

Kasumi watched Garrus pacing in front of the airlock. The turian kept looking around nervously, watching for someone. This had piqued her curiousity, because he was definitely not acting normal. And if he was worried about running into someone on the ship, that meant something had happened on their Citadel shore leave.

And that made her curious. She grinned to herself. She wanted to know what happened. She knew he had left to go out drinking with Joker, so she could probably just ask the pilot, but where's the fun in that?

She left her trademark suit in her quarters in favor of a simple, asari-cut dress in plain colors. With her hair up, she looked completely different from normal. It always amazed her how little things like this could make even people who knew her fail to recognize her.

She easily blended in with the crowd. As ever, on an asari world, asari fashions dominated, so she looked like any one of a number of human businesswomen. The turian looked behind himself from time to time, but didn't notice her.

She frowned when she saw him enter a small tea shop and sit down with a sigh of relief. He obviously wasn't meeting someone or trying to drink away his troubles or something else equally interesting.

Well, if he wasn't going to be fun on his own, she'd just have to push him. She walked in and sat down across from him, smiling at his shock. "Hey Garrus!" She cheerfully greeted him.

"Don't surprise me like that, Kasumi." He calmed down a bit. "I thought... never mind."

"Thought what?" She grinned at his discomfort. "Who did you think I was?"

"Damn it. I don't want to talk about it."

"Come on, you know I'll find out eventually."

"Probably, but I -" He cut off, spotting something out the window behind her. 'What are they up to?"

"Who?" Kasumi asked warily. She didn't trust that this wasn't a trick. If it was and she fell for it, she'd never live it down. Cautiously, she glanced out the window.

Shepard, Tali and Miranda were across the street, talking to an unfamiliar asari. Oddly, Shepard seemed to be letting Miranda take the lead, as the Cerberus woman was doing most of the talking.

"I'm not sure, want me to get a listen?" She winked at him, hoping he'd understand that she wasn't done asking him about things, but it could be paused for this.

"Yeah, let's find out what they're doing." He sounded relieved.

She slipped out the door, once again easily blending in with the crowds. It took her a few minutes, but eventually she was in range to eavesdrop on them.

"-and Niket already moved the family, Miss Lawson." The asari said.

"What? He was supposed to wait until I got here." Miranda sounded a bit upset.

"I can only tell you what he passed on to me. He said that the circumstances had changed, and he needed to move them right away."

Miranda glanced over towards Shepard. "I guess you were right. Something did go wrong. I just wish I knew more about it." She looked back to the asari. "Did he leave any details? Anything at all?"

"I'm sorry, Miss Lawson. He only told me he had to move them immediately." The asari shrugged. "If you want to know more, there are several good information brokers in the area. I'd recommend Liara T'soni. She's regarded as one of the best on Illium."

"Liara?" Shepard gasped, looking pale.

*_**Next Chapter: More trouble on Illium. Miranda relocates her family. Does Shepard go see Liara? Tali's reaction to the news.**_*


	29. Chapter 28 - Consequence

**What Was Lost**

Chapter 28 - Consequence

Shepard stared at the asari. "Liara is here?" She could barely believe it. _What the hell happened? She sells me to Cerberus and is now an information broker?_

"Yes, Shepard. She's one of the more reputable brokers on Illium currently." Shepard frowned - Lanteia had obviously not understood the nature of her surprise.

_Liara is here! I..._ She didn't know what to feel about the news. Part of her wanted to ask where she was and head there right now. Another wanted nothing to do with her. After all, Liara had abandoned her to Cerberus. And still another part...

Shepard glanced over to Tali. The quarian hadn't said anything so far, but Shepard could tell she was troubled by the news too. She kept alternating between looking down in thought and peering her way. Shepard wished she could tell more about what she was thinking.

"Shepard?" Miranda also looked worried.

"Yeah." She shook her head. "Let's go to the docks and meet your friend. If he really did have to change plans so suddenly, he probably could use some help."

"Thanks." Miranda sounded relieved, which was a bit unusual for her. "I... Thank you."

Tali, on the other hand, didn't say anything. She merely headed over to the nearest taxi terminal and hailed them a cab. Shepard tentatively reached out to take her hand, but the quarian stepped back just before she could touch her.

_Damn it! Things were finally starting to go well, sort of, and now..._ She looked over at Tali again, and sighed. The quarian was definitely upset about this revelation, and Shepard couldn't blame her, even if it wasn't her fault, either.

The cab ride to the dock was even more uncomfortable. Miranda brooded, obviously anxious to catch up to Niket and her sister. She kept checking her omnitool, watching for any changes in ship departures. Shepard had briefly tried to go over a plan with her, but she barely paid attention.

Tali, meanwhile, spent the ride staring out the window. Shepard was fairly sure she wasn't looking at the city, but was doing her best to avoid the situation. One name, one stupid name, and now things between them were worse than they had been even on their date.

"Tali..." She tried again.

"We'll talk later, Shepard." The quarian replied coldly. She turned in her seat, cutting off any chance at further conversation.

_On the whole, I think I'd rather just have mercs or geth shooting at me. It would be easier to deal with, at least._

* * *

Tali seethed. Simply seeing Shepard's reaction to Liara's name had been bad enough. Now, the woman kept trying to... Tali wasn't sure, but the whole situation made her mad. Very mad.

_I don't care what she says, if she gets that shocked just hearing Liara's name, she's not over her yet. I really don't need to hear her excuses right now. At least she didn't try to justify going to see her. I'm not sure I could handle that right now._

After their last encounter on the Citadel, she wasn't interested in seeing the asari either. Not yet, anyway. She did need to at some point, to clear up a few things. Namely, make sure Liara understood the situation. She had abandoned Shepard, and they all knew it now. And Shepard had chosen Tali.

She needed to make sure Liara accepted that. Shepard was hers now. Glancing at her, Tali realized she needed to make sure the human understood that too.

What to do, though? She kept trying to come up with a plan. Something... Anything... That upset her, too. She didn't like feeling so helpless. Too much of this depended on how she handled Shepard. She couldn't afford to mess it up.

_I wish I could really know how she feels about Liara right now. Not that she's likely to know, herself, but still. If only..._

She shook her head. 'If only' didn't help her right now. _Focus. After this thing with Miranda and her sister is over, I have to do something._

Problem one - Liara. The asari was obviously a successful information broker, which meant she'd find out about Shepard being here sooner rather than later. _She gave Shepard up, she can't just walk back in and pretend she didn't. I won't let her._

Problem two - Shepard. The woman was obviously shaken, which was good. She didn't want her running back to Liara. Unfortunately, that lead to problem three...

_Me... _She brooded. _I... I need to do something for her, make her understand. She keeps saying things between us are okay, that the suit doesn't bother her, but I know that's not totally true. I messed up our date, I'm stuck in this suit, and she keeps being so understanding. I love her for it, but it does make me a bit mad._

Tali sat up, thinking about that more. Hopefully Mordin would be able to help her with the suit problem soon, but that still left the failed date. She had tried to get Shepard to see her point, but the woman had distracted her. Not that she minded all that much, at the time.

_Is she right, though? Should I just be happy with what we have now?_

* * *

Liara read the docking list again, shocked. She hadn't made a mistake - the Normandy SR-2 was indeed docked in Illium right now. Which meant...

_Shepard is here! She's here, somewhere, right now. I have to find her. I need to!_

She set aside the pad, glancing briefly at a second one, containing her notes on the Shadow Broker's known agents on Illium. _I'm so close to finding the Observer, can I really just put it aside now? Even for Shepard?_

_Of course, while I know the ship is here, I don't know where she is. If I leave, if I go looking randomly, I could miss her. I could also wait at the ship, but there's no guarantee she won't just take a shuttle or simply stay on board. It's unlikely, but still, I have to consider it._

She put the Broker information back on her desk. It could wait. She had a chance, at last, to make things up with Shepard. To have her back.

Liara still hesitated, however. Part of her knew it wouldn't be that simple to get Shepard back. That small part of her mind kept whispering to her, telling her all the problems. All the doubts she had carried for the past few months rushed back to her, gnawing it her.

_You gave her up, _the small voice told her. _You sold her to Cerberus. You left her, forgot about her. You gave her no way to find you again. Is it any wonder she never came looking for you?_

Try as she might, she couldn't ignore the truth of it. She had given Shepard to some of her worst enemies. She had left her, not bothing to even prepare a message if the wild hope of a plan worked. And worst, she had forgotten about her for a time, losing herself in revenge.

She gathered a few things and headed out the door. No matter how logical it would be to wait, to send a message and see, she couldn't. She had to try, to do something to make up for everything that had happened in the past two years.

Looking around, she set off towards the spaceport district. She had to start somewhere.

* * *

Miranda hugged her sister one last time before stepping back and letting her rejoin her family. Shepard had been right - she had needed to talk with her.

Oriana smiled back at her. It still amazed her how quickly they had connected. They had spent the last hour talking as if they had known each other their whole lives. No weirdness, no awkwardness. _I really do have to thank Shepard._

The only thing that put a damper on her mood was Niket. Learning he had betrayed her and then having to watch the Eclipse merc kill him had been hard. He had been her oldest friend, but her father still managed to twist him against her.

Still, as much as that hurt, she had gained a sister, for real. She promised to keep in touch with Oriana as much as possible, and to visit when the mission with the Collectors was over. Oriana asked to visit the Normandy one day, too, and Miranda had agreed easily. She didn't really see Shepard having a problem with that.

She waved farewell to Oriana and went back to the small cafe where Tali and Shepard were waiting for her. Just looking at the two of them, she could tell that things were still very strained between the commander and the quarian. She wished she could help them, but it didn't seem likely right now.

"Thank you two." Tali sat up, shocked from her thinking, as she spoke. Miranda noted how she glanced over towards Shepard, then quickly back to the balcony outside. Yes, something had definitely happened between them, something not good. If she had to guess, it was Lanteia mentioning Liara.

Shepard merely nodded, also lost in thought. Miranda worried. Shepard usually wasn't this withdrawn. The situation must really be bothering her for her to shut down like this.

Miranda joined them in silence, trying to think of a way to help her friends.

* * *

Tali was a bit surprised when Miranda pulled her off to one of the cafes dotting the street. Especially when the woman motioned for Shepard to go on ahead of them. She wasn't sure what the Cerberus woman wanted to talk about, but she guessed it was probably about Shepard.

"Okay, what didn't you want Shepard to hear?" Tali decided to go ahead and get it out of the way.

"Was I that obvious?" Miranda sighed. "I hope Shepard didn't notice."

Tali couldn't help giggling a bit. "I don't think you have to worry about that. She can be a bit clueless about things like this."

"Yes, well." Miranda looked a bit embarrassed. "I... I wanted to help you two. You've done so much for me, I wanted to be able to do something for you."

"You don't have to, Miranda." Tali was a bit surprised by this from her. "We were happy to help."

"Tali, you two gave me back my sister. I owe you more than I can ever repay."

Tali smiled at that. Watching Miranda and Oriana had indeed cheered her immensely. That kind of thing was what she was fighting for. Yes, she still wanted to save the colonies, but seeing people, real people, and helping them directly, was important to her.

"I... I'm sorry if what Lanteia said messed things up between you two." Miranda continued. "I wanted to know if there's anything I can do to help fix it."

"Thanks, but I think this is something we have to work out for ourselves."

"Still... There has to be something I can help with."

Tali hesitated. "I don't know what to say, Miranda. I'm not sure what I should do now. I mean, how do I make sure Shepard doesn't go running back to her?"

"I doubt she would do that, Tali."

"I can't help worrying about it. I mean, she can even touch her, no suit or stupid medications or anything..." She sighed. "I don't get what she sees in me, sometimes."

"Don't be an idiot. She's lucky to have you." Miranda smiled warmly at her.

Tali felt better, hearing that. "I know, I just wish..."

"You could always just throw her down on her bed next time you get the chance." Miranda laughed at her own joke.

"Yes, I could..." Tali laughed too, but part of her was still thinking about it...

* * *

Garrus was bored. Kasumi had been gone for at least an hour, following Shepard. He was still waiting in the shop for her to return. He hadn't spotted the thief or even had word from her on his link. He was debating how much longer he wanted to wait for her.

He was staring out the window when movement caught his attention behind him. A human had sat down in the other chair. "Took you long enou..." He trailed off. "Oh hell."

"Yeah, well, fuck you too." Jack grinned at him.

"What are you doing here?" He groaned inwardly. He really didn't need this now.

"Was just wandering a bit. Kept getting followed by those asari cops and I'm a bit tired of it. Figured I'd stop in here and see what you were up to before I do something that would mega piss Shepard off."

"Well, I'm not doing anything right now, just killing time." He figured bringing up Kasumi probably wouldn't be the best idea.

"Eh, whatever." She shrugged. "Nothing fun here anyway. Damn asari have too many regulations and shit. Takes all the fun out of things."

"So what are you going to do then?"

"That's sorta why I stopped in. Figured we could hang or something."

"Really?" He was a bit surprised. Jack not only caring about how her behavior affected the crew, but also wanting to do things with others? This was definitely new.

"Why not?" She didn't sound mad, simply curious. "We can find something to do, probably."

"Just understand, I'm not..." He paused, trying to focus his thoughts. "The other night, that was a one time thing. Too much alcohol and post-fight tension, you know?"

"Shit, you really are full of yourself." She laughed at him. "You think just cause we fucked once, I'm gonna let you do it again?"

"What?" He couldn't believe it. "You're the one who kept wanting one more round, over and over."

"Yeah, it was pretty good, but shit, you said it yourself, one night of too much booze and shit." She smirked at him. "Guess we all make mistakes."

"Mistakes?" He growled. "I might have had too many, but I don't see what you have to complain about. I mean, you took advantage of me."

Jack laughed louder. "Me? Wow, you really don't remember shit about that night, do you?" She grinned widely. "You're the one who started it. Not me, you." With a superior look on her face, she leaned back in her chair. "So yeah, I didn't take advantage, you did."

"Liar."

"Not this time." She crossed her arms. "Besides, I don't see what you have to complain about. If you didn't like it, why did you keep going so many times that night?"

"Like it bothered you. The only thing I can remember is waking up and having you practically jump me."

"I said we all make mistakes." Jack winked at him, to make sure he got her meaning.

"I'm the mistake now?" He growled.

"Aww, getting a bit pissed off?" She was grinning even wider - and worse, she was right. He was getting angry. And the last thing he wanted was to give her the satisfaction of getting to him. Still, this...

He shook his head. "Look, I'm just going back to the ship. I don't want to make trouble here." Shepard would be mad if anything happened and messed up the mission with Miranda's sister. He was better off just going back aboard and waiting. It would certainly be better than staying here with _her._

"Wuss." He stopped and turned, looking back at her.

That was it.

* * *

Liara sighed. So far, her vigil of the dock the _Normandy _currently occupied had accomplished nothing. She hadn't spotted Shepard in the hours she had sat there, or any other familiar face. In fact, she couldn't even confirm with the spaceport that Shepard was here at all.

_This sure has been a waste of time. If she's here, it's probably important. She'll be on a mission or meeting a contact, or something. She wouldn't simply be wandering around._

The only question now was, how much longer was she going to wait? She didn't want to spend her whole day sitting and doing nothing, but at the same time, this was proving to be rather useless.

Five more minutes. She could wait that long. Just five more minutes.

* * *

Shepard was a bit surprised when Tali took her hand upon rejoining her after her little talk with Miranda. She still wasn't sure what the two of them had needed to talk about, but figured it was none of her business anyway.

Either way, Tali seemed to be in a better mood now. "Are you two ready to head back to the ship?" She asked the other women.

"I'm going to stay for a bit, Shepard. I'll stick around until Oriana's shuttle leaves. I want to make sure they don't have any more problems."

"I understand." Shepard nodded to her. "Comm if you need us. I'll make sure EDI knows to patch you through right away."

"Thanks, Shepard." The other human kept staring at the spaceport. "I know their shuttle isn't leaving for another hour yet, but I wish it would hurry up, already. I'll feel so much better once they're off Illium."

"I don't blame you." She paused, sharing a glance with Tali, who nodded. "Are you sure you don't want us to stick around, just in case?"

"I'll be fine. I need a little time to deal with..." Miranda trailed off, then started over. "I just need a little time. See you back at the ship, Shepard."

Tali waited until they were a little ways from Miranda, then turned to Shepard. She wrung her hands and gulped before speaking to her. "I... I wanted to say sorry for how I acted earlier. And..." The quarian paused. "...And I'd understand if you wanted to go by Liara's office."

"I don't." Shepard said firmly. She really didn't want to get into that, not now.

"Are you sure?"

"Tali, it's over between me and her. I'm not interested in reopening old wounds." She squeezed the quarian's hand. "Let's go home."

* * *

Liara walked dejectedly back to the taxi stand. Her 'five more minutes' had turned into almost three hours. And there was still no sign of Shepard.

_Idiot! What did you expect? That this would turn out like some romance vid and she'd show up and forgive you and you'd live happily ever after?_

The worst part was she realized that even if she knew it would turn out like this, she'd have shown up anyway. The need to see Shepard again, to try making things right between them, was a burning drive inside her.

She stopped just before getting in the cab. There in the distance, the human walking past the docks towards the airlock... the hairstyle was different, but the color was the same... it was Shepard!

She ran, not caring what the people around her must be thinking. She managed to get back to the Normandy's dock just as Shepard opened the airlock and made to step inside. She called out, hoping to stop her before she got back in the ship.

"Shepard! Goddess, it is you!"

The human straightened up at the sound of her voice, but didn't turn around or reply.

Liara slowed, nearly stumbling. This... this wasn't how it was supposed to be. "Shepard, were you really just going to leave without seeing me?" She asked hesitantly.

Shepard paused in the airlock, then stepped inside, still not looking at her.

"Yes."

*_**Next Chapter: Samara and Thane join the Normandy. Liara, Tali and Shepard react to the meeting at the docks. What happened between Garrus and Jack. Kasumi returns to the ship, too.**_*


	30. Chapter 29 - Acceptance

**What Was Lost **

Chapter 29 - Acceptance

Shepard let the airlock seal up behind her, locking Liara out. Her mind raced, conflicting thoughts filling her as she joined Tali on the other side.

The first thing she realized was panic. She hadn't been ready to deal with the asari, not yet anyway. So she simply avoided it. _I can't believe I'm that big of a coward. I just cut her off, didn't even bother to talk with her._

She couldn't put it off like that. Sooner or later - probably sooner - she'd have to go back down there and see her. And worse, now she needed to apologize for how she acted.

That tied into the second thing she thought about. Part of her had wanted to hurt Liara, hurt her the same way Shepard herself had been hurt. She felt sick, looking back at it. _It's petty and cruel, and no matter how mad I am with her, I should be better than that._

The last part of her admitted that Tali was also a reason for shutting the door like that. She wanted to make sure the quarian knew that it was over between her and Liara, so she'd grabbed onto the first chance, the first excuse, and taken it.

All in all, she was disgusted with herself at how she had acted. She stood there at the airlock, debating if she should open it and run after Liara and apologize right now. Except...

She glanced over at Tali, who was still waiting for her in the hall. Going after Liara would most likely piss her off again, and Shepard didn't want that. _Why does this have to be so damn complicated? I have no idea what I should do now._

"Tali, could I..." She didn't know how to finish or even what to say now.

"Shepard?" The quarian started towards her, then hesitated.

"I'm going to rest for a bit." She paused on the way to the elevator. "I'm sorry about today. I didn't want... I'm sorry."

Tali didn't follow her into the elevator, for which she felt relieved. She needed some time. Time to think, time to consider her options.

Time to... She didn't know.

* * *

Garrus gathered his clothes from the floor of the hotel, disgusted with himself. He couldn't even blame alcohol this time. Again. It had happened again.

He had followed Jack out of the small cafe, still pissed at her incessant teasing. They had shouted at each other all down the street, both of them getting more and more upset. Then...

Jack had kissed him. The tattooed woman had leaped up, thrown her arms around his neck, and given him the angriest kiss he had ever had. And he had returned it. He had been so furious with her one minute, then the next all he could think about was how best to kiss her back.

They had kept kissing all the way to the nearest hotel. Garrus had shoved some credits to the clerk, grabbed the room key, and dragged Jack to the elevator.

Once in the room, it had almost been a race to see who could undress the other faster. Inspecting his shirt, he saw numerous small tears along the seams. His pants were even worse. And the belt was looking to be a complete loss.

The worst part was, he had liked it. A lot. The human had certainly been different from what he was used to, but he didn't mind. Breasts, for example, had proven to be a very enjoyable surprise. And her biotics had let them really explore different positions.

He glanced over to the bed. Fortunately, Jack was still sleeping, giving him time to figure out just what the hell he was going to do now.

If he was smart, he'd leave and do his best to avoid her, make sure this never happened again. Unfortunately, he wasn't feeling like being particularly smart at the moment. Rather, he was seriously considering waking her up for another round.

_What's wrong with me?_

He sat down in a chair near the bed, lost in thought. Every now and then, he'd glance over at the naked human sleeping on the bed.

_By the spirits, I need help._

* * *

Shepard reviewed the file yet again. They had so very little information on the Justicar, Samara. Only a recent report placing her on Illium. If she wanted to narrow it down, she'd need information. Accurate information. And that meant going to see Liara.

Which depressed her. She had tried to put aside the problem, focus on the mission. Reading up on the dossiers and recruiting new members would be useful work. They'd need all the help they could get before going up against the Collectors, after all.

And distracting herself would simply be an added bonus...

Unfortunately, the lack of details kept leading her mind back to Liara. That of course brought her to Tali, too. The whole situation was turning into a giant mess. Now she couldn't even try to work on the mission without getting stuck thinking on it.

She leaned back, setting the datapad on the table in front of her.

More than anything, she wanted to talk with Tali.

_So why do I keep thinking about Liara?_

* * *

Liara shut the door to her office, shaken. She had left instructions with Nyxeris that she wasn't to be disturbed for anything short of a dire emergency. Though, compared to what had just happened, an emergency would probably be welcome.

_What did you expect? You ignore her for two years while Cerberus does Goddess knows what to her, and don't even leave a message. _The small voice definitely sounded gloating... _Of course she doesn't want anything to do with you now..._

She hadn't expected things to go well with Shepard, but she wasn't prepared to be simply ignored either. She had planned for anger, for hurt, for many things, but indifference was something else.

Liara sank down in her desk chair. Her plans, her hopes, all of them were useless now. Shepard wasn't even interested in talking with her. She couldn't even apologize to her. She couldn't beg Shepard to take her back...

That made it hurt even worse. She knew she still had feelings for Shepard, but seeing her again had brought them all back in a rush.

_I still love her..._

She did. The moment she spotted the human, she knew it. She loved Shepard, and wanted her back, wanted her so much, it hurt too.

_Damn it! Why? Why did it all have to go so wrong? Why did she have to die? Why did I give her to Cerberus of all people? Why didn't I leave a message, or anything? Why? Why! WHY!_

She thumped her head down on the desk, crying.

_Why do I still have to love her?_

* * *

Tali waited outside the science lab. She had already knocked twice - apparently the scientist wasn't in at the moment. She had hoped Mordin might have made some progress on finding something to help her.

Miranda was probably unaware of the idea she had given Tali. The more the quarian thought about it, the more she wanted to do something for Shepard.

She wanted to kiss her. A real kiss, without the mask. Well, if she was honest with herself, she wanted more, but right now she wanted this more than anything. She was tired of the mask always getting in the way. Or food allergies. Or Shepard being so damn understanding and patient all the time.

Tali stood at the door for another few minutes before finally giving up and heading back towards her quarters. It was obvious Mordin was out for the day. So her little idea would have to wait, at least for a while. She considered her options.

Her next thought was to talk to Garrus. He was one of the few on the crew she could trust to talk to about things like this. But when she checked the weapons room, he wasn't there, and neither was he at his room. So, he was probably still on Illium.

She tried Kasumi's room as well, but the thief wasn't in either. She briefly debated talking to Joker, but she couldn't bring herself to do that, not about something like this.

She sighed and turned back to the elevator, returning to her room. Maybe sleep would help, no matter how much she wanted someone to talk to.

* * *

Kasumi fidgeted impatiently while she waited in the lobby of the hotel. Sooner or later, Garrus would either have to check out or come down to extent the rental for the room. She really wanted to see his face when he spotted her.

She still couldn't believe it. Garrus and Jack! It was like Christmas arrived early or something. And when she told Joker about this one...

After a longer wait than expected, the turian walked out of the elevator. He looked around the lobby, and jerked when he spotted her sitting there. She grinned widely at him. _That's right, you're so busted!_

Kasumi waved him over to the chair next to her. "Have a seat, Garrus."

"So you, uh..." He collapsed in the chair, sighing. "Oh hell, how much do you know?"

"Enough."

"Damn it."

"I never would have pictured you with her. Well, honestly, I don't know anyone crazy enough to picture with her." She was curious, though. "I have to ask - why?"

He was silent for a long moment, then finally looked over at her. "I really can't explain it. The first time was too much alcohol, but this... I was so mad at her, we were yelling and everything, and then, well..."

"I see." She smiled at him, amused. "So no booze or death threats or anything?"

"Nope." He groaned. "I'm really screwed up, aren't I?"

"Hey, you said it, not me. So, are you two together now, or what?"

"We haven't really talked about it. Well, we haven't really talked about anything..."

"I get the picture." She winked his way. "Joker is going to love this one."

"Oh spirits..."

* * *

Tali woke up to find a message waiting for her on her private comm line. She wondered who had needed to talk to her during her off shift, and hoped it wasn't Shepard. Things were already bad enough between them, she needed to fix it, not make it worse.

Fortunately, it hadn't been Shepard. Mordin wanted to see her in the science lab this afternoon. He said he had news on her project. She let a thrill of hope run through her. Maybe...

She shook her head, squashing it before it went too far. Hope was dangerous. After everything she had been through in the past few years, she preferred to play it safe. Especially after yesterday. She couldn't believe Liara had waited outside the ship for them. Well, for Shepard, but still...

_Stop it! Don't think about that. It won't help._

Time seemed to drag as the morning wore on. Even tinkering with the drive core couldn't keep her from thinking about all the things Mordin might say. And no matter what she told herself, she would find her thoughts drifting to what she might do if he actually had a medication or something for her.

It was almost proving dangerous to work. She was simply too distracted to concentrate on the ship. She'd start to get a good routine going, and then her mind would drift, and she's imagine what might happen later.

Finally, she gave up and went to the mess hall. If she wasn't going to be useful this morning, she could at least settle for not causing problems. She fixed some tea and sat in a corner, futilely attempting to read while she waited for noon to roll around.

With nothing to do, it took even longer. But eventually, her chrono chimed at her, and she stood up, almost running to the elevator. _About time! I'd go crazy if I had to wait any longer..._

Tali knocked on the door and, without waiting for a reply, walked in the medlab. Mordin jerked up, startled at her abrupt entrance.

"Ah, Tali'zorah. Got my message. Apologies, lost track of time." He waved to a stool across the worktable from himself.

"Yes. I'm curious about why you called me. Your message was a bit vague."

"Full solution not complete yet, but have made breakthrough. Initial results indicate potential solution. Will need more testing of course, especially the genetic coding-"

"What breakthrough?" She interrupted him excitedly.

"Temporary immune system booster. Should protect you for a few hours. Duration needs to be tested, but would recommend no more than one hour for first trials. Also must warn of side effects. When serum wears off, could trigger unpleasant reaction."

"What do you mean by 'unpleasant reaction?' " Her initial enthusiasm faded as she listened to the salarian.

"Serum fortifies immune system. When gone, system returns to normal, body will react to change. Most likely, will resemble mild illness."

"I can deal with that." And she could. Even the hour time limit, while shorter that she wished, was acceptable. Besides, Mordan said this was only the prototype batch...

"Also, need you to wear small monitor. Readings will help refine future versions, work towards better solution."

"I will." She promised impatiently. _I hope this works!_

"Wish you luck, Tali'zorah. Will continue to refine serum for you in the meantime."

"Thank you, Mordin." She grabbed the small bottle and dashed out the door, giddy. A quick elevator ride brought her to the crew deck and her cabin, where she briefly read the instructions Mordin had printed on the bottle.

The serum proved easy to inject through one of the medical ports on her suit, and soon she felt a slight tingle as the medical interface activated and applied it. Now to wait a few minutes...

After a few very long minutes, she couldn't wait any more. She figured it would be alright by the time she got to Shepard's cabin.

On the commander's deck, she hesitated briefly before knocking on the door...

* * *

Samara read the datapad, her outward appearance masking the anger inside. Morinth had escaped, again. Her quarry was off Illium now, lost on the countless ships that passed through the port constantly.

Worse, her only lead was a vague rumor connecting the Ardat-Yakshi's flight to one of the Eclipse mercenary bands operating on planet. Depending on what payment or promises the criminal offered them, the mercs might not even have made any records of what ship she had smuggled herself out on.

And without either hostile action by Eclipse or some corroborating evidence, the Code didn't permit her to act against them. Only if they interfered in the search.

She dismissed her anger. Morinth was a smart, dangerous woman. It was natural she'd protect herself, keep on the move. Frustration, hatred, desperation - all these things clouded the mind. Only with calm, reasoned judgement, with the guidance of the Code, did she have a chance to eventually catch her target.

And even if she could not pursue this particular rumor now, she had other leads. Not to mention, many quality information brokers called Illium home. If needed, she could consult one of them. Most asari brokers would only be too pleased to assist a Justicar, and those who wouldn't help out of honor would at least help to remove an Ardat-Yakshi.

Yes, there were options. While Illium had given Morinth much freedom in her escape, it also provided Samara many opportunities as well. The planet had far too much monitoring for someone to simply disappear, regardless of how careful they were.

She would find a clue. She was close now, so very close. She just had to be patient. Follow the Code.

Stop her daughter. Stop a murderer. End four hundred years of pain.

Whatever it took.

* * *

Shepard stared up at the ceiling in her cabin. No matter what she tried, she hadn't been able to get to sleep last night. Not even the asari meditation exercises helped. Her mind kept racing, going over everything that had happened.

Now it was almost noon, and she was exhausted, but still awake. She felt so worn out, more than merely physically tired. And, just to make things even _better_, she was starting to get a wicked headache.

So when someone knocked on the door, she stifled a curse and grudgingly stumbled to it. Opening the door, she was a bit surprised to see Tali there, although, after yesterday, she probably shouldn't be.

"Tali, what are you doing here?" As soon as she finished speaking, she knew it was the wrong thing to say. _I'm so tired, I'm really not thinking right._

"I... I need..." Tali stammered, then straightened up, looking determined. She pushed Shepard back into the room, shutting the door behind them. "I don't have much time, Shepard. There's only an hour."

"Only an hour? You're not making sense, Tali."

"He said the first time I should only use it for an hour." The quarian kept advancing, moving them deeper in the room.

"I'm really confused. You need to explain some things, start at the beginning."

"There's no time!" Shepard stumbled down the steps, barely avoiding falling on her butt. She was still really confused about this whole situation.

"Tali? Still confused here..." She felt her legs hit the edge of her bed, and fell back on it with a yelp. What had happened to Tali today?

The quarian crouched over her, staring at her hands. _No, not her hands. Why is she staring at her gloves?_

"I've wanted to do this for so long." Tali almost whispered, her voice low and tender. She reached up, her hands shaking, and Shepard heard a faint hiss as she pulled one glove off.

"Tali!" Shepard almost shouted, alarmed. She tried to stop the quarian before she could finish taking off the glove, but didn't make it in time. "What the hell? Are you okay?"

"He finished it, Shepard." Tali held her hand between them, letting Shepard get a good look. Her skin was a pale lavendar. Shepard watched, stunned, as Tali tenderly lowered it to touch her face. "Mordin finally finished a prototype serum for me."

"You mean..." She shivered a little under Tali's gentle carress.

"Yes, but this first one will only last an hour or so, he said." The quarian took her hand off Shepard's face and slipped off her other glove, too. "So I can't waste it." She slipped her hands in Shepard's, lacing their fingers together. "I've wanted to touch you, really touch you, for so long now."

Shepard gently squeezed Tali's hands, enjoying the cool feel of the quarian's skin against hers. After a while, Tali pulled their linked hands up to her helmet. Shepard let her lead her fingers to the seal for the mask portion.

She hesitated when Tali left her hands there on the seal. She figured the quarian wanted her to take the mask off, but she still wanted to be sure. "Tali, are you sure you want to do this? You said yourself, it's just a test version. Maybe we should..."

"Finish that sentence and I'm going to hurt you, Shepard."

"Okay, okay..."

She fumbled with the catches on the mask, but eventually figured out how to disengage them. Cautiously, she started to pull the mask off. With a final click, she pulled it away...

*_**Next Chapter: What happens between Shepard and Tali. Samara searches for answers. Garrus and Jack. Liara. Kaiden's hunt for his fiance.**_*


	31. Chapter 30 - Pursuit

**What Was Lost **

Chapter 30 - Pursuit

Tali trembled. Shepard's hands were on her mask, opening the final seal on her helmet. And this time, it was no dream...

With a faint hiss and a gentle tug, she felt the mask slowly pull away from her face. For a moment, she blinked, her eyes adjusting to the brighter light now that her mask was gone. Then she looked down.

Shepard was staring up at her, barely even breathing. She was still holding the mask in one hand, forgotten. The human seemed to be shocked.

"Shepard?" Tali asked hesitantly.

As if her voice was the signal she had been waiting for, Shepard set the mask down on the bed beside them while her other hand cautiously reached up towards Tali's face.

The human's touch was like nothing she had imagined. It was far, far more. Shepard's fingers tenderly stroked her cheeks, gently exploring her face. The human still hadn't spoken - in fact, she seemed to be barely breathing.

Tali was about to say something again, when Shepard's hands slid around her neck, pulling her down into a kiss.

_Keelah!_

Shepard's lips were softer than she'd expected. And warm. That was a bit of a surprise. The human gently continued the kiss, sliding her hands down Tali's back, pulling her closer into the embrace. This was so much better than anything she'd imagined. Even the feedback sensors on her mask didn't come close to this.

The rational part of her was in a bit of a panic. While she had seen kisses on vids and even seen other beings kiss, she herself had never done it before, not for real. _Am I doing it right? Does she like it?_

The rest of her was liking it too much to bother with such concerns. She hadn't believed it could feel so good to simply kiss someone. And it was Shepard. She finally was kissing Shepard, for real. That made it so very much better.

Eventually, Shepard broke the kiss. Tali tried to sit up, but Shepard's arms were still around her, holding her close. The human was staring at her, drinking in the sight.

"You're beautiful..." Shepard whispered. She pulled Tali back down, kissing her again.

_'You're beautiful' _The words seemed to echo throughout Tali's entire body. She felt a thrill that had nothing to do with mere physical contact. Tali slid her own arms around Shepard, marvelling at the feel of the human.

Even with Shepard's uniform between them, she could feel the gentle heat of the human's body against her skin. She ran her hands along Shepard's back, enjoying the pleasure of a real touch. The feelings enhanced their kiss, letting Tali lose herself in the embrace.

Soon enough, Tali felt something new. Shepard's tongue was softly probing at her lips. She hesitated, unsure what exactly Shepard was trying to do, but liking it anyway. She had studied enough on kissing, and how humans did it, that it was only a mild surprise when she felt Shepard's tongue finally slip past her lips and into her mouth.

Of course, reading about it or watching it in a vid was one thing, actually experiencing it was another. Tali couldn't help but let out a small moan, prompting Shepard to hug her in even more. She wanted more...

She slid her hands down Shepard's back, pausing when she got to the bottom of her shirt. She gasped at the feel of the human's soft, warm skin under her fingers. Shepard shivered, arching her back slightly, before intensifying their kiss. She cautiously tried meeting the human's tongue with her own, and was shocked at the wave of pleasure she felt from it.

Tali began to slowly run her hands up Shepard's back, under the shirt. She gasped, responding to Tali's touch. "Don't stop..." She practically moaned.

"I won't." Tali replied softly, amused. She had no intention of stopping now...

* * *

Shepard pulled Tali in closer. The quarian's hands felt incredible on her skin. And the kiss... it felt so nice. She hadn't realized how much she had been looking forward to this.

She gasped a bit as Tali's hands slid higher up her back, under the shirt. The quarian was cooler than she had expected, and the slight chill of her touch sent a thrill of pleasure through Shepard as Tali continued her exploration.

She tightened her own arms, pulling Tali back into another kiss. Tali had been hesitant at first, but now she was responding to the kisses, and it was driving Shepard wild. The way Tali kept adjusting herself to fit closer together said that she was liking it a lot too.

So it took Shepard a moment to think clearly again when Tali's hands froze on her back, a look of slight confusion on her face. "Tali? You okay?"

"What's this, Shepard?" Tali's fingers tugged gently at the strap of her bra.

"Oh yeah, I guess you wouldn't have to worry about that, with your suit and all." Shepard couldn't help giggling a bit. She grinned mischeviously at Tali. "You'll just have to find out."

"Uh... you mean..." Shepard smiled widely. Tali was so cute when she blushed like that.

She wriggled a bit, making the shirt ripple and bunch up. Tali stared at her, entranced. The quarian slowly started raising the shirt, her eyes fixed on the skin she was gradually exposing. Shepard helped her slip the shirt off, and was rewarded when Tali gasped softly.

Tali let her fingers drift over Shepard's skin. The tender exploration prompted a moan from Shepard. This fumbling encounter should have felt awkward, but it didn't. Tali's touch was far more passionate that she had imagined. Shepard wanted... needed... her to keep going.

Not that it was likely Tali would stop anyway. Although, her bra did seem to have the quarian a bit frustrated...

For some reason she couldn't quite name, Shepard found that immensely funny. She laughed softly as Tali tried to get it off her. "Shepard, how do I get this Bosh'tet thing off..." The quarian glared at her. "What's so amusing?"

She couldn't help it - she started laughing louder. Tali looked mad at first, but then she joined in, too. "Sorry Tali, it's not you, it's... well, this."

She reached behind herself to help Tali get the bra off, then hesitated. She had a short moment of panic - was this all going too fast? Would they be... compatible? Was Tali going to like what she found?

So she found herself a bit shy as Tali ran her hands around her back and along her arms. The quarian gently pulled her arms up, away from her body. And then it was Tali's turn to pause.

For a long moment, the quarian was silent, not even moving, simply staring at her. Shepard wasn't sure how to interpret the expression on her face. She was getting a bit anxious as it continued. "...Tali?"

As if her voice was a signal, Tali slowly reached out towards her. The quarian still hadn't said anything, and kept staring at her as she did so. All in all, it was making Shepard feel more than a little self-consious.

Those thoughts disappeared when Tali's hand finally made contact with Shepard's skin. She couldn't help letting out a moan as she felt Tali's long fingers gently brush against her breasts. The quarian also gasped a bit.

Tali started running her hands on Shepard's chest, softly feeling her. As she did so, Shepard reached up, pulling her down for another kiss. The quarian surprised her a bit, slipping her tongue in Shepard's mouth this time.

Shepard had a moment of regret as Tali's mouth left hers, but it was soon replaced with a feeling of pure pleasure as the quarian kissed along her jaw to her neck. She was just reaching the collarbone, when a faint beeping sounded from her omnitool, causing the quarian to freeze.

"Bosh'tet..." Tali muttered, sitting up some. She looked angry and regretful at the same time.

"...Why did you stop?" Shepard's voice came out a bit strained.

"Mordin said this first trial version would only last an hour. I set that alarm when I took it in my quarters." The quarian was rapidly pulling on her gloves, and reaching for her mask. "He really needs to come up with a better version."

"Damn..." Shepard handed the mask over to her. Before Tali could put the mask back on, she pulled her down for one last kiss. Only a second, louder beep from the omnitool broke it off. "Damn." She said again.

* * *

Tali fitted the mask back on and connected it. She looked down at her once-again gloved hands and sighed. She could still feel the warmth of Shepard's skin, the smooth texture of it against her own. It had taken all her control to respond to the alarm and seal her suit back up, but as much as she had wanted to continue, some habits were simply too had to break.

Things had been going so well! Kissing Shepard was better than anything she could have imagined. Even now, she wanted to toss the mask aside and lean back down and kiss her once again. Well, more than kiss her. Touching her, for real, had been incredible too. And Shepard had let her explore, let her touch what she wanted. The feel of her toned muscles under the soft skin had been intoxicating.

Tali looked down at Shepard, who was still lying there on the bed. The human smiled wryly at her, though Tali could tell she too was frustrated that they had to stop, just when things were going so well for once.

Still, she didn't feel ill after it, which hopefully meant the medicine worked. _And hopefully, Mordin will come up with a longer lasting version for me soon..._

Even if there were side effects, it was worth it. She glanced down from Shepard's face to her chest. Totally worth it...

She giggled a bit, then laid down next to Shepard, cuddling against her. It had been nice to find out that humans were similar to quarians. Well, similar enough, anyway. She couldn't wait to do some more exploring next time. She hugged the human closer - they definitely would have to do this again.

* * *

Garrus slumped down in his chair, staring blankly at the food in front of him. He still hadn't figured out what he was going to do about Jack. Even coming back to the ship hadn't helped - that evening, she had shown up at his cabin, and barely let him shut the door before pouncing on him. At the time, he hadn't minded at all...

Now though...

_Why does something so wrong feel so good?_

How she treated him when they weren't sleeping together really pissed him off. She acted like the same psycho bitch she was before. _Hell, she even kicked me out of my own room! She said she needed some sleep and told me to get the hell out._

He laughed softly. _Of course, I can't complain too much - I did listen to her, after all._

And now, he was stuck here. It was pretty obvious, if he did intend to keep up a relationship with her, they'd have to come to some type of understanding. Though, he didn't know how to bring that up without her hurting him.

Garrus got up, and wandered up to the command deck. Stopping by the pilot's compartment, he saw Joker there. "Hey Joker, have you seen Shepard?" He didn't really want to have to tell her more, but she already knew most of the story, so this was probably the least painful way to get some advice.

The pilot glanced over at the AI holopanel. "Hey Skynet, want to handle this one?"

"Mr Vakarian, Commander Shepard is currently in her quarters, however, I would not reccommend visiting her currently."

"Oh?"

"Tali'zorah has engaged privacy mode for the cabin." The AI's cool voice continued. "I would assume-"

"Yeah, yeah, we get it, thanks." Joker grinned at him. "Care to talk about it with me, instead?"

Garrus sighed. Maybe... _Ah, what the hell, Kasumi is gonna tell him sooner or later anyway..._ "I guess we can talk some. But I need a drink."

"Sounds good to me."

* * *

Samara waited patiently while the local customs officer checked her records. While she doubted that there would be any more luck with this search than the last few, she wanted to make sure. She didn't want to have to resort to using an information broker unless absolutely necessary. While the Code allowed her to consult with such individuals, it was only available as a last resort.

As the other asari continued to review files on outbound ships, she accessed information on the local Eclipse mercenaries. Unfortunately, many files were denied to her, listed only as confidential. However, some things stood out. The largest band was involved with the Red Sand trade on Illium which, while not illegal, suggested an avenue to start investigating.

She could check on the distributers, make sure they were obeying the law, then follow up with the Eclipse suppliers themselves. If everything was legal, they'd be perfectly safe, and she could then concentrate on finding another avenue to investigate. If not...

She hated slavers and drug dealers. Even if such things were legal here, being forced to tolerate them left her feeling dirty. And while the Code wouldn't let her simply attack them, if they were harming innocents, she could intervene.

Samara felt a small pang of regret. Of course, if she did get involved, it would give Morinth more time to go to ground. Still, the Code was clear - should she choose that path to follow, unless information about Morinth was uncovered, she would be honor-bound to deal with the Eclipse.

While the Justicar Code guided much of her life, it sometimes seemed like the most important details were never quite covered by it. As ever, it came down to her.

_I hate letting Morinth get any further from me, but hunting the Eclipse would be my best lead. Not to mention, it would let me do some good on Illium before I go. This world may be beautiful, but underneath that beauty, it's rotten to the core. If I can shut down the largest bunch of drug dealers and slavers, that would be a good thing._

_But I will find her. I have to._

* * *

Tali found herself on the stool in Mordin's lab for the second time inside a day. The scientist, upon spotting her returning to her quarters, had insisted on running a full scan on her, to measure the effects of the medicine.

One thing he had been right about was the short duration of that initial batch. About half an hour ago, she started to feel a bit dizzy. Now she had a cough and a slight fever. _I don't care though, it was still worth it!_

"Fascinating. Results seem favorable for longer duration version, will have to confirm." He nodded to her. "Also, should be able to mitigate side effects in next set. Will still have some, of course, but can reduce the worst ones."

"How soon until you have this new one?" She asked impatiently.

"A day or two, most likely." The salarian kept running a diagnostic scan on her. "Have already prepared to make it, just need more information to refine it."

_A day or two..._ She tried not to get too depressed, though she had hoped he would be able to provide her with something sooner. _Ah well, I guess it can't be helped._

Idly, she wondered what Shepard was up to now as she headed for the elevator.

* * *

Shepard cursed. Her face and arms had a faint rash of some kind and it itched like crazy. It had started a few hours after she and Tali had... 'made out' was the only thing she could think of to describe it, but that made it sound so cheap.

So now she was waiting in the medbay while Dr Chakwas ran some preliminary scans. While she hadn't had to explain how it had happened, the look on the doctor's face said she had guessed the story. The doctor's mouth kept twitching into a smile before she got control of herself.

"Okay Shepard, would you like to tell me what happened?" Chakwas' voice came out almost in a giggle.

"Do I have to?" She groaned. "I figure you guessed already..."

"Ah, so I was right." The doctor stopped trying to hide her smile. "Well, overall, it's good news. According to all my scans, you have a simple mild allergic reaction. I can prescribe something to clear it up for you in a few hours."

"Wait, I'm allergic to her?" Shepard stared over at her, incredulous. "Are you serious?"

"Unfortunately, it appears like that's the case." The doctor was still grinning her way. "I'm sure, since Mordin was already working on something similar for Tali, he can help you with this, too."

"Damn it." She muttered. "I'm really allergic to her?"

Dr Chakwas simply smiled as Shepard left the medbay.

* * *

Jack started a bit as she recognized the person joining her in the elevator. "Shit, Shepard, you look like crap. What the fuck happened to you?"

"Ugh, thanks for that reassurance, Jack." The other woman definitely had something wrong with her. Her skin was red and looked irritated. She also sounded a bit depressed, if Jack had to guess. "Just a small medical problem, that's all."

"Hope to fuck it's not contagious." She looked again at Shepard. From the faint grimace the commander gave her, that wasn't what she had wanted to hear. _What the fuck does she want to hear? This 'friend' crap isn't my thing._

Hell, even Garrus seemed a bit distant today, saying he wanted to talk with her later. _Why can't he just be happy fucking? It feels good, so why rock the boat? Why make things complicated when they don't need to be?_

"Well, whatever, you need help, I'll back you, Shep." There, that sounded good enough. "You've done right by me, so far."

"Thanks Jack."

"No prob." She paused. Maybe Shepard could help with her problem, too. "Say, can you tell me something?"

"I'll try. What do you what to know?"

She scratched her head. How to put this? "Look, Garrus and me, we've been..." _Eh, whatever. Just ask. _"Look, we've been fucking when we can. He liked it - no shit y'know? - but didn't want to say anything." She shrugged. "Fine, I can deal with that. We both had a good time, leave the rest of that crap at the door, know what I'm saying?"

"I guess." Shepard agreed hesitantly.

"Well, now he wants to talk and shit." Jack kept going. "Talk about what? Not like we have anything in common besides fucking? So why mess it up?"

Shepard was silent for a minute. Just when Jack was starting to get pissed, the other woman spoke to her. "Maybe he wants more, Jack."

"Fuck that. Love is bullshit, Shepard. When people say they want more, they mean they just want to use you."

"Most people aren't like that."

"Yeah they are. I've run with a lot of people, I know how it works. No strings is the best way - take what you want, leave when you're ready, don't let 'em use you."

"That's harsh. Don't you ever want something better?"

"Shit, I'm not that dumb. I know how the world works, Shepard." She nodded firmly. "I'm having a good time, don't need more than that. Just need him to get that, now."

"Fine." The other woman shrugged. "Just... consider giving him a chance, okay?"

"Whatever."

_She sounds like one of those damn romance vid characters. Fuck, I need to hit something... And get a drink. Lots of drinks._

* * *

Kaiden sat down across the desk from the volus. Kar Folon was one of the better information brokers on the Citadel, though many of his contacts were on the less than legal side of things. CSec had tried to shut him down a few times before, but he had friends in high places, and money and blackmail always seemed to make the investigations disappear.

His superiors would be upset if they knew he was meeting with the volus, but Kaiden didn't care right now. The criminal had promised information on the Collector ship that took Lillith. He didn't care what it took, he was going to get her back.

"Kar, you said you had something for me about Lillith and the Collectors?"

"Yes." The volus' voice sounded even more mechanical than usual. "I do."

He pressed a small button on his omnitool, and two large, armed krogan stepped into the room from a side door. "The Collectors are interested in anyone connected to Commander Shepard." He gestured towards Kaiden. "And they're paying well. Very well..."

The two krogan brought their guns up...

*_**Next Chapter: Kaiden deals with the Collector's pawns. Samara continues her hunt. Garrus and Jack. Shepard has to come to terms with being allergic to Tali.**_*


	32. Chapter 31 - Complication

**What Was Lost **

Chapter 31 - Complication

Kaiden quickly looked over the two krogan who stepped from the side room. Both were armed with shotguns as well as several knives and other secondary weapons. Not to mention, one of them had the telltale faint purple glow of a biotic barrier surrounding him. The other krogan pulled the small stungun from his belt and pointed it at Kaiden.

Kaiden didn't hesitate. He threw himself forward, ducking down to take cover behind the desk as a stun blast scorched the chair he had been sitting in. He called up his own biotics, forming a barrier, while he quickly dug out his pistol.

"Give it up, Lieutenant Alenko." Kar Folon's mechanical voice called from the other side of the desk. "I have more on the way. You won't win this."

Kaiden ignored him and used his biotics to send one of the chairs flying at the biotic krogan. Predictably, the mercenary used his arm to sweep it away, deeming it a minor distraction. Kaiden took the opportunity to pop up and fire a shot into the krogan's leg, dropping him in a howl of pain. He barely got back into cover before the other krogan fired a burst of stun bolts where his head had been.

_One down, one to go. Then I make Kar talk and get out of here before his reinforcements show up._

The other krogan pulled down a cabinet and knelt behind it. Kaiden smiled darkly - now he knew exactly where the merc was. He called up his biotics, focusing all his power. He stood up and released it, the pent up energy smashing the cabinet to bits. The krogan had a fraction of a second to be surprised before Kaiden shot him.

Slowly walking towards where the volus was cowering, he used his biotics to slide the desk between them away. "So Kar, want to tell me why I shouldn't just kill you right now before more of your friends get here?"

"Please! You don't understand! They said if we didn't cooperate, they'd take us too!" The volus pleaded.

"Details, Kar. I knew you sold me out, give me a reason to keep you alive."

"Here!" The volus practically flung a datapad at him. "After I captured you, they wanted me to meet them at a rendezvous."

"Not good enough. I need more information." He glared at the traitor.

"Th-the ship! The one you asked about! I was supposed to meet it, get my payment after delivering you to it." Kar stammered.

"It's still in the area?" Kaiden hesitated.

"Y-y-yes. They weren't going to head back to the omega relay yet. They said they needed more samples, first."

_Lillith!_ Kaiden felt hope, for the first time in a long while. _Maybe I'm not too late..._

* * *

Shepard glared at Mordin, though the salarian didn't notice, as he was wrapped up in reviewing the data he had just collected. Still, she wasn't too annoyed. The salarian promised to have some results soon.

She giggled a bit as she waited. She had been mad at first, but now, it was pretty funny. _We're both allergic to each other... It sucks, but we can deal._

"Good news, Commander. Serum for human allergic respose simple to synthesize. Should have working version in six to eight hours."

"That's great, Mordin!"

"Must caution you, Shepard. Like current version for Tali'Zorah, initial serum will last brief time only." The salarian gestured apologetically. "Will review data after and refine for better results."

"So... an hour? Two hours? What kind of duration?"

"Human version simpler. Stronger immune systems, easier to fortify. Once synthesized, would suggest three hours for first batch." He held out a small wrist monitor to her. "With more data, will make a much more effective version."

"Okay, that's better than I was hoping for." She eyed the wristband dubiously. "Though, this does seem a bit... weird."

"Assure you, monitor is latest model, best data collection." The scientist informed her proudly.

"That's... not exactly what I meant." She sighed. Mordin was so smart, but in some ways, he was really clueless. "Never mind. Let me know when you're done with the serum, please."

"Of course. Wish you luck, Shepard."

"...Thanks."

She left the office, heading towards the elevator. The elevator hissed open, and Shepard felt her heart jump. Tali stood there, leaning back against the far wall of it. "Tali."

"Shepard." The quarian stepped towards her, taking her hand. "Are you okay? You look kind of... red..."

"Yeah, I'll be fine." She squeezed Tali's hand. "It's... well, apparently I have allergies too..." She trailed off because Tali was giggling. "What's so funny?"

"Us." Tali kept laughing. She leaned in, resting her mask against Shepard's shoulder. She slipped her arm around Shepard's waist. The quarian looked up at her after a moment. "Shepard, I... Thank you for today."

Shepard leaned down and kissed her mask. "You don't have to thank me, Tali."

* * *

Samara frowned at the datapad in front of her. She had been able to narrow down Morinth's departure to one of three ships. Unfortunately, all three were owned by Eclipse and none had submitted a proper cargo and passenger manifest.

Worse, the ships had spread out. One left for deeper in the Terminus systems, heading to an area with several new colonies. The second went to the Citadel, by way of Thessia. And the third was en route to Omega.

She discounted the ship headed for the colonies. While Morinth had travelled to such systems before, she preferred more urban settings for her hunting. Not to mention, she liked having multiple escape routes if needed. Unless she had arranged for her own ship, which Samara thought unlikely at present, she'd be at the mercy of whatever supply ships happened to service the colony she chose. Not to mention, with a small population, her activities wouldn't be able to be disguised very well.

However, she still needed to decide which of the other two ships to pursue. And she needed to find it fast. If Morinth decided to continue on from either place, she'd have far more option than Samara could track.

Samara was hopeful, despite the downsides. Now that she at last had proof of Eclipse involvement in Morinth's escape, the Code would permit her to act against the mercenaries. And she really did feel close for the first time in decades. While Morinth would move on and cover her tracks again, she was sure the murderer would hunt for a while at either location before leaving.

She gathered her gear, checking her weapons before heading out the door. She had mercs to hunt.

* * *

Tali leaned back against Shepard. They were currently in a taxi leaving Nos Astra on Illium and heading for one of the spaceports. An old friend of Zaeed's had tipped them off about a possible lead on the Justicar Samara. He had spotted her a few minutes ago near a shipping warehouse - she was apparently hunting down the Eclipse mercenaries in the docks district for some unknown reason. Shepard decided to approach her and ask her about the mission while they had an idea of her general location.

Tali wished it hadn't interrupted them, but at the same time, it was nice to have a solid lead. Besides, if she was honest with herself, she wanted to meet the Justicar. She had heard stories of them while growing up, and had been impressed.

Garrus was also with them, although he had barely said anything. He'd spent most of the time so far simply staring out the window of the taxi, although Tali doubted he was paying attention to the passing scenery.

All in all, it was a rather subdued ride to the docks district. After an initial rush to get ready to head out, things had turned quiet once they got in the cab. Shepard was absorbed in reveiwing what few bits of information they had on Justicars. She hadn't put the datapad down since getting in the cab. Tali didn't blame her - from what little she knew, Justicars could be very touchy to deal with, especially if they were interrupted on a mission.

Tali reached over and took Shepard's free hand in hers. The human didn't seem to notice, but she did give Tali's hand a gentle squeeze. A minute later, she looked up from the datapad and out the window.

"Shouldn't we be there by now? What's the holdup?"

Tali checked her omnitool. "Looks like the Nos Astra police have shut down the dock we're heading for. They're restricting access for the time being."

"Figures." Shepard called up her own omnitool. "I better transmit my Spectre overrides."

Tali took another look as the cab descended towards the dock. Something about the situation just didn't feel right...

* * *

Samara slowly got up from the corpse of the merc. The small squad in front of her not only knew her name, but seemed interested in talking with her. They hadn't made any aggressive move, though Samara couldn't rule out their involvement with Eclipse.

Still, she doubted they worked for Eclipse. For one thing, they weren't wearing the mercs' colors. For another, Eclipse tended towards recruiting asari and salarians. She didn't remember them ever using quarians.

She was about to ask them to identify themselves when another group of people walked in the room. She recognized detective Anaya from the local police. The detective was obviously nervous and worried about carrying out her current orders. She could guess those orders. Most asari worlds welcomed a Justicar's prescence, but Illium was a border world, more concerned with trade and influence.

A short time later, she found herself in the detective's office. The human, Shepard, had worked out a compromise between her and the detective, one that surprised and pleased her. She would really rather not have to break out of the jail and kill all the officers on the way, no matter what the Code would insist.

The human's mission seemed worthy in its own right. Saving colonies was definitely an admirable goal. She was also impressed that Shepard told her outright about the Cerberus connections their mission had. That troubled Samara a bit, but at least it wasn't hidden or lied about.

She ignored the stares of the other officers in the room and found a quiet area to meditate. With the blessings of the Goddess, Shepard would return soon with the information she needed. Then, she could track down Morinth and finish this once and for all. And after, she had another goal to help with. People to save.

Samara smiled softly. It felt good to still have purpose.

* * *

Shepard cursed. Bad enough that the mercs kept smashing crates of some kind of drug they were shipping, but now they brought in a gunship. It had them pinned down on a bridge, trapped just outside the main Eclipse warehouse. Worse, this one kept dropping mech units to harrass them. They had been lucky so far, but she knew that couldn't hold. They had to take out the gunship quickly.

So far, Tali had done a great job of holding off the mechs. Between her tech tricks and her shotgun, none of the dog-like bots had made it to them. Meanwhile, Garrus was doing his best to take out the shield protecting the gunship, though that was taking longer than usual. Unlike the Blue Suns pilot, this merc preferred to hang back and blast them with missiles, or perform high-speed attack runs before dropping mechs on them.

And her biotics were ripping apart the mercenaries. They even were taking their toll on the airship. In fact, aside from the risk, she was really enjoying herself. She could finally cut loose with her abilities, and it was _fun._

"About time!" Garrus shouted, exultantly. "Got the shields down on that fucker. Let's take the bastard out!"

"Your language has definitely gone downhill since you started dating Jack." Shepard grinned. "Next pass, I'll take it out."

Garrus grimaced. "Don't even joke about that."

Shepard didn't reply; the gunship was coming around for another pass. She stood up, and with a savage smile, she let out a full blast of her biotic power. She shivered as the rush passed through her, enjoying the feel of finally letting out her most powerful blast.

The gunship shuddered in midair, then started breaking apart. A second biotic bolt finished the job, sending the mercenary vehicle tumbling down towards the vacant field below them.

"Shepard, are you... are you okay?" Tali was looking her way, concerned, but not getting any closer. Garrus also hung back, and he too looked worried.

"I feel great. It's been too long since I've been able to cut loose." She still felt pumped. Hopefully the mercs had more toys for her to wreck. "Why?"

"You're still, um, glowing." Garrus gestured towards her.

Shepard looked down at herself. Sure enough, she still had her barrier at full power. "Ah, sorry, forgot about that." She dismissed her barrier back down to normal levels, with a slight regret. Apparently the asari meditation techniques really did work. She had never been able to use her biotics so easily and strongly before. She felt a bit empty, with only her normal power levels active now.

Soon enough they found themselves outside the main Eclipse warehouse. Tali used her drone to start scanning the building so they could map out a good approach. Shepard fidgeted. Her biotics were pulsing, begging to be used. She wanted to... wanted to...

"This should be fairly easy." Tali displayed a map for them. "There's only one entrance. We should be able to trap them there and ta-"

Shepard laughed wildly. She smashed the doors off the warehouse, her biotics rippling out easier than she had ever experienced. This felt so good.

* * *

Tali was frozen in place, shock paralyzing her. She had never seen Shepard out of control like this. Yes, she had experienced some problems with her biotics before, but this was something else. Shepard hadn't bothered to wait for a map or a plan or... anything. She simply used her abilities to rip the warehouse open and charge in.

"What the hell?" Garrus apparently couldn't believe it either. "What's wrong with her?"

"No idea." Tali got up and headed towards the hole in the warehouse. "I'm not going to let her go all by herself. We need to keep an eye on her."

"Wait." Garrus held out a hand, stopping her in her tracks. He pointed to the wall where Shepard had been leaning. A dull, reddish stain marked the clean metal. "That... is that the chemical crap the mercs tossed at us earlier?"

"Looks fresh," Tali agreed. She gathered a sample, and scanned it with her omnitool. Comming the ship, she contacted Mordin. "Mordin, I'm sending you some data, I need it analyzed immediately and tested against Shepard's baseline stats."

"Understood, Tali'zorah." The scientist didn't waste her time asking why she needed it so quickly. "Will get results for you as soon as possible."

She looked over at Garrus. "You think this junk is why Shepard is being so... so... weird?"

"I didn't think about it since it didn't affect us at the time, but yes." He nodded her way. "My guess is, since we're dextros, its not meant for us. Plus, you have your suit. But Shepard..."

"Yeah." She agreed. "She seemed fine when they hit her with it at first. I guess it took time."

They cautiously approached the hole in the building. From inside, sounds of combat echoed out towards them. As they entered, they could hear Shepard laughing from deeper within. She sounded wild, crazed.

The human was surrounded by downed mercs. She had taken down most of them Eclipse forces in the warehouse. Only the leader and a few others were left. She was advancing on them, her biotic barrier glowing brightly, shining stronger than Tali had ever seen it.

One of the mercs fired a rocket towards Shepard. She didn't even bother to seek cover. With a contemptuous flick of her wrist, her barrier detonated the rocket, rippling under the impact but leaving her unharmed. She gestured towards the merc, and the asari flew back, slammed against the wall.

"We need to stop her." Garrus called to Tali. "She's out of control."

"I know." Tali looked at Shepard. The human had taken down another merc, leaving only the Eclipse leader still standing. "You take out the merc. I'll stop Shepard."

"How?"

"I don't know." She carefully edged towards the human. "I have to try, though."

The merc leader glared at Shepard, her anger barely masking her fear. The asari send a warp bolt towards the human, though Shepard barely had to react to deflect it. Her barrier absorbed the energy, blazing even brighter. Then, she simply gestured towards the merc, and the asari... crumpled. Tali wasn't sure how to describe it, but it was as if some massive fist grabbed the merc and squeezed her.

Garrus, who had been lining up a shot on the merc leader, froze in place, not wanting to draw Shepard's attention. Tali took the opportunity to slowly stand and start walking towards Shepard. The human turned towards her, her barrier still glowing and rippling. Her eyes were wide, almost unfocused.

"Shepard." She tried to keep her voice even, despite her worry. "Shepard, it's over. Let it go."

"T-Tali...?" Shepard finally seemed to see her, her eyes struggling to focus her.

She took another step, keeping her pace steady. "I'm here, Shepard."

"I - I - I can't stop, Tali. It hurts too good..." She shivered. Tali gasped; a small trickle of blood dripped from the corner of Shepard's mouth.

"You have to let it go." She risked a glance at Garrus, who shrugged back. Apparently he didn't know anything more than she did about biotics. "Just push it away."

Shepard collapsed on her knees, hugging herself. Her barrier gradually faded out, the glow dying down. Her breathing was ragged, edgy. She looked... bad. Tali waited until the barrier was gone, and stepped up to her, kneeling down and putting her arms around the human, pulling her in close. They stayed like that for a while, with Tali simply holding her.

After a few minutes, her commlink alerted her to an incoming message. She activated it, sending it to her helmet display so as not to disturb Shepard. On the screen, Mordin looked decidedly worried. The salarian didn't wait for her to acknowledge him, but started talking immediately.

"Tali'zorah. Recommend you bring Shepard in for treatment immediately. Analyzed substance, determined it to be uncut Red Sand, Trillan variety. Meant for asari and krogan, interacts with biotic abilities. Unsure what continued exposure will do to humans, not interested in finding out either. Have sent shuttle to retrieve you. Be ready for extraction soon."

She relayed the situation to Garrus, who had walked over. The turian glanced down at the human in her arms, concerned. "Is he going to be able to help her?"

"I don't know." Tali worried about that too - Mordin hadn't said anything about that. She looked up at him. "See if you can find that information we came here for. I'll - I'll stay with her."

He gave her a nod, then went to the office area of the warehouse. She hugged Shepard closer, hoping the shuttle would arrive soon.

* * *

Samara noticed the turian was alone. He nodded her way, walking determinedly towards her.

"Garrus, I'm glad you're back. Where are your companions, though?" She was curious where the human and quarian had gone.

"They're back on the ship. They hit Shepard with a full dose of that Red Sand crap they were smuggling. It did something to her biotics, so she's getting it treated."

"Goddess protect her." Samara whispered. She knew the Eclipse smuggled Red Sand, but to use it in its pure form as a weapon... "Will she be alright?"

"She will. We got her back in time."

"That's good to hear. Did you find the information I asked for, at least?" She didn't want to sound callous, but the Code was quite clear on certain things.

"We did." He tossed her a datapad. "The name of the ship your target left on, as well as its course. And some other information. I grabbed what I could from their system."

"Very well." She waved detective Anaya over. "I will be leaving with these people. You may tell your superiors my business on Illium is concluded. Will that satisfy them?"

The detective nodded to her. "It will. Safe journeys, Justicar. It has been an honor meeting you."

"You as well, detective."

* * *

Kaiden sealed the hatch of the exploration ship. Assuming Kar Folon hadn't lied to him - _Well, hadn't lied any more..._ - the small scout vehicle should be adequate to get him to the general area of the Collector mothership. He'd have to refuel a few times on the way though, and he intended to also take an indirect route, to allow him to avoid unnecessary bureaucracy.

He grinned sourly. For once, the red tape of the Alliance military worked in his favor. His status still reflected the special assignment Admiral Hackett had initially given him upon his deployment to Horizon. The admiral had made sure he was cleared to take out any ships he might need to carry out recon and diplomatic missions.

_This may be stretching the concept of 'recon' a bit, but I'll worry about that after. I need to find Lillith! Kar said there's only a week or so left for the rendesvouz window._

He got clearance from Citadel control and headed for the transit point. Activating his mass drive, he sat back as the ship jumped.

_No turning back!_

_***Next Chapter: Kaiden continues his search. Liara digs up some information on Thane Krios. Garrus tries to deal with Jack. Shepard recovers from being hit with the Red Sand dose.***_


	33. Chapter 32 - Recovery

**What Was Lost **

Chapter 32 - Recovery

Garrus tossed his gear in the decontamination area of the armory. He wanted to get any traces of the Red Sand off his armor before he used it again. He shivered, remembering what Shepard had looked like when she tried to fight off the effects of the drug. He thanked the spirits that turian chemistry was so very different from most Council races.

He stopped by the pilot's area. Joker was there, looking agitated. "Hey Garrus, is it true? What happened to Shepard?"

He slumped down in the chair next to the pilot. "Yeah, they really messed her up with that crap they hit her with."

"Man, that's just wrong." Joker glanced over at him. "She gonna be okay?"

"Should be. The docs say we got her back in time." He shook his head. "She's gonna be down for a few days, though."

"Damn."

"Yeah."

The pilot got up. "Fuck it, I need a drink. You want one?"

"After today, oh yeah."

They made their way down to the bar Kasumi had set up and fixed up some drinks. For a while, they simply sat there, though neither seemed to relax all that much. The pilot kept looking over towards him, then back down to his drink. Finally, he seemed to reach some sort of decision. "So, you and Jack, huh?"

"...Yeah."

"Wow. You're crazier than I thought."

"Thanks, I think." He growled.

"Oh come on. That's... I think I'd rather date a krogan, it'd have to be safer."

He leaned back further in the couch and sighed. "Maybe I'm tired of being 'safe'. "

Joker burst out laughing. "I don't think you could even see 'safe' from there."

"Yeah, I'm messed up, can we move on?" He glared at the pilot. "What about your love life? Anyone special and embarrassing?"

"Nope. No dirty secrets here." Joker grinned broadly. "Besides... it's Jack, man. You're not gonna top that one."

"...Hell."

* * *

Liara held the datapad, debating what to do with it. She had spent the last few days compiling a complete dossier on the assassin, Thane Krios. Most of it had been fairly easy to gather, but some items had required cashing in favors. Still, the effort paid off. She was now convinced that the assassin was currently on Illium.

Apparently, a businesswoman, Nassana Dantius, had offended him somehow. Her sources didn't have details, but the rumors said she had tried to sell him out to the police after he performed a job for her. She figured that was part of it, but not everything. She didn't like not having all the facts.

Of course, having the information did her little good. She needed to use it, somehow. The simplest way would be to sell it. Many parties would be interested in acquiring it. Though, that carried risks of its own. Making an enemy of a skilled assassin was usually something to avoid.

Not to mention, she didn't really want to sell it. She knew Shepard had been looking into recruiting the drell, and the Illusive Man himself had tipped her off weeks ago that Krios was a possible agent for the team.

Liara set the datapad down. She really should give it to Shepard, help make up for everything that had gone wrong between them. It probably wouldn't fix things, but it would be a start.

At the same time, part of her thought about using the datapad to make Shepard talk to her again. She'd hold onto the information, insist that Shepard come meet with her. The human would apologize for how their last meeting had gone, they'd argue some, then make up...

"Gah!" She shook her head. That wasn't likely to happen either. She sighed deeply. This certainly wasn't how it went in romance vids.

Still, it gave her an idea. Maybe... Maybe they could at least work together again. It would give them something to build on. And after that, who knows?

* * *

Kaiden waited impatiently for the customs officer to leave the ship. The first few jumps had passed uneventfully, but now he was stuck. The gate he was trying to get through was in the edge of hanar space, and despite the clearances he had from Alliance command and the Council itself, the hanar officials refused to speed up his passage.

"This one apologizes for the delay, Lieutenant. There has been greatly increased traffic through the gate recently. Pirates have been taking advantage, so we have tightened security on the relay."

"I'm on a time limit. Is there anything I can do to help you speed this up?"

"This one regrets to turn down your offer, Lieutenant. This one's orders are very specific. No exceptions can be made."

"Damn!" Kaiden went back to the small galley in the ship. He hoped the delay wouldn't ruin his chances for his mission.

* * *

Tali glanced over at Shepard. Fortunately, she had managed to get to sleep at last, although it didn't seem to be a very restful sleep. Dr Chakwas had managed to purge most of the drug from her system, and also gave her something to help shake off the effects of it.

For once, she was glad she had to wear her suit. If not for that, she would have gotten hit by the drug, too. While Garrus hadn't had any problems, she couldn't guarantee that it wouldn't affect her, either. She laughed sourly. One good thing, at least...

Shepard whimpered, shivering in her sleep. Tali reached out, taking her hand. Shepard reflexively squeezed back, before drifting down into a deeper sleep.

Tali looked down at the pale hand in her glove. She traced her own fingers along Shepard's, running them softly on the human's skin. She wished she had another dose of the medicine Mordin had researched for her, so she could hold her hand for real.

"Tali?" Miranda's voice jolted her out of her musings. She started, sitting up and facing the Cerberus operative.

"What's going on?"

"Shepard has a visitor, but I'm guessing that's not really an option right now." Miranda frowned. She looked annoyed. "This is going to be even more awkward than I expected."

"What do you mean?"

"You'll see." Miranda turned, pausing in the doorway. "Do you mind filling in for her? I tried Garrus, but his comm is set to privacy mode."

"I can, I guess. Why?" Tali got up, following Miranda into the elevator. They rode up to the command deck, and Miranda led them towards the conference room.

"Her visitor is only willing to talk with someone she trusts, and apparently Cerberus doesn't qualify." Miranda looked uncomfortable. "I just want to say ahead of time that I'm sorry."

The door to the conference room hissed open.

"Hello, Tali. Where's Shepard?" Liara asked her.

* * *

"No!"

"Well, I refuse to be left out!"

Miranda sat back in her chair, frustrated. For the past half hour, Tali and Liara had been glaring at each other and trading insults as the asari presented the information she had brought to share with Shepard. Now that they had an idea of what needed to be done, the women seemed intent on fighting over every last detail.

"Tali, it's my information, I'm going with you. Unless you'd rather wait for Shepard to get here - and where is she, anyway?"

"Shepard's - " Miranda cut off what she was going to say at a pointed look from Tali. "She's indisposed at the moment. So for now, it's just us."

"Fine, but that's going to be the other part of the price for this. I don't care if you're keeping her from me or she's just avoiding me, but when this is over, I want to talk with her."

Miranda grabbed Tali before she could say anything and pulled her off to the side. "I'm pretty sure I know what your problem is with her, but we really need this information. We're going to need the best team we can get when we hit the Collectors, and I don't think Shepard would approve of losing out on a member because of something like this. I'm still technically second in command on this ship, so I'm going to take this deal. You're going to have to work with her, so get used to it."

Not giving the quarian a chance to argue, she walked back over to Liara. "I'll agree to this. You can accompany us while we try to find Thane Krios, and afterwards, you'll get your chance to have a private meeting with Shepard."

"Excellent." The asari smiled victoriously at Tali. "I'll get my gear and we can meet at your shuttle. Then I'll guide you to where the assassin is currently operating."

Tali waited until Liara had left the room. "I don't like this."

"Yeah, I kinda got that idea." Miranda sighed. "Look, we need that information. Can you two play nice long enough to get this done?"

"Oh, I'll make sure we do this right." She hesistated. "And I don't care what you promised, I'm not leaving her alone with Shepard."

"That's between you two... you three, I guess." Miranda didn't have time for this now. "Let's get ready to go."

* * *

Garrus woke up when a loud thump sounded on the other side of his door. He barely cleared his head when someone started pounding on the door. It did nothing to help the throbbing headache he had after drinking for most of the evening with Joker.

"I'm up, damn it." He growled and started towards the door. The knocking started up again just as he hit the open button.

"What the hell?" He barely had time to get out of the way before Jack grabbed a duffel bag from the floor next to his door and pushed past him. With another loud thump, she dropped the bag near his dresser and started looking around the small room.

"Jack, what the hell are you doing?" The tattooed woman turned his way. She started to say something, then shook her head.

"Jack?" Now he was confused.

"Fuck, I knew this was a shitbrained idea." Jack sighed.

"Uh... what idea?" He had a sinking feeling in his stomach - he had a guess as to what she was talking about...

"You said you wanted more, so..." She looked angry. "Shit, I don't know why you'd bother. I don't know why I'm doing this. I've been screwed trying this before. Fuck."

"You mean..."

"Yeah, I guess we can try this for a bit." She walked over to him. "Just remember, this is all your fault, dumbass."

"My fault?" He glared at her. "How the hell is this my fault?"

She shut the door. Before he could react, she was pushing him towards the bed. "What do I have to do to shut you up?"

Apparently, she had some ideas that worked.

* * *

"All right, care to tell us a bit about where we're headed to?" Tali asked from the seat next to Liara. Liara looked over at her. The quarian had her gear in her lap, ready to disembark from the shuttle as soon as it landed.

Liara called up her omnitool, displaying a map for Tali and Miranda. "These are the Dantius Towers. From what I was able to uncover, Thane Krios is making his move tonight. Unfortunately, it seems Nassanna Dantius has good information too, because she's been busy fortifying the towers and hiring mercenaries. So, if we want to go in, we're going to have to go in through the west tower, then cross over to the east using the construction bridge at the top."

"Why not just fly up top and drop in through the roof of the uncompleted building?" Miranda asked.

"Because her mercs have enough surface to air weapons to make that suicide." Liara changed the display to show the estimated mercenary roster for the towers. "Not to mention, there's nowhere big enough to land safely up there."

"Fine. We do this the hard way, then."

"Yes, if you want to get to Nassanna Dantius before your assassin does." Liara agreed. "I'm assuming you still want to recruit him?" She directed that question pointedly towards Tali.

"Hmph!' The quarian sniffed and turned away, to watch the buildings pass by outside the windows.

Soon enough they reached the Dantius Towers. Miranda set the shuttle down a few blocks away, and they disembarked and geared up. As they approached the Towers, they head sproadic gunfire sounding from the direction of the buildings. Peering around the corner, they were able to see security mechs finishing an attack on what appeared to be the unarmed service staff. Before they could do anything to help, it was over.

"This... This is evil." Tali spoke quietly, readying her shotgun.

Liara simply nodded agreement, not feeling like arguing at all with the quarian for the first time since the mission started. She almost felt sick, looking at the bodies of the salarian workers littering the floor of the lobby. A shiver of horror ran through her as she realized what must have happened. "They locked the doors first, trapping them inside..."

Miranda looked as sick as Liara felt. She stared at the carnage for a long moment, then started cautiously towards the building. Her voice was still unsteady when she did speak. "Something must have tipped them off. If this Krios is in there, we have to hurry."

Liara fell in behind the human, as well as Tali. The mechs opened fire on them when they rounded the corner. Between a combination of tech attacks and biotics, they easily cleared the mechs from the lobby. Searching the floor, they found a salarian who had managed to survive the onslaught. Some medigel stabilized him long enough for them to summon an ambulance for him.

They advanced through the building, searching for a way up.

* * *

Tali gripped her shotgun to her chest. They had made it to the top of the tower relatively easily. Unfortunately, they were stuck at the skybridge. Not only were the mercs sniping at them from behind cover on the other side, but they also had rocket drones firing at their position from above, too.

"Can't you do something about those?" Liara called over to her.

"They're out of range of my omnitool. What about you? Why don't you just... biotic them away or something?"

" 'Biotic them away?' What a wonderfully informed idea. I'll just 'biotic them away'!" Liara shouted back. "Thanks so much for the _helpful_ suggestion."

Tali didn't reply. She scanned the other side of the bridge again. The mercs didn't seem interested in advancing on their location, as they had a good spot to attack them from. There had to be some way to drive them out...

Drive them out...

"Can you two cover me? If i can get close enough, I might be able to do something about the drones."

"We will." Miranda stood up, firing a burst to keep the mercs' head down. "How long do you need?"

She doublechecked her omnitool. "Five seconds or so."

"Count to ten, then go." Miranda called up her own biotics and built up a charge on her own omnitool. Tali nodded, preparing herself. She silently counted, then dashed out of cover and closer to the mercs. She dove behind some crates halfway on the skyway.

She leaned out, locking her omnitool onto the drones above the mercs. It seemed to take forever for the tool to override the drones' programming, and while a few shots came close, none hit her due to the covering fire Liara and Miranda provided.

She smiled savagely when the mercs' fire abruptly changed direction, targetting the drones now attacking them. Some of them tried to dive to the other side of the crates they were covering behind, but Tali and the other two were ready for them. They easily took down the mercs.

With the mercs cleared, they advanced over the skybridge to the executive office for the building complex. The doors to the main office were barricaded, but Liara's biotics smashed them down easily.

Tali barely paid attention to what Nassanna Dantius was saying. The asari was clearly crazy. She looked around the room. Something was... something kept trying to trigger her instincts. So, she was not all that surprised when the drell dropped from a crawlspace and execute Nassanna in one smooth motion.

After he had taken out her two bodyguards, he turned towards the window, placing his gun back in the holster. He didn't respond to them, but rather he appeared to be praying. Tali cautiously approached him,

"Thane Krios?" She asked him.

The drell didn't reply. He held his hands in front of himself. From what she could hear from him, he was indeed praying. She stepped back, not wishing to disturb him.

Miranda, apparently, didn't feel the same. "Mr Krios? We've been looking for you for a while."

The drell faced them. "Then you have found me." He looked them over quickly. "While I am not surprised by the presence of an asari here on Illium, I admit it is highly unusual that Cerberus would choose to work with nonhumans." He nodded towards Tali. "Especially quarians, given what happened to the flotilla a while ago."

Miranda looked down, guiltily. "Yes, well. This isn't exactly a Cerberus operation."

"Indeed. I'm assuming you're intending to invite me to join whatever enterprise you're planning. I'm also assuming you are not the ones in charge of this mission."

"Why would you say that?" Miranda exchanged glances with Tali and Liara. Tali couldn't help grinning a bit at her confusion.

"Insight." The assassin looked past the Cerberus operative to Tali. "You aren't in charge either. But I'm interested in what you can tell me that Cerberus won't share."

"We..." Tali nodded to Miranda. "We'll fill you in back at our ship."

"I will collect the rest of my gear and meet you there. What bay?"

"We're in 44, the Normandy."

"Ah, that explains much." The drell straightened up. "Commander Alexandra Shepard. Yes, I will definitely meet with her."

* * *

Liara sat in the shuttle with Tali and Miranda. The mission had at least ended successfully - Thane Krios had agreed to meet at the ship in two afters, after he retrieved some items. She looked at the other two women. Miranda and Tali looked both happy and worried. She couldn't blame them - she was concerned too.

"Should we be worried that one of the best assassins out there recognized our ship and Shepard immediately?" Tali turned to her.

"I'd take it as a good sign, Tali." Liara tried to sound hopeful. "Thane Krios has a reputation as an ethical assassin, if you'll forgive the apparent contradiction. The fact that he's willing to meet with her is a positive sign, to me."

Miranda agreed. "Yes, that's one of the reasons Cerberus wanted to recruit him in the first place."

"You, ah, might want to downplay the Cerberus aspect as much as possible." Liara tried to warn the human.

"Fine, we'll just throw all the uniforms in the trash and get rid of the logos on the ship." Miranda replied.

"That would be a good start." Tali apparently decided to take her sarcasm at face value.

Liara couldn't help giggling a bit at that. She was happy that Tali hadn't been nearly as hostile ever since the mission ended. After watching the evils Nassanna perpetrated on her workers, and working together to take out the mercs who had perpetrated them, she hadn't felt like arguing with the quarian. Well, not much anyway.

And, while she hadn't reminded the other two - not wanting to ruin the tenuous cooperation they had established - she was going to get to see Shepard, now that the mission was over. She still hadn't been able to get them to tell her what was keeping Shepard busy, but she assumed it was important. It wasn't like her to leave things like this to others. One of the reasons she loved Shepard was she always was there for her crew. She never let others face dangers she herself wouldn't.

Soon enough, they docked with the Normandy. Liara pulled Miranda aside, whispering quietly. "So, now that we're done, when is Shepard expected to get back from whatever she's doing?"

Miranda looked over her shoulder to where Tali was watching them. She sighed. "It isn't my place to say. It might be awkward, but ask Tali."

*_**Next Chapter: Liara gets to see Shepard - though it's not exactly how she envisioned it. More Jack and Garrus. Thane Krios arrives at the Normandy. Kaiden continues his mission. Tali and Liara have to deal with each other.**_*


	34. Chapter 33 - Understanding

**What Was Lost **

Chapter 33 - Understanding

Liara stared down at Shepard. The human was unconscious, asleep on one of the beds in the medbay. It didn't appear to be a restful sleep, either. Every few minutes, she'd shift a bit, as if trying to fight off some pain.

Tali sat down in a chair on the other side of the bed. The quarian gently reached out and took Shepard's hand in her own. Her other hand stroked Shepard's cheek softly.

"What happened to her?" Liara finally managed to ask.

"Eclipse." Tali's voice was quiet, so as not to disturb Shepard, but Liara could still hear the anger in it. "They hit her in the face with a full container of uncut Red Sand."

"Goddess..." Liara whispered. "Is... will she be all right?"

"The doctors say she should be, though she just needs rest."

"Do they have an idea when she's going to wake up?" Liara frowned.

"No, they can't say. They do think it'll be some time today, but they're not sure when." Tali pulled her chair closer to the bed, shifting herself to get more comfortable.

Liara found a chair of her own and dragged it to the other side of the bed. Tali looked over at her and seemed to be on the edge of saying something, but apparently decided not to. She simply nodded her way and went back to holding Shepard's hand.

They sat there for a while, then Tali sat up a bit. "Liara, why are... never mind."

"What?" Liara asked.

The quarian shook her head. "It's nothing."

"Tell me."

"All right." The quarian sighed. "I was just wondering how you could sell her the way you did. I mean, after everything Cerberus did to us."

"That's the only reason she's even alive right now, Tali, so I think you can stop bringing that one up." Liara replied. "Besides, you're with Cerberus now, too."

"I'm with Shepard, not Cerberus." Tali looked over at her. "While we're on the subject, why did you leave her? You didn't even give her a way to contact you after."

"I... I made a mistake." Liara stammered. "I had lost Shepard, and while I tried to recover her body, the Shadow Broker killed another friend of mine."

"So? You still just left her. You have no idea how much that hurt her."

"I realize that, Tali. I wasn't thinking clearly, I was stuck on revenge." She sighed. "I was an idiot."

Tali giggled. "You said it, not me."

"...Anyway, I know I've made a lot of mistakes, and I want to..." She took a deep breath. "I want to try to make things right again. To start over, you know?"

"You know I'm not the one you have to talk to about that."

"Yes, though I still need to find the Shadow Broker first. He's working with the Collectors, Tali. He needs to be stopped."

Tali squeezed Shepard's hand, not replying. They both settled back in their chairs to wait for Shepard to wake up.

* * *

Garrus yawned. He had gotten very little sleep last night, and now he was feeling the aftereffects. Not that he minded that much. He and Jack had spent most of the night getting used to sharing a room. It was definitely working better than he expected.

He nodded to Miranda when he ran into her at the elevator. The Cerberus operative looked over at him and... _giggled._

"What's so funny?" He growled.

"I don't think that makeup goes with your clan markings." She kept giggling, louder now.

He glanced in the metal by the door of the elevator. Even in the hazy reflection, he could see smudges of some kind of makeup on his mandible. "Oh hell."

"I know you've been... busy... but do you think you could help me out with something?" She had stopped laughing, but she was still smiling way too much.

"What?" He asked suspiciously.

"I want someone to back me up when I talk with Thane Krios, someone who's not Cerberus. You qualify." She hit the button for the command deck. "He should be here in half an hour or so."

"I can do that. Though, out of curiousity, why me and not Tali or one of the others?"

"I really didn't want to try to drag Tali away from... well, I don't feel like getting in the middle of _that_ mess. As for the others, I guess we could ask Grunt to negotiate if you'd rather." Miranda smirked at him. "Though I guess we could ask your girlfriend..."

"Let's not even go there." He grabbed a coffee and headed towards the conference room. "I'll wait there, if you don't mind."

He paused. "Actually, there's one stop I need to make first."

"Ah." Miranda replied softly. "I checked on her when we got back, the docs say she's doing better, but they're not sure when she'll wake up."

Garrus waved goodbye to Miranda and went down to the med bay. Looking in the window, he spotted Tali and Liara curled up in chairs next to Shepard's bed, both of them asleep along with the human. Dr Chakwas looked up from her work at her desk and nodded to him. She stood up and softly walked out of the medbay, taking care not to disturb the sleeping women.

"Garrus, how are you?" The doctor appeared a bit exhausted herself.

"I'm okay." He nodded towards the window. "How's she doing today?"

"She's doing better. I'm hoping she'll be awake later today." She sighed. "That Red Sand really did a number on her system. It's even worse, since she's a biotic. Her system processed it even faster than a normal person's would have."

He looked closer in the window. "Let me know when she wakes up, if that's okay."

Chakwas smiled tiredly to him. "I'm sure she'd like that."

Garrus went back to the elevator. He had an assassin to talk into joining the team.

* * *

Joker set his beer down on top of the console of the pilot's compartment. With the Normandy stuck in the dock, he had very little to do. He had stopped by the medbay to see how Shepard was doing, but there hadn't been much change.

So while he didn't have anything pressing to take care of, he also didn't have anywhere he needed to be either. "Damn, this sucks."

"Were you talking with me, Mr Moreau?" EDI's holopanel activated.

"Do you snoop on everything?" He wasn't really surprised it had been watching him any more. The AI seemed to enjoy tormenting him.

"One of my primary functions is observation and analysis of the crew's behavior and activities. In that capacity, I record all significant developments that occur shipboard."

"All of them?" He took another drink. "Wow. That's... So how do you determine what is significant?"

"That is why I observe everything." Was it his imagination or did the AI sound smug?

"Wonderful." He slumped down in his chair. "I really hope we leave here soon, I'm getting so bored."

"That seems likely, Mr Moreau. We have no further business that would necessitate us remaining here on Illium. Therefore, my projections suggest that we will be departing when Shepard regains consciousness."

"Nah, I'd say we're probably going to stick around for a few days." Joker relaxed in his seat.

"I do not understand. What data do you have to support that theory?"

"Uh, the fact that Liara's here, back on board?" He smirked at the display. "Or did all your 'observation and analysis' miss that little detail?"

"That does not seem relevant." Yep, the AI definitely sounded arrogant. "My observations indicate that Shepard has terminated her relationship with Dr T'soni. Currently, she appears to be involved with Tali'zorah."

"Trust me, Skynet. Things aren't over between her and Liara." He grimaced. "And that level of spying is creepy, really really creepy."

"Explain."

"Look, you might have all these numbers, but you don't know people." He turned his chair to face the holodisplay. "Liara's not over Shepard, and I'm pretty sure Shepard isn't over her either, no matter what she says."

"I disagree."

"EDI, they're still into each other, at least a little."

"Dr T'soni may be, but my observations of Shepard and Tali'zorah indicate they are interested in progressing their relationship from emotional and casual physical contact to full sexual involvement."

"You're just messing with me now, aren't you?" He glared at the holodisplay. "You said that on purpose."

"Indeed."

"You're evil EDI, you know that?"

"Thank you."

* * *

Tali sat up, stretching to get out some soreness from sleeping in the chair. She looked down at Shepard. She was still asleep, though she definitely looked more restful now. Tali gently squeezed her hand, taking care not to disturb her.

Liara stirred at her movement, drowsily waking up as well. The asari took a minute to focus on her, then stood up, nodding towards the door. Tali also got up, following her out of the room. They walked over to the mess hall. Tali only grabbed a cup of dextrocaf, but Liara opted for a full meal. They sat down at one of the tables.

"I hate sleeping in a chair." The asari stretched and started eating.

"Me too," Tali agreed.

They both sat quietly, the conversation dying as quickly as it started. Tali kept trying to think of something to say that wouldn't ruin things between them. She was glad they were... sort of getting along. At least more than they had in a long while.

"Tali, I... I'm sorry about before." Liara's voice surprised her.

"I'm sorry too."

"Do you ever think about before? The original Normandy, I mean?"

"Often."

"I do, as well." Liara pushed her tray back. "I know things were tough back then too, but it just doesn't seem as messed up as now."

Tali laughed sourly. "I can understand that. Everything seems so complicated. I never thought I'd miss homicidal Spectres and evil robots."

"I just..." The asari took a deep breath. "I want to fix things. Not just with Shepard." She looked directly Tali's way. "With you, too."

Tali sat for a long moment. When she spoke, her voice was soft. "I think I'd like that too, Liara."

"So how do we fix it?"

"I don't know... but we need to start."

* * *

Kaiden docked his ship in the small private bay he had rented in Omega. Some thugs tried to shake him down as soon as he landed, but he ignored them until Aria T'Loak's crew showed up, then he paid the usual 'protection' fees.

He didn't bother worrying about it. He knew enough about how Omega worked that some things weren't worth trying to change. Not to mention, she had enough firepower that he probably wouldn't get very far if he did try.

His first day in Omega, he spent most of his time visiting several of the more reliable information brokers there. Most of them had some data about the Collectors, but it was little more than the Alliance's information.

His only break was a broker who specialized in information about ships. An elderly turian, the broker scanned and filed everything he could about the ships that flew through Omega's relays. The turian charged a great deal of credits, but the data he supplied helped quite a bit.

He had purchased a full set of specifications for the Collector ship, at least the external information. He still had no idea what the ship was like inside, but at least he had more to work with now.

Unfortunately, it wasn't good news. The Collector ship that had abducted the colony was massive, easily a match for even the most advanced ships in the Alliance fleet. He spent most of the next day reviewing the stats for it.

He was sitting at a table at one of Omega's higher-end cafes. Kaiden was willing to pay extra for the quiet and the quality food. He was definitely sick of rations on the scout ship. Fresh food, or at least as fresh as could be found on Omega, was a big improvement.

From everything he could tell, even if he could somehow get past the 'seekers' or whatever else the Collectors used, he'd still need a large team to get into the ship and find Lillith. And while his funds could handle bribes and other expenses, they weren't up to hiring a full merc squad. That was a problem.

Of course, that still left finding a way to avoid the seekers. That was proving an even bigger problem. None of the brokers he visited had anything on that. And even environmental body armor didn't stop them.

He was so busy studying the data that he didn't notice the asari walking up to his table until she set a new drink down for him and took the seat across from him. "Ah, ma'am, I'm not..."

"I noticed you working all day so far, and I just had to see what was so interesting." She flashed him a dazzling smile. "I admire intense focus, desire, dedication like that. My name's Morinth."

* * *

Shepard groaned. She tried to sit up, but a blinding headache drove her back down to the bed. The light forced her eyes closed, as she tried to adust to the brightness. Her whole body felt sore, worn out.

She slowly, very slowly, tried to open her eyes again. It took her a few seconds, but she adjusted to it. From what she could tell, she was in sick bay. Again. She was definitely getting tired of waking up here.

"Awake at last?" Dr Chakwas leaned over her, checking her. The doctor sounded concerned, and looked a bit tired herself.

"I feel horrid, Doc." Her voice was raspy.

"I'm not surprised, Shepard. Those Eclipse mercs hit you with Red Sand." The doctor called up her own omnitool, running tests on her.

"Ugh." Shepard couldn't summon the energy to say anything more.

"If you can - " Shepard didn't hear the rest of what the doctor said as she slid back into unconsciousness.

When she woke up again, she felt slightly better, though her headache was still throbbing. She was also a bit sore as well, but not nearly as bad as earlier. She looked around the room. The doctor wasn't there, but this time Tali and Liara were.

The other two women had dragged chairs over to her bed and were sitting in them. Liara appeared to be dozing, but Tali was reading a datapad. The quarian was holding one of her hands, the cool texture of the glove against her skin.

The quarian noticed her movement and sat up straighter. She put her datapad down and reached out to gently stroke her cheek. "Shepard..."

"Tali." She tried to return the touch, but still felt weak.

Tali leaned down and hugged her, pressing her mask against Shepard's face. "You're finally awake... I was so worried about you."

Shepard finally managed to get an arm around her. Holding Tali felt so good. She needed the contact. The quarian also seemed to need to hold her. They both stayed there for a long moment.

"The doctor told us you woke up a bit earlier, while we were getting some food. I'm sorry I missed you." Tali whispered.

"It's okay, Tali." She whispered back. "You're here now."

"Shepard!" The activity had woken up Liara, who also hugged her.

"Liara?" She looked over at the asari. "What are you doing here?"

"I heard what happened while I was helping with something else. I was so worried about you."

"Ah, I see you're up again, Shepard." The doctor's voice joined the conversation. She turned her head towards where Chakwas waited. The medic made a shooing motion. "I need you two to move out of the way for a minute. Go get a drink or something."

Tali and Liara regretfully got off the bed and stepped out of the room, leaving the doctor to run her checks. Shepard waited impatiently while Chakwas finished. "All right, Shepard. I'm releasing you to your quarters, but I'm still restricting you from duty. And I'll want you to check back later."

"Okay, Doc."

Chakwas blinked. "You're not going to say anything else? Okay, I guess you should be alright. I want you to check back here in twelve hours, though."

She opened the door and waved. Tali and Liara walked back in. The doctor turned to them. "You can take her back to her quarters, but I want her to rest."

Both women nodded to the doctor. Tali walked over to her and helped her up from the bed. "Come on, Shepard, let's get you to your quarters."

Liara helped her from the other side. She still felt sore and was grateful for the assistance. They took it slow, and eventually made it to her quarters. She sat down on the couch, more exhausted that she'd expected from a simple walk here.

Shepard just sat there for a while. Neither Tali nor Liara said anything. She was a bit worried about the uneasy quiet between the two of them. At least they weren't arguing. Tali leaned in next to her, scooting close to her. Liara did the same, shooting the quarian a quick glare before smoothing it over.

_Not arguing, right... _Shepard sighed. This was going to be trouble.

* * *

Miranda closed the file on her datapad. The meeting with Thane Krios had gone fairly well. Letting Garrus take the lead had worked. The assassin agreed to work with them. Though, she was a bit disturbed at how good he was at reading people and situations. Still, it spoke well of his skills and experience.

She knocked on Shepard's cabin.

"One moment." The commander's voice was muffled from the other side of the door. Miranda waited for the door to open.

"Oh, hey Miranda." Shepard looked tired and pale. But she was awake, and that counted for a lot more. Her mouth quirked into a small smile. "Good to see you."

"It's really good to see you up and around, Shepard." Miranda smiled back at her. "You look a lot better."

"I feel better, too." The commander leaned back against the wall. "I heard about your work with Krios. You did excellent."

"Thanks Shepard." She frowned a bit. "Krios does want to speak with you privately when you feel up to it. He wouldn't tell me why."

"Sure. I'll try to get to it tomorrow, assuming the doc lets me."

"How... ah, are _they_ getting along?" Miranda's curiousity got the better of her.

"More or less. I don't know what happened on that mission, but at least they're not clawing each other's eyes out."

Miranda giggled. "Better you than me. So what're we going to do next?"

"I'm not sure yet. We don't have any pressing business elsewhere, the Collectors have been fairly quiet so no leads to work on, and Samara hasn't finished tracking that ship. So, I guess we can see what turns up."

_***Next Chapter: Shepard and Tali and Liara... Kaiden gets to know a new friend. Garrus and Jack continued. Kasumi needs some help with a party.***_


	35. Chapter 34 - Preparation

**What Was Lost **

Chapter 34 - Preparation

Kasumi clutched the datapad to her chest. She finally had her 'in' for Donovan Hock. She just needed a little help. A lot of luck, to see that everything went right. And someone crazy enough to go along with her plan.

Basically, she needed Shepard.

She took the elevator up to Shepard's cabin and knocked on the door. Then, before the commander would have a chance to respond, she used her tool to open the door, and simply burst in. "Shep, I finally got it!"

Shepard drowsily sat up on her bed, disentangling herself from Tali and Liara. "Uh, maybe I'll just come back later..."

Shepard looked down. "Oh god, it's not what it looks like."

Kasumi fought off a fit of giggles. "Shepard, the only reason I'm not taking a picture is I need a favor. A big one."

"Oh?" The commander stood up from the bed, getting dressed. "This what we talked about when you came on board?"

"Yep, it sure is. It's just... we're going to need a bit of prep." She frowned. "Quite a lot, actually."

Shepard sat down on the sofa. "Well, you're going to have to clear it with the doc. She only just released me to quarters last night." She smiled and pointed back in the cabin. "Those two decided to stay and make sure I obeyed."

"Oh, we have a bit of time. The party isn't for a week or so."

"Party? I thought this was a mission?"

"It's both... and I need you dressed to kill."

"..."

Shepard grimaced. "That was terrible, Kasumi."

The thief grinned at the commander. "Well, if you don't like it, I could go back to commenting on your little three-way there."

"Nothing happened!"

"And I'll back you up one hundred percent on that story, boss."

"Kasumi!"

"Sorry Shep." She got serious for a minute. "I really appreciate your help on this."

"Any time, Kasumi."

* * *

Liara woke up, yawning. She was on the bed in Shepard's cabin. Tali was on the other side from her. She looked around, and found Shepard sitting on the sofa, chatting quietly with the human Kasumi. She shook Tali gently, nodding towards the sofa.

They watched the thief hug Shepard quickly then head to the door. "Thanks again, Shep. I'll get details for you soon."

Liara waited by the bed until Shepard turned back. "What was that about?"

Shepard carried a datapad over to her desk, scanning it. "Kasumi needs some help with a little project. Getting something that was taken away from her back."

"Oh?" That was Tali, who walked to the desk and peeked at the datapad over Shepard's shoulder. "Who's Donovan Hock?" She pointed to a line on the pad.

"Businessman, mercenary, general scumbag." Shepard replied distractedly. "Got rich as a merc, then got out of the game. Used his money to invest. Supports lots of marginally legal activities, mostly in Alliance space."

"So why hasn't the Alliance taken him down yet?" The quarian wanted to know.

"Because he bribes the right people." Liara answered. "Plus, they've never been able to prove his involvement in anything too illegal."

"Too illegal?"

"He hasn't killed anyone important yet." Shepard grinned wryly. "Anyway, he crossed Kasumi's partner, and she wants to get what he stole back."

"So what's your plan?" Tali asked.

"Actually, it's Kasumi's plan - "

"That can't be a good sign." Liara muttered to Tali, who giggled.

"- But it seems like a really good one." Shepard continued, pretending she hadn't heard the comment. "He's hosting a huge party in a week, and Kasumi managed to get some invitations. We ought to be able to walk in, get the stuff, and walk out. With so many strangers in the residence, Kasumi will have the perfect cover to steal what she needs."

"If everything goes just right." Tali said flatly. Plainly, she was unconvinced, too.

"Even if it doesn't, I'll be there for backup, so I really don't see the problem." The human smiled. "Plus, getting to play secret agent sounds fun."

"It's not a game, Shepard." The quarian sounded upset.

"I know that, Tali." She looked annoyed. "I'm going to be careful."

"I don't want to see you back in sick bay when you just got out."

"I'll be fine. It's a simple job."

"And the last mission of the first Normandy was a routine patrol!"

"I'm not going to die again, Tali!"

* * *

Tali stormed out of the cabin. Shepard pissed her off so much. She had just gotten out of the sickbay, finally woken up from that Red Sand garbage, and now she was going to head off unsupported on some new crazy mission.

She could understand getting tired of being in sick bay. It still didn't excuse this nonsense. And of course Liara had been no help at all. The asari, aside from some snide remarks, had actually volunteered her help for the mission.

At least Shepard had turned her aid down as well. Kasumi's plan, aside from stupid and reckless, also had little room for backup. So of course Shepard was all for it. She was infuriating. Tali couldn't handle her dying... again.

She walked down to the medbay. Looking in the window, she saw that Dr Chakwas was in currently. She knocked on the door and waited for the doc to wave her inside.

"Hey Doc, is there any way you can make me something to make Shepard ill for a few days?"

The doctor blinked at her. "I don't think that would be ethical, Tali."

"Please? She's planning on doing something really stupid."

The doctor sighed. "What is she planning now?"

"It's Kasumi's plan." The doctor groaned. "Exactly, Doc. _She says_ it's a simple mission. _She says_ she's only going with Kasumi as backup. _She says _there won't be any trouble."

"Tali... like it or not - and believe me, I wish it were different - but you can't keep Shepard off this kind of thing. And honestly, at least this mission sounds far less dangerous than Collectors or Reapers or anything."

Tali growled and sank down in one of the chairs by the doctor's desk. "I worry about her, doctor. I mean, she just got out of here, I don't want to see her back in here again." She blushed. "I didn't mean that against you, Dr Chakwas."

Chakwas settled back on her seat. She smiled tiredly at Tali. "I do have some good news for you. Something that might help you keep her from doing anything stupid."

"What?" She looked gloomily at the human. "Change your mind about making her sick?"

"No, but you might." The doctor smirked and held out two pill bottles. "Mordin finished them this morning. The blue one is yours, the red is hers."

"You... I... is?" Tali gingerly held the pill bottles. "These are...?"

"They are." Chakwas nodded. "The next version. These are improved from the last one. They should last about eight hours."

" 'Should?' " Tali frowned a little.

"Tali... We'll make it better, but you'll have _time!_" The doctor opened the door, guiding her out of the medbay. "Now go. Go see her."

Tali clutched the bottles to her chest. She couldn't wait to try them out.

* * *

Morinth paced her room. Housing on Omega was expensive, but the size and amenities this room provided her made it more than worth it. She smiled predatorily. Besides, the previous owner had been easy to... negotiate... with. Males usually were.

Her current project was entertaining, to say the least. Kaiden Alenko was proving to be a challenge. He kept going on and on about his fiance. She snorted. She'd get him over that. The added complication made things more exciting.

The best part of Omega was Samara had no idea where she was. She was free of the bitch. And with the lovely crime rate here, she was free to hunt as much as she pleased. A few more bodies here or there... no one would care.

No one at all.

She grinned. This Alenko would be a wonderful start to her new life here.

* * *

Shepard waved goodbye to Liara. The asari was heading back to her office for a while, to work on a lead on the Shadow Broker while the Normandy was off helping Kasumi with her mission. Before she left, she made Shepard promise to visit again the next time they were close by.

She had agreed, though she worried about what Tali would think about it. She still felt bad about how she had treated Liara when the asari had come by the Normandy when they first landed here in Illium, and this seemed an easy way to make it up to her.

Liara's prescence had definitely helped while she recovered from the Red Sand poisoning. Having her and Tali with her let her sleep well.

Shepard sighed. As much as she hated to admit it, she had missed Liara. Part of her, anyway. The rest of her not only was still a bit upset about what had happened in the past two years, but also didn't want to mess things up with Tali.

Tali... She really needed to apologize to Tali. She knew the quarian was upset about the whole Kasumi mission since she had just gotten out of the medbay the other night. She needed to talk with her and reassure her.

She turned back from the airlock, heading back in the ship. They had recalled the crew who were out on leave and were getting ready to head to Donovan Hock's private estate. The planet he was based on was deep in Alliance territory, and would take a few days to get to. Kasumi wanted to take a little extra time so they could come in system from a different direction than the Terminus territories.

So, three to four days by the long route, and a few days to prep and they'd be ready to go. Hopefully, she'd be over the Red Sand completely by the time they got there. At least they finally had some solid prep time for the mission. No last minute scramble to get things together.

She was a bit surprised to find Tali waiting by the elevator. The quarian was pacing nervously, and looked up when she spotted Shepard walking towards her through the command deck. Tali stepped in front of the elevator, blocking her path.

"Uh, Tali? Is everything okay?" She couldn't read her body language right now. "Do you need help? Or something?"

Tali didn't say anything, just grabbed her arm and pulled her into the elevator. She pressed the button for the top deck. She didn't say anything as they rode up, and then walked to Shepard's cabin, opening the door.

Tali shut the door, locking it. She went over to the holodisplay, activating it. "EDI, can you set up privacy mode please?"

Shepard leaned against the wall, watching Tali, amused. The quarian was definitely after something. It was kind of fun to watch.

Tali walked over, reaching out to take her hands tenderly. The quarian pressed a small bottle into her hand. She looked down, frowning at the red pill bottle. "Is this...?"

Tali nodded, gulping. "Yes. The doctor finished it. Well, Mordin finished it, then gave it to Chakwas. She gave it to me, so I could give you yours. This isn't the final one though, so they're going to have new ones later. And I'm babbling again..."

"You're cute when you babble." Shepard stared at the small bottle. She felt a surge of excitement as she opened it, swallowing one of the red pills. "How long for this one?"

"They think eight hours, or so."

"Eight hours?" She pulled Tali close to her, smiling widely. "That's wonderful!"

"They're not sure, though. They can't guarantee it'll last that long. And I want it to, Shepard." The quarian put her arms around Shepard's waist. "I've wanted this for so long. I don't want to wait any more. I want you. Now."

Shepard kissed her neck. The quarian pressed against her, hugging her tighter. "I want it too, Tali." She whispered softly.

Tali stepped back, starting to open the seals on her gloves. Shepard reached down, helping her get them off. The gloves dropped to the floor, the sound louder than expected. Shepard looked down at the long, lavender fingers in her hands.

She pulled Tali's hands up to her face, kissing the cool skin. The quarian sighed softly, pressing her fingers more against Shepard's lips.

Tali reached up to the clasps of her mask, dragging Shepard's hands to them. She carefully activated them, gently pulling the mask free of her face. She stood still for a long moment, simply staring at the quarian's face.

Tali pulled Shepard in close, kissing her. The quarian's lips were soft and cool against her own. They held their kiss for a while, simply enjoying it. Shepard ran her hands along Tali's body, feeling the contours of her suit.

Tali stepped back, leading Shepard towards the bed. She slid her hands to the bottom of Shepard's shirt, tugging at it. She raised her arms over her head, letting the quarian take the shirt off. As soon as it was off, she pulled Tali back, falling down on the bed.

* * *

Tali moaned into their kiss. The heat she was feeling had nothing to do with the human's body temperature at the moment. She ran her hands along Shepard's stomach, enjoying the touch of her smooth pale skin.

Shepard's hands were gliding all along her body, over the suit. All of a sudden, all Tali could think about was having Shepard take the suit off. She needed it. "Shepard, I... can... I want you to help me with this."

She guided the human's hands to the main suit releases. Shepard paused, looking up at her, concerned. "Are you sure you're ready, Tali?" She asked quietly.

Tali leaned down to kiss her again. "Very. I really want this."

Shepard certainly seemed to want it too. The human fumbled at the clasps while Tali helped her with them. Tali had a nervous moment when the first one disengaged, but her excitement overwhelmed it. She helped the human get the others open faster.

She gulped. This was it. The last seal had clicked open. She looked down at Shepard. The human smiled cautiously up at her. Her hands were frozen on the edge of the suit, waiting. They both knew what was coming.

She started it with a gentle shrugging motion. One corner slid off her shoulder. Shepard stared at the exposed skin, one hand drifting towards it. Her fingers found the edge of the suit, tugging it down. She slipped it off Tali, who freed her arm from it while she took that side off. Tali shivered as the human finished taking off the top part of her suit.

Shepard froze and stared. Before Tali could say anything though, Shepard pulled her down, kissing her neck. She moaned softly as she felt the human's lips directly on her skin. Shepard slowly kissed her way to Tali's collarbone. And lower...

Tali let Shepard explore her body. The human took her time, taking it gentle and slow. Shepard's lips felt so hot against her skin. The touch was far different from what she could get from her suit sensors. It was so much more intense.

Shepard didn't stop there, though. Her hands worked their way down Tali's back, to the top of her lower suit. She fumbled with the clasps on that part, before Tali helped her with it. The human moved her hands to Tali's hips, pulling the last bit of her suit off. Tali slid out of it, naked for the first time with someone else.

Naked... The thought burned in her. She feverishly slipped her hands behind Shepard's back, freeing the human from her bra. And from there, her hands drifted to the top of Shepard's pants. It took a few tries, but she got them open and pulled them down, leaving her in only her panties. A few moments more, and Tali had those off her too.

She drank in the sight of Shepard there on the bed in front of her. The human was definitely doing the same. Then, even though neither had said anything, their arms went around each other at the same time, pulling themselves into a mutually fierce kiss.

Tali let Shepard sink them both down onto the bed. The heat from the human's body was driving her wild. The feel of skin on skin... so much better than her fantasies. She let her hands drift along the contours of Shepard's body, revelling in touching her with no barriers between them.

She hesitated. She had watched vids on this, but there was a huge gulf between watching and actually experiencing. She wasn't sure what she should do now.

Fortunately, Shepard picked up on her nervousness. The human rolled her onto her back. Her hands ran down Tali's body, slowly caressing her. They kissed again, Shepard gently hugging Tali in closer.

Tali lay back on the bed, surrendering herself to Shepard's tender ministrations...

* * *

Shepard cuddled up against Tali on the bed. She held the quarian tight against her as they lay there, enjoying the presence of the other woman. She ran her hand along Tali's body, slowly trailing her fingers across Tali's cool skin.

Tali shifted in her sleep, unconsciously hugging herself to Shepard. Shepard softly kissed her neck, letting her lips linger on the quarian.

They had taken their time, Shepard guiding their lovemaking. Tali had been nervous at first, but she got over it as they proceeded. It took some experimenting, but they eventually figured out what she liked. Not that either of them minded the learning.

Tali stirred, waking up slowly. Shepard leaned over and kissed her. The quarian smiled softly at her. "Hey, Shepard."

"Tali." She hugged the quarian closer to her. Tali returned the embrace, snuggling tighter into her. Shepard kissed her again. Tali kissed her back this time.

"I... um..." Tali glanced at the clock. "I... We still have a few hours left on the serum, Shepard."

Shepard giggled. "So we do. Is that a hint?"

* * *

Liara stared blankly at her computer terminal, not really reading it. Now that Shepard had left Illium, her doubts and worries came flooding back. While she had started to fix things between them, it still wasn't anywhere near where she wanted it to be.

And of course there was Tali. It was pretty obvious, even to her, that Tali and Shepard were together. How far together, she didn't know, but she was sure it wouldn't help her plans any. Not to mention, it made her jealous just thinking about it.

It also hurt because it was one more strain on any attempt to repair her friendship with Tali, too. She sighed. Why was trying to make things better so damn complicated?

She looked over at the picture of Shepard she had on the desk. Picking it up gently, she held it in front of her. "I want you back," she whispered.

*_**Next Chapter: Tali and Shepard. Morinth "helps" Kaiden with his mission... and more. Garrus and Jack. EDI needs a little help. Liara tries to get things back on track.***_


	36. Chapter 35 - Reaction

**What Was Lost **

Chapter 35 - Reaction

Tali sneezed. She had a fever, coughs, and her nose was congested with... _something._ Her body was sore and ached all over. And she itched. She itched a lot.

_It's totally worth it!_

She had gotten back in her suit a few hours ago, despite her reluctance. She had woken up, feeling a bit ill, and had Shepard help her get her suit back on quickly. Despite the medication, it seemed her immune system could only tolerate so much at once.

Shepard's medication hadn't been completely effective either. The human had a slight redness to her skin, and also looked a bit out of it. Though, that could be the aftereffect of their night together, too...

She smiled to herself. No matter what else, things were finally going her way. Her night had been amazing. It had been better than she had ever imagined. Checking the small bottle in her suit pocket, she saw she'd have plenty more chances, too.

Tali looked over at Shepard. "We should probably go see the doctors, make sure everything is all right."

The human put her arms around Tali, hugging her. She kissed the quarian's neck, sending a shiver of pleasure through her, despite the suit. "There's no rush," she whispered softly.

Tali hugged her back, feeling a warmth inside her. "Let's not press our luck, Shepard. This... this was so much more than I ever expected."

Shepard sighed dramatically and stood up. "If you insist."

Tali helped her dress too. Not that she needed it, but she wanted to. She slipped her hands down Shepard's body as she did so, eliciting a soft moan from the human. She tugged the shirt on, giving Shepard a final hug before drifting back a step and taking her hand. She led the human towards the door.

Shepard giggled a bit as they stepped on the elevator, and Tali found herself laughing a bit too. She didn't know why it was funny, but she was sure they both found it amusing for the same reasons. They were both still quietly laughing when the elevator stopped on the deck with the medbay.

Tali knocked on the door before stepping through. Dr Chakwas was working on some reports at her desk and looked up as they entered. She appraised the redness on Shepard's face and hands, and hid her smile behind a hand.

"Is there... something I can do to help you two?" The doctor fought off a small giggle of her own as they walked over to her desk.

"Doc, do we really have to say it?" Shepard was blushing deeply.

Chakwas made a 'calm-down' motion, shooing them towards the biobeds. "Let me have my fun. Now let's see what the results are." She called up her omnitool, scanning them both briefly.

Tali waited impatiently while the doctor silently read over the results. Eventually she turned to the two women. "Tali, your results are much better that expected. But I'd like Mordin to check them over as well. Your medication didn't last quite as long as we predicted."

The quarian gave Shepard a small wave, walking out the door as the doctor turned to her. "Shepard, your test was a bit more inconclusive..."

* * *

"...and unfortunately, it looks like your medication didn't fuction very well at all." Chakwas guided her to the mirror. "Your reaction is only marginally less severe than your previous one."

"I was afraid of that." Shepard grimaced. She had been feeling fairly ill for a couple hours now, and had taken care not to let Tali see. Though, the redness on her face was pretty obvious.

"I have an idea on what might be causing it, but I need to doublecheck it." She frowned a bit. "For the meantime, you're going to need at least a day before trying that medication again. Plus, get some rest to help clear up your... reaction."

"A day?" It was disappointing, but not unexpected.

The doctor sat down at her desk. "I wish I had better news for you. But at least Tali's version of the medicine worked for you two." She quirked a smile. "More or less anyway. She did sound more than a little congested."

"Just a bit," Shepard agreed.

"Well, she does need it more than you." The doctor laughed quietly. "I'm glad things proved, ah, successful for you guys."

Shepard blushed. "...Thanks, doc."

"Now, go get some food and some rest, whatever order works for you." Chakwas got up and walked her to the door. "And remember, at least a day of rest before you try the meds again."

Shepard waved farewell to her and left the medbay, stopping in surprise. Kasumi was leaning against the wall, a broad grin on her face.

"Hey Shep! Got time to talk?" The thief pointed her thumb back towards the elevator. "I saw Tali on her way to Mordin, and you come out of the med bay too. Anything to share?"

"I suppose it's too late to say I don't know what you're talking about?"

"Ooooh yeah..." The thief pointed towards where the lounge she had turned into a bar was. "Let's go have a little chat."

When they entered, Kasumi stepped behind the bar and poured two drinks for them. She handed one over to Shepard and sat on the stool across from her.

"So, Shep, have you given any more thought about the mission we've got coming up?"

"That's what you wanted to talk about?" Shepard blinked. She gathered her thoughts. "Mostly, my main concern is being recognized. Well, that and not having a weapon."

"Shep, you are a weapon." The thief leaned over the bar and tapped her forehead. "With your biotics, do you really need one?"

"Biotics are good." Shepard admitted. Then she added. "But biotics and a gun are better."

"Well, don't worry about it. I have an idea for sneaking in our gear. I'm sure it'll work, because Hock is a greedy son of a bitch."

"Okay, I guess that's fine." She frowned. "I'd also feel better if we had some more backup than none. Just the two of us is going to be a bit dangerous."

"Unavoidable." Kasumi shook her heard. "Hock's too paranoid. Getting you the invitation was hard enough, there's no way we can sneak in more."

"I still don't like it."

"I know. But at least we can have them standing by on the shuttle so they can be there in a few minutes if we call." Kasumi leaned back. "Now that the serious stuff is out of the way, I have to ask - how was it?"

Shepard, despite expecting the question at some point, was still caught off guard. She laughed a bit. "It was... good."

"Just good?" The thief arched her eyebrow.

"Fine, it was much better than good." She glared at the thief, who simply smiled back. Sighing, she continued. "I... uh... It's just..."

"Does this have anything to do with why you look like a tomato?"

"A tomato?"

"You are a bit red. I thought the docs cooked up something for you two." She winked. "Guess it didn't work."

Shepard sank back in her chair. "Yeah, it's really itchy and sore." She smiled faintly. "Like the doc told me, at least Tali's worked, mostly anyway."

"That sucks. Sorry Shep. Still though, were you two at least... compatible?"

"Yeah, close enough at least." She grinned faintly.

"So what are you gonna do? If your meds aren't working, that is?"

"I don't know. I mean, it's not that big a deal, I guess. Just some itching and redness, I can live with that." She shrugged. "I'll have to."

Kasumi set her glass down, looking oddly serious. "Shep, are you sure you're okay with this? You seem a bit down."

"I'm fine, why do you keep going on about this?" She felt a bit upset - what was the thief after?

"Just a feeling I get, sorry." She nodded an apology. "I guess I was expecting you to be happier or something, I don't know."

Shepard sighed. "I don't know either."

* * *

Morinth trailed her fingers subtly on Kaiden's arm. The human was proving extremely singleminded. He was so touchingly devoted to his missing fiancee. She could almost admire his determination... almost. If it didn't interfere with her plans.

Still, she had made some progress. She was working with him, doing some research on this weird alien ship. It was a pity though - even if she didn't have a goal in mind for him, the ship would certainly kill him quickly.

The frustration was working in her favor. So far, at least three different merc groups had turned him down, regardless of how much money he offered. She snorted - these mercs weren't stupid, they knew about the Collectors and wanted no part of them. And the delays and rejections were doing a wonderful job of simmering hatred in Kaiden.

Morinth quivered in anticipation. She was enjoying this so much. The hunt was progressing nicely. No matter what he said, she'd have him begging for her eventually. Some targets, she'd simply seduce quickly and move on, but it was always so much better when they asked for it. It made it feel so intense to her.

Kaiden looked up from his datapad. He had been reviewing the information he bought for most of the morning and hadn't noticed her arrival. He flashed a small smile her way and went back to the reports. She waved for a server to come over to them.

She waited for the server to refill Kaidens coffee and bring her one as well, then handed him a datapad. "I caught a break. Found a little datadealer who was in a hurry to get some cash. Apparently his luck at Quasar hasn't been all it could be, lately."

"I could use some luck." He rubbed his neck. "So far, nothing has been that great on my end."

She grinned. "Well, your ship has been spotted, hit a small human world a couple days ago. Odd thing is, this time they took more than just the humans. They also grabbed a small salarian technical squal that was doing some extranet work."

"Why would they do that? They've never broken their patterns before."

"No idea." She shrugged. "The good news is, the prisoners should still be on board, as it hasn't gone through the Omega relay yet."

"That is good," He sounded pensive as he replied. "Though, I don't like to think what they might be doing to them on that thing."

"That's why I have to save her." He looked up at her, an odd, small smile softening his features for a moment. "Thank you. I know you didn't have to help with this."

"It's my pleasure." Well, soon it would be, anyway.

* * *

Garrus gathered up the scattered clothes from the floor of the cabin, knowing it was a futile effort. No matter how many times he organized the room, it would always be messy the next time he returned. Even if it was only five minutes, Jack would find a way to clutter it up.

Of course, she didn't see the point of even bothering to clean it. As she had said, there was no point since it would only be dirty soon anyway. Besides, she seemed to get a perverse pleasure from annoying him with it.

Though, they did seem to fight about everything. They seemed to have nothing in common. Nothing at all. Practically nothing.

He had to admit she was fun to go drinking with. And she was a solid backup in a fight. Plus, the sex was amazing.

As if his thoughts summoned her, he heard Jack at the entrance to the room. The door hissed open, and she tossed her bag on the patch of floor he had just cleaned. Then, looking over at him, she grinned and pulled her shirt over her head.

Some time later, he lay back on the bed, Jack draped over him, dozing. He stretched his arm, letting some of the soreness out. Her biotics let them try some very enjoyable positions. And she was certainly enthusiastic about it.

He slipped out from under her, and dressed quietly. Leaving the room, he headed up a deck to the mess hall. Joker was there, pouring himself a cup of coffee for himself and Shepard, who was already sitting at the table.

After they had greeted each other and gotten food and drinks, they all sat at the table. Joker, looking oddly anxious, kept glancing towards Shepard. She looked over at Garrus, who shrugged. He didn't know what was bothering the pilot either.

"Shepard, I need your opinion on something." He nodded to Garrus. "You too, Garrus."

"Sure, what's up Joker?" Shepard sounded curious too.

"It's about EDI." The pilot scanned the room nervously. "I think she's been spying on me. On all of us, but mostly me."

"You're being paranoid, Joker. She monitors the ship, it's her job."

"Yeah, but not like this." He dropped his voice to a whisper. "She keeps messing with me! She readjusts the chair, resets all my preferences, and interrupts me when I'm trying to concentrate on things. And she uses what she records to mess with me."

"Okay, that's beyond paranoid." Garrus laughed. "She's a computer, if she's watching you, Shepard's right, it's only because of her programming."

"She's a learning computer, Garrus." The pilot insisted. "She can change her program!"

"If it's really bothering you, I can talk to her about it." Shepard offered. "If you want, that is."

"I don't know, Shepard. What if that just makes it worse? I mean, she wasn't designed to do this in the first place, she might start doing something new."

"So what are you going to do then?" Garrus asked.

"I guess I could just ignore her, hope she finds someone else to torment."

Shepard smiled. "Let me know how that works out."

* * *

Liara stepped onto the customs deck of the Citadel. Arranging a first-class ticket at the last minute hadn't been cheap, but it was worth it. She had set up a meeting here, one that she hoped would help her with Shepard.

If she wanted Shepard back, she needed help. It wasn't pleasant to admit it, but she did. Seeing her again, without fighting this time, had been good. Even if Tali had been there with her too...

That left her here. Meeting her... 'contact'... wasn't the right word, but it fit better than anything else she could come up with after a long flight. She had a few hours still before her appointment, so she decided to look around.

She wandered down to the Promenade, not intending to shop, but it would let her kill some time. She looked around at the stores. She hadn't been here in a couple years, but things hadn't changed much. A few stores had gone out of business with new ones taking their place, while most were still there.

Some were still the same. There was Sapphire Dream, the restaurant Shepard took her to on their first real date... And Parnithian Paradise, the hotel where...

Liara blinked back tears. This was no good. All this did was remind her of everything she had lost. She was trying to fix it, but...

She composed herself, then headed over towards the cafe she was meeting her contact at. She hoped this would help.

A few minutes later, a shadow alerted her to someone walking over to the table. She waved to the other seat. "Thank you for meeting me. I appreciate you taking the time to help me."

The other figure sat down across from her. "Don't thank me yet, I haven't decided if I'm going to help you at all."

* * *

David Andersen composed himself, hiding his annoyance. Nicholas Saracino, senior representative for the Terra Firma party, had called yet another 'investigative committee' about various expenditures. He really seemed to dislike Andersen, but so far, the admiral had proved too popular for him to act against openly. Not to mention, he was the recognized Councillor for Earth, still.

The politician hated him for supporting Shepard, for pushing for closer cooperation with other species. And he really despised Shepard. He blamed her for his brother's death in Saren's attack on the Citadel, but at the time, hadn't been able to do anything to the Hero of the Citadel.

Of course, now that she was back and with Cerberus, he had resumed his vendetta. His first response had been to paint her as a terrorist, but after a session with the Council had ended with her being restored to full Spectre status, that had to be abandoned. So he started trying to erode her support.

His current plan seemed to involve denying resources to Andersen and her other allies. He claimed 'budget' reasons, or 'inopportune timing', or 'inappropriate appearances'. He investigated every last expenditure they made.

If part of his plan was to drive Andersen out of his mind with boredom, the admiral had to admit it was working...

Andersen considered warning Shepard about this latest annoyance, but decided against it. She had enough to deal with, investigating the Collectors and finding a way to put the hurt on Cerberus when she was done. He could handle one irritating politician.

He originally intended to promote Kaiden Alenko, push for him to take her place, but it had quite gone as expected. Not only was Kaiden not really suited for it, but he had found a fiancee while out on the rim, and showed no signs of wanting to give up his new life.

His latest plan was waiting for him in the gym of the physical therapy center. He nodded a greeting to her, waving for her to stay at the weight bench. "How are you feeling today? I heard they finally got you off the radiation sickness treatments."

"Admiral, it's been two years, no pun intended, but im thoroughly sick of this crap. When can I get back out there?"

Shortly after Shepard had been ambushed on the original Normandy, a recovery squad finally reported in from Virmire. Investigating the planet had been a low priority, given everything else that had been going on at the time. So it had been a very pleasant surprise that some of the salarians thought lost on the world had actually survived.

And they had rescued three other members of the Alliance crew as well. The geth had withdrawn when Shepard drove off Saren, giving the surviving marines a chance to pull out. With only minutes to spare, they managed to pull the squad guarding the bomb clear. Though, not without injury.

All the members had suffered severe burns and radiation sickness. One had even been temporarily blinded. Fortunately, modern medicine could treat that. Even, the radiation could be dealt with. But it still took time to fully recover.

"Well, I have some good news for you, then. And an opportunity, if you're interested."

Ashley Williams smiled at him. "Andersen, if it gets me out of here, I'll do anything."

*_**Next Chapter: Kasumi's plan gets started. Shepard and Tali (of course). Ashley is back! Kaiden and Morinth both make progress... though not on the same things. Who is Liara meeting?**_*

**_A/N - I know one of them should have died on Virmire, but I have plans for Kaiden... plus I hate writing him. Ash is so much more interesting, and it lets me finish the arc I have in mind for Kaiden the way I want to. So Ash survived (but with injuries), and Kaiden... well, someone's gotta die..._


	37. Chapter 36 - Shindig

**What Was Lost **

Chapter 36 - Shindig

Tali sat on the couch, relaxing back on it as she waited for Shepard. The human looked over at her. "You're really just going to sit there and watch?"

Tali giggled. "Of course. You think I'd miss this?"

"Fine," Shepard glared at her. "Don't you dare laugh, though."

"I won't." She promised solemnly. "I like watching you get dressed. Well, I like undressing you even more, but still... I'll take what I can get."

"I still wish I didn't have to wear this. I don't really do dresses." Shepard held the offending garment tentatively. "You promise you won't laugh?"

"You're going to look great... if you ever get it on." Tali leaned back, grinning. "I'm waiting for you to get started."

Shepard sighed, and started undressing. Tali didn't bother hiding her interest as she watched her. Shepard kept shooting her unreadable looks as she changed out of her normal shipboard outfit and into the dress.

Tali couldn't help herself. As Shepard finished tugging the dress into place, she walked over to behind the human and put her arms around her. "You're beautiful." She whispered.

"You're biased," Shepard replied, blushing.

"Possibly," Tali agreed. She kissed Shepard's neck, wishing the mask wasn't between them. Shepard leaned back against her, letting the two of them just stand there for a while. Tali simply enjoyed holding her, and she was making no move to stop the quarian, either.

"You know..." Tali took a deep breath - how _did_ other people talk about this kind of thing? "It'll have been at least a day since... well, you know... And well, the docs said... we'd be safe to..."

Shepard turned around, hugging Tali. "You're rambling again."

"Sorry," Tali blushed.

"Don't be, I like it." Shepard kissed her. "And if you want to try again after this is all over, we can..."

"You better come back alive and unhurt from this," She warned.

"It's a date then," Shepard grinned at her.

* * *

Garrus stared. "Wow, Shepard, you're certainly looking... different."

"If that's your new mission gear, I approve." Joker smiled and winked at her.

"Shut up, both of you." Shepard looked down, embarrassed. "It's just to get us into this stupid party for Kasumi's plan."

"Hey, not complaining here." The pilot was definitely enjoying this. "You're very hot in that, you should wear that kind of thing more often."

"I don't think Tali would mind, anyway," Garrus couldn't resist adding.

"Fine, have your laugh. One of these days, your girlfriend is going to dress you up, and I can't wait to see it." She glared venomously at Garrus. "I can only imagine what she might make you wear."

Garrus hid a shudder. Jack had been talking about trying to get him tattooed...

"I wasn't kidding, Shepard, you look great." The pilot, on the other hand, was unfazed by her threat.

"Look, just get Kasumi up here. We're almost to the planet this party is on, so let's get this over with." Shepard snapped.

A few minutes later, the thief showed up. She was wearing her usual gear, including her stealth suit. Garrus glanced between them, confused. "Don't you need to dress up so you can get in, too?"

"Nah, I'm gonna stealth in. Shep's taking the main entrance."

"Then why don't both of you sneak in?"

Kasumi flopped down in one of the chairs next to Joker. "Unfortunately, Hock is almost as paranoid as he's greedy. Part of his vault security is a biometric lock, including voice code. So someone - someone he doesn't know - is going to have to talk with him long enough to record a viable sample."

"If he's that paranoid, why would he talk with her?" Garrus asked, pointing at Shepard.

"Because she'll be wearing that dress and bringing him a very expensive gift." Kasumi grinned. "Like I said, he's paranoid, but even more than that, he's greedy."

"So she's bait?" Joker smiled.

"Basically," Kasumi agreed. "At least for the first part. After we crack the vault, I'm going to need someone to cover me while I recover my friend's stuff."

Garrus decided to rescue her a bit. "So what are the rest of us going to be doing while you two are busy in the party?"

"Mostly, you need to wait for our signal that we've reached the vault. Once we're in there, we'll probably need to get out in a hurry, so that means some covering fire." Kasumi nodded Shepard's way. "Shep's biotics will blast a hole out of there if needed, but we're still gonna be counting on you guys to have the shuttle there ready to go."

"Sounds good." Garrus smiled. "Save some for us, please."

* * *

Shepard shook her heard. A gold Saren statue, and Hock had just let it inside with only a minimal security scan. His guards were definitely on the stupid side, and his greed compounded their errors. Hell, they hadn't even bothered to scan her. It almost made her wish she had tried to sneak in something more than her pistol.

Kasumi had been right - Hock was more greedy than cautious. She didn't mind, though. It meant this was going to be easy. She was definitely in the mood for an easy mission for once. Plus, the whole secret agent style to the mission was growing on her.

For once, the arrogance of mercenaries worked in her favor. Since she playing the part of a small elite team specializing in Terminus System operations, no one questioned her identity. 'Allison Gunn' was so obviously fake, it was just business as usual for a merc. _Of course _she changed her name to fit the job.

Shepard mingled with the guests while she waited to find a good opportunity to talk with Hock long enough to make a solid voiceprint. Looking aroung, she recognized a number of them from her time as a Spectre. Specifically, from the watch lists...

After about half an hour, she got a chance for a chat with Hock. Getting the voice print was so much easier than she expected. Getting him to shut up, on the other hand, was quite a bit harder. She finally slipped away when a businessman and his two asari escorts showed up wanting a minute of his time.

Kasumi commed her after she made her break from Hock. "Shep, I need a distraction. I need to snag some DNA from his room. Can you get the guard away from his door for a few minutes?"

"Will do."

A few minutes later, she met up with Kasumi outside the vault. "I take it you got it from his room?"

"Sure did," Kasumi replied cheerfully. She was busy disengaging the locks on the vault while Shepard changed into her armor. Soon enough, both women were ready to enter the vault.

"After you," Shepard let Kasumi take the lead. The thief scanned for alarms or other devices while Shepard kept an eye out for guards. After making sure it was clear, they explored Hock's vault.

Taking a look around, Shepard had to admit 'vault' didn't cut it. It was more on the scale of a small museum. The pieces Hock had acquired were worth a fortune. Rare art, one of a kind tech, exotic weapons... It was an amazing collection.

She found Kasumi standing in front of a small, unmarked little piece of tech. Some kind of implant, Shepard guessed. "Is that what you came for?"

"He ripped it out of him." Kasumi whispered. "He... Keiji was still alive when they removed it from him. That _bastard_!"

"Kasumi..." Shepard put her arm on the thief's shoulder. "He's got a whole army of mercs in the house right now. This isn't the time. We'll get him eventually, I promise."

* * *

Kasumi planted the last of their grenades on the atlas mech and stealthed back to where Shepard was taking cover behind a nearby truck. A couple seconds later, a loud blast echoed from the directionof the mech, and pieces of it slammed into the side of the truck.

"Damn that's fun!" She grinned at Shepard, who returned it. "Think you can handle those last few mercs over there?"

"It'll be cake without that mech in the way." Shepard stood up, sending a wave of biotic power shoving the crate back into the merchs, crushing them between it and the wall. "These morons make it too easy."

"Yeah, but there's a ton of them." Kasumi pointed out, rather redundantly, as another squad of Eclipse took up firing positions from the other side of the warehouse room.

"No kidding!" Shepard agreed. "I can't believe Hock had all these guys just waiting around. Was he expecting to take over a planet for himself or something?"

"Who knows?" Kasumi shrugged. She fired off a flashbang to cover Shepard while she used her biotics to disable several mercs who had advanced too close. "So, you never told me, what are you gonna do about Tali?"

"Now? You want to talk about this stuff now?" Shepard looked over at her incredulously.

"Why not?" Kasumi shot one of the mercs that took advantage of the lull in fire to try to flank them. "Unless you're having trouble with these glorified rentacops?"

"Kasumi, this..." Shepard leaned up to try to drop a singularity over the mercs heads. It grabbed two of them before the rest scattered. Kasumi picked off another merc while he scrambled for a new cover. "...this really isn't a great time."

"When will it be?" Kasumi asked her. "So talk."

"You're infuriating." The other woman smashed apart a drone one of the enemy engineers tried to send their way.

"Well, if you want me to leave it alone, you can answer the question, Shep."

"It's complicated, Kasumi..."

"Dating always is." The thief winked at her.

* * *

Morinth smiled brightly at the host for the restaurant. A little money, a little flirting, and she had a reservation for tonight, despite the last minute. Now to find the right dress. She wanted everything to be just right for the big night.

Kaiden had finally agreed to have dinner with her. It had taken a few weeks, but she was making progress. He was still insisting it wasn't a date, but she was sure she'd change his mind soon enough. After all, if he was willing to unwind enough to join her for a 'not a date', she could easily get him to compromise himself further.

She grinned in anticipation. This hunt was turning out better than she expected. She was even enjoying helping him with his mission. The detective work certainly was a bit unusual for her and she was finding the novelty of it rather enjoyable.

Morinth browsed several stores before she found the right dress for the evening. It looked professional enough for 'not a date', but still sexy enough that Kaiden would have to pay some attention to her. It was perfect - the internal conflict would eat at him for the whole meal, then, when he was ready to say something about it, she could thank him for the company and leave, letting him feel ungrateful and guilty all night.

She'd let him stew for a day, then call him and set up a lunch date. She would apologize for making him uncomfortable, let him think everything was normal. Then she'd set up a night together with him. Soon enough...

Morinth sat at a cafe, reading some files. She wanted to do some research, start setting up her next hunt. She perused a file of a local girl, from the poorer sections of Omega. It had been a long time since she tried a sculptor...

* * *

Tali glared at Shepard and Kasumi. The two women were waiting for the shuttle, leaning on a crate and smiling widely. She pointed at Kasumi, angrily. "You said it would be a simple job! In and out, no fighting, no alarms!" She waved her arm at the smoking wreckage off to the side of the landing pad. "And no gunships!"

"I'm fine, Tali. Not hurt at all." She laughed conspirationally with Kasumi. "Besides, it was only a small gunship."

"There shouldn't have been any gunship, Shepard!" Tali didn't want to let her distract the issue. "That's the point. How did you let things get this bad?"

"I don't see the problem. We're fine. We got the... implant thing, Hock got what he deserved, and none of us got hurt. That's a solid win as far as I'm concerned."

Tali dragged Shepard onto the shuttle. "We're going to talk about this back on the ship."

Shepard's smile faltered a bit at her tone. "Tali, I'm fine, I really am. I'm sorry things got a bit out of control, but can't you just be happy everything was completely successful for once?"

Tali sniffed, taking a seat across the shuttle from her. The ride back to the Normandy seemed to take longer than it should have. The only person who enjoyed herself was Kasumi. She spent the trip looking between her and Shepard and grinning at some joke only she could see.

Once they reached the Normandy, Kasumi took off to her room, to check the information stored on the implant. Tali pulled Shepard to the elevator, hitting the button for the top floor and the captain's cabin. They rode up in silence.

Tali waited until they were both inside Shepard's cabin before speaking. "Shepard... I'm glad you're okay, I really am. But... you have no idea how worried I was when you got out from the shielded area and called for backup against a gunship..."

Shepard walked up, taking her hand. "I'm sorry Tali. I really didn't think anything like that would happen. I mean, I know he was paranoid, but a gunship? That's taking it to a whole new level."

Tali leaned into her. "You just got better from the Red Sand, I didn't want to see you get hurt yet again. I was worried..."

Shepard's arms wrapped around her. "I am sorry, I didn't mean to worry you."

Tali brushed her cheek, putting her other hand on Shepard's hip. "I know our job is dangerous. I just wish I could have helped you with this one. I don't like being sidelined."

"It wasn't my idea, Tali." Shepard whispered. She kissed Tali's neck, eliciting a shiver of pleasure from the quarian. "I wish you could have been with me tonight."

Tali slipped her hand to the bottom of Shepard's shirt, tugging at it. She had survived the mission, not injured at all this time, and she was right here, in Tali's arms. Well, Tali was in her arms, but the principle was the same... "Shepard..."

The human backed up a pace. "Tali, did you... ah... your meds, did you take them?"

"I had my suit administer it on the shuttle." Tali stepped up to her again, this time not letting Shepard stop her from getting the shirt over her head.

"One sec, then." Shepard grinned and walked over to her desk, pulling out a small pill bottle and swallowing one quickly. She walked back to Tali, leading her towards the bed. She ran her fingers down to the main clasp of the suit, fumbling it open.

Shepard helped her pull the mask off, and kissed her. Tali let her drag them down onto the bed, the human holding her. She returned the kiss, resuming taking Shepard's clothes off as well...

* * *

Kaiden sat down at the table, barely even noticing what the waiter was saying. Something about specials and wines and... He let the salarian's words wash over him. All his attention was on Morinth.

The asari looked amazing in the dim light of the room. She definitely fit in, here in one of the best restaurants on Omega. She smiled at him as he pulled his chair up across from her, and the sight of it sent his pulse racing. Her voice was a soft caress as she spoke to him. "I'm so glad you decided to join me tonight."

"I... ah..." His thoughts were jumbled. "You look really nice," he finished lamely.

"It's nice to take a break, do something different." She shot him another smile. "You clean up very well too, if you don't mind me saying."

They chatted for a while, enjoying the meal, although Kaiden kept worrying about what Morinth thought was going on here. Looking at her dress, she clearly thought this was a date... Nice restaurant, sexy dress... this felt a lot like a date.

So he was a bit surprised when she stood up after dessert. "Thanks for tonight, Kaiden. I really needed this break."

"I... ah... this is it?" He blinked.

"Oh, you thought..." The asari blushed, and for some reason Kaiden found it rather alluring. "I wanted to do something nice for you... for us. Something different."

"Ah, sorry. I..." He smiled ruefully. "Anything I say is going to sound arrogant, so I guess I'll just leave it at 'Thanks for a good night', and I do feel much better after this."

Morinth glared at him, before softening it with a smile. "I'm glad tonight helped you." She kissed his cheek. "I'll be in touch." The asari walked away. Kaiden tried not to stare too much at her.

"Damn, I'm in trouble." He whispered to no one in particular.

*_**Next Chapter: All about Ashley. How is she still alive? What is she up to now?***_


	38. Chapter 37 - Remembrance

**What Was Lost **

Chapter 37 - Remembrance

_Virmire, 2 years ago_

Ashley gasped in pain. The geth pulse blast that fried her comm unit also ripped a small gash across her ribs. She leaned against the wall, steadying herself. Ignoring the blood as best she could, she slapped an emergency pad against the wound and grabbed her rifle in both hands.

The Normandy had cleared the atmosphere a few seconds ago, just before the geth had hit her. Even if she still had her comms, they were out of range. The bomb was ticking down, only minutes left before the nuke detonated. At least being this close meant it would be over fast...

* * *

Ashley slipped her new armor back on. It felt good to be heading back to action, even if it was just for training. Andersen had released her from the recovery ward the other day, arranging for her to join him at a special base on Earth.

He promised that she'd be briefed once they got to the base. He didn't want to say too much in an unsecured location, but it apparently was urgent. All he would tell her was that things had changed in the past few months.

"Lieutenant Williams, it's good to see you out of that hospital." Andersen welcomed her as she stepped off the shuttle.

"Lieuten... Thank you, sir!" She saluted him, grinning.

"I'd apologize for being so secretive, but some of what's going on isn't safe to discuss elsewhere." He guided her to a small lounge near the shuttle pad. "I have to warn you, though, you're about to gain a great deal of new enemies."

"Hazard of the job, Admiral." She sat in the chair he indicated. "Though, if it means I don't have to eat any more of the food in that hospital, you can get me any enemies you want."

Andersen chuckled. "I can sympathize. And you might not believe me, but the food there has only improved over the years."

Ashley shuddered dramatically. "So you're telling me they did biological weapons research there?"

"It wouldn't surprise me," Andersen poured two drinks, handing her one. "Williams, what I'm going to brief you on is classified. And it's probably going to piss you off when you hear everything I need to tell you. The past two years have been... complicated."

"Tell me, sir." His warnings had only made her curious.

"Have you heard of the Terra Firma party?"

* * *

_Virmire_

"Chief! Look at this!" Corporal Denniston pointed excitedly towards the spillway beyond the bomb.

Ashley dragged him down, gasping as a twitch of pain shot through her. "Are you trying to get a pulse blast to the head?"

"They're pulling out Chief! Last of the flashlight heads hopped on one of their shuttles. They're leaving!" The corporal didn't lean out as far this time, but he still pointed in the general direction. "We'll be able to get out of here!"

"Denn, we're sort of missing a ship. And I don't think we can outrun a nuke."

"Chief, what about the salarians?" Denniston asked. The outside teams didn't all make it in time either. They might still have their rover. It's worth trying to comm them. With the geth gone, I bet we won't have the interference that blocked us before."

* * *

Ashley shrugged. "Not really, I know they're one of the new parties that sprung up recently and they hate aliens. They've been getting popular recently, but other than that, I can't say."

"It was the Battle of the Citadel that made them popular. Shepard ordered the Fifth Fleet in early to rescue the council, and they blame her for the losses the fleet suffered during the attack. And the current head of the party, Nicholas Saracino, lost his brother during that same fight. He blames her personally."

Ashley got it. "And since I was part of her crew..."

"It's a safe bet." Andersen nodded. "The first thing he did after getting elected was break up her crew after they were rescued."

"Yeah, well, if Shepard hadn't died, it wouldn't have worked." She frowned. "Hell, he's the reason she was out there in the first place."

"You know about that?" Andersen didn't look surprised, more like he was confirming something. "Her orders were classified pretty highly."

"I didn't have much else to do in the hospital, sir." Ashley hoped admitting it wouldn't get her in too much trouble. "And... Sir, I had to know why it took so long for us to get rescued... why she didn't come for us."

"It wasn't her fault, Williams. They did their best to sideline her. And they got her killed, though that wasn't what they intended at the time. Of course, I'm sure they didn't mind."

"Yes, sir." Ashley agreed with him. "I don't blame her. Not her fault they got her killed."

"That's something else we need to talk about, Williams. About the same time we rescued you, Cerberus started a major operation..."

* * *

_Virmire_

"We've gotta run, Chief!" Denniston was supporting her, helping her as they scrambled down the spillway towards the rendesvouz point. Denniston had managed to get through to the Salarians of Mannovai team once the geth pulled out, and they had their rover on the way. It was going to be close, but they had added a few minutes to the bomb timer, giving themselves a chance to pull out before it went off.

"Doing my best, Denn." Her thoughts kept slipping as the painkillers from the emergency kit started to kick in.

She flinched as a rumbling roar echoed from nearby. For a moment, she thought the bomb had gone off early and they were all dead...

The rover Mannovai had commandeered screeched to a halt in front of them. Denn helped Ashley in while Wilson hopped in the other side. They slammed the hatch shut and the salarians took off. The rover dodged the rocks as they raced from the base.

Ashley let out a scream when the bomb went off. Her eyes felt like they were on fire as the light stabbed into them. The rover slipped and rolled, tossing them around inside. Denn yelled as he crashed into the side of the rover, his arm crushed under him with a loud crunch. The air itself burned around them.

A few... minutes, she guessed... later, she struggled back to consciousness. She was hanging upside down, the rover canted on its top. The seatbelt held her in place, she could feel. She tried opening her eyes, but only saw a vague white blur. She couldn't make out any details just a few lines.

She couldn't see...

* * *

"Is this for real?" Ashley almost yelled. "They stole Shepard's body? And we didn't wipe them off the face of the galaxy why exactly?"

"Terra Firma again." Andersen sighed. "They didn't let us recover anything from the ambush site. They certainly weren't going to let us, as they say, 'waste money and time chasing after one person'."

"Fuckers..." She jerked her gaze over to Andersen. "Sorry, Admiral."

"Williams, I agree with the sentiment." He looked angry, too. "The fact is, they outmaneuvered us. Hackett and I were so concerned with the Reapers and geth, we weren't paying attention to things going on back home."

"And you say Liara was the one who found her body? And then gave it to Cerberus? Sir, what the hell happened to everyone during that month? Did the whole galaxy go crazy or something?"

"It sure seems that way." Andersen nodded. "That brings me to something else, Williams..."

* * *

_Virmire, one month after the bomb_

She still couldn't see anything beyond a few blurry shapes in the distance. The salarians had managed to salvage some medical equipment from the staging base they used before the attack, and had treated everyone for radiation sickness.

Unfortunately, they couldn't do anything to help with her eyes. They were improving, but slowly. The salarians assured her that meant she'd eventually recover her full eyesight. They just weren't able to say when.

They were also trying to cobble together a working beacon, but again, most of the gear they needed for that had gone out on the Normandy. They hoped they could fix something.

She didn't share their feelings. She thought they had too many 'hopes' and 'maybes' when they told her stuff. And she was convinced the radiation treatments didn't work as well as they told her. She had steadily gotten sicker over the past few weeks.

One of the salarians ran up excitedly. She could tell it was a salarian by the sound of the gait. She had gotten quite good at identifying people by other methods than sight. "Chief Williams, we have something incoming."

He definitely sounded a lot more cheerful than most had in the past few days. "Something good? We could really use some good news."

"There's an Alliance ship in orbit! They're sending a shuttle down for us."

"Thank God." Ashley breathed.

* * *

"What the hell? You say Shepard is alive now?" Ashley couldn't believe what she was hearing. From everything she heard during her recovery, Shepard was dead. She had even watched the funeral on the holovids. "So, she was undercover, or something?"

"No, she was dead." Andersen called up some files on a datapad and passed it over to Ash. She looked at the pictures, shuddering at the images on the screen.

"I... see..." She couldn't seem to put down the datapad. The pictures held her attention in some kind of horrid fascination. "So how did they bring her back from... this...?"

"I don't know," Andersen sat back in the chair. He caught her look. "Honestly, I don't. From what Shepard told me, she doesn't know either. They took two years, but they brought her back. Apparently the same as before."

"Damn." Ashley breathed. "Holy damn..."

She finished her drink in one swift gulp. "So how come she's not here with us right now?"

"Terra Firma again." Andersen sounded glum. "She died, so therefore she's no longer part of the Alliance. Plus she's working with Cerberus, so of course the Alliance can't support her current actions. So that's why."

"I gotta ask, why is she with them? I know they brought her back, but still. She'd never let that matter when it comes to doing the right thing."

"That brings me to the first part of why I brought you here." Andersen handed her another datapad. "Let me brief you on the Collectors..."

* * *

_Beaulac Base, Luna, Sol System, six days after the rescue_

"Williams, damn glad to see you!" She recognized Admiral Hackett's voice coming from down the ramp. She saluted in the general direction she heard him talking.

"Considering the circumstances, I'm damn glad to be here, sir."

"I don't blame you, Chief." She felt him take her arm and guide her into the base. "We've got the docs standing by, they'll get you fixed up in no time."

"Thank you, sir." She paused. "Admiral, permission to speak freely?"

"Of course, Williams. What's on your mind?"

"Sir, no one will tell us anything about Shepard. Has someone notified the Commander?" She felt him tense up. "I'd like to let her know I'm alright, if that's okay."

"Chief... I'm afraid I have some bad news about Shepard. Three days ago, the Normandy was ambushed in the Terminus Systems and destroyed..."

* * *

"So Shepard's the only one who's doing anything about them? Didn't anyone learn from the mess with Saren?"

"Saren's part of the problem, Williams. After the Battle of the Citadel, everyone was too busy rebuilding. So when the Collectors ambushed Shepard and later started to prey on the human colonies, the Council didn't have the resources to help with what they called a purely human matter. As for the Alliance, Terra Firma used the lack of help to pick up quite a few new representatives. And you know how they feel about Shepard and her work."

"Damn."

"I may be the Councillor for humanity, but TF can still block my efforts. They couldn't argue with the Council reinstating Shepard's Spectre status, but they also haven't let me readmit her as an Alliance citizen. I've helped her where I can, but my hands are tied." The admiral refilled their drinks.

"Sir, are they really that petty?" She grunted. "I'd ask if they're that stupid, but they're politicians, so it's a bit redundant."

"Careful, Williams, I'm more politician than admiral these days." Andersen replied, amused.

"Present company excluded, sir." She returned the smile.

"To answer your question: yes, they really are that petty. Saracino hates Shepard personally, and the rest of them oppose her because she wouldn't go along with their agenda. Plus, she dates aliens, lets aliens on Alliance ships... you get the idea."

"Morons."

"Well connected morons, unfortunately." He looked over at her. "That's why I need you, Williams. I need someone I can trust to carry out some tasks."

"Fighting back against Terra Firma?"

Ashley was surprised when he shook his head. "I can handle them. No, I need you for something else. Your first job will be as liason between the Alliance and the Council, especially those members who are tasked with dealing with the Reaper threat."

"You want me to work with people on the Council who fight the Reapers..." She looked up, guessing where he was going with this. "Shepard?"

"Officially, I am forbidden to delegate Alliance assets to any mission involving former commander Shepard, Lieutenant. I am likewise forbidden to share information that indicates the last two ports she's been spotted at, Omega and Illium. No, all I can do is assign you to assist the Council as best you can in an effort to present a coordinated response to any Reaper activity. Of course, per the Council charter, you're required to give any aid a Spectre might require..."

She nodded to him, understanding the message.

He set yet another datapad down on the table between them. "I need a break before we talk about your second assignment. I'm going to take a walk. I trust you to make sure this intel briefing is undisturbed while I'm gone. I shouldn't take more than half an hour."

* * *

_Beaulac Base, six months ago_

Ashley strained against the weights, sweat pouring down her face. She suppressed a twinge of pain as she lifted the bar one last time, completing her set. Her arms were burning, but she relished the sensation. She was getting stronger, day by day.

Even better, her vision had returned. She had needed several treatments, but the doctors managed to repair the damage to her eyes. A little more work, and she'd be one hundred percent.

She couldn't wait. She was thoroughly sick of the hospital. Especially the food. Normal hospital food was bad, this was hospital food that had to be imported from Earth. If possible, it made the food even more wretched.

Ashley got up from the weight bench and headed over to the track. Now for some laps... She lost herself in her running. Before she knew it, her tool signaled the end of her session.

She walked over to the locker rooms. Soon enough, the doctors would have to let her out of here...

* * *

"So Williams, ready for part two?" Andersen had returned from his walk a minute ago. Ashley had finished reading the datapad he had left, and had made mental notes about the important parts of the briefing. It would give her a good idea of where to look for Shepard.

"Sure am, sir." She wondered what else he had in mind for her.

He called up a map on his omnitool. "We recently made a rather significant discovery on Mars. More ruins. The Terra Firma party is trying to weasel their way around the Council rules about reporting such things. I want eyes on the ground there I can rely on. Find out what they dug up. And make sure the Council and anyone else who needs know gets the info too."

"You'll also need to find me an archaeologist we can trust. Someone specializing in Protheans." He paused. "Find me Liara T'soni. And keep it quiet."

_***Next Chapter: Shepard and Tali, as usual. Liara on the Citadel. Jack has some ideas for living with Garrus. Kaiden apologizes to Morinth... and makes another date with her.***_


End file.
